Heart

by Paula Hayes

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  A Wondersome Feeling

  Anna sat by herself at the old oak table and attempted to draft a history essay. She was using some big words and hoped she didn’t baffle Mr Trigwell too much. Just enough to have him running to the dictionary every thirty seconds.

  Her mind was on Leo. The image of his distraught face was burnt into her brain. Every time she closed her eyes, his sad blue eyes wavered before her. Leo was gutted, his decades old plan Operation LES had failed and he thought his girl had moved on. But Les was wrong and while his was busy connecting with the Universe and all its nooks and crannies and communing with his family in the afterlife, somewhere and somehow, a fact called Leo had been overlooked. Anna felt baffled … and annoyed.

  “Where are your friends?” said a voice from above her head.

  “Hello Leo, haven’t seen you for a while?”

  “Really, how long?”

  “Fifty seven hours, it’s the longest you have stayed away. Even Kev was getting worried. It’s your P.B. ”

  “What?”

  “Personal Best. Forget it.”

  “You okay?” She had so much to say but that was all that came out.

  “Yep,” he answered flatly. “Are you okay?”

  “I am now, had to eat Milo straight from the tin afterwards but I’m fine.”

  “Where are your friends?” he asked again without any interest in the answer.

  “I think Dylan is on a date … with a girl.”

  “Of course he is, all smoke and mirrors that boy.”

  “Where is Jacqui?”

  “At therapy.”

  “What is that?”

  “Talking to someone who can help when you feel down … you know … blue. They listen.”

  “Like us?”

  Anna pushed back from the table and put down her pen.

  “Leo, you are not my therapist.”

  She moved to the chaise and reached for the remote control.

  “No,” said Leo quickly, “you listen to me.”

  “You are still stuck here so I’m not doing a very good job,” she said glumly. “But we are having a breakthrough,” she rallied. She was about to tell him about her discovery but he wearily interjected, “Not another one? And anyways … how is Deepak?” he inquired with a smirk.

  “Why do you ask?” Anna sat up straight and stared at Leo.

  “No reason, I think he is a bit sweet on you, that’s all.”

  Anna turned crimson, “Shut up Leo.”

  “He is a good bloke, he’s got that great automobile and … he is alive.”

  They sat in an embarrassed silence.

  “Hey,” Leo suddenly piped up. After losing his dreams, he was eager not to lose his new friend—undetermined eternity would be insufferable without the refuge of the green room. “Have you ever seen a ghost before you met me?”

  “I have been thinking about that. Mum said after she saw you she started wetting the … never mind … and when I was little I would occasionally … have a little problem during the nights. I thought I was having a strange dream but now I wonder if I was seeing … a spirit. The guy who owned the house before us had died in a diving accident. Dad bought the house and the contents. It was a deceased state bargain. I think the previous owner would sit dripping at the bottom of my bed in his wetsuit, smelling of abalone and the ocean. “Have you seen my fridge?” he asked, “I hid the key it in the freezer.”

  “Freezer?”

  “Not important, I would wake up and I could feel the dampness, except it wasn’t salt water. It was urine. Mine. One day I shouted, ‘The fridge is in the garage now PISS OFF!’ He shouted back, ‘Thanks,’ and I never saw him again.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Not that I recognised as a ghost … I suppose I have had my head wired into devices … computers and books.”

  Leo laughed and then pointed to the papery pile of transcripts and documents.

  “Thank you for listening to me. And you know … writing it all down. Makes me feel … I dunno … like … ”

  “Like you were really alive once and important and your story is out there in the Universe.”

  “Yes, that’s it. That is exactly it. You would make a good therapist. I’m getting so weak and one day, one day I will disappear into nothing. And now I can accept that. It feels comforting that at least you know, once there was a boy called Leo.”

  Anna smiled and patted the towers of paper, “The Underaged Guide to the Otherside?” Leo sniggered. “What are you doing now?” he asked, lighting up another cigarette while peering over her shoulder.

  “I’m about to start searching for your grave site,” she punched away at her laptop.

  “Do you have to do it right now? I feel strong today. Lots of days, I feel weak, really weak. I want to … I don’t know … I want to show you some more memories.”

  “Give me a minute and I will open a new document for a new memory.” She studied her screen. “Dylan and Jacqui will be sorry to miss it.”

  “No, not like that. Like this.” He reached out to take her hands.

  Anna pulled back, “I’m so tired I’m afraid I will crack up.”

  “I’m so tired, I am afraid I will disappear forever. I win,” he joked. “It’s so much easier to show you than to tell you. But I know it’s tough on you. Sorry.”

  Anna smiled slowly. “Okay you win but wait, I need to get something.”

  Anna returned to the green room with a tin of biscuits.

  “What kind are those?”

  “Anzac bickies.”

  “Are you pulling my leg? A biscuit named after soldiers?”

  “Yep,” she answered as she dunked one into her Milo. After scoffing several biscuits she lay down on the floor.

  “I am as ready as I will ever be.” She placed the biscuit tin on the floor next to her.

  “Hit me.”

  “WHAT!!”

  “It’s a saying. It means I’m ready.”

  “Would you like to see the end of the memory?”

  “Which one? Do you mean the one in Egypt that almost killed me? Or Daisy and her ker-a-zee sisters?”

  “No, just Daisy and me.”

  He crouched down and placed his hand on top of Anna’s head. Anna felt the green room rapidly recede as she was plunged into airless darkness.

  She opens her eyes and is looking up into a pressed tin ceiling. She can see a candle siting on an old dresser as Leo looks around his small neat bedroom. A tatty shade is drawn and it shifts in the breeze of the open window. The candle burns brightly and then flickers low. Leo must be lying on his bed and resumes staring at the ceiling.

  His body tosses and turns, Anna looks down at his feet. He is still wearing his shoes and socks.

  In the distance, Anna can hear someone coughing. Leo calls out, “You alright Ma, need your medicine?”

  “Ma?” No answer. Anna feels Leo’s concern escalate.

  He gets up and walks down a small passage and knocks at the door. There is no reply. He opens it and sitting on the bed is a beautiful woman. Her greying blonde hair ripples down her back but her brilliant blue eyes looked tired. It must be Angelika, his mother. She smiles, “I’m … fine,” she whispers as she erupts into a spasm of coughing. Leo sits down on the bed next to his Ma. He pats her back then pours her a large dessertspoon of the mixture sitting on the dressing table. She lies back down and Leo tucks her in under the quilt and sits by her side. He watches as his mother’s body relaxes. Anna feels a whoosh of pure love wash over her.

  “I’m fine son,” she pats his hand groggily.

  “Mir get’s gut, Sohn … Gute Nacht.”

  “Good night Ma.”

  He watches her closely until her breathing is peaceful.

  He shuts her door and wanders back down to his small bedroom. He pauses i
n the hallway to look up at a black and white wedding photograph. Leo touches the face of a dark haired man with steel rimmed glasses. Anna realizes it is his father. She is almost overpowered by Leo’s sense of longing. She feels a hot trickle on her face — Leo’s tears.

  He stares into the man’s happy face for few minutes and then says, “Night Pop.” He blows out the candle casting Anna into darknes once again. They enter his room. Anna can hear a very gentle tapping noise. Someone is knocking on the window. Anna feels Leo’s mood swing upward. His heart beats wildly as he rolls up the blind and there is Daisy, her hair is shining in the moonlight. She still has the pencil tucked behind her ear. “Hark! Hark! The lark at heaven’s gate sings,” she grins, “Hello Nols.”

  “You are trouble Miss Daisy Mary McNamara.” Leo’s heart is bursting with joy and that strange feeling is back. Anna is beginning to realize what the feeling is and starts to feel alarmed.

  “Come around to the back door, Mac.”

  Leo reaches through the window and gently touches her cheek slowly with the back of his hand. Another surge of undiluted love sweeps over Anna. She is breathless.

  “Okay, I get the idea—Daisy and Leo Forever … a wondersome feeling,” she whispers under her breath.

  She shook her head vigorously and Leo released her.

  “I was nearly finished anyways … I’m not running a peep show,” he laughed but then broken Leo returned, “I just wanted you to understand why I can’t understand … that’s all.”

  “I do understand, Leo I truly do!” She felt giddy from the love she had been priviledged to experience.

  “Ta … I mean … thank you … now I am the one that is stuffed … gotta get going. See ya!”

  Anna opened her eyes, “Wait,” cried Anna. “You will be back tomorrow?”

  “Dunno.”

  “Please—we have a little surprise for you tomorrow.” I will show him, not tell him, it will be awesome!

  “Really? You’re not flying Mary Ellen in on her broomstick?”

  “No! Dylan said that too,” giggled Anna. “Wait and see.”