Olly, Olly, Oxen Frey

by Paul Manchester

  The caterpillar looked up at her with a little face that had clearly been crying.

  “You remind me of my friend, Randy. He’s a kid in my class that sometimes gets teased – but he still always wants to play pirates with me at recess!”

  Jenny scratched his little chin.

  “You’ll be alright.” She gave ‘Randy’ a big smile and ruffled the top of his head. Some others had gathered near, so she spent some time petting the other caterpillars, and deciding which of her friends that each one reminded her of. Finally she waved goodbye and left the little smiling creatures behind her.

  She was starting to feel a bit thirsty and wondered whether there might be a bathroom nearby, when Jenny reached a fork in the path. An actual giant fork stuck into the path. It was so tall that the top was embedded in the tunnel’s ceiling. The glowing moths batted against their reflections in its metal surface.

  Jenny looked to the right of the fork. She saw the tunnel bend downwards to the left. Jenny looked to the left of the fork. That tunnel led upwards to the right.

  “I think I should go up,” pondered Jenny to herself, then added, “I sure wish there was a drinking fountain around here.”

  She heard a little tinkling sound and suddenly, right beyond the fork, she saw the nicest little drinking fountain you could ever wish for. She took a little sip. Then guzzled down as much as she could. The water was clear and cold – with a touch of lemon – and quite satisfying.

  “That was delicious.” She sighed.

  A muttering noise sounded somewhere near her.

  “Thank you?” She looked around. No one was there. “Do you have a bathroom?”

  Nothing.

  She sighed and started to walk on, then she stopped.

  Jenny reflected a moment. She took a deep breath. “I wish there was a bathroom?”

  Again she heard the familiar tinkling sound and a door with a familiar icon appeared in the side of the tunnel. She had to pee so bad that her back teeth were floating.

  On opening the door she saw the most beautiful sparkling bathtub she’d ever seen. But no toilet. Jenny was downright irritated.

  “I wish this bathroom had a toilet!” She said as politely as she could muster.

  Again, a tinkling sound. And there was a toilet!

  But...

  “Could I get some toilet paper too? I mean...” she took a deep breath. “I wish there was some toilet paper next to the toilet! GOOD toilet paper! Not that thin stuff!”

  Again the tinkling sound.

  “Thank you! Whoever you are!”

  Jenny stepped in, closed the door, and made her own tinkling sound.

  Feeling much relieved, Pirate Jenny stepped back out to the path. She thought for a moment. “I wish–”

  “STOP THAT” shouted an angry voice high above her.

  She looked up in the direction of the voice, and there above her sitting on an outcropping of rock, was a small creature with what looked like a fishing pole with a net at the end of its line. Beside him was a wicker basket as big as himself.

  “This be my wishing spot. Go find yar own! Ya’ve already stolen four o’ my wishes!” grumbled the voice of the tiny disagreeable being.

  The ledge was about seven feet up the side of the tunnel. The little man looked down at her with an angry expression on his light green face. He really was small. She reckoned that she might have stuffed animals at home bigger than him. He had big eyes, furry brows, and an extraordinarily large nose. His two bulbous bare feet hung above her head. From what she could see, his body was a ball of lavender fur.

  At that moment, one of the little glowing moths flew into his waiting net and he yanked its lid closed. “Whoopee– got me another one!” He pulled his line up and quick as anything he slipped the wee glowing light into his basket and slammed the lid down.

  “Those little flying moths are wishes?”

  “Of course they be! Why else would ah be wasting me time down here!” he snapped. “Flippin’ stal’ctites!”

  “What do you do with them after you catch them?”

  “Ah sells ‘em of course! At the Wish Market! What else would ah be doin’ wit ‘em!”

  Jenny shrugged. “I never knew that wishes flew!”

  “Of course they fly! That’s why wishes be so hard to catch!”

  “I’ve never tried to catch a wish before. I thought you just blew out a candle or wished on a star or something.”

  “But, those wishes don’t work none do they?” The little man laughed with a knowing look. “Catching wishes that work takes effort! Lots of still-sittin’ and good bait! Yup, they do! And ah’ve got the best bait today!” he cackled.

  “What do you use for bait?”

  “Aha! Wouldn’t ya like ta know, little lady!” He laughed. That’s me secret that ah ain’t tellin’ nobody. Are ya a nobody?”

  “I’m Pirate Jenny.”

  “That sounds like a ‘somebody’ to me. But, ah’m not sharin’ with a somebody neither, as that somebody might then come down here and catch all these wishes that are rightfully mine! Ah don’t want no unfair comp’tition down here. Wishin’ be hard enough without somebodies goin’ and wishin’ fer stupid things like ‘bathrooms’.”

  “Well, I actually meant...” Jenny mumbled.

  “Of course ya did! Ah know what ya meant! But wishes gotta be purty darn specific if ya’r gonna get what ya want! How do ya think that darn FORK got there! Sometime back, a stupid git down there done asked for a FORK in the road! Can ya believe it! And now that idiot’s wandering ‘round down there lost forever! Or till the idiot gets eaten!” The little man touched his finger to the side of his nose. “Ya always gotta remember that words be magic! Ya gotta know what ya want!”

  The idea that something down the trail might eat her, changed the adventure considerably. Jenny was not quite sure how to proceed. Should she ask him for help? The little man seemed friendly enough, once you got past his bad manners. But, Jenny was not feeling brave any more.

  The little man looked down at her lost expression and his heart melted a bit. “Pirate Jenny. So ya’r a pirate?”

  She would not cry.

  “I’ve got the hat, ain’t I!”

  He chuckled. “Well, so ya do missy. So, ya do.”

  Jenny had been musing a bit on what he’d said. “I’m thinking I should probably be trying to get back home. Would one of these wishes work for that?”

  “Tryin’ ta get back ta yar pirate ship, eh?”

  “Sort of.” Jenny answered with what she hoped was a winning smile.

  “These little guppies ain’t big enough fer wishin’ fer somethin’ as big as that! What ya need is one of those wishes that done grow’d up in sunlight. Ya need a whopper of a wish!”

  “Then...” choosing her words carefully, “how do I find my way up to the sunlight? Which way do I go?” Jenny asked looking at the two paths the Fork offered.

  “Neither of those roads are goin’ ta help ya.” He sighed and muttered. “Ya’ll haf ta come up my way.”

  He harrumphed.

  With a pronounced sigh, the little man unwound the line from his fishing pole and dropped it down to where Jenny stood. She picked up the end of the line.

  “What do I do with this?” she asked.

  “Hang on!”

  She grabbed the line tightly above the little net. And up she went! She was surprised at how strong the little creature was. In a moment she was sitting right beside him, far above the path. Behind her was a small dark tunnel. It was so small that she would have to go on her hands and knees.

  “Well, ah’ve got near ‘nuff me quota today. Ah s’pose ah could be gettin’ back.” rationalized the creature.

  “Do you have a name?” asked Jenny feeling suddenly too close to the strange little man.

  “Yup! Ah got
one.” answered the man tartly.

  “Uhm. What is it?”

  “Ah ain’t be tellin’ YOU! Ah don’t rightly know ya!”

  “But, I told you my name.”

  “And ya don’t know me no-ways neither!”

  “uh, okay...”

  He made an exasperated sound.

  He looked up at her.

  “Ya can call me... hmmm... well... um, uh, Wisherman. That’ll do.”

  At that, Wisherman climbed to his feet and pulled on a purple jacket. He then slung his wicker basket across his round back, and he disappeared down the small dark tunnel.

  Jenny took a deep breath and crawled in after him.

  Chapter 5

  Chaos in

  The Palace

  Two days later and far away, on a spindly mountaintop above a shivering city, the corridors of a vast crooked castle echoed with the screams of Redduns. They screeched and cursed, coughed and sneezed! The ill-tempered creatures bumped and battered each other as they ran up and down its drafty halls and twisted staircases.

  But Asphixia, the Blue Queen relished that. She delighted in chaos. It made her happy as she sat playing with her make-up.

  The young page stood at the door to her boudoir.

  “Yer majesty, the Water-Witch has landed on the roof.” His wide eyes avoided looking directly at the giant queen. His white furry body stood tall for a fae but he only saw her knees – as long as he didn’t look up. Looking into the Queen’s eyes was dangerous. He was afraid that she’d read his mind.

  Asphixia could happily see that he was terrified. Of course he was. His wife and children were in the dungeon. It was a wonderfully efficient way to keep staff working at their best.

  The Blue Queen smiled flirtatiously, “Of course Floogle, I’ll be right down. Have the cook prepare the blue tea for our guest while she waits. I wouldn’t want our guest to feel ... slighted. Put her in... the Sapphire Room.”

  Floogle, the page, shook at the sound of his name on her lips and speedily left on his mission.

  So much to do today. There was a rebellion in the eastern Whisp territories, and famine and roving bands of marauders in the Bog Lands to the south. There was something in the jungles there causing problems. Disorder. She might need to conscript more soldiers. To keep order. Everyone likes order.

  It was also time to build up the magical coffers again. A little extra dark magic on hand was always useful. It also was probably time to do something dramatic. Set an example somewhere. A little excitement to keep the populace distracted.

  Asphixia lounged at her vanity table and inspected her rouge. The tall mirror reflected the perfect right side of her reptilian ice-blue face. She compared it to the perfect left side. She loved to appreciate herself. If you don’t love yourself, who will? But, her makeup was not quite right yet.

  “Hmmm...” She twirled a little lavender powder puff by its arms and legs (which had been bound together to make a convenient handle) and dusted more blush along her arched and delicately scaled cheekbones.

  “Yes. Much better.” She placed the powder puff in the tray along with its siblings and smiled fondly at their wimperings.

  “Yes. I think this will be a marvelous day!”

  * * * *

  Rip-one groaned.

  Doorbell 57 had apparently sounded a few days earlier in the dispatcher’s office with a barely audible chirp. Rip-one only just noticed it this morning. He needed to replace that device. Perhaps an old battery? Barn-snot. Time to barter with the nixies again.

  Rip-one rang the bell to dispatch the gang. He still needed to do the paperwork, but too much time had elapsed... and she wouldn’t know if the paperwork was done before or after acquisition. Rip-one was overworked and under-appreciated! Nobody loved him.

  The troop of Redduns swirled out the palace gates in a cloud of gooey red dust to snatch up the new child who had slipped into Frey.

  Chapter 6

  The Nature

  of Food

  Whoosh! Jack found himself sitting in the same red tunnel that Jenny had landed in four and a half days earlier. He was too stunned to know what to say at first.

  “Ah! Pinkcheeks! Nice of you to join me,” called Finn arching an eyebrow. He even had perfect eyebrows. It was weird how a boy as green-blond as Finn was, still had eyebrows that could put exclamation marks on anything he said. Finn stood a few feet into the tunnel surrounded by mushrooms that were two foot tall! Above them were glowing flowers that perched atop tall stalks.

  Jack twisted to the dirt wall behind him! He could see the back side of vertical wooden planks embedded in hard red clay, but nothing that resembled an opening that he could have fallen through.

  “This - where are we... ?”

  Jack knocked and jumped up and kicked on the clay in various places but it was solid.

  “Yup. Not getting through there. I pounded on that earlier.” Finn looked at something in the dirt.

  Jack scoffed, “Yeah, right. We were sitting together only seconds ago!”

  “Dunno. I’ve been here for a bit.” Finn climbed a rock to investigate how the fire-flowers were producing light, but then looked down. “Jack!” Finn pointed to the floor further down the tunnel.

  Jack ran to see:

  Pirate Jenny was HERE!

  “Jenny! She’s here!” Jack shouted, then looking around muttered, “Wherever ‘here’ is.”

  He looked to Finn who was still balancing on top of a rock and inspecting the fire-flowers. “What are those?”

  Finn cocked his head. “No clue. But it’d be dark in here without ‘em! What type of mushrooms does your dad grow?”

  Jack turned from the tunnel’s dead end and considered the path ahead. “Nothing that looks like these. Maybe we can find Jenny?”

  Jack jogged to the bend in the path and looked back. “Maybe we can figure out where we are if we go further down the trail.”

  Finn hopped to the floor and shouldered his bag. “We could be under the garden out back? Or, maybe we’re sitting exactly where we were sitting in the cellar, and dreaming because we inhaled something from your dad’s mushrooms?”

  Jack just shrugged. “Seems real enough to me.” He tried to pinch himself but decided it would be more fun to pinch Finn.

  Finn jumped away with his hands out. “No pinches!”

  “No pinches?!!” Jack said in his monster voice. “Pinchums WILL see about that!” Jack raised his arms like a hungry troll and chased a giggling Finn down the path. Finn squirmed out of an almost tackle and threw Jack laughing in the dirt.

  “No, Pinchums! Down boy!” Finn said sternly, standing over him.

  Jack acted a little embarrassed.

  Finn hauled Jack to his feet, but Jack promptly grabbed Finn around the waist and brought him back down to the ground with him. They both lay their backs and laughed.

  “Does this feel real yet?” Jack nudged the tickle spot on Finn’s waist. “Or here! Or here?” grabbing at Finn’s vulnerable tickle locations.

  “Maybe! Pinchums! Stop!” Finn squealed and jumped to his feet, achieved some distance and giggled.

  They both took deep breaths while Jack got back to his feet. It felt good to laugh – even if he felt guilty for laughing while Jenny was still missing.

  Finn grabbed his fallen bag and returned it to his shoulder. He raised an eyebrow and pointed at the trail.

  Jenny’s footprints were visible in the dust ahead.

  “Okay.” Jack said.

  The two boys started down the passage. It wound to the right, and then to the left. It led up and down. Sometimes they were rewarded with Jenny’s foot prints in the dust. Sometimes the trail was more rock than dirt and there were no foot prints at all. But there was nowhere to turn off, so they had to be on the right track.

  At the seco
nd hard bend in the path Jack jumped back into Finn with surprise.

  “Woah!” Jack gasped.

  Right in front of them was the biggest bug they’d ever seen! Blue. Four-feet in length with shiny wings and long legs... it perched atop a mushroom and munched on what was left of a much smaller bug.

  “What the –” exclaimed Finn (he did not like bugs).

  “Do you think it will it attack us if we try to pass it?” whispered Jack.

  The bug looked up as if it understood and gave them such a withering glance, that Jack was embarrassed to have asked the question.

  Jack and Finn picked up big rocks they could throw at it, then they inched along the opposite wall. They were feeling relieved to have passed it, when they saw another enormous bug! And another! There were so many different types of insects! They all seemed busy about their lives, so eventually Jack – and even Finn – began to relax a little around the strange creatures.

  The plant life flanking the trail also grew more diverse with colorful mushrooms and strange flora. At times it nearly obstructed the path. Big glowing moths fluttered above their heads and flitted about the fire-flowers.

  At times the tunnel widened and the ceiling lifted into large cavernous spaces, but Jenny’s footsteps clearly led them ahead when the space dwindled back down to the size of school corridors.

  Once Jack got used to the giant bugs, he found he was more curious than frightened. But, the large insects and worms still gave Finn the heebie-jeebies, which emboldened Jack all the more. The always cool Finn was downright jittery!

  Finn tried to put on a brave front though. “This could be the setting for one of our crazy stories.”

  “Yeah, all we need now is for a werewolf to jump out!” Jack raised his arms in monster attack mode. “arrrrhh!”

  Finn laughed and pushed him back. “Seriously, don’t do that. I’m already creeped out enough as it is.” Finn stopped. “This doesn’t seem possible that this is all real. It’s too...”

  “Weird?” Jack offered.

  “Yeah. Giant mushrooms and insects like this don’t exist.”