The Graceland Tales

by Donna D. Prescott

  (DWIGHT THE LAY MINISTER pulls out his handkerchief and puts it to his nose. JOYCE THE EVANGELIST’S WIFE gives him the evil eye. He quietly dabs at his nose, as if it were fine art and tucks the handkerchief back in his pocket.)

  BLANCHE: The next situation fell into our laps. Gregory wanted to go to a Grand Funk Railroad concert. Livia had absolutely no desire to go, and, um, it happened that Gregory’s friends were all busy that night, so our friend, Sadie, suggested that she go with Gregory since she was big a GFR fan, too. Gregory agreed to this arrangement. The three of them went out for dinner beforehand. Then Livia drove herself home and Sadie drove herself and Gregory to the concert. Grooving to the music gave Sadie opportunities to touch Gregory occasionally and they danced a little and bumped hips and other body parts. At the end of the encore, Sadie turned to Gregory and kissed him smack dab on the lips.

  Later, Gregory told Livia that he thought of it as an innocent, spontaneous kiss, reflecting an enjoyment of the concert. However, Gregory realized that the kiss was more than innocent for Sadie when she drove them to her apartment instead of driving Gregory home. When he expressed surprised confusion, she invited him up for a drink. She said she still felt the buzz of the music and, um, wanted the evening to last a little longer. Gregory said they could have a drink and share the moment at his house with Livia. Sadie unbuckled her seat belt and reached her hand behind Gregory’s neck in an effort to kiss him again. He said he was flattered that she found him attractive, but Livia was a good friend of Sadie’s and Gregory was a one-woman man, and Livia was the one woman for him. Then, he got out of the car and called a cab. Once again, Livia was jubilant over Gregory’s faithfulness to her. She told us that these two tests were more than enough for her and, um, she thought we should call off the bet. She was more than willing to give up the free honeymoon night. Plus, Gregory was getting a little suspicious after two of her friends threw themselves at him in a fairly short period of time. Livia almost told him of the bet then but hesitated.

  LINDA THE HUMANITARIAN WORKER: (fingering her pendant) Why? Shouldn’t her love for Gregory be more important than her loyalty to her friends?

  BLANCHE: Yes, you’re right. Perhaps she figured she was too far in to stop at that point. But wait and see what happens. The final challenge happened when Gregory and Livia decided to take a trip out of town. Gregory was a big fan of brew pubs. A nearby town was offering a weekend brew pub crawl featuring a new brewery. And, um, when she found out their plans, our friend Karen asked to go with them as she is a big brew pub fan, too. At the hotel, they arranged to get adjoining rooms. Our book club members knew this event was our final chance to win the bet, so unbeknownst to Gregory, we all got rooms at the hotel that night. We would either be consoling a heartbroken Livia or celebrating Livia’s faithful fiancé.

  Karen set up the final challenge to happen between the Saturday afternoon part of the crawl and dinner. They went back to their rooms to rest. Not long after, Karen called Gregory and Livia’s room, claiming she had a problem with the room air conditioner knob and, um, asking Gregory to come take a quick look. He found Karen in bed with the sheets pulled up but clearly naked. In horror, he turned around to leave the room only to find Livia at the door. Disgusted, he said angrily to Livia that he had had enough of her friends trying to seduce him. This relationship was over. He walked over to Livia and took the engagement ring from her finger. He opened the door to the hall only to find the group of us huddled by the door, looking quite sheepish. As Gregory stalked off, a tearful Livia informed us that he had broken the engagement so no one won. They did not prove him unfaithful, and, um, she would not get a free honeymoon night, or any honeymoon night at all, for that matter.

  LINDA: (still rubbing her pendant between her thumb and forefinger) Oh, how sad.

  BLANCHE: Karen got out of bed and dressed. We sat around her room, stunned. How could our challenge have gone so wrong? Right when the tears were starting to flow, we heard a knock at the door. As some of us sympathetically patted Livia on the back, Karen answered the door. Gregory stepped in and Livia stood up and ran to him. They kissed passionately then linked arms and said in unison, ‘Surprise, just kidding!’ (LINDA and GITA both break into big smiles.)

  BLANCHE: Gregory got down on his knee and put the engagement ring back on Livia’s finger, saying, ‘Are you ready with good heart to grant my wish and marry me?’ Of course, she said yes to Gregory for the second time. Livia explained to us that she couldn’t continue with the ruse and, um, told all to Gregory the night before the trip.

  GITA THE COOK: You go, girl!

  BLANCHE: The two of them then planned to turn the tables on our book club. Needless to say, we were all quite embarrassed but very happy for Livia and Gregory. To help make up for some of the unpleasantness, we decided to pay for two nights of their honeymoon, to give a blissful end to a piteous undertaking.

  I make a mental note that Blanche’s story is a reversal of sorts of Chaucer’s Clerk’s Tale of Patient Griselda. However, Livia is much more considerate of Gregory than Griselda’s husband is of her.

  “Where did they go?” asks Bella the Academic.

  “Oh, they took a train trip, just like Franklin and I are doing,” says Blanche.

  “That’s right, you two are newlyweds,” I say.

  “Your memory serves you well,” says Franklin.

  “How did you meet?” asks Rene/e the Transgender Woman.

  “Well, that’s a funny story,” says Franklin as Blanche smirks.

  “I live in New Orleans where I practice law,” says Blanche. “Franklin lives in Atlanta where he’s a commercial real estate developer.”

  “I came to New Orleans a few years ago for Mardi Gras.”

  “I went to the Krewe of Orpheus parade with some girlfriends. And, um, as is easy to do in New Orleans, especially at Mardi Gras, I had too much to drink before the parade.”

  “I saw her girlfriends trying to keep Blanche upright. The New Orleans police don’t suffer drunks gladly at Mardi Gras. I offered to bring her to my hotel room which was nearby so her friends could enjoy the parade.”

  “They trusted a stranger to take their friend to his hotel room?” asks Joyce the Evangelist’s Wife.

  “Not entirely. One of her friends went along with me to my room. I came back down and watched the parade with them. Then, they collected Blanche and brought her home.”

  “How did you catch up with one another afterwards?” asks King Arthur a Techie.

  “Well, her friend told me the name of her law firm. And I managed to slip my business card into her bra. I had a feeling that she would not be calling me anytime soon because of the circumstances of me meeting her. Technically, she still had not met me. I had to get back to Atlanta the next day for a closing. After I got back home, I invited her to come visit me there. It took some convincing.”

  “Clearly, you succeeded,” I observe.

  “Clearly, but it wasn’t easy.”

  “Franklin is known for throwing some good parties.” Blanche smiles. “After trying several ploys to get me to Atlanta, he threw a big party and, um, invited some A-listers from the Atlanta legal community, who also share my love of motorcycles. I couldn’t say no. I did insist on bringing my girlfriends, though. We rode our bikes over, and at this party, I did not get drunk.”

  “What bike do you ride?” asks Ernest, closing his KenKen book.

  “A Yamaha V-Star 650,” says Blanche.

  “Nice,” says Ernest.

  “Yes, it’s a good bike for me. After Katrina, I found it was a convenient way to get around when people started coming back. The focus of my law practice changed a lot after Katrina. I ended up spending a lot of time helping clients who had lived in the Lower Ninth Ward. I became known as the Lawyer on the Bike.”

  “Getting her to visit me in Atlanta has been the easy part, though. In today’s world, miscegenation is still an issue even in Dr. King’s hometown. Put the race difference on top of the age difference,
and you have two areas for discrimination and harassment. We still encounter people who assume I’m Blanche’s driver or butler.”

  “Or gigolo?” says Ernest. Blanche and Franklin exchange a dismayed glance. Bella elbows Ernest again.

  Blanche says, “We get all kinds of crude comments about what an older white woman might see in a younger African-American man. Then, add a commuter marriage to that mix.”

  “How far is it between Atlanta and New Orleans?” asks Ernest, trying to make nice.

  “Oh, it’s about a seven-hour drive. It takes an hour and a half to fly. Or the Crescent train between Atlanta and New Orleans takes twelve hours,” says Franklin.

  “You sure have the commuting thing down,” says Hector.

  “We decided to take a train trip for our honeymoon because when we wanted to spend some quality time together before we got married, Blanche would fly to Atlanta. She can telecommute much more easily than I. My business is solidly in Atlanta. We would spend a few days working and then take the train from Atlanta to New Orleans. We would get a sleeper even though it was a day trip because it was very difficult for anyone to disturb us in our rolling office,” says Franklin.

  “That’s a quirky way to find some quiet time,” says Oriel the Hotel Manager.

  “Vroom. Ride a bike,” babbles Rose the Waitress.

  “Why don’t you move to Atlanta, Blanche, since you can telecommute?” asks John the Pastor.

  “I practice family law and, um, still need to be in New Orleans a lot of the time—court appearances, maintaining client relationships, and such. Plus, I’m not a member of the Georgia bar so I can’t practice law there right now, anyway.”

  “Why did you get married at all?” asks Bella.

  “Well, Franklin met me at my worst and still pursued me hard. It’s difficult to say no to someone as persistent as he was. And, um, as I said, he gives great parties,” says Blanche.

  “I wanted people to know that I wasn’t just dating a white woman as an ego trip or for the shock value, that I truly love her. It was important to me for us to make that commitment to one another,” says Franklin. Blanche looks up at him demurely and they share a brief, chaste kiss for a change.

  “Speaking of commitment in marriage, I have a tale to tell from my childhood,” says Franklin.

  Theresa evidently has decided to let the tales fall as they will.

  Franklin

  THE REAL ESTATE MAGNATE’S TALE

  FRANKLIN: When I was growing up, a couple lived in our neighborhood, and the wife liked to tell this story at get-togethers. We were a close-knit group, almost like a family. In the summer people spent a lot of time outside barbecuing and swimming in the local pool. In the winter, we still spent a lot of time socializing. We used to give the wife, Doris, a hard time about telling this story, but we all really enjoyed it. It happened in the time of peace time draft, after Korea but before Vietnam. Doris, and her husband, Verne, met one night at a drive-in movie. They had just graduated from high school, and groups of kids were enjoying one last summer of freedom before they had to face the adult world head-on. Verne was working in the family-owned hardware store and Doris planned to start beauty school in the fall. The stars aligned for them that summer. She loved him for his worthiness—he was a good son, loved his mama, and worked hard in the family business. He loved her because she was humble yet had a strong sense of herself. Even though their parents told them to take their time, they ended up eloping three months after they met.

  HECTOR THE ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST: (croons) Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you.

  FRANKLIN: The idea of living a basic life together in a small apartment—showing the nay-sayers that they could do it—appealed to the romantic side of them. After all, they were young adults who knew everything. They rented a neighbor’s garage apartment. The thrill of coming home to each other at the end of a day at the store or at school fueled their young love. On Fridays, they went to the local drive-in, Hoppers, for malteds and burgers. The young lovers led a joyful, easy life until one day Verne received his draft notice. Even though he played an important role in the family business, it was not enough to earn him a deferment. Anyway, a deferment would only mean he would have to serve later. The heartbroken couple bemoaned their impending separation. They swore to write every day. Both swore never in word or deed to be unfaithful during this forced separation.

  LINDA THE HUMANITARIAN WORKER: Boy, do I know how they felt. I still remember the day Tom left for the Gulf War like it was yesterday.

  FRANKLIN: As Senator Pam mentioned at the outset of her tale, these wars resonate over time. Verne ended up in basic training in Texas, about a two-day drive from their home. Doris died a little death after Verne left. Every night she wept and sighed, falling asleep only when her eyes were swollen shut with crying. Every morning she woke up feeling as if her heart were a balloon filled to bursting with vinegar. Doris made friends with two other women whose husbands were in basic training in Texas. The three women made the long drive together to visit their husbands mid-way through the ten weeks of basic training. Doris died another little death upon leaving Verne in Texas. They found out Verne would be stationed in Germany—like Elvis.

  Her two friends were much more upbeat than Doris. They figured they may as well enjoy themselves until their husbands returned. They attended dances at the Elks Club, saw movies at the drive-in almost every weekend, and went to Hoppers frequently for malteds. Her friends tried everything they could think of to cheer Doris up. Doris began to lose weight. Finally, her friends convinced her to start going to Hoppers again on Fridays. She graduated from beauty school and found a job so she wasn’t sitting around their apartment alone all day but still she was glum. At Hoppers, a young man, Larry, noticed Doris. He asked her friends about her and they told him she was married, her husband was overseas, and she was in mourning for his absence. Larry started talking to her, expressing sympathy. Talking with him provided a bit of a distraction, and Doris didn’t notice that increasingly Larry seemed to be developing a crush on her. He offered to pay for her malteds but she refused. Her friends convinced her to go to a dance one night, and there she ran across Larry but refused his requests to dance. He seemed to show up more often at places where she was, but she was so consumed with Verne’s absence that she really didn’t notice it.

  Her friends encouraged her to accept Larry’s favors. They said that if she couldn’t be with the Verne she loved, then she should love the Larry she was with—at least until Verne came home. After all, there was nothing wrong with dancing with Larry or sharing a malted with him while Verne was away.

  JOYCE THE EVANGELIST’S WIFE: (looking up from the cross she is crocheting) True friends would not tempt a wife to be unfaithful. The slogan ‘Clean bodies, clean thoughts’ can apply to married couples, too, not just the teenagers in our YEP initiative.

  FRANLKIN: Well, Doris would have none of it.

  JOYCE: (smiles) Doris is a good wife. (She resumes her crocheting.)

  FRANKLIN: She continued to write to Verne every day. Every night, she crossed the day off on the calendar, counting the days until he returned home. One night at Hopper’s, Larry really laid on the pressure for Doris to, shall I say, grant him her favors. Finally, to get Larry off of her back, on a lark she promised him she would go on a date with him if he could turn the moon blue.

  Larry was inconsolable. How could he make the moon turn blue? It was impossible. Finally, he stopped going out much at all. He accepted his fate and wrote sappy love poems to Doris. His good friend, Jed, became concerned with his friend’s withdrawal from society. When Jed didn’t see Larry around for a while, he went to Larry’s house. Larry told him the sad story of his crush on Doris, a married woman, and her absolute fidelity to her husband who was serving in the Army overseas, and her vow that she would go on a date with Larry if he could turn the moon blue. Jed thought for a few moments and then said he might could help Larry out. The next wee
k, Jed came back to see Larry. He said that he had an astronomy professor who could probably assist Larry with his challenge. Larry initially balked at the offer, but Jed convinced Larry at least to meet with his professor. What did he have to lose, Larry figured, so he agreed to let Jed set up an appointment. At this appointment, when presented with the challenge, the professor talked about various conditions that affected the atmosphere and how humans perceived the universe. He told Larry that he needed to do a little research and to come back the following week. Impressed with the professor’s knowledge, Larry swore he would pay for Jed’s tuition and books the next semester in gratitude. Jed gladly took Larry up on the offer.

  The next week, the professor told Larry that the moon will look blue if obscured by certain particles, such as a forest fire, a volcanic eruption, or a dust storm. Again, Larry despaired, as he did not want to set a forest on fire, even for the love of Doris, and he could not cause a volcano to erupt, especially since no volcanos were located in the area, and usually those types of situations involved sacrificing virgins, anyway. The same situation pertained for a dust storm. Even if he bought giant fans, he didn’t think he could stir up enough dust to make the moon look blue. Meanwhile, Verne got news that his tour of duty would end early. Soon he was back home. Verne and Doris celebrated their reunion, and Doris completely forgot about Larry and her rash promise to him. However, a twist of fate came to Larry’s aid.