“The wedding wasn’t the important part. It was that you were the one I was marrying. Everything else about it was just unimportant.” We locked eyes and I leaned forward and kissed her. This was the first time I’d done that outside our respective bedrooms. It was different. Not that anyone was going to look twice at us, but I felt like people knew. That they could see our history written on both of us.
Emma hesitated for only a moment before she kissed me back. She took the hand that wasn’t holding mine and pulled my face closer. Things started getting hot and heavy and I didn’t think we should start ripping each other’s clothes off in public, so I pulled back and opened my eyes.
“What was that for?” she asked. I wanted to look around and see if anyone was paying attention to us, but I didn’t look away from Emma’s eyes.
“Just because,” I said. “Tell me more about how you saw our future.” I loved hearing about it.
“After the wedding we would have gone someplace with really good food where we could just eat and stay somewhere beautiful and have a lot of sex and maybe take some walks when we decided we needed to put clothes on. And there would be fireworks. I wanted there to be fireworks. After that? Being happy. Forever.” She shook her head at herself.
“It sounds like something a little girl who wanted to be a princess would think up. Not a grown adult.”
“No,” I said, squeezing her hand. “It sounds wonderful. It sounds perfect.”
Her voice quavered a little.
“Does it?” I nodded and had to choke down nameless emotions. Emma sighed.
“So, there you go. That’s how I saw it. How did you see your life going?” I wasn’t sure, honestly. When I was younger, I thought I would have a husband and then babies and do all of that, but then I realized I was a raging lesbian and that idea went out the window. So then I thought I might have a wife, and maybe not, and I might have kids, and maybe not. I didn’t know where I wanted to live. I was never sure about anything. It was all too far in the future, too big, too adult. Too many enormous life decisions to be made that I wasn’t ready for, even in the abstract.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve changed my mind so many times that nothing ever stuck. I knew you’d be there, though. You’d always be there, no matter what.”
She leaned over and kissed me.
“That’s all I need to hear,” she said. “Having you in my life is the most important thing.” I agreed on that at least.
WE WALKED AROUND THE park and I made her go on the merry-go-round and then we walked down the street, stopping in any shops we fancied and talking and just enjoying being with one another. We kept holding hands the whole time and that was something to adjust to, but it was exciting. I liked having her fingers linked with mine for long periods of time.
“We should get home to the puppy,” I said. He was probably really missing us and needed to go outside. If this hadn’t been so last-minute, we might have been able to call Reece to watch him. She was coming over this weekend since the Bachelorette Babes had brunch on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it in some ways, but in others I was not ready to see my friends because they would immediately know what had happened with Emma. That wasn’t even touching the fact that they had known she was in love with me and no one had hinted or said anything. I mean, I guess that was good since it protected Emma, but they might have dropped a few hints, at least. Something to help me get my head out of my ass sooner.
Emma and I went home and she decided it was time for lunch. I was definitely going to be taking a nap later as well.
“Is a kale salad with chicken, strawberries, and walnuts okay? I can make up some quick dressing for it too. And I’m in the mood to bake. You want dessert?”
I looked up from patting Vegas’s belly.
“What kind of a question are you asking me, I can’t understand you. Are you even speaking English right now?” I said, and she rolled her eyes.
“Okay, I get it. Also, it’s a lot harder to surprise you with desserts now that we live together. So I’m declaring the kitchen a Callyn-free zone. You can’t come in or watch what I’m doing.” I walked toward the kitchen and she put her hands out.
“Stop,” she said.
“In the name of love?” It was something I’d seen on a t-shirt once. “You can’t stop me, Emma. I’m a force of nature.” I made a swooshing sound like wind.
“Come on, stop. I want to play our game again.” I stopped. This was clearly important to her.
“Okay, fine.” I turned around. “But I’m probably going to smell what it is. My nose is very powerful.” I heard her scoff.
“I don’t think you’ll guess this.” That sounded like a challenge.
“I’ll just be over here with my book.” I wanted to read a book that wouldn’t distract me too much from what Emma was doing, so I picked up the one about money. I’d probably have to read it multiple times to get the information to sink in, but that was okay. I could always renew it.
It was difficult to focus on the book and on Vegas, who was in play mode. He kept bringing me toys and I’d throw them, he’d scramble after them, and then we’d do it all over again. After the nap later, we needed to take him on a good long walk so he’d sleep tonight. Maybe go to the park that was close by.
The money book actually turned out to be hilarious and kind of mean, so I started paying attention and my brain clicked on so I shut out everything but the words on the page.
“Lunch is ready,” a voice said right near my ear. I jumped up and dropped the book.
“What the fuck?” I looked to find an amused Emma.
“I was calling your name for a while, but you were completely lost,” she said. That had happened before, too many times to count. Whenever I fell into my focus mode, you could scream my name a million times and I would not hear you.
“Sorry,” I said, picking up the book from the floor before Vegas started chewing on it. I couldn’t imagine the shame of taking a dog-chewed book back to them and then having to offer to buy a new copy.
“Good book?” she asked.
“Actually, yes. You should read it when I’m done.”
“I should finish my Blind Date with a Book first. You know my rule, I don’t read another book until I’ve finished all the books that I’m supposed to read.” I stared at her for a second.
“What is that like?” I couldn’t imagine.
“It’s nice, you could try it.” She leaned on the back of the couch and there was a soft smile on her face like she wanted to kiss me but wasn’t sure if she should.
I was about to tell her that she could kiss me when she shook herself and glanced back into the kitchen.
“Lunch?” she said. Right, food. I was completely starving. I’d gotten so caught up in reading I’d forgotten about it.
“Yeah, lunch.” I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted to spend a lot of the day kissing, but it seemed only fair that I should sort my shit out before we went down that road again.
We sat down together and had our salads.
“Where’s the dessert?” I asked. Emma shrugged.
“I don’t know, where could it be?” I gave her a puzzled look.
“Did you make it already?”
“Yup.” Hmm. That meant that it was probably in the fridge. That narrowed my options down. Some sort of pudding? Mousse? That seemed too obvious.
“I’ll figure it out, you just wait,” I said.
“I’m not hearing any guesses, so you’re not doing well so far,” she said, and I wanted to poke her with my fork.
“Chocolate pudding?”
“No.”
“Key lime pie?”
“No.”
“Chocolate lime pudding pie?” That one made her laugh.
“No, but that’s a good idea. I might have to try that one. I love chocolate and lime together.” That did sound good. I should make more dessert suggestions. We could come up with the next big thing, whatever that would b
e.
I kept guessing, but I wasn’t getting anywhere, and I wanted to know.
“Okay, I don’t care. Just tell me,” I said, when I put the dishes in the sink to rinse before putting them in the dishwasher. She’d already washed the pan she’d cooked the chicken in and cleaned up everything else. No clues here. She’d been too sneaky, and I’d been too oblivious, which was kind of how things went with us.
“First, you have to close your eyes.” I narrowed them instead, instantly suspicious.
“This feels like a trap,” I said.
“It’s not, I promise. It’s just dessert.” I still wasn’t sure, but I closed my eyes anyway. She opened the fridge and I heard it shut.
“Okay, now open them.” I did and saw her holding a glass dish with something that definitely involved strawberries in it.
“I still don’t know,” I said, leaning down and looking through the clear pan and still at a loss.
“Strawberry pretzel salad,” she said, putting the dish down on the counter.
“That’s not dessert! Salad can’t be dessert!” I pointed at her in accusation. “This was a trap!” Vegas ran into the kitchen and started barking, so I lowered my voice. I got excited sometimes and went a little overboard with my volume and I didn’t want him to think we were upset.
“It’s dessert, it is!” Emma said back, slapping my finger out of the way.
“I will have to taste it to reach my verdict,” I said. “Slice me a piece of salad.” Emma did and slid it onto a plate. It looked like strawberries on top, some sort of cream thing in the middle and then crushed pretzels on the bottom. Pretty clever.
“There was a girl at work who made this all the time and I stole her recipe. I’ve been wanting to make it for ages, but I didn’t know what to do with the rest since I was living alone.”
“You’re not living alone anymore,” I pointed out, scooping some of the “salad” up with my fork.
“Oh, shit this is good. This is really good.” Everything she made was, but this was definitely going to become a favorite that she would have to make again.
“I thought you’d like it, and we had like a million strawberries kicking around in the freezer, so here we are.” She made a plate for herself and we stood at the counter together eating. I kept catching her staring and it made me blush a few times. She still wanted to kiss me and I still wanted to let her.
I finished my plate and, instead of getting another slice, I took her not-finished plate from her and set it down.
“Hey, I wasn’t done!”
“I have something else for you to do,” I said, stroking her face to make my intentions clear.
“We shouldn’t. Not until you figure things out,” she said, her breath drenched in sweetness from the strawberries and cream.
“I can figure things out and kiss you, Em. Let’s do both.” I was a huge fan of doing a lot of things at once, especially if one of those things was kissing Emma.
“Just a little kiss,” I pleaded. “Just a tiny one. The littlest kiss. So small. Microscopic. You won’t even know it’s a kiss.” Emma laughed a little.
“You’re really selling this kiss thing hard.”
“Is it working?”
She exhaled and smiled.
“Yes,” she said before planting her lips on mine. I was supposed to be doing that, but whatever. I melted into her, pressing our bodies together and backing her up until she was against the wall.
“We’re not doing this again,” Emma said in a rush as she broke the kiss for a moment.
“Right, yeah, this is just kissing.” I nodded in agreement.
“Absolutely. Just kissing.”
“Uh huh,” I said, and then we were kissing again.
A few hours later, we were in Emma’s bed again and we were both completely naked and we’d fucked again. Oops?
“We kind of failed at that, didn’t we?” she said, looking at me. Both of us were still covered in sweat from the sex and I really needed a shower.
“Failed at what?” I still had sex brain and wasn’t thinking as quickly as I usually did.
“Just kissing.”
“Oh, yeah. We blew past that pretty quick.” Really quick. I don’t remember who got naked first, but it happened and here we were.
“Any regrets?” she asked, turning toward me.
“Nope,” I said. “Not even a little bit.”
“Good. Same.” She put her hand up and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I gave her a high five. She giggled and then reached for my hand again, twisting our fingers together.
“There,” she said with satisfaction. “Now all is right with the world.”
“Agreed.”
Fourteen
I got through my last day at the awful job, and said goodbye to Linda, Jessika, Maggie, and the rest of the people that I actually liked. I didn’t bother with the ones that I couldn’t stand and was grateful to never see again. Time to cross that bridge and burn the shit out of it.
On Saturday, Reece came over to watch Vegas and said she’d start work on some basic obedience while we were gone. She also was going to take him to the park, so he was one spoiled boy.
Brunch was at a pub, which was cozy and delicious. The second Emma and I walked in (we were the last to show up), everyone stared at us.
“How are you doing?” Nova asked, in a weird voice. Lara’s gaze was bouncing from me to Emma and back, Willa was grinning, and Sammi looked like she wanted to scream in excitement.
“Okay, you all can calm the fuck down,” I said. “This is not a big deal.”
“Yes it is!” Sammi yelled, grabbing me up in a hug. Emma and I had decided to play things cool, but I guess the news was written all over us.
“Tell us everything,” Willa said, as we sat down at a table together.
“You want to take this one?” I asked, looking at Emma, who was blushing and smiling and shaking her head at our friends.
“No, you’ve got this,” she said. “The floor is yours.” Of course it was.
“Okay, then I’m telling them what’s going on.” She gestured in a “go ahead” motion.
So I told them. I told them that we had kissed and had sex and that I was working on my shit and figuring it out. I didn’t give them graphic details, but they still got the gist as we dined on eggs fried in tons of butter and fresh-baked biscuits and thick sausages.
“So that’s the gist of it. I will not be taking questions or comments at this time.” I looked over at Emma, who was grinning again.
“Okay, but we have, like, a million questions,” Sammi said. Nova put a hand on her shoulder.
“I think we should save the questions for another time.”
“You dumbasses better not fuck up my wedding,” Lara said and that earned her a sharp look. “What? I don’t have time to rearrange bridesmaids and deal with other shit. I’m at the end of my rope.” She burst into tears and then the heat was off me and Emma, which was nice. We had a mini therapy session with Lara, who was breaking under the wedding pressure, and we managed to make her laugh and give her the support that she really needed. After we ate, we all headed to a farmer’s market that also had live music and great food trucks. Not that we needed any more food, but I was dying for some fried Oreos at the very least.
Emma and I didn’t hold hands on the walk over, but it felt like we should have.
“What is the protocol?” I asked her when we reached the market, and all pulled out our tote bags to fill them up with fresh produce.
“The protocol for what?” she asked, looking at some completely enormous heirloom tomatoes in various colors ranging from a sunshine yellow to a deep purple with green accents.
“The protocol for us being with our friends. We’ve held hands in public, why not now? It’s not like they don’t know.” She glanced up from the tomatoes.
“I was giving you space to think. I keep trying to do that and you keep seducing me.” I gasped dramatically.
“Exc
use me? I think you’re the one who’s doing the seducing, Emma Christine.”
“Are you serious right now?” Her voice was a little loud and people were staring, including our friends, who weren’t even pretending to sort through the fresh herbs.
“Fine, I won’t hold your hand or kiss you or act like I like you in any way, happy?” She picked up a tomato and for a second I thought she was going to throw it at me.
“You don't have to do that, but I thought you were the one who had to figure out her feelings.” She grabbed a bag and put the tomato in it and started picking some others.
“I do! But I can figure out my feelings while making out with you and holding your hand in public.” A woman behind me made a disgusted noise. Mind your business, Brenda.
Emma gave me a look and picked another tomato.
“There’s a guy selling figs over there who I don’t think heard you.” I made a frustrated noise and almost smashed my face into a wooden box of peppers. That probably wouldn’t be too pleasant for my eyes.
Instead I mumbled and grumped and was insufferable for the rest of the time we were out with our friends. I just wanted to go home and cuddle our puppy.
“You’re being a dick,” Nova said. “Get your shit together.” She gave me a hug and a glare, and Sammi pretty much said the same thing.
“Get your shit together before my wedding,” Lara said.
“I don’t have my shit together, so I can’t really tell you to, but I wish you would figure things out so you could just be happy together,” said Willa. Things had gone well with the bartender, and they were tentatively seeing each other. I was happy for her.
“Okay, I’ll get my shit together, god,” I said to all of them, before storming up the street with Emma.
“I know they’re right, that’s why I’m so mad,” I said to her.
“It’s okay, a lot has happened in a short period. You’re allowed to take your time to figure things out. I had a lot of years to get where I am.” That was true. I was frustrated that I was expected to just KNOW. To just go forth. Granted, that’s what I usually did, but this was different. This was love. Love was the most important thing in the world, and this was a decision that would completely alter the entire course of the rest of my life. You didn’t make those things lightly, and I couldn’t be with her unless I was sure.
Didn't Stay in Vegas Page 18
