Heart of Mine

by Lindsay Bergman

  Uneasy, I spoke quietly across the distance that separated us. “Alex, that was just a hug between friends.”

  His response carried softly to me along the breeze. “I know.”

  He didn’t sound angry, merely reluctant, and yet he still didn’t move from the doorway. The silence between us lengthened, the air thick with tension. Now that we were alone, I knew it was my chance to finally share my heart with him.

  I twisted my fingers together, feeling nervous but determined. “Alex, can we talk now?”

  He gave a quick nod in response and finally stepped out onto the terrace. I turned to look out at the lawn, trying to gather my courage. I could hear his footsteps moving toward me. Alexander approached slowly, hesitantly, and came to a stop just behind me. He stood silently at my back. Even though he didn’t touch me, I could swear I felt the ghost of his hands on my arms.

  After a moment, he spoke. “What did you want to tell me?” His voice was very carefully controlled, but I could detect a hint of unease.

  “Well ... there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you, but we’ve been a little rocky since I found out about Emma, and … I’ve been scared to do anything that might push us to the breaking point.”

  Alexander slipped a hand under my elbow and carefully turned me around to face him. His expression was surprisingly tender. “Don’t ever be afraid to tell me how you feel, dolcezza. I promise that nothing you could say will push us to the breaking point.”

  I bit my lip in disagreement, but decided against pressing the issue. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this sooner.”

  He kissed me softly. “You can tell me now.”

  Lacing my fingers with his, I stepped back toward the lawn and gestured with my other hand. “Come walk with me and I’ll tell you everything.”

  As we strolled down the pathway, Alexander listened quietly while I shared every insecurity in my heart.

  “I’ve been trying to force myself into these rigid and unbending expectations in order to be a good princess, but I’ve lost myself instead. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.” I glanced at him sheepishly before admitting, “I mean, I almost slapped Marie at the fundraiser and nearly lost my temper with some of your ex-girlfriends this morning. That’s not very princess-like.”

  The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to suppress a smile. “I’ve always known you were fierce,” Alexander said with amusement. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

  My face flushed with pleasure, but I shook my head and argued, “It sounds fine when you say it that way, but my temper is not a good quality for a princess. Not everyone in Coradova will find my fierceness as attractive as you do, Alexander.”

  The prince laughed and drew me to a stop beside the scenic overlook. “You have many qualities that the people of Coradova will adore, despite your temper.”

  “How can you be so sure? I feel like I’ve done nothing right since our engagement was announced. I don’t think I have what it takes to be a princess.”

  His eyes brightened in sudden understanding. “Is that what’s been bothering you? That you don’t think you’ll be a good princess? It’s been less than two weeks, amore mio. You need to give it more time.”

  I frowned at him uncertainly. “But what if time doesn’t help? What if I’m never able to make the adjustment from farm girl to princess?”

  “Even if you are the absolute worst princess in the history of Coradova, I will still love you, Maddy,” Alexander promised, looking deep into my eyes. “But if you’re not happy, we can limit your royal responsibilities so that being a princess is not your full-time job. Whatever it takes, we will make this work.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, then gathered me close in his arms.

  Thoughts of Emma fluttered through my head again, unbidden. I mumbled into his shirt, “But what if I’m so terrible at being a princess that you change your mind about marrying me?”

  “That will never happen.”

  “It might happen if the marriage law can’t be abolished,” I insisted stubbornly, then hesitated before adding, “Don’t you think Emma is the better choice? She’d be the perfect princess ... and probably the perfect wife.”

  Thinking of Emma as Alexander’s wife caused pain to stab through my gut like a knife. Alexander shifted back and carefully tilted my face up to study me for a long moment. Our eyes held as the prince considered my words. I openly allowed him to see my vulnerability, the insecurity and self-doubt I’d been struggling to hide for the last several days.

  Ever since I’d met Emma.

  “This isn’t like you, dolcezza,” Alexander murmured in concern, his thumb softly stroking my cheek. “You’re usually so confident and fearless. You definitely get jealous, but not this insecure. What can I say to make this right?” His voice was thick with pain and self-reproach. “What can I do to prove my loyalty to you?”

  He looked at me, with his eyes as blue as the sea, and just as tumultuous.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly, my chest feeling tight. “I don’t know if there is anything you can say or do to make this better.” I shifted away and looked up at the multitude of stars blazing brightly in the dark sky. “Maybe I’ll feel differently after we’re married. Once I know you’re mine, legally and binding.”

  Alexander raised my hand up between us, his thumb touching my engagement ring. When his blue eyes looked into mine, they were filled with conviction. “To me, this ring is legal and binding. This is a sign of my commitment to you, dolcezza—heart, body and soul. We’re not married yet, but I take our engagement as seriously as I will take our wedding vows. My heart is yours, and yours alone.” He tenderly brushed the hair back from my face and sealed his promise with a kiss.

  Wrapping my arms around him, I rested my head against his wide chest and allowed myself to relax into him. I could feel the tension and worry melt away as his hand soothingly rubbed my back and neck. Alexander was right, as usual. Our engagement was a commitment in itself, something we both held as binding as a marriage. My ring was a symbol of our promise to each other: to love, protect, and remain faithful. I needed to remember to trust in our love, and in our commitment to each other, no matter what challenges came our way. Even if that challenge came in the shape of a curly-haired exotic beauty.

  Alexander loved me. He wanted to marry me over the perfect Emma Rousseau. Because of that love, I was confident in our decision to get married ... unless we didn’t succeed in abolishing the marriage law. If Alexander was forced to choose between his desire and his duty, I didn’t know if I would be able to let him make that kind of sacrifice. I banished the thought from my head, vowing that I would only worry about it if the worst should happen. Until then, I was committed to sharing my life with my prince.

  “There’s one more thing,” Alexander said as he leaned back to look into my face.

  I smiled softly. “And what is that, my Prince Charming?”

  “You don’t need to be the perfect princess.” Alexander smiled tenderly and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “I don’t want you to think that you need to be meek and submissive. Be bold, direct, fiery and passionate, as long as you are kind, compassionate and genuine as well. Don’t let this title hold you back from being yourself. The Maddy I know is fearless and stubborn, and never backs down from a challenge. I promise that with time, the rest of Coradova will fall in love with you just as I did.”

  Holding my face with one hand, he lowered his head to give me an affectionate kiss, then smiled with his dark blue eyes brimming with love. Finally feeling that heavy burden lifted from my shoulders, we spent the remainder of the evening out on the terrace, alone and in love. Snuggled together on one of the plush chaise loungers, we star-gazed as we shared hopes and dreams for our future together. Alexander’s encouragement had given me back my confidence, my sense of self, and a new determined purpose. Held close in the arms of my prince, I swore to myself I would do all that I could so that one day, Alexan
der’s confidence in me would prove true.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Her Serene Highness, Arianna Isabella Camilla’s wedding to Lord Bennett Marshall Deimos was the biggest and most glamorous event I had ever attended. At the final count, nineteen hundred people had been invited to the ceremony, held in the church where Arianna’s parents were married twenty-six years ago. Later that night, six hundred guests had attended the reception in the royal palace. Princess Arianna had looked stunning in her designer wedding dress made of satin with an overlaid lace bodice and appliquéd skirt. Her raven-black hair was styled in loose curls, with soft smoky eyes and a ruby red lipstick that only Arianna could pull off. Bennett had scarcely been able to take his eyes off his beautiful bride. The happy newlywed couple had posed for countless photos, mingled through the crowds of guests, and danced the warm summer night away.

  It had been the royal event of the year.

  My parents and sister had left for Montana yesterday. I had decided to stay in Coradova for a few more weeks before traveling back to Montana to box up the remnants of my life in America. Other than moving all my stuff across the ocean, I still needed to send my transcripts over to the local university before the next semester started in September. We had also unofficially set a date for our wedding in November, although Alexander had agreed to allow me to finish my senior year of college before taking on my royal responsibilities as a princess.

  The past week had been exhausting, packed with last minute arrangements as everyone prepared for the wedding festivities. Today was our first day alone since the wedding three days ago. I was eager to spend time out of the palace with Alexander. We had made plans for a relaxing day on a private beach.

  I rummaged through my purse in search of my lip balm. I’d had it just yesterday when I’d accompanied my family to the airport. Maybe I’d left it in my jacket pocket. Checking the garment in question, I pulled out my lip balm in triumph; a note fell out of my pocket at the same time.

  I hesitated before picking it up, wondering who it was from. Alexander had continued to send me regular sweet Italian love notes, but his notes weren’t usually hiding in obscured places. Cautiously, I opened it and saw the same hateful and angry scrawl as the first hate note I’d received over a week ago.

  Naughty little Cinderella, we caught you with your hand in the cookie jar. You won’t get away with your infidelity. Pictures don’t lie.

  My stomach churned sickeningly with apprehension. Perturbed, I scrunched up the note and threw it into the waste basket, forcing it from my mind as stomped out the door. I passed Charlotte on the way down the stairs and smiled at her in greeting. She nodded politely. I knew she would thoroughly clean my guest room, including throwing out the trash, before I returned back to the palace later that night, and was grateful that the note would be gone by then. When I stepped out onto the terrace, I found Alexander already seated, the patio table covered with a wide array of breakfast foods.

  He stood when he saw me, a smile spreading across his face. “Good morning, bellissima.”

  “Good morning, handsome.”

  Alexander pulled out my chair and bent down to kiss the nape of my neck after I was seated. He sat down next to me and offered the basket of lemon blueberry scones. I took one, then reached for the pot of coffee.

  “Are you as ready as I am to get out of here for a few hours of freedom and privacy?” he asked, piling his plate with food. “The palace is still buzzing. Nothing stirs up excitement in Coradova better than a royal wedding.”

  I poured hazelnut creamer into my coffee and stirred absentmindedly. “Do you think everyone will be as excited about our wedding?”

  “Of course.”

  “But since you’re the most desirable bachelor in Coradova, I’m guessing there are a lot of devastated women out there.” When Alexander slid me a side-long glance, my smile was impish. “Those poor girls.”

  He shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips, and shrugged. “Now Ashton will be the most desirable bachelor in Coradova ... especially if I do have to abdicate.”

  I saw the twinge of regret that flickered across his face and reached for his hand on the table. It tensed momentarily, then he flipped it over to link his fingers through mine.

  “I’m sorry, dolcezza.” He looked up at me with a myriad of emotions in his blue eyes, the most dominant guilt. “I know it bothers you to see me struggling with this. After spending my life expecting to rule Coradova one day, it’s hard to accept that it could all change.”

  “Is it not going well with Parliament?”

  King Mathis, Alexander, Ashton and even Bennett had been speaking with different members of Parliament in an attempt to sway them in our favor, but based on his expression, it didn’t seem promising.

  “No, it’s not going well.” Alexander let out a frustrated sigh and leaned back in his chair. “They’re at a stalemate. Many of them actually support my decision and don’t want me to renounce my claim, but the other half are upset that I want to marry an American, let alone a commoner.”

  I withdrew my hand from his grip and picked up the scone off my plate, only to crumble it between my fingers. “Do they hate me that much?”

  Alexander shifted in his chair and leaned over to stop me from destroying another scone. “No, Maddy. It’s not you—it’s them. Coradova has followed the same outdated traditions and morals for centuries. Parliament is simply stuck in their ways. I had hoped that we might be able to repeal the Royal Marriage Act, but even if we can’t, it won’t change my decision to marry you.” He clasped my chin and raised my face up to his. “I told you before that being a prince has always required sacrifice. Choosing you over the crown has been the easiest of my sacrifices. I love you, cuore mio, more than my title, my crown, and my country.”

  “I know,” I sighed, the corner of my mouth lifting in a smile. I reached out to touch his face, trailing my fingers down his cheek and feeling the roughness of stubble, a sign that it was one of his days off. “We’re both giving up everything so we can be together, and we’ll get past this together.”

  A satisfied smile spread across his handsome face. He leaned over to kiss me, his touch sweet and loving. We had just started on our breakfast when Ashton and Arianna appeared. I grinned at my best friend, thrilled to see her one last time before she and Bennett left this afternoon for their honeymoon in Hawaii, but my smile faded when I noticed the concerned looks on their faces. Arianna joined us at the table, sitting across from me, but Ashton remained standing.

  “Have you seen the paper this morning?” Ashton asked his brother.

  Alexander frowned at him, eyes narrowing suspiciously. “No, why?”

  Ashton and Arianna shared a look, then the prince pulled out a rolled up newspaper from his back pocket. Hesitating for a moment, he glanced briefly at me before handing it to Alexander. I shot Arianna a questioning look across the table. Her slight grimace sent a flicker of unease through me.

  Alexander unrolled the paper and focused on the front page. He frowned, then stood abruptly and dropped the newspaper onto the table. Angry blue eyes met mine briefly before he turned away. As he paced across the terrace I could hear his muttered stream of Italian.

  My heart dropped into my stomach like a lead balloon. I recalled the hate note I’d found less than an hour ago and grabbed for the newspaper. My gaze zeroed in on the large dominating photo before my mind even registered the headline. I raked my eyes over the numerous black and white photos, disbelief and fury bubbling to the surface.

  The newspaper was covered with intimate photos of an embracing couple, affectionate touches of the hand, and smiling faces. The headline screamed at me in bold letters: A ROYAL AFFAIR. But the pictures weren't of the crown prince and his new fiancée. Instead, the newspaper was covered with intimate photos from last Thursday, of me with Ethan Deimos. The night we had reconciled our friendship before Alexander had walked in on our innocent embrace.

  Standing, I threw down the paper in disgus
t. The article was outrageous, making claims of a long-standing secret love affair with Ethan, a brokenhearted crown prince, and a gold-digging American country bumpkin. No wonder Alexander was so angry. He struggled enough over his jealously of Ethan; the last thing he needed was for it to be so crudely flaunted in the public eye. I glanced at him, still pacing furiously across the terrace, his face set in a dark scowl.

  I turned helplessly toward Arianna. “You know this isn’t true, right?”

  “Isn’t it?” Ashton interjected, his eyes clouded with uncertainty. “I’ve seen you with Ethan ... and I wouldn’t exactly call your friendship platonic.”

  “Ashton, how dare you!” I exploded. “There is nothing going on between me and Ethan. This article is ridiculous.”

  “But these photos are real!” Ashton argued, stabbing a finger at the newspaper. “Can you deny that?”

  “No,” I admitted reluctantly. “They are real. But it’s not how it looks.”

  Ashton frowned dubiously at me, and my temper flared.

  “These were taken out of context!” I shouted at the younger prince, reigning in the urge to stomp my foot. I glared at Ashton, my arms crossed defensively.

  “Madison, these photos speak for themselves. No context necessary.”

  “Ashton, you are being unfair,” Arianna scolded, coming to stand at my side. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders in a sign of unity. “You know that photos can be fabricated. Maddy is telling the truth about this. There is nothing going on between her and Ethan.”

  “Then how do you explain this?” Ashton demanded, not swayed by Arianna’s defense of me.

  My lips pressed into a thin line. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Based on his reaction, I was sure that nothing I could say would convince him of my innocence. I was angry and hurt that Ashton could think so poorly of me after being friends for so many years. And yet ... I could also understand that it was done out of concern for his older brother.