“But there’s not a Susie so-and-so to thank. I don’t even have discreet affairs. I want a fucking girlfriend!”
Jade grabbed the swear jar and shook it. “If I have to pay, everyone pays.”
After cleaning the kitchen, they all headed to the living room. Two couches and two overstuffed, comfy chairs with ottomans surrounded the 55-inch LED television. A large square coffee table sat in the middle like an anchor. Blues and soft yellows were the colors du jour. Sam had a weakness for throw pillows—a multitude of them littered every sitting surface. When she was home alone, she liked nothing better than to curl up on the couch and immerse herself in pillows.
Sam chilled in one of the oversized chairs as she put the finishing touches on her backyard dream space.
Jade stood next to the sofa and began tossing pillows in the air. “Where’s the damn couch? I swear you are banned from buying any more pillows.” She finally cleared a spot and nestled in. “What movie should we watch tonight? How about that new comedy with Sandy Bullock? It’s on HBO.”
Sam fiddled with her pencil, lost in thought.
“All right, you know what? You need to get laid. Hey, E, we need to get Sami laid.”
“Okay.”
Sam pressed her lips together. “I don’t think that’s what I need.”
Jade bounced up and paced around the room. “Find someone for her to bang.”
“I really don’t want that.”
Her friends ignored her.
“Tap that,” Emma added, hopping off the ottoman to follow Jade around the room.
“Hit it and quit it. Get your freak on. Ride her hard and put her away wet.” Jade’s voice changed with each expression as she danced around the room. “Git jiggy with it.”
“Yeah! Get jiggy!” Emma waved a hand in the air, shaking her bottom to an imaginary beat.
Exasperated, Sam chucked a throw pillow at each of their heads. “You both suck.” She laid her head back against the chair and groaned. “I’m destined to be alone.”
Jade tossed a pillow back in Sam’s direction. “Oh, c’mon. You can have any woman you want because you are that gorgeous. But you’re too much of a romantic. You gotta be in love. God forbid you have a little promiscuous sex.”
“Promiscuous sex can be healthy,” Emma suggested.
“Healthy? Being a vegan’s healthy,” Jade said. “She needs more than black bean burgers. She needs some mind-blowing orgasms.”
While her besties kept going on about her sex life, Sam’s mind drifted to Jade’s earlier statement. If she wanted the best chance at good scripts, she had to stay in the closet.
Memories of childhood floated back to her. When she was young, Sam had often performed for her parents. She would sing and dance, and they’d always clap, lauding her talent. Dad was the biggest fan of all. He’d made an Oscar from an old glass bottle and aluminum foil, presenting it to Sam after every performance. But despite all the acting at home, she hadn’t taken it any further.
Then one gloomy Tuesday morning when Sam was fourteen, her mom had arrived at school with crushing news. Dad had died from a massive heart attack. In the blink of an eye, Sam’s life changed forever.
After his death, she was inconsolable. A teacher at school pushed Sam toward theater, thinking she could channel all those emotions into performing, and that’s when Sam had gotten hooked on acting for good. High school plays, musicals, community theater—she’d done it all. She was determined to win an Oscar for her dad and dedicate it to him.
So for now, the status quo. No soft lips to kiss. No silky-smooth skin to caress. No deep emotional connections.
Miss Right would have to wait. For now.
Chapter Three
Alex arrived home from work on Saturday exhausted. A nice warm soak was just what the doctor ordered to soothe her aching muscles. She slipped into the water, inhaling the scent of lavender bubbles, and the stress of the day melted away.
Tonight she had a hot date with Cynthia, a real looker with stylish blond hair and legs for days. They’d hooked up last Saturday, and the sex had been good enough for a repeat performance—a rare event for Alex’s current lifestyle.
She toweled off, dressed, and headed downstairs.
Lenna and Sophia were staring at the computer when Alex entered the kitchen. They made a striking couple, both usually the tallest women in a room. But the similarities ended there. Lenna’s short, dark hair swept away from her face, and her wide shoulders tapered down to narrow hips. Sophia was all soft curves and smiles, and had long reddish brown ringlets that cascaded down her back. Their personalities were also at opposite ends of the spectrum. Lenna, a black belt in Taekwondo, tended to be crass and would just as soon hug you as punch you. Sophia was a psychiatrist, and her soft, caring demeanor drew people to her. If Alex needed an emotional pick-me-up, Soph was her go-to gal.
“What are you two birds doing?”
“Reading some fan fiction on our favorite show. Everyone is writing happy endings for Calliope,” Lenna said.
“And there’s lots of sex,” Sophia added.
Alex cocked one eyebrow. “So you’re basically reading porn.”
Lenna scoffed. “It’s not porn. It’s love. Is that what you’re wearing for your date?”
Alex checked herself out: old, weathered jeans, black boots, tight-fitting tank, and a baseball hat. “Yeah, what’s wrong with it?”
“You look like a slob.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s coming off in a couple of hours anyway.”
“You’re such a player. Who’s the flavor of the week tonight?”
“Same girl as last weekend.”
“Oh, wow, that’s a first. A second date.” Sophia chuckled.
“Why can’t you find a nice girl and settle down?” The creases in her forehead deepened. “You’re thirty, for God’s sake. I worry about you.”
Alex rolled her eyes and playfully flipped her sister the bird on the way to the door. “Later, bitches. Have fun reading about sex, while I’ll actually be having it.”
“Oh, we’ll be having it,” Sophia called after her.
“Yeah, if you come home and there’s a sock on the door, it means do not disturb,” Lenna added.
Alex waved a hand in the air. “Right. Don’t wait up.”
* * *
Alex woke early the next morning, disoriented, and it took a moment to adjust to her surroundings. Cynthia’s arms were wrapped around her like tentacles, clinging and squeezing the life from her. With as much stealth as possible, she tried to disentangle herself. She wasn’t surreptitious enough, apparently, because the arms tightened.
“Mmm. You feel good,” Cynthia purred. “I hope you’re staying this time. I’ll make breakfast.”
Panic rose in Alex’s chest. She tried to let Cynthia down as gently as possible. “I can’t. I have some work I have to finish today.”
“It’s Sunday. We can lounge around all day if you want.”
Alex jolted from the bed just in time to avoid Cynthia’s searching lips. Time to make a swift getaway before any more talk of future plans. She hunted through the clothes on the floor and started getting dressed.
“You’re really leaving?”
Alex silently cursed. This was why she didn’t do second dates. “I can’t stay. I’m sorry.” She bent down, gave Cynthia a peck on the lips, and hurried from the room.
“Call me!” echoed down the steps as Alex closed the front door.
When she made it home and stepped onto the front porch, Alex laughed. It wasn’t a sock. It was underwear. Of the pink lacey variety. Taking it off the doorknob, she quietly entered the house. Yogi greeted her with a furiously wagging tail.
“Hey, Yogi Bear, how’s my boy? Anybody up yet? C’mon, let’s go outside.” As soon as the back door opened, he shot into the yard.
Alex still had the underwear, so she put it on her head and went to the bottom of the steps, where she yelled, “Get your asses up if you want some of my worl
d-famous eggs.” She listened, smiling when footsteps pattered on the floorboards above.
Ten minutes later, two sleepyheads came downstairs, still in their pajamas, yawning.
“Did someone say eggs by Alex?” Sophia asked.
“You know that underwear is dirty,” Lenna said.
“Gross. Who puts dirty underwear on the door?” Alex threw the offending panties across the room.
“I forgot to do laundry.”
Alex scooped eggs onto plates. She let Yogi back in and put food in his bowl.
As everyone quietly enjoyed their breakfast, Alex looked around the table, realizing how lucky she was to be a part of this quirky family.
“You never opened your mail from yesterday,” Lenna said between bites.
Alex had forgotten all about it. In fact, she didn’t even have to read the letter.
“Who wants to guess what this one says?” Alex asked, ripping it open.
“Who’s it from?” Sophia asked.
“Premier Books.”
“Oh, let me,” Lenna said. “Ah, Dear Miss Novato—”
“Eeehhh.” Alex imitated a buzzer. “Wrong. It says, ‘Dear Author, we regret to inform you we will not be publishing your manuscript The Seekers blah blah blah…’ I’ll just add this one to my growing stack.”
“It’s gonna happen someday.” Sophia squeezed Alex’s hand.
“It’s been two years,” Alex said, dejected. She imagined the manuscript languishing on some editor’s hard drive. Buried in a folder with a thousand other submissions.
“These things take time. Stay positive,” Sophia said.
“So how was your date?” Lenna asked.
“I probably won’t be seeing her again. She got clingy this morning.”
“God forbid she likes you.” Lenna rolled her eyes.
Alex changed the subject. “How was your porn reading last night?”
“Fun, but I was telling Soph about your porn. Remember you had that creative writing class in college where you spent a week learning how to write a love scene?”
“I do remember. And I have the porn to prove it.” Alex had graduated from Arizona State University with a major in English and minor in astronomy. To some, the two disciplines were an odd couple, but Alex’s dream was to write science fiction, so they made perfect sense for her.
“Alex was instructed to read her scene out loud in class,” Lenna told Sophia. “She got halfway through, and the teacher told her to stop.”
Alex pretended to be wounded. “Evidently, my lesbian sex was too explicit.”
Sophia laughed. “That’s funny. You should write fanfic then. Bet you’d write some good sex scenes.”
“What a great idea! Write a fanfic. Do it, do it,” Lenna begged.
“I am not writing a fanfic.”
“Why not? You’ve had writer’s block on the sequel to your novel. Maybe if you write something else, it’ll get those creative juices flowing.”
Alex didn’t immediately dismiss the idea, because she did need a jump-start of sorts. “What would I write about?”
“Our show,” Sophia said. “Give Calliope a happy ending.”
Both Lenna and Sophia stared at Alex with hopeful eyes.
The wheels started to turn in Alex’s head. Plotlines and character arcs started to develop and evolve. “All right, maybe I will.”
“Yeah, baby!” Lenna jumped up and pulled Alex into one of her patented headlocks. “We’re gonna get you a following, and then we’re gonna get that book of yours published.”
Alex gasped for air and slapped at Lenna’s arm until Lenna relented and sat back down.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself, chief.” Alex rubbed her throat.
“Sorry, guess I got carried away. But we will get you a following.”
* * *
Over the next few weeks, Alex spent her spare time writing. When chapter one was ready, they all sat around the computer.
Lenna had fingers poised above the keyboard. “Okay, it’s ready to go. Now, I’m gonna need your pseud.”
“My pseud? Like a pen name? Crap, what should I call myself?”
“I have an idea.” Lenna smirked. “Remember the nickname you had in high school?”
Alex groaned. “Oh, no.”
“Yes.”
“What was it?” Sophia asked.
“Hearteyes.” Lenna laughed wickedly.
Sophia’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re kidding. Hearteyes? You?”
Alex felt color rise in her cheeks. “I had a serious crush on a senior. My friends said I looked at her with hearteyes.”
“Aw, how cute.”
“Not really. It’s stupid.” Why, after all this time, would Lenna pull that one out of her ass?
“Hearteyes. Done.” Lenna hit enter before Alex could stop her.
Alex blew out a frustrated breath, thinking she’d left that sorry little nickname in the rearview mirror years ago. Big sisters sucked sometimes.
Lenna’s hand hovered over the mouse. “We ready to post?”
Alex nodded.
Lenna pushed the button.
“Now what?”
Lenna shrugged. “Now, we wait for kudos and comments.”
“What if we don’t get any?”
Sophia put an arm around Alex. “Honey, we read it. You have some grade-A sex scenes in there. You’re gonna get some comments. Trust me.”
* * *
Sam stretched out on the couch with three new scripts from Zach. Her feet rested in Jade’s lap.
“Oh, goodie, a new fanfic,” Jade said as she scrolled through her iPad.
“Are you still reading those?”
“Yes. Go read your scripts.”
Sam stuck her tongue out and opened the first one. “Do I want to do a rom-com?”
Jade was too engrossed in a story to answer.
Sam chuckled. “Maybe you should read an actual book occasionally. You know, expand your horizons.”
“Fu…” Jade hesitated, glancing at the jar, already out over twenty bucks. “No, I wanna read smutty fan fiction. This one is by someone called Hearteyes.”
“Must be a hopeless romantic, like me.” Sam closed her eyes and briefly fantasized about falling in love with a beautiful stranger. If life were only like the movies. Where was her Notting Hill? With a resigned sigh, she pushed aside all thoughts of fairy-tale endings.
Thirty pages into the script, Sam decided there was no com in the rom-com. Tossing it on the floor, she glanced at Jade, whose brow was furrowed in concentration. She took her foot and its fuzzy sock and nudged Jade’s ear.
“Please remove your toes from my ear. I have no idea where they’ve been.”
“My toes? They were just in the shower. Now the sock? I cannot vouch for the sock. I found it in the back of the closet.”
“Gross!” Jade pushed Sam’s foot down.
“Whatcha reading?”
“A well-written story.”
“By Hearteyes, my future wife?”
“Yeah. I’m not shitting you. It’s super creative. Better than the writing on your show.”
“Oh, c’mon. It can’t be that good.”
“I’m serious. You should read this.”
“We’re not supposed to read fan fiction related to the show. You know that.”
“Who cares? This is good and you need to read it.”
Sam glanced at the stack of boring scripts. “All right, send me the link.”
An hour and a half later, Jade and Sam had finished reading. Both of their heart rates were elevated, and a flush was present on their cheeks.
“You should comment.” Sam shoved Jade’s shoulder.
“What should I say?”
“I don’t know. Just say it was a fucking awesome sex scene.”
Jade nodded. “Okay, but it’s your dollar.”
Sam slapped the back of Jade’s head. “Comment!”
“Ow. Calm yourself. ‘Dude, that was a fucking awesome sex scene.’
Done.”
“I’m going to bed.” Sam jumped off the couch.
“Which really means, I’m gonna go find my vibrator,” Jade teased.
“Ha! I was just gonna use the showerhead.” Sam paused. “We have to find the woman who wrote this.”
“Yeah, I’d like to meet her. She’s probably hot as hell,” Jade said.
“You think? I bet ten bucks she’s some middle-aged housewife with three kids. Writing it in a bathrobe and curlers.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Hmm, maybe it is some unbelievably hot lesbian I can marry and have babies with. How we gonna find her?”
There was no response.
“Are you reading chapter six again? Jade? You can stay the night if you’re too sexually hungover to drive.”
“Babies, yes, have some.”
Sam tossed a pillow in Jade’s direction and headed for the stairs.
* * *
The next morning when Alex came downstairs in her boxers and tank, Lenna and Sophia were sitting at the table eating breakfast, huge smiles plastered to their faces.
“Why are you two so happy?” She opened the fridge and grabbed an apple.
“Do you wanna see?” Lenna turned the laptop around.
Alex’s eyes widened. “Does that say five hundred and seven hits, one hundred and fifty-six kudos, and seventy comments?”
“It sure does!” Lenna high-fived her.
Sophia refilled her coffee mug. “Looks like you have a lot of new fans.”
Alex clicked on chapter six to check the comments and laughed. “There’s my fav right there, ‘Dude, that was a fucking awesome sex scene.’ Short and to the point. I’m gonna go get ready for a run, then I’m going to the gym. I should be at work by nine.”
“We need more chapters,” Lenna said.
Alex headed up the steps, a little extra pep in her step. “Way ahead of you. I have three more ready!”
Chapter Four
Sam sat home on a quiet Thursday night catching up on emails. Most of them were from Jade, who kept sending photos of lesbians, asking, “How about this one?” or “Here’s a cutie, want me to call?” Sam had no idea how Jade convinced these women to pose for pictures, and quite frankly, she didn’t want to know.
#CassiNova Page 2
