Bane (Angel's Rebellion MC: #7)

by Jeneveir Evans

  ~***~

  Chapter 9

  Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear for the future.

  ~Fulton Oursler~

  Bane

  October 2nd, 1998

  I listened to what Kenzie said. From the start, I had poisoned things between us. I’d been the one who took her chance away from her with Eagle. I’d done it not knowing the root cause, now I knew. It wasn’t pretty either. I’d been afraid and I’d been jealous of this woman.

  As I looked at her, I realized how far off my fears had been. She wouldn’t have come between Eagle and me, she would have only enhanced the relationship between my best friend and me. She was too good of a person to have ever tried to come between us.

  I couldn’t blame her for not loving me. I’d seen how intense things were between Eagle and her from the get-go. That is what had sent irrational terror running through my veins. That is what had caused me to turn into a man I hated. That is what had caused me to act like a man determined to stop something between them before it had the chance to get started. That is what caused my demon to come out and play. The end result was me destroying a twenty-seven-year friendship. It wasn’t on Kenzie. It was all on me.

  “You really love him, don’t you?”

  It was her turn to grimace.

  “Yes, I think I do.”

  “I destroyed that chance.”

  She just looked at me not saying a word. She didn’t have to, I knew the answer to that.

  “Do you think you’d ever come to care for me at all?”

  “I honestly don’t know, Bane. I don’t want to lie to you and say I will.”

  She was doing something I hadn’t done, being honest.

  “I think I can accept that, Kenz. I’ll just have to hope that one day you might learn to care about me a little.” She had admitted she missed me a little, so maybe one day that hope would play out.

  She stared at me while she bit her lip. I smiled inwardly. She was nervous. I had picked up on so many small things about this woman. Things that I had grown to love.

  “You said we’d talk about it if I would agree to accept the fact that you might never love me. What else is there, Kenz? What else do I need to do for you to agree to give me a chance, to give us a chance?”

  “There is one thing that you absolutely could not do, Bane. If you did this to me, then it will be over. I won’t ever be able to forgive you for it.”

  “What’s that, Kenz?”

  “You could never cheat on me, Bane. I watched my mom drift away until she finally took her own life because of that happening to her. That is the one thing you could do that there’d be no coming back from.”

  I didn’t want anyone else but her so this would be an easy promise to make and keep.

  “I promise, Kenz. There will be no one but you.”

  “Then we can try, Bane. That’s all I can give you.”

  “I’ll take it. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you never regret giving me a chance.”

  “Alright, Bane. We’ll try.”

  I leaned in and kissed Kenzie. Something I had been aching to do for the past three weeks. I felt like I had come home. I vowed to myself I’d never do anything to destroy her trust.

  I held her to me thanking the stars above that at least I had Kenzie in my life. As our kisses turned more heated, I held nothing back. I gave all of myself to someone for the first time. I gave all of me to Kenzie.

  ~*~

  Eagle

  October 3rd, 1998

  Today was our Toys for Tots Poker Run. Even though this was a mandatory run, I’d have gone anyway. This was for a good cause. I’d been lucky in life and had always had tons of toys for Christmas. I’d never known what it was like to go without. It pained me to know that there were kids out there who probably didn’t even care if they got any toys from a Santa I’m sure they no longer believed in.

  These kids were probably worried about much more basic things, such as: Would they have something to eat their next meal? Would they have somewhere to sleep that night? Would they have to hear their mom being beaten? Would they have to hear their dad in a drunken rage?

  Would they have to watch their mom forget they were even there because she was too busy shoving in the plunger on the needle sticking out of her arm? Would they have to see their dad withdraw into himself because the woman he loved had left and he didn’t know how to live without her now that she was gone? Would they be mentally or physically assaulted? This list of things these children dealt with was endless.

  There were so many other things I knew these children needed besides the toys we were trying to provide. I didn’t know how to help with that, so I did the only thing I did know how to do, I donated money for toys and went on a poker run.

  As people gathered around outside the Clubhouse waiting for everyone to get ready so we could begin riding in the direction of the starting location of the run, it hit me that I’d always ridden side by side with Bane. I couldn’t do that today, there was no way, especially since I saw Kenzie on the back of his bike. I looked around and hunted for Dog. Finally spotting him, I headed in his direction.

  “Prez,” I said quietly as I came up beside him.

  “What’s up, Brother,” he asked.

  “I can’t ride beside Bane. Don’t ask me to, Dog.”

  He grimaced, sighed, then nodded. I saw him looking around hunting for someone. He whistled loud and motioned Karma over to us.

  “Something wrong, Prez?” Karma inquired when he got to us.

  “Need you to change the riding order a little. Move someone else into Eagle’s spot and move him further up from his normal position.”

  Karma glanced at me real quick, then back to Dog. “Sure thing, Prez. I’ll get that done now.”

  When we pulled out I was riding beside Ranger. Bane and Kenzie were about three rows behind us. Before we left, Ranger looked over at me and held out his fist, I reached over and tapped mine to his.

  “Got your back, Eagle,” he stated as we pulled out of the compound.

  Damn, that felt good to hear. At least now I could enjoy the poker run I looked forward to each year. As the day wore on, I realized I was actually having fun with my Brothers. It had been a while since I had done that. Maybe there was hope for me yet.

  ~*~

  Bane

  I’d looked forward to this run for months, Eagle and I always did what we could for the run. We’d long ago started buying toys and putting them up for this day. It was our way to try to give a little back to the children of our community.

  Kenz was on the back of my bike and soon we’d be riding out. I’d take what small joy I could out of this, Eagle would be at my side and my woman with me. It would be a good day.

  I saw Eagle walking over to Dog and my gut clenched. I saw him say something to Dog, then Dog got Karma’s attention. I knew right then that Eagle wouldn’t be at my side after all.

  My head dropped. Would he ever forgive me? Would we ever get past this? I know I’m at fault. I know I’m to blame. Still I hoped somehow we could get past this. I missed my best friend so damn much. Damn the demon in my head. Damn him.

  Knowing there wasn’t anything else I could do other than make the best of the situation, I took a deep breath trying desperately to stop the ache in my chest. Even though I knew Kenzie’s arms were only holding on to me for safety’s sake, I was taking what comfort from her I could, because right now I really needed the closeness of her body next to mine.

  I felt Kenzie lean hard into my back and her hands tightened on me. She must know what had happened and was giving me a little bit of comfort. I closed my eyes for a moment soaking up the solace of her arms. Opening my eyes, I twisted my head and smiled forlornly at her. As I looked forward, I mentally thanked whoever was listening for letting Kenzie give me another chance.

  I have come to understand that she was under my skin more than I had even known.

  ~*~
<
br />   Kenzie

  My arms were wrapped around Bane as I sat on the back of his bike. I watched as everyone was getting ready to start riding. I felt Bane tense and followed his gaze to where Eagle was standing with their Prez and talking to him. I heard the whistle the man used to get someone’s attention. Bane’s head turned toward who his Prez was motioning to and the guy started walking to where Eagle was standing with Dog, their leader.

  Bane’s head dropped and he took a deep shuddering breath. He had told me that he and Eagle always rode side by side when they went on club rides, it looked like now that wasn’t going to happen. It was tearing Bane up too. I hurt for him. After seeing him fall apart when he realized what he had done to Eagle, I could now grasp how much losing Eagle had done to him emotionally. He had depended on Eagle always being there for him and now that he wasn’t, it was eating at Bane. There was so much more going on here than what I had seen so far. I was going to keep a watch on Bane. I felt like he needed someone in his corner.

  I leaned forward onto his back and squeezed my arms tight around his abdomen, offering the only support to him that I could. He turned his head toward me and smiled sadly. He knew he had caused what happened and I really believed if he could take it all back he would in a heartbeat.

  ~*~

  Eagle

  October 5th, 1998

  I was at the hospital, a place I wasn’t very fond of, not that I think anyone is fond of a hospital. This was for a special occasion though, Viper’s Old Lady Mia was about to deliver their twins. It was after nine-thirty p.m. as I strode through the door. I was late. I’d worked by myself today and I’d accidently left my phone in my room this morning when I left for work.

  That had left me out of pocket all day. I’d felt the need to be alone after work so I’d taken a ride. I’d briefly thought about finding a pay phone and checking in, then I decided it could wait until I got back to the compound. Later, as I rode through the gate toward the Clubhouse, I noticed that almost every bike was gone.

  Figuring someone would be inside, I ran in to find out what was going on. I didn’t see anyone, so I ran upstairs and got my phone out of my room. After checking my texts, I found that everyone was at the hospital waiting for the birth of Viper’s babies. Jogging back downstairs, I headed out to my bike, hopped on it, started it, then left the compound and headed to the hospital. I wanted to be there to support my Brother on the arrival of his children.

  As I stepped off the elevator, I briefly froze. The doors opened up right into the waiting room of the delivery area. Sitting across the room was Bane. Kenzie was perched on his lap with one arm around his shoulder. If they had split up, they were apparently together again. The poker run and now seeing them together today proved that fact.

  I glanced around the room to see what my options were and spotting Hatchet and Screw on the opposite side of the room, I headed that direction.

  “Any news yet?” I asked my Brothers.

  “No, but things just got interesting,” Hatchet stated as he looked out the window that showed the view of the parking lot and the road that led to the outside doors of the prenatal department.

  “How’s that?” I inquired curiously. I really hoped that everything was going okay with Mia’s labor.

  “Jennie didn’t come with Viper and Mia to the hospital this morning. Viper got word a few minutes ago that Boomer and Slade were bringing Jennie to the hospital.”

  “She’s in labor now, huh?”

  “Nope. From what I heard, Jennie went into labor at home and it was straight to pushing time. Boomer and Slade delivered the babies.”

  My eyes opened wide in shock. “Are you fucking serious?” I exclaimed.

  “Yep. Reb is down there now waiting for them to pull up,” Hatchet informed me.

  About that time, we saw Viper rush over to where the stairs were located. He pushed open the door and disappeared. We looked at each other and shrugged, then turned to look out the window to see Slade’s truck pulling up to the hospital. Less than ten minutes later, Viper, Jennie, and Reb, along with a nurse, step off the elevator. Viper, with one arm around Jennie, and Reb each had one hand on the handle of a car seat. Viper took about five steps into the room and turned around.

  He cleared his throat and spoke huskily, “I’d like to let everyone know that Boomer and Slade delivered Jennie’s and my babies about forty minutes ago. Mia delivered our twins about ten minutes ago. All babies are fine. We’re going to go let the doctor check out these little uncooperative hellions and Jennie. I’ll be back out later and let you know all the babies’ birth weight and length.”

  Voices called out congratulations, mine included. I could tell that finding out that Jennie had delivered their babies at home had done a number on Viper. I think that’s the most shaken I’d ever seen that man before, ever. He was usually unflappable.

  My eyes drifted to Kenzie only to find her staring at me. She had a hand on her stomach and a look of regret on her face. Fuck, was she pregnant with Bane’s baby and that’s why they got back together? I didn’t know if I could handle that or not. At least not right now. I needed more time to pass before I had to encounter something like that happening.

  As I raised my eyes, they caught Bane’s. He was looking at me with sorrow on his face. I deliberately turned around. He could regret shit all he wanted. He could apologize all he wanted. It was too late to salvage anything of our friendship. He had made sure of that. I felt that little stab of conscience tugging harder. Like always, I ignored it.

  ~*~

  Bane

  We’d gotten word at the job site that Mia was in labor. I knew everyone would go to the hospital so I texted Kenzie and asked her to go with me. I told her I’d pick her up after work. I didn’t even go take a shower or change, just got her and headed out.

  When we stepped off the elevator, I glanced around to see most of the seats filled. I headed toward an empty one, sat down and tugged Kenz onto my lap. She put her arm around my shoulders and snuggled into me. God, that felt good. I loved having her close, having her touching me.

  Not one of my Brothers said anything to me when we got here, they didn’t even acknowledge me. This was getting harder and harder to take. I think at times the demon was smiling gleefully at what his handiwork had caused.

  I have thought more hours than I cared to admit about how one small thought, one small need that I felt inside could cause the demon to hurt all areas of my life. One small notion was all he needed, from there he would take hold of me when he wanted and cause me untold pain.

  Eagle didn’t show up until after nine. When he walked off the elevator his eyes rested on Kenzie and me, he froze for a moment before he looked around. He deliberately went to the other side of the room that would take him the farthest away from us. The pain of knowing my actions made him make sure he wasn’t ever close to me, ate at me constantly. We used to work on almost every job site together. Now, if he could, he made sure he wasn’t even on the same job as me.

  Daily a little more of me disappeared.

  I noticed Kenz had her hand on her stomach and she was looking at Eagle. The thought of her wishing she was carrying his baby sucked at my soul, but I didn’t want her to think about carrying mine. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t know how to be a dad. I wouldn’t wish the kind of pain I’ve felt most of my life over not knowing my dad on a child.

  Sure, my child might know me, yet I knew the kid would grow to hate me, to despise me, because I couldn’t be for a child what I needed to be. I didn’t know how. If I sometimes ached knowing I’d never be a dad, I ignored it. It was better this way. I didn’t need to be a failure at one more thing.

  ~*~

  Kenzie

  Bane had called me and asked me to come wait at the hospital with him. One of Viper’s Old Ladies was in labor. It amazed me how the Brothers of the club backed up each other and was there for one another. I felt sad that Bane didn’t seem to have that now. I felt it was partially my fault. I knew it was
hurting Bane tremendously.

  He wouldn’t talk about the things that caused him pain, yet sometimes he’d let little things slip out when we were talking and I could tell how much it tormented him to know he had caused his Brothers to shun him. I stored all the things he said and added them to the mental file I kept in my head.

  After he figured out what had caused him to sabotage Eagle’s chance with me, I’d known that there was something deeper that was causing his heartache. Now every little nugget was stored in my head and I was slowly seeing a different side of Bane. What was emerging was heartbreaking. It hurt seeing how he struggled with not feeling good enough, but I knew that was only the tip of the iceberg. He thought he covered it well and I’m sure for others that was the case, only I was looking for it now. Anguish ate at Bane causing him untold agony.

  When Eagle came into the room, he saw us and went to the other side to stand with some of the other Brothers. Wherever we were, he made sure to be as far away from us as possible. I understood it, yet it hurt, and not just for me, for Bane.

  My thoughts turned toward Mia and babies, when it did I lowered my hand to my stomach and wondered if I would ever know what it felt like to carry a child inside me. I had been staring blindly at nothing as those thoughts careened through my mind when brilliant blue eyes caught mine. I felt regret go through me as I realized I might never feel a child in my arms.

  If I stayed with Bane, I’d never have that. He didn’t want kids. We’d talked about that a long time ago when we talked about birth control. I was shocked when a brief glimpse of myself holding Bane’s baby, not Eagle’s, flew through my mind but I squashed it down even though I was startled to find a hint of pain and loss at the thought of never having that. I knew it wouldn’t ever happen, not with Bane. That was one thing I was going to have to seriously think about. I didn’t know if I was willing to give up having children to stay in a relationship with him.