Bane (Angel's Rebellion MC: #7)

by Jeneveir Evans

  I glanced toward the dresser and saw the food waiting for me. I got up on legs that trembled like I had palsy. When I managed to get the food, this time I took both the water and the beer. I ate as much as I could, then wrapped up the rest and sat it on the nightstand. I’d try to eat that later. I drank the beer and got drunk off it.

  I laughed at myself as I fell asleep. I’d fucking got drunk off one beer. Pathetic. I was smiling when I fell asleep. I had something to tell Kenzie when I met her in my dreams.

  ~*~

  May 16th, 1999

  I was able to eat an entire sandwich now and a bag of chips. I was also proud of the fact that one beer wasn’t getting me drunk anymore. I had checked. I began keeping the beers by my bed. I’d saved two to check out my theory. Yep, while one didn’t do it, two did.

  I had also started walking around in my room each time I woke up. I wasn’t shaking anymore. That was a good thing. I was giving it another week then I was going to start doing a little bit of exercise. While I wasn’t shaking, I was still weak.

  ~*~

  May 23rd, 1999

  I was doing better, I felt better. I started exercises earlier than I intended. I needed to get strong. I had decided it was time to find out if my sperm donor was alive or not and see what kind of man he was. After that, I was going to decide what I was going to do with my life.

  My heart knew what it wanted.

  It wanted Kenzie.

  Sadly, I’d burned that bridge. She and Eagle were probably a couple now. He was the one holding her in his arms at night. The pain of thinking that almost sent me back into oblivion.

  ~*~

  Mad Dog

  May 24th, 1999

  My phone rang. I glanced at who was calling and my entire body clenched tight. With a hand that shook, I answered the call.

  “Spyder,” that’s all I could get out. That had been hard enough.

  “Our boy’s starting to do better, Dog.”

  I felt my entire body give with relief.

  “Fuck, man. I thought you were calling to tell me he was gone.”

  “Sorry for scaring you, Brother. I missed your call yesterday. I was out of pocket. I wanted to call you back and let you know.”

  “Has he come out of his room yet?”

  “Not yet. I think he will soon. He’s eating again and drinking the beer left for him. We can hear him walking around and I think he’s exercising. He’d lost quite a bit of weight and had become pretty puny. He’s building himself up now though.”

  “Thank Christ,” I murmured.

  “Just wanted to let you know, Dog. Sorry for scaring you.”

  “No, man. It’s alright. I’m fucking glad to get this news.”

  “Talk to you next week.”

  I clicked off. That was some fucking good news. With a hand that shook, I grabbed a beer out of my fridge and drank it. Then I got up and left my office. I needed to hold my boy for a while.

  ~***~

  Chapter 29

  And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

  ~Khalil Gibran~

  Kenzie

  May 27th, 1999

  Bane had been gone two and a half months now. The ache hasn’t gotten any easier. I still wake up at night reaching for him. I cry when I realize he’s not here. I want him back so bad I can feel it. I’m missing not being able to talk about all the things concerning the baby with him. I know Eagle would listen to anything I had to say, but he’s not Bane. I just want to share this with Bane.

  It kills me to think of how he could ever consider he wouldn’t be a good dad. He’s one of the most loving, attentive men I’ve ever seen. God, how I miss him. I don’t think the pain will ever go away.

  I’d taken out a photo of him last night and looked at it. It had been taken when we’d gone on one of our outings. It showed him and Eagle standing together laughing about something.

  God, he was so good looking. He didn’t have the rugged face Eagle did. His was more refined. His long dark brunet mane fell past his shoulder blades. It sexily framed his triangular shaped face. His thick eyebrows arched slightly offsetting his deep set gunmetal blue eyes that were a mirror to his soul. His Roman shaped nose perched over lips that I loved kissing mine. His top lip with its cute cupid bow in the middle wasn’t as thick as his full bottom lip. I love to take his lower lip between mine and suck on it. I think it might turn me on more than it did him when I did that.

  The shape of his face had always made me think of the actor Ryan Reynolds. His low cheekbones and sharp jawline led to a square chin. He has this perfectly symmetrical face and flawless skin that most women would kill for. His long lean muscled body was a feast for the eyes. He easily topped my five-foot four-inch frame by nine inches. He made me feel so small and dainty. I loved that feeling of being protected by him as he wrapped me up with his body.

  I had to repress a sob or I would have started crying again. I missed him so much, so very much. I needed him, oh how I needed him. I needed his love, his warmth, his laughter, his teasing, his lips on me, his body on mine. I needed him here with me. He needed to be home.

  I sighed as I reached up and brushed a tear off my face. The time away from him had been hard. I don’t know what I would have done without Eagle.

  I’m thankful for all that Eagle has done for me. I’m truthfully not sure how I would have made it without him. He keeps me sane. I worry though, I feel like he’s giving up his life for me. He goes to work and comes home. I'm pretty sure he hasn’t been with a woman since Bane left. I’m scared I’m holding him back. I need to talk to him. I can’t make him stay with me forever. He has a life to live and he needs to live it.

  As I pulled into the parking lot for my doctor’s visit, I saw that Eagle was already here. He told me if Doc wasn’t checking things he had no business seeing, he’d like to come into the room with me. I had to admit, I was happy about that. I’ve hated doing that part alone. I just wish it was Bane though, I’ll always wish it was Bane.

  After the visit where everything with the baby checked out okay and things were on track, we decided I’d stop and get takeout. I was in the mood for Chinese food. I had cravings for egg rolls. I swear I’m going to turn into one with as many as I have eaten of them.

  Eagle waited for me until I pulled into my parking spot instead of going into the apartment. He didn’t want me to carry the food. Like three pounds of Chinese was going to kill me to lift. Men were so funny. They should try lugging our purses around. I bet mine weighs fifteen pounds with all the shit I have in it.

  As we sat down at the table and started to eat, I decided to approach my topic while Eagle’s mouth was full.

  “I’ve been thinking,” I started.

  He quit chewing and looked at me. Well hell, maybe I should have waited. He swallowed. Dammit. Yes, I should have waited.

  “What about?”

  “I think you’re giving up your life for me, Eagle. I don’t want you to do that,” my voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

  Where the hell had all my resolve gone? I said that like I was afraid he would agree with me and move immediately back into the Clubhouse.

  “You asking me to move?” he sounded upset.

  “No. No. That’s not what I’m doing. I’m just saying I depend on you so much and you are giving up everything to be here with me. It’s not fair to you.”

  “I’m doing alright,” he muttered. I could tell this conversation was bothering him.

  “Eagle, you haven’t gone to Church since before Bane left. You haven’t been to the Clubhouse since we left that night.”

  “Kenzie, I’m not sure if I’m going to stay in the club.”

  I gasped in shock. “Why the hell not?”

  “I just don’t know if I want to be in it without Bane being there.”

  I sighed. “Eagle, do you think Bane would want you to give it up? I’ve heard you both talk about how much the MC had always been your dream. It w
ould kill him to know that he was causing you to give that up.”

  He pushed the food around on his plate.

  “It hurts to think about going back there and know he isn’t there, Kenz.”

  “I don’t think you should give it up. I think if you do, you’ll end up regretting it for the rest of your life.”

  “Let me think about it.”

  “Alright.”

  I toyed with the food on my plate, finally approaching the subject I had been worried about.

  “What about a woman, Eagle.”

  “Truthfully, Kenzie, I haven’t even wanted a woman. Just not interested right now.”

  I looked at him trying to judge if he was telling me the truth. I tried to see if he was starting to have feelings for me again. If he was, I was going to have to ask him to leave. I wasn’t ever going to feel that way about him.

  “I see your look. No, Kenz, I don’t want you like that. You’re like my sister now. The thought of that is just gross.”

  I laughed. I felt the same way. Even thinking about it made me shudder. Which I did.

  “Yeah, I consider you like my brother and the thought is just eww.”

  “Glad I feel the same or you might have just hurt my pride.”

  “Pleasseeeee. I don’t think anything can hurt you bikers…”

  My voice dropped off. That was so wrong, there was so much that could and did hurt them. I’d seen it myself, not just with Bane, but with others over the months. These men loved and they loved deeply and fiercely. It was something to be loved by one of them. Hell, now I’m going to cry again. I grabbed an egg roll and stuffed it into my mouth and started chewing as I tried to get back to a happy place.

  “It’s alright, Kenz. I know what you meant.”

  “Think about it, please, Eagle?” I said after I swallowed my mouthful of food. “I really feel you need the club.”

  “Okay, Kenz, I’ll think about it.”

  ~*~

  Bane

  May 30th, 1999

  I was doing a lot better. It was time to rejoin the land of the living. I walked out into the main room of the club. It was so much different from ours it was funny. I wrinkled my nose at the smell. I was used to a clean Clubhouse and while it might be clean here, it wasn’t on par to what I’m used to. Hell, I’m a Clubhouse snob. A pang hit at the thought of home. I was starting to feel it more often. I was wanting to go home.

  I headed outside and started walking around. It felt good being outside after being inside for so long. I walked over to my bike and looked at it. Someone had pushed it under a carport awning. I ran my hand across the gas tank and it came away clean. I was surprised.

  “Prospects have been keeping it clean for you. I’ve come out and started it once a week and rode it around in the yard. Oil’s been changed in it. You’ve got a fucking sweet ride. It would have been a shame to let it sit up and chance the seals getting hard.”

  I turned around at the sound of the voice and saw Spyder behind me.

  “I appreciate it. I never even gave it any mind after I got off of it when I got here. Today’s the first day I’ve actually thought about it to tell you the truth.”

  “Think you’ve had other things on your mind.”

  I laughed bitterly. “You could say that.”

  “You starting to come to terms with what is riding you?”

  I looked at him sharply. I saw in his eyes he knew I had a devil that rode my back. He saw me studying his expression.

  “Son, you ain’t the only one who’s ever had a demon whispering in your ear. You won’t be the last either.”

  I lifted my chin at him.

  “You know of the Hell’s Retribution MC out of South Dakota?”

  He grimaced.

  “Yeah, know of them. Don’t care much for them either.”

  “Understood. Do you know what bar they might hang out in?”

  His glance toward me felt like it was almost protective.

  “You don’t want to go into their territory, son.”

  “Yeah, I do. Need to find someone.”

  “Who?”

  “Ryker.”

  “Fuck.”

  “I see you’ve heard of him.”

  “You could say that.”

  “You got a beef with him?”

  “Not him particularly. Don’t care much for their Prez, although I heard he’s supposed to be stepping down and Ryker taking over. What do you want with Ryker?”

  “Just want to look at the man who donated his sperm to my mom.”

  “Jesus, Ryker’s your father?”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  “Christ Almighty. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he hears the news.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I’ll let you find that out for yourself.”

  “You reckon he’ll try to kill me?”

  “Hell no, he won’t try to kill you. Where did you get that from?”

  “His Old Lady told my mom he didn’t want any kids, said he’d made her get three abortions herself.”

  “Yeah, you need to talk to Ryker. Can’t believe I’m about to willingly send someone into their territory. Bar is called Hell Hole.”

  “How appropriate. I’ve been in hell almost all my life. I should fit in just fine.”

  “When you planning on pulling out?”

  “Since you have my bike ready, gonna make sure I’m not too weak to handle it. If I’m not, I’ll probably head out tomorrow.”

  He nodded at me. “Take it easy. Know you’ve been exercising, but it wouldn’t take much for you to get tired real fast.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  I swung my leg over my bike and started her. She purred like the sexy beast she is. I pulled in the clutch, gave her a little gas as I eased off the clutch and took off. I rode for about thirty minutes and realized Spyder was right. I had no business trying to ride a hundred fifty miles or so. I wouldn’t make it.

  I spent the rest of that week getting my strength back and riding my bike. By the following week, I was ready to go.

  ~*~

  June 9th, 1999

  I walked into the main room and saw Spyder at a table drinking coffee. I headed toward him.

  “I take it today’s the day?”

  “Yeah, wanted to tell you that I appreciate all you’ve done for me. I owe you more than I can repay.”

  “Nah, son. You don’t owe me a thing. I’m glad we could offer you a place to stay.”

  “You ever need anything, give me a call,” I told him then gave him my number and he gave me his.

  He smiled at me. “You have a good trip, son. Watch your six. If you don’t mind doing an old man a favor, let me know everything is okay over there. I’d hate to have to come start a war to save your ass. I’ll do it though if I don’t hear from you in a week.”

  “I can do that.”

  With that, I walked out, attached my saddlebags to my bike and headed out. Even though I’d spent most of the last three months sleeping. I had managed to do some thinking. I knew it was too late to be with Kenzie now, I had to accept that. I did realize that I wanted to watch my child grow up. Even if I did it from the wings. It’d be harder than hell to see Eagle and Kenzie together but, once again, I had no one to blame but myself. This time instead of taking his girl, I had given him mine. Fuck, if that wasn’t one of the most ironic things.

  The demon hadn’t made an appearance once in the last three months. I was waiting for it to make its presence known as I headed in the direction of where the sperm donor was but, instead, he surprised me by staying silent. Hell, maybe I’d slept so much he’d died of boredom. However, I knew I couldn’t be that lucky. He’d raise his ugly head soon enough I feared.

  I let the miles roll under my tires as I headed into South Dakota. I was hoping to find a way to see Ryker today. I didn’t know how successful I would be with that.

  I hadn’t left until three p.m. and by the time I stopped for gas and something
to eat, it was a little after six p.m. by the time I pulled into the parking lot of the Hell Hole. Damned, if the place didn’t look like one too. I briefly thought about getting my pistol, then let that thought slide out of my head. That would get me killed before I could say boo.

  Taking off my helmet, I hung it over one of the grips of my handlebars. I ran my hands through my hair, then down over my beard. I’d decided to keep it, although I did shorten it up some. Eagle would laugh at me. He was always trying to get me to grow one and I’d always told him I didn’t need to hide an ugly face like he did. He’d been right, I should have grown one a long time ago. I knew the guys all thought I looked pretty enough to be a girl, this at least made me look a little more manly.

  I was nervous as fuck to walk into the bar, not because I was scared of any of the men, I was more nervous about what I would find. There was a small part that wanted there to have been some misunderstanding and that my dad might have really wanted me. I knew I didn’t need to let that thought take root. Being disappointed would bring the demon out to play big time. He’d have a field day messing with my head then. Running my hand through my hair one last time, I walked in the door.

  It was like most biker bars I’d been in, dark as fuck, at least until your eyes adjusted to the dimness. I was glad that ARMC did almost everything different than most clubs. The Watering Hole, the bar the club bought, was nothing like this thank goodness. I was proud of my club. That was something no one would ever be able to take away from me. Even if my membership is taken away from me, I’ll still always be proud of the club.

  I headed to the bar, sat on a stool and ordered a beer. As unobtrusively as possible, I studied the men in the room in the mirror over the bar.

  ~*~

  Ryker

  “God damn,” Brawn muttered as he stared toward the bar. “I’m fucking seeing things.”

  I didn’t even glance up, I was too busy pinching the tits of the woman in my lap. She was straddling the chair I was sitting on and riding my jean clad cock hard trying to get off. I was doing my damnedest to help her too. My hand slid down until I could brush my fingers under the edge of her thong. Gotta love skirts on a woman and thongs.