All My Secrets

by Sophie McKenzie

  Go with your heart.

  My breath hitches in my throat. What did I just say to Dad? That there had already been too many secrets.

  Go with your heart; listen to what it tells you. Go with your heart.

  ‘I forgot to do something,’ I say to Mum. ‘I won’t be a minute.’

  And then I turn and race back up the stairs.

  Thirty-nine

  I reach the top of the first flight of stairs. The waiting room is another two floors up. Head down, I charge to the next staircase.

  And run smack into Josh on his way down.

  ‘Ow,’ he says, rubbing his arm. ‘That thing I said back in the cave about you not being clumsy? Maybe I was wrong.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I say. My throat is dry. ‘What are you doing?’

  Josh says nothing. A group of nurses hurry past us, chattering excitedly. They disappear down the stairs. Josh and I are alone again.

  ‘Josh?’ My mouth is dry. ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘I was coming to find you,’ he says, meeting my gaze.

  My heart flips over. ‘Find me?’

  ‘OK, here goes.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘I really like you, Evie. That is, I think you can be stubborn and crazy and really impatient when you’re not getting your own way, but you’re also beautiful inside and out and the most amazing, brave person I’ve ever met, and I’m not leaving here without letting you know how I feel, which you can throw back in my face if you want because I can see you’re with Kit, and we all know he’s like this perfect guy, but he’s not perfect for you, Evie, because I am. Just as you’re perfect for me. Not perfect. Just perfect for me.’

  We stare at each other. Josh’s expression is part defiant, part terrified. I smile as something inside me settles into place.

  ‘Wait here,’ I say.

  I turn and race up to the waiting room. Kit is standing by the door, deep in conversation with a middle-aged man who must be his dad.

  ‘Evie.’ His expression brightens as he sees me.

  ‘Listen.’ I draw him away from his father.

  ‘What is it?’ Kit asks.

  ‘It’s us,’ I whisper, keeping my eyes fixed on his. ‘It’s wrong. That is, not right. That is, I like you, but I don’t want to go out with you any more. I’m truly sorry I got it wrong . . . but everything was so crazy before and now I know that anything more than being friends wouldn’t be right.’

  ‘No.’ Kit stares at me. ‘We belong together.’

  ‘We don’t,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t.’

  ‘I don’t want to let you go,’ Kit whispers.

  I chew on my lip, feeling awful. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

  ‘You have to let me go,’ I say. ‘Because what you’re letting go of isn’t even real.’

  ‘Kit? I’ve got your mother on the phone.’ Kit’s father strides over, holding out his mobile.

  Kit hesitates, his eyes still on me.

  ‘Please.’ I smile. ‘Friends?’

  Kit frowns. ‘Of course, but—’ He tails off, shaking his head.

  ‘Thank you.’ I turn and fly back down the stairs.

  Josh is waiting where I left him. I slow as I reach him. He raises an eyebrow. I smile.

  ‘Wanna hear my new song?’ he asks, leaning back against the wall.

  ‘Is it about me?’

  ‘Hell, yeah,’ Josh says. ‘Although after that being your immediate reaction I’m definitely adding “big-headed” to the list of your personality traits we ran through the other day.’

  ‘Add what you like,’ I say with a grin, drawing closer.

  ‘How about adding this?’ Josh says.

  And he takes my face in his hands and we kiss.

  Perfect for me.