The Perfect Fit

by Mary Jayne Baker

  ‘Something to give you,’ he said softly. ‘Pretty thing for a pretty girl.’

  He’d remembered the flower? There didn’t seem much point working it in now. Perhaps it was getting tickly, hiding up there in his sleeve.

  He opened his clenched fist. Something shiny slipped through his fingers, catching around them to dangle in front of my eyes. I blinked at it in surprise.

  ‘It’s gorgeous,’ I breathed.

  ‘It’s for you.’

  He reached round me to fasten it on, and I glanced down at the four colourful gemstones set into a golden filigree pendant.

  ‘What does it mean?’ I murmured. Then I remembered the panto, the eyes of the audience fixed on me, and I raised my voice. ‘What does it mean, er… Buttons?’

  Marc traced the gems with his fingertip. ‘The deep blue stone is lapis. Then opal. Garnet, which is sometimes called vermeil.’ He glanced up. ‘And emerald last of all.’

  ‘Loge. Um, loge?’

  Marcus smiled. ‘Love.’ He took my hands, his deep brown eyes searching my face. ‘I love you. I always did, you know.’

  And we were back on script. Except for one thing. He hadn’t called me Cinderella.

  I glanced at Deano in the wings, who nodded encouragingly.

  ‘Oh Buttons. You know I only love you as a friend.’

  The rest of the scene played out as planned.

  As soon as the Tomorrow scene ended, Marcus exeunted stage left while I waited for the Fairy Godmother to turn up with my ballgown and pumpkin and Pikachus and T-Rex, those must-have accessories for any girl going to a royal ball.

  Yolanda was really a natural in the Fairy Godmother parts. She just played herself.

  ‘Oh, darling, no no no no, absolutely not,’ she said when she’d appeared in a cloud of dry ice provided by our special effects department (aka Billy). She fingered my ragged dress in disgust. ‘Oh heavens, now you’re quite a horror, aren’t you? We can’t possibly have you seen in public like this. I’ll have my Fairy Godmother licence revoked.’

  ‘Is it really that bad, Godmother?’

  ‘Bad? You’re a fright, my love. Honestly, you need to fire your stylist immediately.’ She clapped her hands, and a couple of little Pikachus in sparkly tiaras and tutus arrived on stage, bearing something long and gauzy.

  ‘Now this is much more like it,’ Yolanda said, fluttering her fairy wings in excitement. ‘This will turn heads, my dear Ella.’

  She held up the dress, and I stared at it. It wasn’t my costume, the uncomfortable Regency meringue that made me feel far from the belle of the ball while being dragged around by Maisie sweating like a hog. It was the sophisticated figure-hugging ballgown I’d worn the night of Yo-yo’s photoshoot. How she’d got her hands on it I had no idea. A lady had hired it from the shop a few days ago for her daughter’s prom.

  ‘I’m wearing this?’ I said, running my fingers over the soft material.

  ‘You are,’ Yolanda said. ‘Tonight, you need to be completely and essentially you.’ She gripped my shoulders. ‘Be true to yourself, Ella. And remember, not every girl needs a Prince Charming.’

  Ok, what the hell was going on? That most definitely was not in the script.

  Chapter 46

  When I got backstage, it felt like everyone wanted a piece of me – well, everyone except Harper, who was having a little lie down by the costume rail. As soon as I emerged from the wings, Yolanda grabbed me.

  ‘We must do something with your makeup,’ she said. ‘Your cheeks are awfully pink.’

  ‘Where’s Marcus?’ I asked as she attacked my face with assorted brushes. I fingered the necklace with its hidden message. ‘I need to talk to him.’

  ‘He’s not in the next scene, darling. Taking a break in the fresh air, I imagine.’

  ‘Oh. Ok.’

  Next I was commandeered by Deano, who barked instructions at me while I blinked dazedly, then Lana, who helped me into my dress. Pushed from one friend to the next, there was no time to look for Marcus.

  The ballroom scene went ok, although Maisie was a bit odd. Her prince seemed sneery all of a sudden, curling his lip at his female guests in a very unchivalrous manner. He chucked me about pretty unceremoniously while we danced too. I don’t know what version of the character Mais was channelling, but he seemed like a right dick to me.

  When we got backstage, Lana grabbed me. ‘You need to be in your rag dress for the shoe-fitting.’

  ‘Where’s Marc?’

  ‘On stage, I think. Here, lift your arms.’

  After she was done I was shoved to Yo-yo in makeup, then I headed to the stage.

  ‘Here,’ Deano said as I passed him in the wings. He pushed a coal scuttle into my arms.

  ‘What do I need this for?’

  ‘Look inside.’

  I glanced into the scuttle. There were a few sheets of paper stuck around the sides, handwritten in biro.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Script changes.’ He waved a hand in a most unDeano-like way. As a rule, unexpected script changes found him curled in the foetal position, groaning. ‘Nothing major,’ he said breezily. ‘Last-minute improvements.’

  ‘It’s a bit late for that, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s never too late to be the best we can. Just remember, when Mais asks for your hand in marriage, take it from the notes. You can hold onto the scuttle to cover the fact you’re reading.’

  ‘People’ll notice, Deano.’

  ‘Just do it, there’s a good girl.’ He patted my backside. ‘Make Chef proud.’

  I wandered dazedly onto the stage, clutching my scuttle.

  Everyone was there – Dad and Gerry as the sisters, Marcus in his Buttons uniform, Wicked Stepmother Yolanda, and a still wobbly Harper Brady as my father. They stared at me expectantly.

  Oh right. My line.

  ‘Did you have a nice time at the ball, girls?’ I said, falling to my knees at the fireplace.

  Dad clasped his hands. ‘Cinders, it was wonderful. The prince and I were twin souls. I knew as soon as our eyes met that it was him I was destined to be with.’

  ‘So did I,’ Gerry said. ‘As soon as my eyes met his bank balance, it was love at first sight.’

  Yolanda gave their shoulders a sympathetic squeeze. ‘Oh girls, it was so unfair. I feel sure he would have fallen in love with one of you, if it hadn’t been for that floozy and her wiles.’

  ‘Oh?’ I said, sweeping round the grate.

  ‘Such a dreadfully tacky woman, Cinderella. She just threw herself at the prince, no shame at all. All fur coat and no knickers, as my mother used to say.’

  Marcus-Buttons winked at the audience. ‘And trust me, her mother’d know.’

  ‘Buttons! How dare you insult dear Mama!’ Yolanda said, drawing herself up. ‘I’ve a good mind to hand you your notice.’

  ‘You don’t scare me,’ Buttons told her. ‘I’ve worked for people from Pogley.’

  Gerry’s hand flew to his mouth. ‘Not Pogley!’

  ‘Yep. Where men are men and sheep are nervous.’

  There was a solitary boo from what I assumed was our only Pogley audience member, and riotous laughter from everyone else.

  In burst Lana, bearing aloft the glass slipper nestled on a cushion.

  ‘His royal highness, Prince Charming of Rummancoke!’

  Maisie entered with a haughty look on her face, still apparently channeling the dick version of the prince.

  ‘Attention, womenfolk of Rummancoke,’ she said imperiously. ‘I hereby decree that whoever this shoe fits shall be my bride.’

  Then came the shoe fitting, with some typically damey antics from the dames. Finally, it was my turn.

  ‘Oh! It fits,’ Maisie breathed as she slid the slipper gently onto my foot.

  ‘That’s right, your
highness,’ I said. ‘I am she, the mysterious stranger you danced with last night.’

  ‘Oh, Cinderella, I’m so happy I found you,’ Maisie said, guiding me to my feet. ‘Say you’ll be my princess, and you’ll never have to clean another fireplace as long as you live.’

  There was a snort from Dad-Tabitha. He elbowed Buttons maliciously.

  ‘Oh dear, boot boy. Looks like you’ve lost your one true love. Well, tough luck.’

  ‘Perhaps when Cinders is queen, she might let you clean grates for her,’ Gerry-Griselda said. ‘Every girl has her price, you know, Buttocks.’

  ‘It’s Buttons,’ Marcus said, glaring at him. ‘And I hope Cinders will always choose what makes her happiest.’

  That was all new material. It seemed to be rubbing salt in the wound for poor old Buttons, but I guessed Deano knew what he was doing.

  My next line was supposed to be ‘Yes, sire, I will marry you.’ I glanced down into the coal scuttle to see what’d changed.

  ‘Um, no?’ I said in a faltering voice.

  There was a gasp from the audience. There was a gasp from the Ugly Sisters. There was a gasp from Yolanda. Harper just grinned.

  Maisie drew herself up. ‘What do you mean no, wench? I am heir to this kingdom, you know.’

  ‘I mean, no. I don’t want to marry you.’

  ‘Look, I may have phrased it as a question – I mean, just to be polite – but I do have the power to command. Marry me, Cinderella. That’s an order.’

  I squinted at the handwritten sheet in my scuttle. There was a stage direction.

  [Cinderella puts her hands on her hips defiantly. PS Hi, Becks. It’s me.]

  I smiled at the familiar scrawl. I’d worked on too many scripts with that man not to know Marc’s writing.

  The adults in the audience were looking puzzled, but the kids seemed fascinated. Who doesn’t love a twist, right?

  I put my hands on my hips. Defiantly.

  ‘You can command my body, your highness, but you can’t command my heart. And that belongs to another.’ I stretched out a hand to Buttons. ‘To this man. My best friend. The one I realise now I was always meant to be with.’

  Marcus-Buttons pulled me to him. ‘Oh Cinders, sweetheart. Although we must be poor, I promise I’ll always respect you and do my best to make you happy. Prince Charming might be able to offer a life of wealth and glamour, but he could never know and love you like I do.’

  ‘You would choose this – this servant, this slave, over a prince?’ Maisie-Charming hissed at me.

  I gripped Marcus’s hand and we faced her proudly. ‘I would. I do.’

  ‘Cinderella. Buttons. You needn’t be poor,’ Lana-Dandini piped up. ‘I’ve always been the prince’s man, but dash it, the beauty of your love compels me to speak.’

  Marcus grimaced at the cheesy line. ‘Sorry,’ he mouthed to me.

  ‘Whosoever shall defeat the prince in single combat becomes heir to the kingdom in his place,’ Lana said. ‘It is written into the constitution of Rummancoke, the long-forgotten rule of, er… Droit du Seigneur.’

  Harper looked thoroughly confused now. He leaned over to Yolanda. ‘What the hell is going on?’ I heard him slur. ‘Am I in the right panto?’

  ‘True love, darling,’ Yo-yo whispered back. ‘Shhh.’

  ‘Here,’ Deano whispered from off stage, sliding a couple of costume fencing swords our way.

  ‘Ha ha! Have at thee, prince!’ Marc said, grasping for one of the mysteriously materialising swords. Maisie reached for the other and they fought, with Maisie eventually falling to her knees, Marcus’s blade at her throat.

  ‘Oh! I am beaten! Cinderella shall never be mine!’ she cried, with some pretty strong hamming.

  ‘Good!’ Pip’s little voice rang out from the audience. ‘You’re mean and nobody likes you so ner.’

  Maisie blinked at me and Marcus, and we nodded.

  ‘Um… oh no I’m not?’

  ‘Oh yes you are!’ the kids chorused.

  ‘Oh no I’m not!’

  ‘Oh yes you are!’

  ‘Ok, Mais, wind it up,’ Marc muttered.

  ‘All right, I am then,’ she conceded. ‘Oh, go on, take my kingdom. I never liked being a prince anyway.’

  ‘Cracking,’ Marcus said, shooting a thumbs-up to the audience. ‘Tabitha, Griselda, Baroness: consider yourselves banished. Baron, your money worries are over. I’ll pay off your debts and, er, we’ll get you into AA or something. Dandini, have a knighthood. Boys and girls, these are for all your help.’ He reached into his pocket and chucked a handful of sweets into the audience, to delighted squeals from the kids. ‘And Cinders…’ He turned to me. ‘It’s your choice. Will you have me?’

  ‘Yes, Buttons. I’ll marry you.’

  ‘Not just because I’m rich now?’

  ‘Because I love you. Because I always loved you, really. I just didn’t know it.’ I stood daintily on one leg to kiss his cheek.

  I held my position, freeze-frame, and Lana stepped forward. She unfurled her scroll and began.

  ‘So good has won in Rummancoke

  Now Buttons is our man

  It’s ta-ra Wicked Stepmother

  And mutton dressed as lamb.’ She jerked her head towards the dames.

  ‘We’ve got ourselves a brand-new prince,

  A really smashing feller

  And best of all a happy end

  For our girl Cinderella.’

  She beamed at the audience. Maisie nudged her, nodding at the scroll.

  ‘Oh right, yeah. So thanks for being, one and all,

  An audience that rocks.

  That’s all, folks, and till next year

  You’ll find us in the Fox.’

  There was a loud cheer from the crowd.

  ‘Nice,’ I muttered to Marcus.

  ‘Cheers. Billy owes us a pint for that.’

  As soon as the curtain dropped, he pulled me to him for a kiss. When he released me, I laughed breathlessly.

  ‘You didn’t really do all that just to –’

  ‘To show you I love you? Yeah.’

  ‘Why?’

  He flushed. ‘Buggered up, didn’t I? I knew it had to be something a bit spectacular. A bit… well, a bit fairytale.’ He drew a finger down my cheek. ‘Did it work?’ he asked softly.

  ‘Course it worked, you ridiculous sod.’ I glanced round the rest of the cast. ‘And you lot were all in on it, were you?’

  ‘Yep,’ Dad said, grinning.

  ‘Marcus talked us into it,’ Yolanda said. ‘Well, what self-respecting Fairy Godmother can resist a real-life love story?’

  ‘Come on, no time for cuddling.’ Deano came out of the wings and guided us apart. ‘You need to get into your posh gear so you can take a bow. Becks, back in the ballgown. Marc, I’ve got something for you.’

  Lana dragged me off stage and helped me, trance-like, into my frock, then pushed me back on. Marc stumbled through from the other side, looking like a sexy toy soldier in a military-style red blazer, blue sash and white trousers. He took my hand, lifted it, and as the curtain came up we bowed in unison to the wild claps of the audience.

  ‘What do we do now?’ I whispered.

  ‘We kiss, I think.’

  ‘Stage kiss?’

  ‘No, love. Not today.’ He leaned me back over his arm in true fairytale fashion and planted a soft, lingering kiss on my lips. There were loud cheers, and a few ‘yucks!’ from the kids.

  ‘Is it real?’ I whispered when he drew back.

  ‘It’s real.’ He cupped my cheek. ‘I’m so sorry, Becks. I think I must’ve loved you for ages, only I was too thick to realise it until I’d made such a massive mess of everything. Do you forgive me?’

  ‘Have to, don’t I? I love you.’

  And
the thunderous applause rang out.

  ***

  The show was over. The fat lady had sung. Our revels now were ended, our T-Rex had turned back into a Roger Collingwood-shaped mouse and the coach was back in the pumpkin patch.

  ‘You two coming to the Fox?’ Lana asked me and Marcus.

  He glanced at me. ‘Give us half an hour.’

  She squeezed his arm. ‘Course.’

  I smiled at a frazzled-looking Deano, arm in arm with Lana like he needed the support.

  ‘So how was your first panto-directing experience?’

  ‘Nightmare. Living, breathing nightmare.’ He grinned at us with dazed, shining eyes. ‘When can we start the next one?’

  ‘Let’s see if we survive the rest of the run first, eh?’ Marcus said, laughing. ‘See you in the pub, guys. Get us some drinks in, we won’t be long.’

  When they’d gone a de-damed Dad, hand in hand with Cynthia on one side and Pip on the other, came over to say goodbye, along with Tom and Cam.

  ‘Great show, sis,’ Cam said, slapping my arm.

  Tom nodded. ‘I can honestly say I did not see that ending coming.’

  ‘That’s not the proper Cinderella story, Aunty Becky,’ Pip informed me loftily.

  ‘You liked it though, didn’t you?’ I asked.

  ‘I liked it better.’ She looked up at Marcus. ‘Do you really love my aunty or was it just pretend?’

  The grown-ups all laughed.

  ‘I think that’s six-year-old for “what are your intentions?”’ Dad said to Marcus.

  Marc dropped to his haunches to talk to her.

  ‘No, kid, that bit was real.’

  ‘Will you get married now like Cinderella and Buttons?’

  He laughed. ‘Well, I was hoping she might agree to be my girlfriend first,’ he said, glancing up at me. ‘I mean, if you say it’s ok. She’s your aunty.’

  Pip pondered a moment. ‘Ok,’ she said with a magnanimous nod. ‘If you do magic at my house sometimes I’ll let her be your girlfriend.’

  Marcus shook her hand solemnly. ‘It’s a deal.’

  Dad came forward to give me a hug. ‘Well done, Boo,’ he whispered. ‘Think you’re onto a winner with this one. In fact, you can have my blessing in advance.’