by Dawn Gardner
“Are you okay?” Ellen asked when she finally reached her mother.
“Oh, I’m fine.” Joni put the book down and walked back into the hallway. Ellen followed behind her, calling her to stop, but she didn’t listen. Joni kept walking until she reached Ted. Ted was consoling another boy that held a white rag filled with blood against his bottom lip. The boy was at least seven feet tall, and his limbs looked too long for even his body, his sandy blonde hair was tousled and his eyes looked tired. Joni walked right up to the boy.
“I’m sorry. I saw what he did. But my mind couldn’t yell out or say the right thing.” Joni said to the boy. ‘What’s your name?”
“Joni, this is Riley. He is a student of mine.”
“I know you, don’t I.” Joni said again and leaned into Riley’s personal space almost touching the boy’s nose. The boy just shook his head and pulled back away from Joni. “Well, I wasn’t going to have that dickhead get away what he did to you. So, I tripped him.”
“Mom!” Ellen couldn’t even finish her sentence because Ted was laughing.
“Joni, you might have a job here with the school security,” Ted smiled. And the corners of Riley’s mouth turned up a bit, not a smile, but the beginning of one.
“Don’t encourage her.” Ellen said.
“Riley, why don’t you go see the nurse and get that lip looked at.” Ted patted Riley’s shoulder. Riley looked at Joni for a long time, and then gave a nod of thanks to her. His lanky body bent over and picked up the camel backpack and threw it over his shoulder as he padded away to the nurse’s office.
“Listen ladies, I think you should go. I’m really sorry about this. That poor kid is bullied all the damn time by those pricks.” Ted shoved his hands in his pockets. “And the damn politics of who their parents are keeps them from being punished. It’s a vicious cycle around here.”
Ellen and her mother took a long walk in the afternoon. In the middle of the walk, Kim called. So Ellen put her on video call. Joni seemed pleased to see Kim’s face. Ellen was pleased that Kim could have proof of Ellen’s somewhat reasonable job at the care-taking thing. When they got back home, Ellen started dinner and Joni helped her with chopping vegetables. They developed a nice rhythm as they moved around each other in the kitchen. Ellen missed having someone to talk to, to be with.
The doorbell rang just as the garlic bread was done. Ellen pulled the bread out of the oven and went to the front door. When she got to the door, she was happy to see Ted’s face.
“Hey, I’m sorry to come over without an invitation, but I just found out that Joni was nearly hit by that punk at school. I just wanted to make sure you both are doing okay.”
“Come on in, it’s cold out there.” Ellen shut the door and they both stood in the foyer.
“Oh my god it smells good in here.”
“Join us for dinner, spaghetti, salad and garlic bread?”
“So glad you asked, I’ll take you up on that, it’s better than a peanut butter sandwich.”
Ellen walked into the kitchen and called to Joni that they had a visitor. Joni came into the kitchen from the sunroom and smiled when she saw Ted. Ellen handed Joni the salad dressing, Ted the salad and bread and she carried the spaghetti into the sunroom. The center of small round table was filled with food and the three of them ate dinner.
“Joni, Ellen tells me that you are interested in China.” Ted said, hoping to strike up a conversation.
“Yes. You remind me of him.” Joni said.
“Who do I remind you of?”
“My Jack.” Joni said.
“Tell me about your Jack?” Ted said. Ellen was entranced by Ted’s deep voice, but also how he was genuinely interested in knowing more and how Joni reacted to that. Ellen sat back in the chair and watched them.
“He played ping pong. That’s how I found him.”
“Really, was he good?”
“Oh yes, it was like a dance for him. He tried to teach me, I couldn’t get it.” Joni said. Ellen looked at Ted encouraging him to continue. He was getting more information from Joni in just a few questions than Ellen was able to get.
“But his real love was fixing cars, and me.”
“It sounds like Jack was very special to you.” Ted held Joni’s gaze.
“He was. But he left me.”
“Mom, where did he go?” Ellen entered into the conversation.
Joni went completely still, and then she yelled, “They were wrong.” Joni put her hands in her plate of spaghetti and then Joni stood up and yelled, “I want him back.” Joni’s eyes were glazed over and she moved her arms in a sweeping motion knocking her plate, the bread, the salad bowl off the table. Ellen grabbed the pan with the sauce just in time. Joni cried and sat down in the chair, spaghetti noodles clinging to her shirt and pants.
“God dammit, I made a mess.” Joni said.
Ellen took a deep breath. “Mom, let’s get you cleaned up.”
“You ladies do that, I’ll take care of things here,” Ted said. Ellen walked her mother up to the bathroom and asked her for her clothes. Joni got into the shower and Ellen took the clothes to the laundry room, shook out the food and put them in the washer. This was like having a toddler. Ellen went into the bathroom to bring her mother new clothes. She opened the door and the steam had filled the room. Ellen ran to the shower and opened the curtain. Her mother’s skin was bright red and the water was way too hot.
“My god mom, you’re burning your skin.” Ellen turned off the water and helped her mother out of the shower. Ellen handed her mother a towel, she dried off and then Ellen handed Joni her clothes. Ellen watched her mother put on her nightgown and robe.
“I’m tired Ellen, I want to go to bed now.” Joni said. Ellen was relieved. She watched her mother walk to her bedroom and then Joni slammed the bedroom door shut. Ellen didn’t have the patience for this, and most of all she didn’t know what the hell she was doing. Her eyes filled with tears. She took a deep breath.
As Ellen walked into the sunroom, she wiped her eyes. Ted was just sweeping up the last bit of lettuce off the floor and looked up at Ellen and smiled. At his smile, she lost her composure and started to cry.
“I’m not good at this.” Ellen said. “And, just so you know, I’m not a crier. I’m just so damn frustrated.”
“Sit down on the couch, I’ll be right back.” Ted motioned to the couch with his head and took the handful of lettuce into the kitchen. Ellen sat on the couch. Ted came back into the sunroom with two glasses of red wine.
“I hope you don’t mind, I opened the bottle.”
“Thank you so much for cleaning up. And thanks for this.” Ellen held up the glass and Ted tapped his glass against Ellen’s.
“I feel kind of responsible. I shouldn’t have asked about Jack. My uncle would do things like that and my aunt never knew what was setting him off. At least, you know now that Jack maybe a trigger for your mom.”
“God, this is really hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be. She nearly scalded her skin off in the shower. After these two weeks, I’m just now realizing what my sister has been dealing with for the last two years.”
“Well, I’m no expert, but things may be heightened right now because of all the change. You, me, and I must look like Jack. Emotional outbursts are common with dementia. But you have to admit when she called that punk a dickhead, that was priceless.”
Ellen smiled. “Yep, it really was. How is that boy, Riley?”
“He’s better. But like I said they pick on him terribly. I think he has some type of growth hormone imbalance. High school is a battlefield for ‘normal’ kids, add something on top of that and it’s a full out war.”
“I wouldn’t want to go back to high school.” Ellen sipped her wine. “I have been thinking about our lunch last Saturday, I’ve been wanting to ask you if there was a Missus Ted?”
“Oh, you’ve been thinking of me?” Ted grinned. “There used to be. She decided I wasn’t exciting enough and left me for a PE
teacher five years ago.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was the best thing. We were married ten years. I wanted to make it work, but after her PE teacher dumped her, she came back to me. But,” Ted pointed to his head, “being a history teacher, I knew history was going to repeat itself. So I didn’t give her another chance to break my heart again.”
“Well, she’s a fool. Was she a teacher too?”
“A guidance counselor.”
Ellen laughed, spewing her wine a bit.
“What about you?” Ted pointed to Ellen’s ring finger.
“Twenty-five years, one child, Danny. But, really the marriage was over long before that. I think he fell in love with his work more than me. We’ve lived the last ten years like strangers. I’m not even sure if I ever liked him as person. Danny was made on our first month of dating.”
“I think you need more wine?” Ted got up and went to the kitchen, he grabbed the wine bottle and headed back to the sunroom.
Ellen followed Ted into the kitchen, touched his shoulder, “Yes, I do, I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on my mother.” Ellen walked down the hallway and opened the bedroom door. This time she gently pulled back the covers, verifying that her mother was indeed in the bed. Her mother’s grey hair stretched out across the pillow like the wing of a bird. She looked peaceful. Ellen closed the door, feeling a sense of accomplishment. A momentary win.
As Ellen made her way back to the sunroom, her thoughts went to Ted. She hadn’t felt this way in a long time, if ever. He smiled at her as she entered the sunroom and held up her glass of wine.
“Everything okay?” He asked.
“Yep, she is sleeping. And she is really in there this time.” Ellen took the wine glass and sat beside Ted on the couch. She turned her body and swept her knees to the side so that she could face him.
“What are you going to do now?” Ted looked at Ellen’s face, as if he were studying it. Uncomfortable at the long glance, Ellen looked away toward the sunroom door.
“You mean right now and pointed down at the couch?” Ellen smiled.
“Well, okay, you could tell me that too. But I meant, after you are done taking care of your mother.”
“I’m not sure. On both accounts,” a little laugh escaped Ellen’s mouth, she placed her fingers over her lips. “I never planned on a career in banking, it just happened and I haven’t even thought about what a life would look like for myself. And right now,” Ellen paused. The wine had made its way to Ellen’s head, giving her a wine-induced freedom that most times she experienced alone, not with someone. And caution was in order because this someone felt like water after years of being in a desert. “I want to be cautious because that’s how I have always been, but I think I’m going to try something new.” Ellen leaned in towards Ted, keeping eye contact until their lips met.
“Ellen, I can’t sleep.” Joni said from the doorway.
Chapter 15
February 1972
Glued to her television set as much as she could be during Nixon’s visit to China, Joni was disappointed in the coverage of the event. There was not enough scenery of China. The politics of peace was good because it meant that doors would be open for other people to travel to the country. When he got home, she and Jack could finally make the trip. Joni would’ve loved being a journalist traveling with the president and covering his visit, but working the backend of the newspaper was not reporting the news. So, she made do with the other’s accounts of the trip and hoped that a television camera would possibly pan or sweep the landscape of China.
After work, Joni dropped her letters to Jack off at the post office and then headed to the garage to see Jack’s father. Her weekly visit, a day early. A snow storm was forecasted to hit in the middle of the night. More than likely with 24 inches being called for, everyday life would come to a halt. Joni loved the snow, she loved the peace of it and how it blanketed the world. It changed the beauty of what it covered instantly, the most mundane things looked incredibly beautiful. Frost had magic, but snow was art.
When Joni arrived home, there was a letter from Jack in the mailbox. This was her first letter from him since she saw him in December. He wrote when he could, she knew that. Joni wrote Jack almost daily. She took the letter inside and sat it on her bed. She savored her letters from him, reading them in bed, so that Jack would be the last thing on her mind. And if she were lucky, Jack would be in her dreams.
Her old bedroom was converted into a painting studio. The light was much better in the front of the house. When Reed officially moved in with his family in Danville, Joni took over his bedroom. Although, she didn’t like the fact of taking Reed’s room, she made it her own. She prepped the water bowls, her brushes rested on their stand, which looked like rounded mountains with valleys in-between. Each brush rested in a valley. The grey-black square ink stone was a gift to herself for her eighteenth birthday. It had the words, flow from the heart etched in Mandarin around the circular ink pool. Joni poured a bit of water in the center of the ink stone. She placed her slate in her hand and pressed it to the stone. With slow continuous circles, Joni created black ink. She placed her fingers around the brush, presented her heart toward the paper, hovered her brush directly over the blank canvas and began.
Joni was transported when she held a brush, she needed painting like she needed breathing. It gave her a calm that she couldn’t feel any other way. She rolled the belly of the brush in the water, and then dipped it in the rose colored water, allowing only the bottom third of the brush to collect the rose color. And then she dabbed the point of the bristles with black. As she rolled the brush on the paper, the gradient petals of the peony appeared. With the simple twist in angle, Joni created the darker center. Joni’s brush moved like a careful choreographed dance upon the rice paper, and a delicate peony was born.
When Joni finally looked up from her work, three hours had gone by and the sun had long gone down. She poured out her water bowls and rinsed her brushes, placing them back into the valleys and stood admiring the collection of peonies she had created. And then she noticed it, the butterfly that sat opened winged on the bottom peony. This happened to her sometimes, but it hadn’t happened in a long while. She wondered at times if she channeled ancient Chinese artists, because she had no recollection of creating some aspect of the work. Joni stared at the butterfly. Its wings were a beautiful jade and powder-blue, mixed with black and the peony pink. It was truly stunning. The peonies were just the backdrop for the butterfly. Her heart filled. She thought of Jack, and fingered the jade pendant that hung in between her breasts. In the Chinese legend, the butterfly symbolizes undying love between young lovers. How she wished Jack were here, so they could be snowed in together tomorrow and make love the whole weekend.
Joni fixed some toast and poured herself a cherry brandy. She brought her plate and brandy to her bedroom, she curled up into the blankets and looked at the white envelope with the red and blue border. She carefully opened it and pulled the folded paper out.
Jan 30, 1972
Dear Joni,
It is raining all the time. The people here are so poor. You should see their houses. I don’t think you could really call them houses. They are really just a piece of metal with some scraps of wood for walls. We call ourselves grunts. I’m not going to lie to you Joni, it’s hell here.
I did have some heaven the other night. I dreamed of you, you and cinnamon rolls, haha. You’re my foxy artist. I have your cards next to me at all times. I know they will protect me. Most everyone says it’s all going to be over soon, and we are at the end of this war. I’m glad for that. I can’t wait to get home to you.
It’s so flat here. Bush and jungle, and rockets. The smell, I can’t even figure how to describe it. I’ve never smelled anything like it. Tomorrow we are on the move. The guys are tired and everyone is ready to leave this place. The sunset the other night made me think of you and your painting. I love you, be home soon.
Jack
<
br /> PS- Did you see the question in the book? Can I have your answer?
Joni placed the letter on her chest and cried. She had found his proposal written in the book. She had written her answer, her letters must not have made it to him yet. How could you love someone so much and it be so painful? She thought of her mother. Is this how she felt about Reed? Was this how Reed felt about Maude? If so, Joni could start to understand why her face would cause Reed pain.
She missed her dad sometimes. But they were such strangers. Her father was alive, and was a small part of her life, but she never felt pain from the loss of him. But her mother, who had died seventeen years ago felt more like family than Reed ever would. And the pain of missing her mother, she felt everyday. It wasn’t until she met Jack had she let anyone close to her heart. And now, he was miles away, fighting a war that didn’t make sense to Joni. And from the looks of events in the news she was not alone. There was a lot of people calling for the war to end and our soldiers to be brought home. Nixon’s visit was a step towards peace, but it didn’t help Jack, and that’s what mattered to Joni.
October 1972
The air was crisp as Joni stepped out of the newspaper’s front door. She didn’t bring her coat, only her light jacket, Joni ran to her bug and started the engine and begged for the heat to work faster. After warming up in her car, Joni headed to the garage for her weekly visit. She and Jack’s father, who now insisted she call him Frank instead of Mr. Andrews, had become good friends. When Joni pulled up to the garage, the bay door was pulled down and it looked like the garage was closed.
Joni opened the small door to the front office part of the garage. She rarely went in this way because the bay door was always open. The room was dark, the small leather couch had mail splayed out on the cushions.
