by Aria Norton
A passing acquaintance had told him of how a fever had claimed the lives of some servants of the Blackmore Estate staff, but the man could not tell him who those people were. Fear had entered him, gripping him by the neck. The only person that he had any genuine ties to in Alfriston was Freddi, and he had been filled with the terrible thought that she had been part of those of who had lost their lives to the fever. That was the only reason why he had left France and was now standing outside of the one place he had never wished to return to.
I hope that it is not Freddi, I shall never forgive myself if I have indeed lost her forever.
Taking a deep breath, he entered in through a piece of fencing that had never been repaired since he had left. It surprised him that his father was so slack in this regard, or perhaps he had no fears that anyone would dare sneak through the hole. Nash's father was a feared man, and he possessed a reputation for being a ruthless man when double-crossed. Many people had fallen prey to his foul moods and unethical business practices. It was amazing to Nash that no one had brought him to task yet.
One of these days, someone will get their revenge, and Father will not know what to do with himself.
Nash pulled himself through with little hindrance from his leg. He could do most things with it, but he still needed the aid of a walking stick. Unlevelled ground could prove tricky at times as he did not have quick reflexes in his leg, but Nash had learned that if he dropped himself, he could avoid the jarring pain he would experience when his leg was at an angle.
No one would know that he used the walking stick to help him walk. It was one that Mr Theroux had especially made for him, a bespoke stick that any gentleman would be happy to walk around with. It was only when Nash had been on his feet all day or sitting in one position for hours that his limp became more pronounced, such as it was now.
“I should have had the driver stop at different intervals during the drive that I might stretch this leg. Now I shall enter the house for everyone to see exactly why I had left in the first place.”
His stepmother would be happy to see him, as he was always on good terms with her. Although he could not say that she had fulfilled the role of mother in his life, she had done her best to take care of him. It was his father who had been the most difficult to please, always expecting above and beyond what Nash was able to do.
I was never able to please him, I must be a greater failure to him now than ever before.
How would his father feel to see him once again? It had been seven years nearly to the date since his father last saw him; would he be welcomed or receive the cold shoulder?
The latter one, I would say.
Nash wanted to take a look around the estate before going inside. If he were honest with himself, he would admit that he was frightened of what he may discover once he stepped foot inside the house. What if Freddi was no more? That would be a fate worse than death.
He had always planned to come and fetch her to live with him in France, but he had wanted to make a name for himself first. Not once in France did Nash use his title of Lord Salisbury, Baron of Salisbury. He had refused to use it, wanting to get by on his own merit.
And haven't I done so? Just a little while longer and I shall become Mr Theroux's partner, then Freddi shall be my wife.
That is if she were still alive. No, he could not think of her as being dead, she had to be alive for his sake.
As he walked around the land, some servants spotted him, staring at him strangely. They do not recognise me, and no wonder! I have become a man, and I daresay that many of them have never heard of me before. Some were new, that he could see. Nash had known every servant belonging to Blackmore Estate, personally greeting them by name. He passed the area that had housed the cabbage patch he had burnt all those years ago, and just afar Nash recognised the bench he and Freddi used to sit on during quiet moments of the day.
Everything looked the same but different, it was familiar and yet unfamiliar. Perhaps I do not see myself as a part of this place anymore, and while I may recall everything, I no longer identify with it. After about twenty minutes, Nash found himself heading to the main house, lightly bumping into a woman who seemed to come out of nowhere.
“Oh!” she cried. “I am sorry, sir, I did not see you standing...”
It was his Freddi! She was alive and had apparently just recognised him. She has become beautiful, just as I knew she would. Her soulful brown eyes had grown darker over the years, but they were no less lovely than when they had been a honey gold. Her hair, though, that had become lighter and so long that it seemed to reach her waist. It was not up in the style of the day, but simply brushed back and tied together with a black ribbon.
“Freddi, you look... Wonderful.”
“Nash, is it really you?”
He nodded. “It is I. I am happy to see you so well! How have you been?”
A dark look came upon her face, changing her countenance. The change was so sudden and forceful that he took a little step back.
"As well as can be given the circumstances."
Nash frowned. “Circumstances? What has happened?”
“Nothing!” she snapped. “Nothing at all.”
This was not the reception he had expected to receive from her. Why is she so short with me? What has put her into such a foul mood?
“Freddi, what is wrong? Who has angered you?”
“I do not believe that I owe you any explanations, my Lord. If you would excuse me, I must return home.”
She pushed past him, rushing to the little cottage she shared with her parents. Nash followed, and despite his limp, reached her before she was able to enter her home.
“Freddi! Would you wait just a moment? I have come to see you, are you not happy?”
He received such a glare that left no doubt in his mind that he may have made a mistake coming back home.
“Do you think to receive a warm welcome after ten years of no communication? I have moved on with my life, my Lord, as have you. Now, please, allow me to enter my home without further interruption.”
“No, allow me to correct my mistake. I have come back to see you, I have come home for only a brief visit. I shall return to France soon.”
“It is of no concern to me what you do with your life, my Lord.”
“Is this any way to speak to the son of your Master?”
Nash had not expected to say that, but once the words were out of his mouth, he could not take them back.
Freddi smiled, but there was no mirth to be seen. "My, how you have changed, Nash. You have never lorded your status above me, but I see that you have become just like your father. I am certain that he will be glad to see that you have stepped into his shoes."
Her words hurt him more than he would have imagined. Nash had nothing to say to her, he had been left speechless. After a moment or so, she turned her back on him to open the door, slamming it shut. The sound brought him out of his shock as well as a dip in the lake would have done.
“What has gotten into her? I do not deserve her ire, not at all.”
It had been too much for him to come to Blackmore Estate in the very first place, and now for her to treat him in such a manner? He had expected it from his father, but not Freddi.
I see that times have indeed changed.
Chapter 2
Freddi watched Nash from the window, waiting for him to walk further away before she could leave the cottage. She had not intended to come here, but seeing Nash had surprised her so much that she had said whatever she could think of and done whatever had come to mind.
He has certainly caught me at the wrong time!
She was still trying to get her bearing from just being removed from her position in the household, and then for him to appear after all these years and expect her to welcome him with open arms?
“He had been the one to abandon me! Did he think that I would embrace him? No! It was his mistake many years ago that has affected my life today, I cannot be anything but short wit
h him.”
Perhaps she had been too stern with him, but it had been challenging to control her feelings. Seeing Nash had brought back so many memories within the space of a few seconds, but what had stood out the most was recalling how he had been put into a carriage ten years ago and never looked back once to say goodbye to her. Old anger and new anger had taken over any happiness she might have had upon seeing him again, but she did somewhat regret her actions.
Why has he returned now? What does he wish to achieve by coming here after all this time? What is he thinking?
And he had been so happy to see her, but she had only spoken harshly to him. What must he think of her? Goodness, but he had grown into a handsome man! Freddi fanned her face, her cheeks feeling quite warm. He had always had the potential of becoming rakish in his looks, but he had far exceeded her prediction.
Nash had let his hair grow out, and now his raven hair had curled around his collar. His hazel eyes had become greener, but there were still splashes of gold dotted here and there.
Not to mention the fine structure of his face! He reminds me of the statues I had once seen in London when Mama and Papa had taken me.
Large, angelic men made out of stone, their indecently clad bodies showing every ripple of muscle as though they were moving. Freddi had been fascinated by them, not for their form but the pure genius and skill it had taken to carve these beautiful heavenly creatures out of stone.
Now, having seen Nash, she could see why the women around her had fanned their faces and looked away with rosy cheeks. Had there not been a carving of a fallen angel as well? And had he not been as handsome?
Perhaps with his dark looks and roguish smile, I should liken Nash to the fallen angel rather than the heavenly being.
Gone was the Nash of her childhood; instead, a man had stood before her looking every bit the rogue and the gentleman. It was a perfect balance that was sure to send many women swooning once he began to set his cap at them. Unless he has already? Freddi had a little sharp intake of breath at the thought of Nash falling in love with another woman.
And why should he not? He is free to love and marry whomever he chooses.
But that did not mean that she would like it. Oh, goodness! I sound like a jealous woman, and yet I have no right over him. I have missed him so much, why must everything be so confusing? Why can it not be a case of welcoming him home? Perhaps if he had not merely left me, our present circumstances would be different. Freddi carried deep resentment within her. As far as she was concerned, he should have at least sent her a letter once in a while. They had been friends for so many years, and he had tossed it away and run away to France.
Yes, he did go for treatment, but it was his leg that was injured, not his hands.
Freddi had noticed his limp, had seen the beautifully carved walking stick. She knew that he must have gone through excruciating pain to be able to walk. The physician who had seen him straight after the incident had told Lord Blackmore that his son would never walk again, and Freddi could have easily believed it.
The scream he had uttered when the horse had kicked him had given her many sleepless nights for years to come. She remembered how the servants had come running, each one shoving her out of the way as they had sought to help Nash. Freddi recalled how Lord Blackmore's face had been devoid of colour as he had calmly told them to carry his son inside.
The hateful look he had given her had stopped her young heart, freezing her to the spot. Never, never would she forget any of the events of that day. They had changed her life for the worst, ripping a childhood friend away from her, and earning the burning hatred of a father.
Sighing, she moved away from the window. Freddi could no longer see him; it was safe to go out. She had been heading to town as she knew that Caroline would be there doing her shopping for her Mistress' household. They trusted Caroline wholeheartedly, while Freddi's Master wished to see the back of her.
I see that I have been working for the wrong employer for some time now.
Lady Blackmore was kind, but the same could not be said about her husband. I wish that I could tell him what was on my mind, I have wanted to do so for many years, but I do not have the courage to do so.
Freddi left the cottage in a hurry, not wanting to come across Nash again. Seeing him once was enough for that present moment. What she needed now was a listening ear and an understanding heart, and who better than Caroline? Her friend knew her better than anyone, and she would know just what to say about her situation.
She should be able to shed some light, to perhaps give me a solution.
Freddi doubted it, but there was no harm in hoping that someone else would have the answers to her predicament.
***
The town was busy with people selling various wares and offering a multitude of services. Freddi knew that she would find her friend in the vegetable section, if not the fruit, meat, or bread stall.
Many people called Caroline a dumpling for she was a little round thing, only coming up at five foot one. She had the features of a cherub- rosy, innocent, and angelic. Her suitors were plenty as well, drawn in by her vivacious and confident nature. She was a woman who knew that she did not fit the mould and yet she did not allow it to affect her life.
I could learn much from her, I truly could.
Freddi looked around the area, scanning the many heads for a white blonde one with ringlets. It was the type of hair that did not like to be contained by anything, thus Caroline wore it loose, letting it frame her face and flow down her back.
If you could call it flowing. It stands to attention, slapping anyone in the face who would stand too near.
“Miss Freddi!”
Freddi whipped her head around, seeing Duncan Richards coming towards her. Oh goodness, not him! The boy was positively bonkers about her, and she had not a feeling towards him. Where are you, Caroline? I do not wish to suffer this man's presence today! Freddi had no patience for annoying men who refused to take the hint and leave her alone.
Many had come and gone, but Duncan had remained steadfast in his pursuit of her hand in marriage. He was the son of a cobbler, an honest man if not a tad self-righteous. He should have become a vicar and not his father's apprentice; the position would have suited him perfectly. Freddi pasted on a smile, the gesture tight on her face. I do not know how I stand to talk with a man who insists that we are made to be together merely because his name is similar to my last name. That was pure coincidence, but would he listen to her?
“Hello, Duncan.”
“Miss Frederica! I am so glad that I have seen you today! I was just speaking to Mother about coming to your home and paying our respects. I am terribly sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
“And I believe that meeting you today was no coincidence. If there was any a time that you needed a good and strong man by your side, it is at this moment.”
Oh, here he goes again. He will find every excuse to justify why I should marry him and become his wife, but that is something that will never happen. Duncan was not the man of her dreams. He was not educated, he had a small mind, and he believed that a woman's place was at the hearth holding a babe in her arms.
Freddi wanted a husband who would understand her, allow her to spread her wings without any jealousy involved. Of course, she would never let her own dream come between her and her family, but there would surely be space for both in her life. But how will I become a governess if I were married? They are all unmarried women.
