Breaking Character

by Lee Winter

  “Life advice for me now, Bess? You have all the answers? Everyone’s life’s so simple. That’s funny coming from you.”

  Option B, then. “Of course I don’t know all the answers. But I do know you. You could try a gracious retreat and turn it into a victory, if you decided not to be stubborn.”

  “Well, if you know me, you know I’m honest about who I am. At least I’m not some late-thirties closet job too scared to even admit it to her closest friends.”

  Elizabeth sighed. “My private life isn’t anyone else’s business. I’m not afraid.”

  “Sure you’re not.” Grace tilted her chin back, looking imperious. “Of all our little circle, you’re the most timid. Terrified to risk. That’s why you’ve needed me all these years. I had the strength of my convictions. I pursued what I wanted—be it roles or people.”

  “Did it never occur to you that you don’t get what you pursue because you pursue the wrong things? All you know is obsession. Or possession. That’s why Amrit sprinted away from you. God, that was years ago, and you still…” Elizabeth waved her hand.

  “Actually, he’s been back to warm my bed quite a few times more than you’re aware of over the years. And even if he hadn’t, the heart wants what it wants. I’d have thought you understood that more than most. Anyway, who Amrit chooses to love isn’t the point. What matters is taking chances. At least Amrit and I both stand up for things. Try things. New people, new experiences. We risk.

  “You’re so timid about the big, bad world, aren’t you, Bess? You wear so many masks that no one can truly know you. Not your parents. Not your friends. I doubt even Alex came close. You keep everyone out. I did try to get to know you once. You pushed me away too. You prefer to give us all some carefully constructed facade. The silhouette of who you are.”

  Grace leaned forward, eyes flashing. “Do you know the difference between us?” Her voice became silky. “I know what I want, and go for it. You know what you want, and don’t. Never say I don’t give you good advice. In fact that’s all I seem to do, isn’t it? Advise you. Support you. And you throw everything back in my face. You even side with the American over me. Like I’m nothing. There’s gratitude for you.” Her expression flickered before going blank.

  Elizabeth couldn’t believe she’d once hung off every word this woman said. “I thank you for your advice over the years,” she said stiffly. “But I don’t think I need you as a mentor anymore.”

  “Oh, you need me still,” Grace said with conviction. “You always desperately need my courage. You’d be lost without me.”

  For a moment, doubt flooded Elizabeth. Was this true? She did find it hard to come out of her shell. But would she be lost? Between them, who had the booming career? Who kept an agent? Who put on her own one-woman show, without Grace’s support? Her doubts bled away.

  “No.” Elizabeth said confidently, earning a flicker of surprise from Grace. “In fact, I think it’s you who needs me now.”

  Grace snorted. “Nonsense.”

  “I’ve been making you feel special for years. You feed on it. Your friends shouldn’t exist just to be stand-ins for adoring fans, to boost your self-esteem. Yet that’s what we all are to you.”

  Grace rolled her eyes. “Oh, listen to you. No one forced any of you to do anything for me, for heaven’s sake. You’re not being held captive.”

  “No,” Elizabeth admitted. “I played your game when I saw how happy it made you. All I ever wanted was to be the architect of your smile.”

  “And now? You wish me to be unhappy? After everything I’ve done! Rushing to your set a few weeks ago, to see if you were okay. Your entire LA career? Your—”

  “Oh stop.” Elizabeth sighed. “I did have a little to do with my career success. And you didn’t visit to see if I was okay. I hung up on you and you felt me slipping away. Today has been about shoring up my loyalty. You’ve been throwing everything at me to keep me at your side.” She reached over to Grace’s shirt and flicked the barely there material. “And I do mean everything.”

  “What an idea.” The words lacked Grace’s usual bravado…or conviction.

  Hell. She’d been right. Elizabeth swallowed. How cynical could the woman get?

  This was over. They were done. She felt it down to her bones. “As I said, thanks for helping me once. I’m fine now. Let’s just move on with our lives…separately. I don’t think this friendship’s healthy for either of us.”

  Grace’s mouth dropped open.

  Taking advantage of the stunned silence, Elizabeth gathered her things quickly, and headed for the door.

  “She’ll never love you.” The voice was low and warning.

  Elizabeth paused at the door, annoyed with herself for doing so. “Who?”

  “You’re a closed book,” Grace continued. “An emotional sphinx. I might be all the things that you claim. And you might condemn me for throwing everything I have in order to get what I want. But at least I put myself out there. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don’t, but it’s never for lack of trying. You hide away, avoid risk, and let no one see all of you. No one’s allowed close enough to your heart to hurt you. That’s why you’ll always be alone.”

  “Glad to see you think so highly of me.” The betrayal stung.

  “I don’t say this to hurt you. It’s just a fact. Now ask yourself: Why would someone who seems so friendly, trusting, open, and warm as Summer want someone so diametrically opposed in her life? Isn’t that proof?”

  “Proof of what?”

  “The girl is definitely using you.”

  Elizabeth looked at her evenly. “You’re right. I’ve been used. I’ve been foolish.” With sadness, she regarded the woman who had been the center of her universe for years. “But Summer’s not the one who’s been doing it.”

  Elizabeth left, resisting the urge to slam the door behind her. She’d been blind for so long. Her biggest regret was that she’d spent far too long in love with a woman who didn’t deserve it.

  Chapter 21

  In the past forty-eight hours, Elizabeth had done little else but think. Her mind had been a chaotic mess on the short flight home from Palm Springs. She’d been distracted when reading Choosing Hope’s new Hunter-loaded script. Not to mention while standing in front of her empty fridge, vagueing out beside her elderly housekeeper instead of rattling off a shopping list.

  For some reason, the fridge light staring back at her hadn’t been forthcoming on life advice.

  In the end she called for an impromptu party night—well, afternoon. Strangely, no one commented on Grace’s absence. Far more incomprehensible was that Elizabeth finally managed to open up a little.

  Through fits and starts, she explained that Grace wouldn’t be coming around to her parties anymore. That the relationship had become too toxic for her, but the rest of them shouldn’t feel the need to take sides. And everyone just said “okay” or “cool”. Like they’d been waiting for this to blow up for some time.

  And then…then, she shocked herself completely by just coming out. She threw it in like a polite, conversational postscript, along the lines of: Thanks for coming, everyone. Lovely tie, Brian. Did I ever mention I’m a lesbian? Just an FYI. Is everyone all right for drinks? Snacks? Elizabeth then downed her gin like a woman dying of thirst, trying not to hyperventilate.

  Their underwhelmed reaction to that bombshell was even more unexpected than the Grace news. Alex gave her a proud grin and a thumbs-up. The others just nodded. Nodded! And that was essentially it. The conversation moved on.

  Half an hour later, Zara, Amrit, and Brian retreated outside to kick around a football on the small square of lawn to one side of the pool, while Rowan, un-athletic to a fault, called out unhelpful critiques. Like it was any other day.

  “Hey,” Alex said quietly, coming to settle beside her on the couch. She flopped her socked feet into Elizabeth’s lap and blew out
a huge breath. “Wow. What a day, huh?”

  “One word for it.”

  “So, your news, huh? We’re so glad you finally told us.”

  “Uh-huh. I could tell by everyone’s shocked reactions.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Everyone knew, didn’t they?”

  “Yes, Bess. We’re all great at respecting your space, but no one’s blind.”

  Pressing her lips together, Elizabeth stared grimly at her drink. “Ah.” She had a disturbing thought. “Do you think Brian’s serious about that celebratory rainbow sponge cake?”

  “Knowing him? Probably. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be tasteful.”

  Elizabeth laughed.

  “So… wanna talk?” Alex asked. “About why you’re opening up to everyone now? Not that I’m complaining. We’d all love to know you better. It’s just…this is a bit of a departure.”

  “I’m not in the mood for an emotional autopsy.”

  “If that were true, we wouldn’t have been invited over.”

  Damn it.

  “Hey, remember when I told you Summer was a catalyst and would blow shit apart for you? That you needed it?”

  “Is this your ‘I told you so’?”

  “Maybe. So spill, what’s happened now? Something must have.”

  Elizabeth glanced at her friend. “Grace kissed me.”

  “What?” Alex squeaked.

  Elizabeth smirked and sipped her drink.

  “Why would she do that?” Alex tried again. “I mean no offense, you’re very kissable—”

  “You’d know.”

  “But she’s not even the slightest bit bi. She told me that once. I mean, unless it’s some weird power game to keep you at her side…” Her eyes widened. “Oh shit. Seriously?”

  “I suspect she was testing how deep my feelings were. Whether I could be manipulated with a kiss, and then she’d change tactics later. She’s a master at getting people to do what she wants.”

  “Devious as fuck, you mean.” Alex’s face darkened.

  “In a sense.”

  “Bess, do not tell me you’re still going to defend her?”

  “No. But I finally understand her now, what was always behind her games. Yes, Grace is a woman who thrives on attention and adoration. But she’s terrified of being alone. She’s also afraid of being tossed aside professionally. Now she thinks her friends are all abandoning her, so she’s panicking, desperate to hang on, any way she can. I’ve been feeling hurt, betrayed, and angry for days. Now I just feel pity for her.”

  “Bess, she made her own bed.”

  “Perhaps. It’s still sad.”

  “Loyal to the end.” Alex shook her head. “Y’know it’s crazy you get called the British Bitch. You have one of the warmest hearts. You can’t even bring yourself to hate a woman who played on your feelings for her in the worst way.”

  “She’s hurting. Hollywood isn’t kind to women of a certain age. But don’t worry. I can be done with her and still feel awful for her that she felt she had to sink to this.”

  An impish look crossed Alex’s face.

  “What?” Elizabeth eyed her suspiciously.

  “Soooo, you glossed right over the biggest thing. When she kissed you, what was that like? Did it live up to your dreams?”

  “Hardly. It felt like she was conquering a territory. The Battle of Britain came to mind. Cold, wet, and ferocious.”

  “Oh no!” Alex burst out laughing. “Your glorious Queen Grace turns out to be a useless snogger?”

  “I know, I know.” It was sort of funny, though Elizabeth was still a little bruised.

  “So what of Summer?”

  “What about her?”

  “She’s available, isn’t she? I’ve seen the way she looks at you. If that woman isn’t into you, then I’m handing in my lesbian card.”

  “No comment.”

  “Ah, knew it. I’ve never seen anyone get you to let your guard down quite so much. Around her, you laugh. You tease. You get frustrated. But you’re more. I think that’s what Grace picked up on—why she saw Summer as such a threat. That girl draws you out of your shell.”

  Was that true? Elizabeth frowned. “I hardly think we’re a good match. She’s warm, friendly, and open. I’m not. Don’t you think she deserves someone like her?”

  “Except she seems to want someone just like you. Besides, don’t underestimate her. Summer’s tougher than she looks—she’d have to be to survive unscathed as a child star. Don’t sell her short.”

  “I’m not. But it’s a moot point anyway.” Elizabeth pushed the whole idea aside. “I have to work with her. Imagine if I took the risk on a relationship and it blew up? We have a major storyline coming up together on Hope. It’d be disastrous working at close quarters with her.”

  “Isn’t your character leaving in a couple of months, though? So…wait.”

  Elizabeth thought about that. Then thought some more. Surely it was outlandish. Or something. She was sure there should be some logical reason not to consider this.

  Alex sat back and grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Well, I think we’ve exhausted all your ‘why I can’t possibly date Summer’ arguments. I greatly look forward to you bringing your girlfriend around on party night. In fact, make her a regular.”

  “Oh be quiet.” But Elizabeth warmed at her words.

  Chapter 22

  Summer drummed her fingers against her script. Sitting in her on-set nook, pages in her lap, she tried to focus on what was coming up. Finally, she was back at work, finally, she’d be seeing Bess, and finally… Actually that was all she could focus on.

  Beside her, Tori prattled on at a million miles an hour, apparently having just seen the Hunter insertions in the script. “Well, girl, I guess the joke’s on us, huh?” Tori said. “You knew what you were doing all along.”

  “What do you mean?” Summer glanced up.

  “When you ad-libbed about Hunt getting to know Joey, you started this whole thing in motion.” She gestured at the script. “What a pay-off. Have you seen the ratings? Shit, my agent’s in heaven.”

  “Oh, yep,” Summer agreed. It was better if it didn’t get around that this hadn’t been her big masterplan.

  “You nervous? About having to kiss her?”

  “Hmm?” Summer focused on Tori properly. Oh, right. It wasn’t common knowledge about Eight Little Pieces yet. Was she nervous? A little. Not like before. This time she’d be kissing a woman she knew liked women too. A woman who had hinted that Summer might have a chance with her, if her heart didn’t belong elsewhere. A woman who knew Summer was attracted to her. That changed their previous dynamic in so many ways.

  “I’d be so nervous I’d be tossing my cookies right about now.” Tori cackled. “Fuck, I have no idea how you’d be able to even touch the British Bitch let alone lay one on her.”

  Summer’s fingers tightened. “Don’t call her that. She’s not a bitch.”

  “What?” Surprise crossed Tori’s face. “Everyone does.”

  “I don’t care. Name one bitchy thing she ever personally did to you or anyone around here?”

  “Whoa…sorry.” Tori lifted her hands. “No offense. I’m just used to that being her nickname. I don’t even know her.”

  “No one does, and yet everyone thinks it’s fine to talk crap about her. How’s that okay?”

  “You’re right, it’s not.” Tori’s look became speculative. “So…you guys are friends now?”

  Shrugging, Summer turned the page, pretending to give her script attention. “We did a film together on hiatus. I know her a lot better now. She’s really nice.”

  The silence dragged on, and finally Summer met Tori’s wide eyes. “What? You did a film with her?”

  “Yeah. She’s a great actress. I learned a lot.” And she kissed me like she was on fire and cracked open m
y heart. But she didn’t mean to, so… “It was educational.”

  “Geez, you’re a dark horse. Everyone around here’s too scared to say boo to her, and you’ve been making films with her! And now…” She elbowed her. “Kissing Hunt.” She shuddered. “Nope, still can’t picture doing that.”

  “Am I interrupting?” Elizabeth’s cool voice sliced through the air and Tori almost jumped off her chair.

  “No!” Tori scrambled to stand at attention. “We were just rehearsing. Gotta go.” She bolted.

  “Is she always that skittish?” Elizabeth lowered herself into the vacated canvas seat. “Do I want to know what you were discussing?”

  “Depends. How much did you hear?”

  “Nothing. Why? Should my ears be burning?”

  “Oh, definitely. Apparently I’m brave. She can’t imagine the horrors of having to kiss Hunt.”

  Elizabeth’s laugh was low and husky. “Well, I don’t imagine that she knows what we got up to on hiatus then.”

  Summer smirked. “Noooo. I think her head would explode.” She glanced at Elizabeth’s outfit. Ooh. Hunt wardrobe. Hair in a bun. White coat. Clip-on security ID on her breast pocket. Summer did like Bess in full Hunt regalia.

  “Yes?” Elizabeth’s eyebrow hiked up at her inspection.

  “I’ve decided I like Hunt.”

  “You do?” Skepticism edged Elizabeth’s tone.

  “Turns out I’m fond of misunderstood ice queens.” On screen and off. “And you do Hunt so well.”

  “Never an icier queen, I suppose. Until our scene, that is.”

  “When the melting begins. Yep.”

  “Nervous?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes warm.

  “Maybe a little. It doesn’t help seeing the crowd of ogling men who’ve turned up from every department to see us kiss. Pretty much sums up our show—it’s not exactly staffed by sensitive Jean-Claudes. And we just know they’ll milk Hunter for sensationalism and try to make it look scandalous and dirty.”

  “We won’t allow it. We play it as an authentic love story.”

  “Yes. Joey’s all in. This isn’t some fun flirtation for her. She has real feelings for the chief.”