by D J Small
“Ma’am, I don’t—”
“Agent Malsteen, go,” Val demanded, her eyes still trained on Summer. When she heard the door close behind her, Val crossed the room and moved closer to the bed. She bit her bottom lip, uncertain of what to do. It hurt her to see Summer suffer like this, and it hurt even more when she remembered her suffering had been going on for a long time.
Seeing no other ways to calm Summer down, Val went with what her heart told her to do. She took off her heels and climbed onto the bed behind Summer, wrapping her arms around Summer’s writhing body and making quiet shushing sounds as she held her close. “I’ve got you, Summer, it’s okay. It’s only a nightmare.”
She began to rake her fingers through Summer’s damp hair, a bittersweet gesture, and Val’s hold tightened around her. Time became irrelevant to Val as she laid there with Summer, but she noticed how long it took her to calm down, and how tightly she gripped her arm. It further confirmed her suspicion that she wasn’t getting treatment. Val sighed. She wanted to help Summer so much, but she didn’t know how, or if she even could.
After a while, Summer began to move out of her arms, and Val tried to hold on to her, but Summer moved her arm and scooted closer to the edge of the bed. Val stared at her back, dumbfounded as to what she should do, but eventually Summer helped her with that.
“You need to go,” she said in a quiet but hoarse voice.
“Are you okay?” Val asked, more than worried about her ex-wife.
The room fell silent, and when Summer replied, her voice was barely a whisper, “Don’t ask me that.”
Val chewed on the inside of her lip. “I can get you a glass of water if—”
“I don’t need anything, Val,” Summer snapped. “Just go.” Her back remained turned to Val.
“Okay,” Val softly said before getting off the bed. After picking up her shoes she headed for the door. Opening it a crack, she turned to look back at Summer. She hadn’t moved from her position on the edge of the bed, and Val felt the urge to crawl back onto it and hold her until she went to sleep. Her tears transformed Summer’s body into a foggy haze, and Val’s throat tightened with emotion as she whispered, “Sleep well.”
Slipping silently out of the room and closing the door behind her, Val felt like she was losing Summer all over again, but this time the pain was worse, and she seemed to be drowning in it. Tears fell freely from her eyes as she walked to her bedroom and away from Summer.
Chapter Seven
The lights in the first spouse’s office were as low as possible, barely giving Summer enough light to read the document in her hand as she laid on the couch, which would have been a problem if she were actually reading the report on fundraising for California.
Summer’s mood wasn’t the best, and the throbbing headache she had didn’t help it any. When she had come down to the East Wing, she told Nina to reschedule her meetings and make sure no one bothered her. Being in a terrible mood after a night of brutal nightmares wasn’t a new occurrence for Summer, and withdrawing from the world was how she recovered from them, but this time the aftermath of the nightmares had been different, and it made her temperament ten times worse.
Val was the reason for the difference. Having her ex-wife comfort her through the nightmares added insult to injury, and upset Summer even more. She had never wanted Val to see her like that, and loathed the way she had clung to her as if she were her salvation from the demons that tormented her on a nightly basis. Summer huffed in annoyance at her moment of weakness, but at the same time her heart desperately wanted to be back in Val’s arms. Feeling such desires were foolish, because even though she didn’t know why Val had come into the Lincoln Room, it had meant nothing, making the gesture a hollow one.
Once she found out the reason why Val had brought her back to this hell-hole Summer planned to tell her to leave her alone and shove the excuses up her ass. Being left in the dark still pissed her off, and combined with the horrendous nightmares it had turned her anger into a depressive misery— a harmful state of mind considering Summer’s surroundings.
Someone knocked on the office door, and Summer groaned, deciding to fire Nina despite not being the one to re-hire her. After releasing a defeated sigh, Summer sat up on the couch and called out, “Come in.” There were only two people in the White House who would disregard the instructions she had left Nina.
Every muscle in Summer’s body stiffened the moment Val entered the office. She had honestly thought Val would have avoided her after last night, because Summer definitely wouldn’t have gone out of her way to see Val if it were the other way around. Curiosity made her wonder why Val had come to see her, but it was quickly extinguished by Summer’s need to be alone.
Val moved closer to the couch. “Are you okay?”
Summer started to straighten up the papers strewn across the coffee table, not bothering to answer Val’s question. Out the corner of her eye, Summer watched Val sit down in the armchair off to the right of the couch, then she let out a soft sigh.
“I’m sorry.” Summer turned her head to stare at Val, who continued to speak. “I’m sorry about last night, and for making you go to the state dinner. I’m sorry I was a terrible wife and didn’t see how much trouble you were in.” She sighed again. “I know none of this is going to help now, but I feel like this will be my only chance to say it.” Her dark eyes met Summer’s. “You can leave, Summer.”
“What?” Summer asked, surprised by the sudden turn-around. A slight scowl formed on her face. “What happened to all this shit about my country needing me?” She gestured to Val. “About you needing me?”
Val pressed her lips together, then said in a quiet voice, “What I need you for, I can’t use you for, Summer. Not like this.” She sighed and added, “I need you to be you, and you’re not that. At least not right now.”
“What do you mean, I’m not me?” Summer stood up from the couch and glared at Val. “What does ‘not like this’ mean?”
Val’s eyes softened as she held Summer’s gaze. “You have PTSD, Summer, and possibly depression.” She sighed. “I knew this would have happened after the crash, but—”
“Did you get a fucking degree in psychology while I was gone?” Summer interjected, cutting Val off. The current direction of their conversation caused her defenses to automatically go up.
Val stood up from the chair and countered. “I may not have a degree in psychology, but I know the signs and have read the medical reports.” She sighed, and some of her combativeness left her. “I should have known this would have happened, but the way things were going—”
“Val, just stop,” Summer stated firmly. This conversation needed to end.
Val shook her head. “That’s just it, Summer. I did stop. I didn’t do anything, and look what’s happened. I thought you were getting treatment this whole time, and—” She stopped and shook her head. “I will arrange for you to be taken to the airport with an escort. If you need anything else, let Gerald know and he will take care of it for you.”
Val began to make her way towards the door, but Summer, while thankful for the sudden change in conversation, wasn’t quite done with it yet. “What did you want me for, Val? It had to have been something pretty huge for you to choose me, of all people, considering the last two years and how I left.”
Val turned and faced her, a small smile playing on her lips. “I didn’t make the decision, General Archambault did. I will admit I agreed with it for selfish reasons, but I also concurred with her assessment regarding your skills as a pilot and a leader.”
Summer’s eyebrows furrowed as she tried to decipher what Val had said. If she wasn’t the only person behind her return, then the reason for it had to have been a serious one. “Why was I brought back, Val?”
Val held up her hand to run it through her hair, but stopped short. Summer almost smiled. When Val had straight hair, it had to be perfect all the time, which meant she couldn’t mess it up with the simple gesture. Instead, Val drew in a
deep breath and let her head fall back. Summer felt her patience slip, but after another second Val lowered her head and expelled a deep breath. “I can’t tell you. It’s above your security clearance.”
Summer glared at her, but a frown replaced the expression when realization hit her. “So, it’s military?”
Val grunted quietly and shook her head. “It’s a fucking mess is what it is.” She walked over to one of the covered windows and was about to lift the curtain, but stopped short and faced Summer. The two of them stared at one another for several long seconds, and Summer wondered what she could be thinking about. Eventually, Val spoke. “Three American soldiers along with six Alliance soldiers were taken by Iraqi insurgents.”
Summer’s eyes widened. “Were they killed? What do you plan to do? Why hasn’t this been in the news? Why haven’t you said anything?”
Val blew out a breath and said, “’I don’t know’ is the answer to every single one of those questions. I foolishly thought I could rescue them before word got out, but it became clear to everyone involved that we were going to need the best of the best to handle whatever mission we developed.” She paused for a second. “You were going to head it, but I can’t put you out there, not like this. It would be too much for you.”
Summer couldn’t agree more, but the news of soldiers being taken by insurgents still stunned her. The part of her that was still rooted in the military wanted to find out how long they had been gone and start planning their rescue immediately, but the part of her that was post-crash wanted nothing to do with this. Summer continued to stare at Val, and the only thing she could think to say was, “I’m retired, Val.”
“I know you are,” Val remarked with a soft chuckle. She sighed. “I planned to reactivate you for this mission.”
Summer scoffed and shook her head. “I can’t get back in a plane. It would be a complete shit show”
“I know. That’s why we’re going to go with someone else.”
The statement stung, but Summer was also relieved. This type of mission was one she would have jumped at before the crash. Rescue missions meant everything to Summer because of what they signified. They meant a family wouldn’t have to worry anymore, and the missions were even more rewarding if the servicemember they were rescuing survived, but Summer wouldn’t be able to do it now even if she tried to force herself.
Being in a plane would make last night’s panic attack look like a walk in the park. Summer drew in a deep breath and gave Val a slight nod. “I appreciate you and the general considering me for this position, but I understand. The mission needs someone who can truly focus on it, and I am not that person.”
Val nodded in understanding. A momentary lull occurred in their conversation before she said, “I’ll arrange the escort and have your things packed.” She paused. “I hope you get the help you need, Summer.”
Summer watched as Val left the office. Getting help for her mental health wasn’t something she had thought too much about. Her stubborn nature made her believe it wouldn’t work, and she thought she was beyond help. Not dealing with it seemed to be the best option, or so she had thought, and Summer believed her issues would resolve themselves. A line of thinking she owed to the environment she had grown up in.
Summer looked around the office, a little lost about what to do next. Val had told her she could go, but for some reason, she found she wasn’t ready to leave the White House. The thought shocked the hell out of her, but not as much as the one that followed. She wasn’t ready to leave Val. That thought alone should have been enough reason for her to hightail it out of the complex, but underneath all her unresolved issues and anger, she missed Val. After a second, Summer made a crazy decision and chased after Val.
She caught up with her in the East Colonnade. “Madam President,” she called out.
Val turned around, a perplexed expression on face. “Colonel?”
Summer smirked upon hearing the title. When she was close enough she said, “Since we’re both heading to California in a couple of days, why don’t I stay at the White House and take Air Force One with you?”
“Really? Val asked. Summer chuckled at the surprised tone she spoken in.
“Yes,” Summer answered. “The foundation and the White House have always had a close relationship, and with my sudden reemergence at the complex, it seems like an inevitable happenstance. Wouldn’t you agree?” She knew Val would see right through the well-crafted statement.
Val let out a soft laugh and smiled at Summer. “Colonel, your president needed to see you. That’s why your appearance was so sudden.”
Summer grinned. “Understandable, ma’am, but the president also has my number.”
“She used to,” Val commented. “Nonetheless, I’m glad you’ll be staying at the White House a bit longer.”
“Good to hear, ma’am.”
An awkward silence settled between them, and Summer realized she didn’t know what to say next.
“I hate to cut this short, Colonel, but I do have a treaty negotiation to get to,” Val stated, saving Summer from having to figure out how to end the conversation.
She nodded. “Yes, ma’am, I understand.” Summer smirked. “Have fun with your negotiations.”
Val forced out an annoyed breath. “Treaty negotiations are never fun, especially when one side is being a jackass.”
Summer chuckled. “If I remember correctly, Madam President, you were with a jackass for ten years, so you have some experience in dealing with them.”
“It was nine years, and you were a special brand of jackass,” Val said with a smile.
Summer returned it. “I stand corrected.”
Val chuckled. “If you will excuse me, Colonel.”
“Of course, ma’am.” Summer stood in the corridor and watched as Val continued to make her way down it. When she disappeared through the doors of the Residence, Summer came back to reality and saw that a few members of the White House staff were staring at her. “Oh, get back to what you were doing,” she said before going back to the East Wing.
As she walked down the hall, Summer chewed on the inside of her lip. For the first time in two years, she and Val had managed to have a civil conversation, and she didn’t know what to make of it. On her way to the first spouse’s office, Summer stopped at Nina’s. “When you’re done, come to my office.”
Nina nodded, and Summer left her alone. As she made her way over to the desk, she ordered the room’s computer system to brighten the lights and open the curtains. Once she was settled behind the desk, Summer sighed. She wasn’t going to think too much about all she was doing because she didn’t know what her mood would bring, and she didn’t want to disappoint herself, or regret anything she may say to Val. The door to the office opened, and as Nina walked closer to the desk, she asked, “What did you need me for, Colonel?”
Summer leaned back in the office chair. “Can you set up a meeting with Senator Vickers for later this afternoon?”
Nina nodded. “Certainly. Was there anything else?”
What Summer wanted to say formed in her mind, but her mouth refused to speak the words. She shook her head. “No, Nina. Thank you.”
Nina flashed her a smile before she turned and headed for the door. Summer clenched her jaw as frustration came over her and drew in a deep breath through her nose.
“Nina, wait.” Nina spun on her heel and made her way back to the desk as Summer took another deep breath. “Find me a therapist who specializes in PTSD and depression and also has experience with servicemembers.”
“Okay, Colonel. Is this for the foundation?”
Summer cleared her throat as she turned to look at the computer in front of her. The question, though innocent, was anything but. “Nina, you shouldn’t ask such questions if you would like to remain gainfully employed.”
Summer didn’t look away from the screen as Nina replied, “Understood, Colonel. I will let you know when the meeting with Senator Vickers is scheduled.”
“Than
k you.”
The door to the office opened then closed, and Summer sat back against the chair, groaning as she rubbed her hands over her face. Why she was doing this, she didn’t know, but there were two things she was becoming certain of. Her life needed to change. Her behavior and what she had let her life become the last few years wasn’t helping her and seemed to be doing more harm. The next realization was a brutal one, and it scared her, but it was true. She needed help, and on a large scale. Summer swallowed hard, hoping that what she wanted to do wasn’t going to bite her in the ass and leave her worse for wear.
~~~
With a hand pressed to her stomach, Val walked into the West Wing feeling as though the impossible had just occurred.
“President Hawkins, are you all right?” one of her senior staffers asked as she walked by.
She smiled. “I’m fine, Eric, thank you.”
Val walked over to the door that led to the West Wing dining room, cutting through it to get to the study of the Oval Office. After pushing the door closed, Val rested her forehead against it. She and Summer had managed to have a cordial conversation. Their last real conversation had been before Summer’s last mission. It had centered on Val’s concerns about the assignment then she threatened to kill Summer if she got hurt, but it had ended like all their pre-mission conversations did, with Summer kissing her and telling Val she loved her.
With one conversation Summer had managed to throw Val’s entire line of thinking off the rails. She walked over to the couch and dropped down on it, blowing out a deep breath. Val gave up on trying to keep her hair in order and ran her hands over it, resting her elbows on her knees before clasping her hands behind her neck. The hope bubbling inside of her warred with the tears that threatened to fall. Summer wanting to stay in the White House for the next few days and traveling to California with her had caused hope to flare to life inside her, but Val knew better than to feed into it. None of this meant anything, which was why she wanted to cry.
