by D J Small
Summer had decided to stay because of the foundation’s relationship with the White House. She may have joked about it, but there was no other reason behind it. The decision had nothing to do with them. The carpet under her feet started to blur as tears began to fill Val’s eyes. She wanted this small gesture to mean so much more; she missed her wife and best friend. Summer’s abrupt departure from the White House had caused Val’s world to collapse. The constant she had known for nine years had left without saying a single word, leaving her alone with a hole in her heart, and being president had made the loneliness unbearable.
The sadness and hopelessness she managed to ignore most days, overpowered Val, and she gave into them. Unchecked tears fell from her eyes as thoughts of the past devastated her. Knowing her wife was so close, yet so far from reach, made the memories and emotions worse. Val cried harder, unable to get a hold on the feelings that rendered her helpless and defeated.
The door to the study opened, and Addison said, “Val—” Val began to wipe hastily at her eyes, but Addison asked in a firm tone, “What the hell did Summer do?”
Val let out a tearful chuckle and accepted the tissue Addison retrieved from the box sitting on the end table next to the couch. “She didn’t do anything,” Val replied as she dabbed at her eyes. She blew her nose and added, “In fact, she wants to stay here until our trip to California.”
Addison grunted faintly and mumbled, “Damn.” She sat next to Val. “Then why are you crying?”
A sad smile came to Val’s face. “It was the first conversation we had in two years where it didn’t turn into a verbal sparring match, and it made me think we could possibly fix things, but I know it’s an absurd thought.”
Addison softly clicked her tongue. “Oh, Val. Why do you think it’s ridiculous?”
Val couldn’t stop the cynical laugh that came from her. “Are you serious, Addison?” Her chief of staff shook her head. Val released a frustrated breath. “Summer comes from a family that is notorious for casting aside their emotions and repressing them, so even if she wanted to reconcile with me, she would need to get treatment for her mental health first. It will probably take ten years for her to get to an okay place, considering everything she has been through and not dealt with.”
“I do hate to point this out, Madam President, since you are so infallible,” Val rolled her eyes at the sarcastic comment as Addison continued, “but you also do your fair share of repressing. Shall I go over the last two years?”
Val gawked at Addison not believing her mental state was being judged off the last two years. Getting elected for a second term still felt like a miracle since her emotions had been all over the place. “You cannot hold the last two years against me. Also, I check in with Renee on a weekly basis, so at least I’m talking to someone.” She shook her head in disbelief. “My issues differ greatly from Summer’s, but even if I were repressing my emotions, it would eventually turn into passive-aggressive behavior and snide remarks before I went off on someone.”
“Why don’t you go off on her? I know why you didn’t before she left, but why not now?”
Val sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She would have to fix it before going about her day. “Before the crash, I knew Summer inside and out. I knew exactly what to say to piss her off and what to do to calm her down, but after it and the last two years…” A weary breath escaped her. “I don’t know her anymore. Summer has become unpredictable to me, and as frustrating as it is, it’s also disheartening.”
“Oh, Val…” Addison murmured gently as she covered Val’s hand with hers. “You will get back to the point where you know Summer better than she knows herself.”
Val gave a feeble smile. Doubt and history made it impossible for her to believe that she and Summer would ever get back to that point. For that to happen they would have to make an attempt at getting back together, and Val knew it would never happen. They had too many problems and unsaid things to navigate and sort through. Val glanced down at her watch. “I guess I’d better prepare for the treaty negotiations.”
“Yeah, but take a few minutes. We’re not in any rush,” Addison said, giving her a small smile.
Val released a breath of relief. Going back to work after having a small breakdown wouldn’t put her in a spectacular mood. She let her head fall back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “It hurts, Addy,” she whispered.
Addison gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I know it does, but you have to take it one day at a time. Who knows what could happen.”
Tears came to Val’s eyes as she thought about what Addison had said. Taking it one day at a time would be torturous, but it was all she could do for the moment. Summer controlled everything, while she had nothing. Val drew in a deep breath. She could do this. If she had managed to get through the last two years, then she could get through whatever hell Summer put her through next. At least she hoped so.
~~~
“Colonel Hawkins, I would be honored to speak with the vets and those families, and drum up a little publicity for the foundation,” Senator Neil Vickers said as he got up from the chair in front of the desk.
“With all due respect, Senator, this isn’t about publicity for the foundation. It’s about giving these soldiers and families a beacon of hope. That their pain, suffering, and losses haven’t been in vain.” Summer said as she pushed herself out of the office chair. “I asked you specifically because of your past.”
The senator held her gaze. “And this is more than some pet project for you? I’ve seen the news, Colonel, and you aren’t someone who should be responsible for something like this. Don’t forget your history has also been publicized.”
Summer tightened her jaw at the implication he made. She gave a curt nod. “I understand, sir, but this is more than some pet project. For me, it is personal. We both know I could have easily ended up as one of those veterans who had nothing and no support if my circumstances were different.”
Senator Vickers nodded. “Indeed.” He held out his hand, and Summer took hold of it, giving it a firm shake. “Call my office once you have the dates, and I will be there.”
Summer walked around the desk and showed the senator out. The two of them were discussing the tragedy in California when she opened the office door and found Nina talking to a man in the waiting area outside the office. Summer bid the senator goodbye, and as he walked away Nina came over with the man and introduced him. “Colonel Hawkins, meet Kareem Faulkner. He is known for his work on PTSD and changing the way it is treated and diagnosed.”
Summer hadn’t expected Nina to find someone this soon, and having a sudden meeting with Mr. Faulkner caused her anxiety to spike. She forced a smile on her face and held out her hand. Kareem took it, and as they shook hands Summer said, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Faulkner. Please come into my office.”
The two of them went into the office and after, Summer closed the door Kareem said, “Mrs. Hawkins, it is an honor to be here and to meet you. To be able to help the first spouse—”
Summer held up a hand and interrupted him, pinning him down with a pointed gaze. “Two things, one, do not call me the first spouse. Two, you can call me Mrs. Hawkins, Summer, or Colonel. I prefer Colonel.”
Kareem gave a quick nod. “Understood, Colonel.”
“Have a seat,” Summer said as she gestured to the chair in front of the desk before sitting down. Kareem appeared to have relaxed a bit when he settled into the chair, and Summer inquired, “What do you know about me?”
An uncomfortable look crossed his face for a brief second then he cleared his throat and straightened his tie. Summer did her best not to smirk at his response. She had intentionally asked the question to find out how much of the media’s perception had skewed his thoughts on her. Kareem cleared his throat again. “I’m not certain how you want me to answer the question.”
Summer chuckled a little. “I want you to answer with whatever you want. Tell me what you know about me.” She grinned.
“I’ll try not to bite your head off.”
A tense smile played on Kareem’s lips and he drew in a deep breath. “You are Colonel Summer Hawkins, and you are married—well, were married to the country’s current president, Valarie Hawkins, who is the daughter of former president Kenneth Hawkins. The current President Hawkins is the first African-American woman to be president.” He drew in another breath, and Summer kept her piercing gaze focused on him as he continued. “Two years ago, you were doing a rescue mission off the coast of Iran when—” He came to an abrupt stop when he realized where this factoid was going.
Summer gestured for him to continue. “Go on.”
Kareem grimaced, and said with some apprehension, “Your jet crashed, and you ended up in a coma for a week. Your right leg was amputated.” He quickly switched to a different topic. “Your parents are Matthew and Cassandra Armstrong. They are the owners of your family’s humanitarian organization, The Armstrong Foundation, but you have been the chairperson for the last two years. You also have a brother by the name of Alexander—” He stopped when Summer stood up from her chair and walked over to the set of windows that provided a view of the Jacqueline Kennedy Garden.
Most of what Kareem had said was common knowledge. Her family’s organization was well known; her relationship and marriage to Val had been highly publicized; and her crash was a notorious one, but his reaction while disclosing this piece of information solidified Summer’s decision. She turned away from the window and stared at Kareem as she crossed her arms. “How long has your professional focus been on PTSD, Mr. Faulkner?”
“Kareem, please, Colonel.” He drew in a breath and slowly let it out. “For the last fifteen years, I have dedicated my work to diagnosing and treating PTSD. How the disorder is treated and diagnosed has evolved tremendously over the last few decades.”
Summer nodded. “Do you have any experience with depression and anxiety?”
“I do. Since PTSD can cause both anxiety and depression to manifest, I have become intimately knowledgeable in both.” He pursed his lips then asked, “Colonel, if I may be so bold to ask, what is your interest in my work?”
A brief smirk flashed on Summer’s face. “I will answer your question in a moment, Kareem. I have a few more questions for you.”
“Of course, ask away.”
The serious expression returned to Summer’s face as she continued with her questions. “In your line of work, have you treated military personnel with this disorder?”
Kareem chuckled. “I may have stepped back from working with clients to focus on my research, but I have worked with military personnel. Both active duty and retired members.”
“What about high-profile clients? Have you worked with them before?”
It took Kareem a second, but then he replied. “I haven’t, no.”
Summer hummed. That could possibly throw a wrench in her plan. “Okay, let me ask you this. Can you be discreet?”
Kareem almost looked offended by the question, but he politely answered, “I respect the privacy of my clients, and violating it would not be conducive to their treatment. However,” he held up a finger, “if a client states they may hurt themselves or others, or exhibit harmful signs, I am obligated by law to notify the proper authorities.”
Summer nodded, already knowing that particular stipulation. She moved back over to the desk, and as she sat down she said, “When you come to the White House, your official job description will be mental health liaison, and you will be employed by the Armstrong Foundation, but your true business will be treating me.”
Kareem began to stammer, and after a few attempts he managed to get out what he wanted to say. “I can’t do that, ma’am, Colonel.”
Summer picked up the pen sitting on her notepad and tapped it on the desk blotter. “You will do it, because I need to get back into operational shape, and it has become apparent that I need help to do so.”
Summer smirked at the baffled expression on Kareem’s face. Her unconventional approach to treatment was perhaps a little hard for him to comprehend, but she had to view it as a needed requirement so she could be deemed fit for duty, and that receiving outside help wasn’t a weakness but a necessity. Kareem appeared to be completely out of his element, and his professional decorum dropped a bit when asked, “What about the president?”
Summer dropped the pen in her hand and leaned back in the office chair. “I will handle the president.” She narrowed her eyes and asked, “In all seriousness, Mr. Faulkner, will you be able to do this or not? Because if not, I will need to find someone else.”
She held Kareem’s gaze as he thought about the question. She understood his concerns. This wasn’t something he was used to doing, and she was a high-profile and well-connected person. If she wanted to, Summer could ruin him and his work. Fortunately for Kareem, she wasn’t in the business of ruining other people’s lives, just her own.
Kareem blew out an exasperated breath and offered her a half-smile. “People really don’t say no to you, do they?”
Summer grinned. “Not if they don’t want to piss me off.”
Kareem laughed and shook his head. “All right, Colonel, I will work with you.”
“Thank you,” Summer said with a gracious nod. She leaned forward and folded her arms before resting them on the desk. “Once you have signed your non-disclosure agreement and contract with the Armstrong Foundation, you will start receiving a monthly salary.”
Kareem nodded in agreement then an uneasy look crossed his face. “Do you plan to tell President Hawkins or your family about your treatment?”
Summer didn’t bother to keep the scowl from forming on her face. “If I make the decision to tell anyone about this, I will do so at an appropriate time, and you will get the ridiculous idea of forcing me to tell someone out of your head right now.”
Kareem held up his hands in concession. “I would never tell you what to do, Colonel, it isn’t helpful. You will tell people when you’re ready.” He paused and a slight frown appeared on his face. “This isn’t me telling you what to do, but I will say having a solid support system in place would be beneficial during your treatment.” He pressed his lips together. “I’m here for you, Summer, but I can’t always be here for you.”
Summer stared at him as she processed what he had said. The truth of his words wasn’t lost on her. Having been around veterans with the disorder recently, she knew the importance of having a support system, and that those who had the support of their family and friends did better than those without. One of the counselors had told her it made their patients feel less alone and grounded them. Summer turned her attention to the computer screen. “Set up our first appointment with Nina on your way out.”
Kareem stood from his chair. “Colonel, it was a pleasure and an honor to meet you, and I look forward to our work together.”
Summer gave him a forced smile. “Likewise, Kareem. I would show you out, but I have to prepare for my next meeting.”
Kareem gave her a brief nod. “I understand, ma’am.”
Summer pretended to go back to her work, but in her periphery, she watched him leave. As soon as the office door had closed behind him, Summer fell back against the chair and blew out an explosive breath. She had done her fair share of missions that had put her in scary and dangerous situations, and not once had she felt any stress or fear during them, but this scared her more than anything.
The reasons why she wanted to get better ranged from getting back into the action to not wanting to see the sad look in Val’s eyes whenever she looked at her, but the driving force was that she wanted to regain control of her life and stop the nosedive it was in. It would only be a matter of time before she ended up in jail or dead, and she didn’t want either of those. Her pride wouldn’t allow for it. She grunted. Another trait that had been ingrained into her thanks to the environment she had grown up in.
Summer pressed the button on the holo-phone for Nina’s desk.
“Yes, Colonel?”
/>
“Can you put me through to Manny, please?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Nina said before placing her on hold and sending her call to Val’s secretary.
After a ring, Manny answered. “You have reached the president’s secretary, Emanuel Ramirez. How may I help you?”
“Hey, Manny, is Val available?”
“Colonel?” he asked, uncertain if it was her or not.
Summer chuckled. “Yes. Is she available?”
“I’m not certain.” He sighed. “If you give me a moment, I can find out from Ms. Connors.”
Summer gave her head a slight shake. “Don’t worry about it, Manny, but thank you.” She disconnected the call and bit her bottom lip. Since she planned to use the executive office as a cover for her treatment, Summer needed to come up with something to tell Val, and she needed to figure it out fast. Val would probably rip her a new one for this—or she would have if this had been before the crash, but Summer didn’t know how she would react now.
Summer drew in a slow breath and blew it out as she decided to focus on her work. Working herself up about her newfound determination to get better was pointless since there was one more obstacle in her way, but no matter how much she tried to ignore the anxious thoughts, they continued to run through her mind.
Chapter Eight
“Not only is he sexist, racist, and downright condescending; but he also belittled me,” Val ranted as she and Addison walked into the Oval Office.
“How?” Addison asked as she closed the door behind them.
Val snorted as she stormed over to the liquor cabinet. She needed a strong drink to recover from the first round of treaty negotiations. “Fucking Summer,” she spat out as she reached for the decanter of whiskey. “He made some snide comment about my ability to mediate the treaty negotiations because I couldn’t keep her from leaving me.”
“Oh.”
Val concentrated on pouring whiskey into her glass and not on the anger burning hotly inside her. After taking a long drink she said, “I will yank our involvement in these negotiations if he wants to be a disrespectful asshole.”
