Significance

by Shelly Crane

  He laid his head against mine, his hands on my hips.

  “I can do that,” he said softly.

  “Bye.”

  “Bye, gorgeous.”

  He left with a crooked smile, his dimple flashing at me. I waved and turned to see a very pissed Chad.

  “Took you long enough. You act like you’ll never see him again,” he spat as I made my way to him.

  “Jealous?” I got right to the point as I heard the bike crank and drive away.

  “Yes!” he yelled. “You never acted like that over me.”

  “And neither did you.”

  “Look.” He stepped closer. “I wanted to talk to you, seriously. Can we go inside?”

  “I’d rather not. Dad’s acting weird,” I said though I was cold, I just wrapped Caleb’s jacket tighter around me.

  “Since when do you ride motorcycles?”

  “Since Caleb drives one.”

  “Where did you meet this guy anyway?”

  “This guy goes to Tennessee, but he was in town for Kyle’s grad party.”

  “You just met him the other night?” he asked loudly coming to stand in front of me. “You don’t even know him, Maggie!”

  “Yes, Chad, I just met him. Why do you care? What do you want to talk about?”

  “Us,” he admitted softly. He closed his eyes and put his hand behind his neck, sighing. “You were always just Maggie. I’d been with you forever. I didn’t want things to change but when I thought about going to college without you, I didn’t hurt.” I looked at him sharply. “I’m gonna be honest, Mags. I knew I’d miss you but I wouldn’t ache for you. I thought we’d still be friends, still talk and eventually...I don’t know. So I figured it would be easier on you if I’d break it off. But you totally did the opposite of what I expected and I’ve spent all year suffering for it.”

  He grabbed my jacket clad upper arms gently in his hands. I tried to pull away but he held me firm. I sighed and gave in.

  “Look,” he continued. “I know I messed up but I didn’t see how much until you weren’t there anymore. I missed you so much. I didn’t expect that. I’ve wanted to get back together all year but you kept blowing me off so I figured I’d just wait until I left for college and you’d eventually come around. I never thought in a million years you’d start dating someone else.”

  “Why is that so hard to believe?”

  “Its not- well it shouldn’t have been. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I took you for granted. Everyone here knew you were mine this whole time. I knew no one would go after you. Kyle sure shocked me though. But I just thought you’d wait for me. That one day we’d be back together, where we belong.”

  I wanted to scream. Was this not exactly what I wanted not five nights ago? Was this not what I’d hoped and wished for? Once again his timing was horrible.

  “Chad, I’m sorry. But I don’t want that anymore.”

  “Come on, Mags. He doesn’t know you.” His hands moved up a little. “He doesn’t fill up your life of seventeen years like I do. It’s always been us. Can he remember every time you’ve ever been sick? Can he count how many bones you’ve broken? I used to throw mud at you when our parents took us to the beach when we were four, can that guy say that?”

  “No. But that guy didn’t dump me for college football either.” Chad leaned his head back to look at the sky in frustration but I kept going. “He didn’t dump me to save me from myself. Chad, he does things you never did. You never touched me, I mean really touched me. You never looked at me the way he does. You wanted nothing more than a comfort zone girlfriend.”

  “I know that and I was an idiot for not seeing what I had. All I want is a second chance. I can touch you, I want to,” he insisted and reached for my face but I backed away.

  “You can’t, Chad. Not now. I’m sorry that things ended up like this for you but I’m happy. Don’t you want that for me?”

  “I think you’re angry at me and letting this guy come in and tell you everything you want to hear.”

  I wish I could tell him how wrong he was but it looked like I’d have to settle for looking like the sulky ex-girlfriend hell bent on a rebound relationship.

  “I’m sorry, Chad. I gotta go, ok? I promised I’d keep in touch and I will. I hope everything works out great for you at Florida.”

  I started to walk around him. I should have seen it coming but I didn’t. He grabbed my arm to halt me and swung me around. His hands gripped my arms and his mouth came down on mine gently but with force.

  My mind screamed at me to make him stop. That little thing I’d felt when Kyle held my hand, that feeling that I was doing something wrong, was a full force assault on my senses now. I tried to push him away but he held me tight. He pulled me closer and opened my mouth with his, brushing his tongue against my teeth, searching. He groaned when he found my tongue. I was so confused. Chad had never kissed me like this, with passion and whole bodies, and now he was trying to prove a point.

  That he could and he wanted to.

  But I didn’t.

  I pushed him with all my strength but he held me still. I focused my mind and tried to think of something. My mind cleared a little and seemed to lead the way as he continued to press and when his hand came up to tug in my hair I knew I had to end it. I pushed the thought through to stop. I thought it red hot and angry for him to stop. Then he released me with a gasp and grabbed his lip.

  “Did you bite me?” he said in shock.

  “No,” I answered and rubbed my lips, as if to rub him off.

  “It felt like you...shocked me.”

  I held in my smug satisfaction, knowing I’d caused whatever it was he felt. I had no idea how but didn’t doubt that I’d done something.

  “I don’t know, Chad. Maybe it was the universe telling you that you shouldn’t keep kissing a girl once she tries to push you away.”

  He paled.

  “That’s not what- I wasn’t. I just wanted to make you see that I do want you.”

  “And you did. Maybe if you’d kissed me like that last year, we’d still be together,” I said softly and made my way to the door. I turned once. “I really do hope everything works out for you, but I’m happy where I am.” And then I closed the door.

  “Maggie Masters.” I startled at the harshness of my father’s voice. “I did not raise you to behave this way.”

  I turned on the light in the foyer and but didn’t see him. So I peeked in the kitchen. He was standing at the sink in front of the window. Aha. So he saw Chad’s little love display. Great.

  “That was Chad, dad, not me.”

  “You let him.”

  “Did you see what happened? Because if you did, you must have seen him grab me.”

  How was I being blamed for this?

  “Maggie, I’m not just talking about Chad. You can’t lead these boys on like this.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You leave with one guy this morning and not too long after another boy comes by, the Jacobson boy, Kyle, and then tonight, Chad sat on the steps for over an hour waiting on you. You can’t do this, it’s not right.”

  “Ok. First, Caleb is the one, ok. He’s the only one I’m interested in. Kyle is a friend. And Chad dumped me. How was I supposed to know he was sitting here waiting for me like that?”

  “Ok,” he conceded and sat in one of the chairs at the table. “So Caleb. What can I expect with you two?”

  “I don’t know what you mean?” I asked as I jumped to sit on the counter.

  “I mean are you going to get silly about him and try to follow him to college or something.”

  I sat and looked at him. There was no point in lying. He couldn’t stop me from seeing Caleb, it was literally life or death.

  “Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.”

  “So...being boy crazy is what it’s gonna take to get you to go to college?” he said dryly and his mouth turned up in amusement.

  “What?” I asked, stunned by his ques
tion.

  He actually seemed happy about the idea.

  “You always had such big plans, until last year. Always had good grades, I assumed you’d go but after this year I wasn’t sure if you still wanted to or not. You’ve barely made it to high school everyday, let alone thinking about college.”

  “I do want to,” I admitted, “but no college is going to accept me, dad. I blew it.”

  “Well, you won’t know for sure until you try.”

  “So. You’re saying you won’t have a problem if I enroll at Tennessee with Caleb next semester?”

  “Well, you won’t be enrolling with him, you’ll be enrolling in the college that he happens to attend, one year ahead of you. But yes, I’m saying, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. In fact, I’d be thrilled for you to go to college. That is if Caleb doesn’t mind you tagging along, of course.”

  “He won’t mind,” I said grinning.

  “Well, still, I think I’ll have a talk with him. I planned to anyway if you’re going off to college alone together. He needs to know the boundaries-”

  “I get it, dad. You want to put him through the wringer about my virtue and respectability, sex and parties and staying at his place. I get it. I understand. Go ahead.”

  He scoffed and sat looking at me like I was blue or something.

  “Ok,” he finally said.

  “Ok,” I agreed. I jumped off the counter and bent to kiss his cheek. “Goodnight. Love you, daddy.”

  “Love you, too, baby girl.”

  Thirteen

  After I brushed my teeth vigorously to get rid of anything Chad and took a shower, my bed was calling my name. I had no idea what Caleb had planned. He promised he’d come back, work it out somehow for sleeping tonight. I believed in him but no matter his powers of persuasion, there was no way my dad was letting him up here tonight.

  So I texted him once I was out of the shower and I was so giddy to be texting him. I wrote-

  Hey. Drama over. Ready when you are. Maggie.

  He wrote-

  Good, I’m dying here ;)

  I sat and started to read instead, because otherwise, I would just pace and if I sat on my bed I’d fall asleep in no time.

  After careful consideration of my wardrobe, I curled up in my cami and cherry sleep pants in the club chair in the corner of my room. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to be sexy, but I didn’t want to look like a frump either. But I needed to be wearing something that he could easily reach my skin. I gnawed my bottom lip in anticipation of tonight. I mean it didn’t mean anything really. I’d slept with him before, once. It’s just sleep, I knew that, but for some reason, tonight it felt like so much more. Like this was a step for us towards something.

  So I read my favorite book, Pride and Prejudice. I’d worn down the pages so much that the binding barely held anymore. I know it’s the cliché favorite girl’s book but I can’t help it. It was a perfect story. Elizabeth is the typical girl with confidence yet insecurities and family drama and Mr. Darcy was a fine specimen of what a man should be like.

  After I’d read for about twenty minutes I started to be curious. I didn’t want to text him again and seem clingy or controlling but I was worried that he’d already tried to come and dad had turned him away.

  Then I heard the tink of something hitting my window. My heart leapt in giddiness. There’s a guy tossing rocks at my window! It was a very classic movie moment for me. I eased it open and looked down to see Caleb smiling up at me.

  It had to be the second floor, he thought to me.

  I gasped at his words in my mind and laughed happily but quietly and shrugged. He began to climb up the drainpipe and then hooked his leg over the porch roof. He pulled himself up and walked over easily to the window.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  “Yes.” I moved back so he had room. “So this was the big plan. To sneak in?” I jested.

  “Yep. Couldn’t think of anything else. Does your door lock?”

  I went to it and turned the little bolt to lock it. I came back to him as he shucked his backpack.

  “I brought snacks,” he chimed and pulled out two packs of honey buns.

  “Ah! Yay!” I took mine and unwrapped it enough to take a bite. “You totally get points for remembering.”

  “That’s what I was going for,” he laughed. He took a bite of his too and devoured it in two more bites. “Hey, pretty good.”

  “How have you not had a honey bun before?”

  He shrugged.

  “Not sure. My favorite snacks are macadamia nut cookies. My mom always makes them for me and mails them to my apartment once a week.”

  “Aw. That’s nice. I like cookies too but, honey buns are just the right amount of sweet,” I said and smiled but that turned into a yawn.

  “Sleepy again?” he asked and pulled me to sit on the bed beside him.

  “Yeah. I can’t believe it but I am.”

  “So, what happened with the guy?” His voice was a little hard. “Did I win the bet?”

  “Yes,” I sighed reluctantly. “I shouldn’t feel guilty, he dumped me, but I do a little. He was pretty upset.”

  “He wanted to get back together and you said no?”

  “What else would I say?”

  “I don’t know. That you regret what happened.”

  “You mean you? I regret you?” He stayed silent but that was answer enough. “No. Of course I don’t. He hasn’t given me half of what we have in just the few days I’ve known you and I told him that.”

  “He kissed you,” he said so low I barely heard him.

  “Yes,” I answered truthfully and waited. Was he angry? Did his silence mean he regretted it? Was he disappointed because he thought I let him or wanted it? “I didn’t let him if that’s what you’re thinking. In fact, I shocked him or... something when he wouldn’t let go.”

  “Wouldn’t let go?” he asked and I heard the edge to his tone.

  “I handled it.”

  “Did he hurt you? Force you?” He moved to stand over me, tower over me. “Tell me the truth, Maggie.”

  “No, he didn’t hurt me, just got a little carried away. I zapped him or whatever and told him I wanted you. And then I went inside.”

  His breathing was heavy and his face hard.

  “He better hope I don’t see him walking around.”

  “It’s ok.” I stood too and placed my palm on his cheek. His breathing almost instantly calmed and he sighed, leaning into my hand. “Then my dad scolded me for it, like it was my fault. And then...he said he’d like it if I went to college next semester.”

  “He said that?”

  “Yeah,” I said softly and so hated to stomp on the hope in his voice. “But I can’t go. I told you, I completely screwed up this year. The rest of the years won’t matter. No one’s going to let me in.”

  “Let us handle that. Will you? We have connections at Tennessee. If you’re sure you want to go there, you’re in.”

  “What kind of connections?”

  “Well, Benjamin Franklin is the most famous.”

  “What is he your great, great, great uncle or something?”

  “No,” he laughed. “I meant hundreds as in dollars. We furnished the library in the Jacobson family name. Plus all colleges give alumni special privileges.”

  My heart skipped at the idea but plummeted in the next beat.

  “But I don’t have any college money. My mom took it when she left and my dad let things go too badly to help me with loans.”

  “Don’t worry about it. My dad wants to take care of it.”

  “What! Like pay my way to college?” I stared at him. “No way. I couldn’t let him do that.”

  “Why not? He has the money, that’s what it’s there for. Family.” He brought his head to mine. “You’re family now. Anything that’s ours is yours.”

  “Caleb, it’s too much.”

  “No it isn’t. Just think about it, ok? I’m not guessing here. He already
talked to me about it. Same way with the house. It’s your house now too.”

  I hadn’t even kissed him yet and he was already trying to pay for my college.

  “Not me, my father,” he corrected, reading my thoughts. “He wants to, he lives for it. We all help each other. It’s why everyone works so hard in our family.”

  I looked at him and saw he was completely serious and sincere.

  “Ok, I’ll think about it but, it’s pretty crazy and I’m not really comfortable with the whole paying-my-way thing.”

  He nodded and continued to look down at me.

  “Did I tell you how cute you look in pajamas?”

  “Yeah,” I giggled. “I think you did. Nice subject change, by the way.”

  “It worked,” he smirked and it defined his dimple.

  I couldn’t wait another second.

  I bit my lip as I slid my hands up his chest to his neck to rest in his hair. It was curly and soft as I pushed my fingers through it. He closed his eyes and groaned a little when I scratched and ran them through the strands. It was exactly like I imagined it was.

  “I’ve wanted to do that every since you knocked me to the pavement,” I said easily and smiled.

  He looked like he was having trouble with his breaths. I remembered what he had said that day, about being more affected by my touch than I was to his.

  He reached out and did the same to me, ran his fingers through my hair and down my neck. It felt better than anything ever before it. He leaned down to kiss my forehead. I pulled his face down, moving his lips from my forehead to my mouth. I paused for just a second and saw his eyes flash before I pulled him down and...and then we were kissing. His fingers tightened in my hair as I pressed my lips to his. When our mouths opened together, it was almost like imprinting all over again.

  I felt a tingling burn start at my lips and move outwards down my neck, a cold in my veins and hot on my skin, my body zinged with a jolt of tremors and shocks and a heavy fog seemed to blanket the room, like morphine. I was calm, almost too calm but also enraptured with him and his lips.

  I got flashes and glimpses from Caleb and saw that he was feeling the same thing, but we didn’t stop. I moved my fingers to the back of his neck and felt the gentle pressure of his tongue. I could barely take what was happening to me.