No Forgiveness

by Helen Nickolson

  She joined the dance line at the back since she was the last one to join and placed her hand—palm side out—against her lower back at the waist. Whenever anyone joined, that person did the same. It wasn’t long before the leader beckoned to her to go to the front of the line. No one tried to hog the limelight for too long by being leader of the dance the entire duration of the song, and once she had circled the yard several times, she, in turn, would motion for someone new to go to the front.

  But in the short period that she led, she was superb! She danced with her heart and with love for the movement. She swayed, felt the nuances of the movement and simply let the rhythm of the music soak through her. In those moments, she didn’t care much if others were there or not. The music was for her.

  Katerina motioned to another young woman to take her place and was just as happy being in the supportive role of second; without a good second, even the best leader would be brought down or wouldn’t dare make any impressive moves. As she was switching positions and handing the scarf over to the young woman, Katerina saw Michael and Ophelia standing at the edge. She hadn’t seen them come in but their absorption in the dancing told her that they had been there for some time and had watched her.

  Bowing to proper etiquette and not wanting to upset her mother, Katerina left the dance and walked over to them. She greeted them very politely and asked if she could get them anything in particular.

  Ophelia, with malice in her eyes and spite on her tongue declared, “You know that you need to get me nothing since this is my house as much as it’s yours. You obviously put this together to look good in front of the neighbors but they know you. I don’t know why you couldn’t have told me earlier and we could have done this together. You just always want the credit.”

  “Please, Ophelia. This is not the time or place to show everyone how badly we get along. This is for Mama, and she is awfully happy tonight. Let’s not spoil it for her. If you want to quarrel, we can meet another time and say all that we need to say to clear the air. You know where I live.”

  “All right Katerina. I have enough to say to you that I will stop by to see you in the next month. I’ll pretend for tonight, but don’t think you have me or anyone else fooled in any way.”

  Michael, feeling uncomfortable and helpless, simply looked at them. He shook his head and walked away while they both gazed at his back with love in their eyes. They then surreptitiously looked at each other to study how each other looked. Katerina, no longer feeling that she had to be caring toward Ophelia, looked and thought that her sister looked frumpier than ever; her skin was blotchy and she was shapeless as if she had put on extra pounds around the middle. Ophelia observed that Katerina had never looked better or healthier; her hair shone, her skin was clear, and her body was the same smooth, curvy-lined silhouette it had always been. Inwardly, she raged at God for his unfairness and managed to calm herself only by the thought that she, Ophelia, not Katerina, had Michael. They stood next to and measuring each other for several minutes, then turned their backs to go in opposite directions without a further word.

  Katerina had wanted to throw thunderbolts into Ophelia’s face and had almost shouted, “How dare you, bitch and sister-betrayer, have the nerve to even look at me, much less talk to me as if I owe you something. You think I don’t understand what you consider and what you’re capable of? I didn’t until two years ago. I found out then that you’re a warped, ugly, jealous, and malevolent person inside. You were never attractive, but now your exterior is resembling the rest of you more. Did Michael have to wear a sack over his head to have sex with you? No, he probably just closed his eyes tightly.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The next day, Katerina went out to the north field late with food for lunch. She was surprised to not see Michael out there working and figured that he must had had to return home for a tool or something that he had forgotten. Since she was hungry, she ate some of the food in the basket, soaked her feet in the water, and stretched out for a short nap. She hadn’t expected to fall asleep and was startled awake by rustling movements she heard nearby outside. It was Michael coming through the branches and leaves and she sensed him settling next to her.

  He kissed her so slowly, so painstakingly, that she felt herself floating through the clouds in the sky high above and floating over the deep blue Aegean like one of the seagulls she often saw at a distance.

  “I’m so glad you came back,” she murmured tenderly. “I knew that you must have forgotten something you needed, and I was just going to wait for you.”

  “I need nothing more than you. You are the most important thing in my life. I simply have to touch you, to feel you and I’m enchanted. You enchant me over and over again. You are my one and only, my heart and soul forever,” he tenderly murmured.

  He undressed her quickly for a change and she sensed a restiveness in him. She didn’t mind. He was his own man with thoughts and feelings she might never fully comprehend, but she didn’t necessarily want someone totally open. It was exciting to see this other forceful side to him. She had seen it before, but it was rare.

  She responded with her own longing and clung to him fiercely, caressing his body with need and desire. Stroking each other’s hair, they kissed everywhere they could touch and squeezed each other’s buttocks. He sucked her breasts and held them in his mouth, indistinctly moaning her name every time he came up for air. He looked at her despairingly and cried out when he entered her. His eyes never left her as he drove into her repeatedly and when he exploded, a single tear dropped from each eye.

  She kissed him gently and dressed to leave. She wanted to get back to her workshop and arrange the basket she was preparing to take into Kymi to show the shopkeepers some of her latest samples. She told him that she was planning to stay a couple of days in Kymi and would not see him again until later in the week. He merely nodded and lightly embraced her.

  She entered the workshop quietly and was surprised to see that two of the village girls were still working. How dedicated and hard-working they were, she thought proudly. As she was about to shout “yiasas,” hello, to them, she overheard them mention Michael’s name and remained quiet. It was wrong to eavesdrop, but she was curious to know what was being talked about in the village.

  She sat on the floor soundlessly and gave them her full attention. Yes, they were talking about Michael, but they were also talking about Ophelia.

  “Ophelia told my mother how excited she is to be carrying a second child. She’s always wanted a large family and thought that Michael might have started to feel differently. She’s so happy that Michael now seems to have changed. You know, the pregnancy and birthing were so easy for her that she doesn’t mind that part at all. I hope it’ll be as easy for me when my time comes.”

  “How far along is she, do you know?”

  “She’s about two and a half months. She’s missed two periods and knows she’s definitely pregnant, but she doesn’t know exactly how far along she is.”

  Katerina heard the exchange between the two girls and shut down all feelings surging within her. Very quietly, she slid out the door without even standing up. She went upstairs to her own house and carefully made herself a cup of tea. Tea was good for all things she told herself, and mountain tea was the best. Her hands shook a bit, but she involuntarily giggled at the memory of an argument she had had with friends from the Peloponnese who had claimed that their tea was the best in Greece.

  “Silly girls from the Peloponnese, don’t you know that tea from Evia is the best?” she repeated the question that she had asked then and laughed uproariously at their inability to comprehend such a simple fact. “Never mind, we’ll let that slide, my old friends from the Peloponnese.” She smiled graciously and winked as if she could actually see them before her at the moment. “I’m sorry but I can’t carry on this discussion right now. I have to take a nap and then get my samples together to go to Kymi tomorrow. I hope to see you soon,” she finished and waved to them gaily as if they
stood in front of her.

  She took a deep two-hour nap and woke up amazingly refreshed and in her right mind. She gathered her samples efficiently and packed everything she would need for a two-day stay. She often stayed in Kymi with her elderly cousin Angeliki who could barely hear or see. Katerina appreciated this cousin dearly but was glad that Angeliki didn’t engage in much conversation and went to bed, or to her room, right before dark.

  The next morning, she loaded the donkey with her goods, said good-bye to the women in the workshop and set out for Kymi. She could have ridden on the donkey but purposely decided to walk in order to think more clearly and to formulate plans for her future. She decided that she would have the little boy who lived two houses over take a message to Michael in the north field. She would ask Michael to join her on Friday for lunch but to arrive at 11:00 AM so that they would have time to catch up on news. She would have another little boy who lived in the opposite direction take a note to Ophelia telling her that they really needed to have a one-on-one discussion and that the time to do so had arrived. They could talk over lunch at noon, but Ophelia should arrive no later than 11:45 AM.

  Upon returning home on Thursday, Katerina did exactly as she had planned. She had already written the two notes. She had decided to have the boy deliver Ophelia’s early the next morning in case Ophelia responded that she couldn’t make it that day. Also, she didn’t want Ophelia to purposely or unwittingly let on that she had been asked to meet with Katerina. She had asked for an immediate reply and the neighbor boy was supposed to come back with either an acceptance or a rejection.

  If Ophelia agreed to meet with her, she would then have the other neighbor boy go to the north field and give Michael his note. She wasn’t worried that Michael wouldn’t come. She had been away from him for several days and he would be eager for a sexual encounter with her. She had carefully chosen the right words for him and the message was clear that she desperately needed to be with him.

  Ophelia responded that she would gladly meet and would arrive punctually. Of course, Ophelia had always been the punctual one, Katerina thought wryly. Michael briefly wrote back that he was looking forward to seeing her.

  Katerina didn’t bother with any major lunch preparations. She had bread, tomatoes, cheese, and olives and arranged all of these on a platter before Michael arrived. She also had some wine for them to drink and celebrate the encouraging outcomes her trip to Kymi had produced.

  Michael arrived at 11:00 AM. Katerina chuckled to herself thinking how Michael and Ophelia were so similar in that aspect. They must have more in common than she would ever have suspected.

  She greeted him warmly when he entered but kept her eyes covertly on the clock. She kissed and stroked him as always but didn’t let him go too far. At the moment, she didn’t want passion to overtake him.

  “Now, when we’re together in that bed you know so well, I want you to have endurance to stay with me the whole afternoon. I want to make love with you more than once. I want you inside me, filling me over and over. I thought about you so much when I was in Kymi and I missed you so. I don’t think you want to disappoint me, do you?”

  She gave him an arch look and moved away from him. He tried to wrap his arms around her five minutes later but she again managed to teasingly push him away. By 11:30, he was so steamed and hungry for her that she thought the right time had come to give him something more substantial.

  She rubbed against him and felt him harden. “Michael, my love” she moaned. “You are my eyes and my heart. I can’t be without you. Talk to me and tell me how you feel. I need to know how you feel about me.”

  “Katerina, you know how I feel about you, but I’ll tell you as many times as you want. You are the only woman for me. You fill my dreams when I sleep and I think of no one else when I’m awake. I love you and only you. I want no other woman. Please, my sweetheart, don’t torture me any longer. Let me make love to you fully.”

  He carried her to the bed and undressed her. As usual, he also undressed himself too. He groaned in desperate pleasure as he looked at her and then he entered her while whispering endearments the whole time.

  Katerina had left the door unlocked and heard it open. She paid no attention to the creaking sound the door always made and focused her gaze on Michael. “Yes, yes, my love. This is what I want,” she shouted as if exploding in rapture. “If only we could do that again, but I’m afraid someone is here.”

  He looked up and saw Ophelia. He might as well have seen death. He then turned his gaze to Katerina and grasped the truth in her bottomless pupils. He knew it was too late.

  Ophelia hurled the first object she could find at them and cursed her sister unsparingly, without pause invoking the wrath of heaven and hell on her.

  Katerina beheld both of them quietly until Ophelia ran out of breath and slumped to the floor. “Yes, sister,” she said evenly. “I am all of what you say. You taught me well and I have now grown up. I expect no forgiveness and plan to give none in return.

  “As for you, Michael, I must leave you to the life you have made for yourself. All I ever wanted was for you to be honest with me. You should have understood that you couldn’t have both my sister and me. Please leave and don’t apologize for I have become so tired of being asked for forgiveness.”

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Helen Nickolson was born in Kato Kourouni, a small village in Evia, Greece, which had neither water nor electricity at that time. Sponsored by her aunt and uncle to emigrate to the United States when she was five, she journeyed across the rough Atlantic Ocean in December on an Italian ship. From New York, she then travelled by bus to Lodi, California and arrived on Christmas Eve. Her name in Greek is Eleni Nikolaou and was changed by her uncle to “better assimilate” into American society. He meant well.

  After high school, Helen attended the University of California at Davis where she majored in English. She went on to graduate school at California State University, Sacramento and received her MS in Counseling Psychology and MA in English. Helen worked as a counselor and also taught English and Psychology at Yuba Community College for 30 years before retiring. She has been married for 35 years to Larry Michel, and Katherine is their only child.