Freeing Carter

by Nyrae Dawn

"It was a hard day. Your grandpa was angry...and..."

  My hands clench. I hate him. Hate him for what he's done to her.

  "But that's not an excuse. I'm sorry, Carter. It won't happen again."

  I don't turn around to look at her. The sigh that comes from her tells me she's glad I didn't walk out. I'm glad too because I hear it in her voice. The hurt and fear would break me if I saw it in her eyes.

  I'm sorry...

  It won't happen again...

  Those words wipe out the explosions inside me. Sober apologies are real. I know it. They have to be. She wouldn't lie about something like this. Would she? No...No, this is Mom and she wouldn't lie about something this important. Not to me.

  Suddenly, I can breathe. I didn't even know I couldn't before. But it's going to be okay now because she said it won't happen again. "It's okay, Ma... It's okay."

  I risk a quick glance at Mom before I walk out, feeling lighter than I have with her in a while.

  My truck purrs to life when I start it. I have a ton of finished homework in my bag, and practice tonight. I'm determined today's going to be a kickass day. Okay, maybe that's stretching it, but a good day. A normal day.

  I need normal, no drama.

  Mel pops into my head, our arguments and what I'd decided to do last night.

  Or what I think I'd decided. But were things really as bad as I was thinking last night? I mean, thirty minutes ago I was freaking out about Mom and now I'm suddenly sunshine and rainbows or something. Maybe things with Mel will get better too.

  Or maybe I'm being too weak to risk the wrath of ending it. Is it wrong trying to hang on to the calm—the hope that for once everything really might be okay?

  It's not until I get to school that I start to wonder... Did Mom mean it will never happen again, or just not when Sara's home?

  ***

  We decide to go out to lunch today. Mel's driving with me in the passenger seat. Trina and Travis are in the back, sitting way too far apart from each other. Well, as far away as you can get in a Bug, that is. Her arms are crossed, obviously mad about something while Trav drums on his legs to non-existent music.

  "What's with everyone today? Someone kick your puppy?" I reach over and put my hand on Mel's leg. It feels different. I've been touching this girl's leg for a year. Makes no sense that it would somehow feel different now. And not in a good way either.

  "I'm in a good mood," I say, squeezing her leg. "You are too, aren't you, baby?" Liar, liar pants on fire. For a second I wonder if Mel will pick up on it the way Kira did. If suddenly I'm not a good liar anymore and she's going to call me on it. Tell me I'm fake, but she only looks over and smiles.

  "I'm always in a good mood. I have a notebook in the glove box. Can you grab it?" she asks. I put it on her lap, but don't put my hand back, feeling wrong all of a sudden.

  Lunch isn't long enough to eat there, so we grab our food to go. I drive Mel's car back so she can eat easier, picking at my own fries as we go. The car is way more silent than it should be, which gives thoughts and memories time to jump around in my head. So don't feel like going there. I'm determined to make this day, hell, all the days after it too, into something better than they've been.

  "So, you guys want to do something this weekend? Maybe for the night? I'm sure I can pull the staying-at Travis's-card." It's then the genius of my mind strikes me. This is the perfect plan. I'm feeling a little weird about what happened with Mom anyway. Sara's going to be with Bill. Maybe it will help me and Mel, and Travis and Trina at the same time.

  "Can't," Travis says. At the same time, Mel and Trina speak up about some cheer sleepover.

  "What?" Anger starts to creep in. "Cheer sleepover? You guys have never done that before, have you?"

  "Dude, let's plan a team night out!" Travis jumps into the conversation, but I'm still on the cheer thing.

  "Mel, weren't you the one saying we never get to see each other?" Wow...I sound like a girl. What's wrong with me? Really, it's not even that I care. Do I?

  I glance at Mel quickly, seeing if I feel that urge to touch her. Trying to figure out if it's really her I want to spend time with or if I'm a jerk who's using her because she gives me the sense of normal I crave.

  "It's something new Trina and I came up with. We're captains this year and we really want to bring the team together." Mel's head is buried in a text on her cell. She looks up at me only to say, "Umm, careful. You're going to drip ketchup on my car."

  So, Mel can't hang out. My body suddenly relaxes, and I pop the dripping fry in my mouth, not even realizing I'd been tense at the idea of spending time with her. It's like my body and brain are at war with each other. My head is telling me to do whatever I can to make this work because it fits. We fit. But my body? I'm just not sure I'm feeling it anymore.

  When we get back to school, Trina and Mel go their way, and Trav and I head to English. It's not until we're almost there that I realize Mel didn't kiss me goodbye. Really, it's not a big deal, but for her it is. I mean, it wasn't too long ago Travis gave me shit about Mel and her leash.

  "Is it weird that before we could hardly get two seconds to ourselves and now they want nothing to do with us?"

  "Nope." Travis shakes his head. "It's normal. People grow...change...get antsy. I'm pretty sure there's an expiration date on all relationships."

  I raise my eyebrows at him, wondering when he figured all this out. When he turned into Mr. Cynical all of a sudden. "And how close are we to ours?"

  Travis pats me on the shoulder. "Just about expired, my friend." He turns and walks into class. In my head, I know he's right. I'm pretty sure we're past the expiration date, I'm just not man enough to clean out the fridge.

  ***

  Mrs. Z's praise of my homework gives me a high that carries me to practice. Here, I don't need anything else but a ball in my hand and four teammates with me on the floor. When practice is over, Mel and Trina disappear to do whatever it is they're doing lately, leaving me and Trav on our own.

  "Wanna do something? Tad's parents let him move into the room behind their house. People have been going there to chill and stuff. I've been a few times. It's crazy. He has a fridge full of beer in the closet and they don't even know!" Travis stands on the back of my truck.

  Beer? Nope. Not feeling it. "When did you start chillin' with Tad?"

  "When he started getting beer."

  I laugh. "Nah, I'm going to head to the store. Mom wants me to help Kira." It pops out of my mouth without my meaning it to. Mom wanted me to help her yesterday, not today.

  I start to walk toward the driver side when Travis says, "Ok. She's hot. I'll go with you."

  My feet tangle and I stumble a little. Shaking it off, like I did it on purpose (which makes no sense. Who trips on purpose?), I look at him, trying to figure out why I'm annoyed while talking at the same time. "Dude, she's going to be working."

  "Dude, who cares? I'm there with you. It's not going to interrupt her work if I'm looking...well, unless she's so into looking back she can't do her job." By now he's walked over to me, fist out and waiting for me to hit it. I swear I will my arm to do it, but the thing suddenly has a mind of its own and won't listen.

  "I thought you were going to Tad's?" I keep digging myself a grave.

  "Is there some reason you don't want me to go? I can go to Tad's later and I'm sure as shit not going home..."

  Huh? "Why? What's up at home?" Travis has never talked like that.

  "Nothing." He shakes it off. "Just boring. Plus I'm killing two birds with one stone here. A pretty girl first, then beer at Tad's. I like that plan."

  "You have a girlfriend." Shut up, Carter. Close your mouth.

  "And do you have a fever? What the hell's wrong with you?"

  What the hell is wrong with me is right. "Get in the truck. I'm just giving you a hard time." I think.

&
nbsp; ***

  Mom slips out of the store, mumbling something about errands and a quiet question of if I can help Kira if she needs it. My answer is just as quiet and mumbled, each of us treading the uncomfortable ground between us.

  "Catch you later, Ms. Delilah. You're looking lovely today, by the way!" Travis calls after Mom, who rolls her eyes at him, before waving goodbye.

  "Dude, why do you flirt with my mom?"

  He shrugs. "She's hot. She's single"

  "What the hell, Campbell!" I shove him. "Don't call my mom hot."

  "Why? She is." Kira steps up beside us.

  "Umm, no. She's really not. Again, she's my mom. Pretty sure that's against the law."

  Trav puts his arm around Kira's shoulders. "She's on my side so I'm sticking with her. Why don't you enlighten us on why it's illegal?"

  I suddenly want to punch my best friend in the face. Again. "Because she's old. Plus, it's against the guy code. Thou shall not covet your best friend's mom." Or put your arm around the pretty girl with the braids, even though I have no reason to care about that.

  Kira laughs, steps out from under Travis's arm and touches my shoulder. "I think you're safe, Sleepy. I'm pretty sure your mom wouldn't go for him." She walks over to a stand of books and starts organizing. Grabbing his heart, Travis is right behind her.

  "What? You don't think Ms. Delilah would go for me? I'm crushed. Well...she's not really my type either." Travis's eyebrows go up.

  I stand back in awe, wondering when Travis got so much game. He's totally flirting with her and I'm stuck between wanting to give him props and kicking him out. I mean, it's harmless. Not the dissing-your-girlfriend flirting, so what's my deal?

  "So, how's your girlfriend, Romeo?" Kira teases him.

  Travis shakes his head. "Oh, I see how it is. I can take a hint. Travis isn't allowed to be nice because he has a girlfriend. Forget that said girlfriend has split personalities, liking him one minute and trying to kill him the next. Oh, and I'm pretty sure she's up to something shady, too, but no, Travis can't be friendly to the new girl or ogle his best friend's mom."

  "Dude! Shut up about my Mom."

  "I'm kidding, Sleepy. Simmer down."

  I'm pretty sure I'm coming off like a douchebag today. "Whatever. I'm doing some homework."

  "Oh! What's the bet today? What do you want from me that I can bribe you with?" Kira steps up onto a stool, dusting books. I groan, unable to hold it back. She looks like an office worker today. A hot office worker with a tight skirt that goes down to her knees, with a matching jacket-thing. The difference is, her jacket has little glittery things on it, that look like she glued them there herself.

  "So not touching that one." Travis laughs, walking over to the table and plopping down.

  "I don't know... I'll let you know when I figure one out."

  She giggles, but doesn't reply, and keeps working. I sit with Travis, pulling out my books.

  "We're really doing homework? Why are we doing homework?" Travis asks.

  My reply is a shrug. Not like I can tell him I'm a slacker and might get kicked off the team if I don't bring up my English grade. Then something he said a few minutes before pops into my head. "What did you mean by thinking Trina is up to something shady?"

  Travis leans backward in the chair, crossing his arms. "I don't know, bro... it's just. It's been weird lately. Even before they suddenly started doing all that cheer stuff with Sam. I don't know, it's been different for like a month, but more lately. Every time we're together she's on my ass about something, but she's spending more time with Sam. You know her parents are never home and Devin always has his friends around. I don't trust it."

  My body stiffens. If something's going on with Trina, it's going on with Mel too. I can't figure out if I care or not. I mean, really care.

  "The thing is," Travis leans forward, his voice low like he doesn't want Kira to know that guys really talk about important stuff too. "It should piss me off. I mean, if I think she's being shady. It's just like, whatever though. I'm kind of over it, know what I mean? People break up all the time. No matter how long they've been together." Travis's voice is stiff.

  I do, but the difference is, I'm not sure if I have the nerve to do anything about it. "Are you going to talk to her? You guys have been together a long time." But I know he's made the decision; he really is going to break it off with her.

  He laughs a little. "You so don't like change, do you? It'll be okay. We'll have joint custody of you. Mel can have you sometimes, but you're still my boy."

  Kira steps up beside me, pulling the third chair out and sitting down. "What'd I miss?"

  "Just me saying homework is way too boring for me. I'll catch you guys later. I'm gonna walk down to Tad's." Travis winks at Kira who gives him one right back, then ruffles my hair like he's my dad and I'm eight. "Cha-cha-cha-Changes," he sings and walks out.

  Kira grabs her bag out from under the table and pulls out her books, too. Without a word, she opens one and gets to work. My book is calling to me, but I can't make myself reply.

  "Where'd you move here from?" I ask, not sure where the question came from.

  Her eyes don't leave her book, but I see her smile. It's like the inside of my chest hiccups or something at the sight.

  "Get your homework done and I'll tell you."

  I'm halfway through reading the directions when I realize I'm smiling too.

  Chapter Seven

  Trina is crying when I get to school. Mel's got her arm around her, shushing her and going on and on about how big a jerk Travis is. It makes me feel like shit. Girls and crying are two things I don't like together. It makes me want to make things better and really makes me not want to be the guy who does this to someone else.

  "You don't need him, Trin. Plus, you didn't even know if you wanted to be with him anymore, either. Don't let him win."

  Wow...that's news to me. Trina didn't want to be with Travis? It makes me wonder if he was right. If there's more going on than I know about.

  Trina looks up at Mel and notices me standing behind her. Awkwardly, I wave at her. "Hey, Trin. Sorry about...you know."

  Trina shrugs and starts crying more. So my cue to leave only I don't get the chance. Mel says, "Can you give us a minute, Carter? This is a girl thing."

  Thank God! "Sure. I'll see you guys later."

  By the time lunch comes around, I realize I'm screwed. There's no way the four of us are sitting together. Who do I have lunch with? My best friend or my girlfriend?

  "We're not sitting with him at lunch," Mel says when she walks up to me, reading my mind. She's flanked by Trina and Sam, her new BFF.

  "I can't just ditch him." They're sticking together so it makes sense I should hang out with Travis. I think. Or I did until Mel gets that look on her face like she's been taken over by an alien. A very pissed off alien.

  "He dumped her for no reason, on the phone, Carter. How is that okay? Would you break up with me like that?"

  Okay, so maybe he should have done it in person, but that's their deal, not mine. I hold up my hands. "Umm, how did this turn into something about us? I'm not Travis, but I am his friend. You guys are here with Trina. What's wrong with me wanting to be there for him?"

  "Whatever, Carter. Take his side."

  She tries to walk away, but I grab her hand. "Hey, did I wake in in some parallel universe or something? Why are you mad at me? I'm sorry they broke up, but I don't get why we're fighting about it." I guess it's because all we do is fight lately, but still.

  Mel sighs. "I'm not mad. It's just...I don't know. Hard day? Just go. I'll talk to you later."

  Letting go of her hand, I do just that.

  ***

  The next two weeks fly by. I'm too busy with basketball and getting ready for our first game—a home game--to worry about much else. Mel and I don't spend m
uch time together, but it's not like we're fighting, we're just busy. She's got cheer and girl stuff. I have basketball and homework. Some days go by where we don't really talk at all.

  Mom's been perfect. No sharp, alcoholic scent, no stumbling nights or accidentally walking into my room instead of hers, even when Sara's been with Bill. I hate that it took her drinking with Sara home to make her see she has to quit, but I'm thankful for it, too. Glad that Mom loves my little sister enough to pick her over the bottle.

  My life is finally coming together. I don't have to lie. I'm not pulled in a million different directions, treading that line of right and wrong, always afraid I'm on the wrong side of it. I don't have Mel on my case or Mom to worry about. I'm just Carter and it feels good.

  "Carter, can you stay after class for a minute?" Mrs. Z asks when the bell rings. Travis pats me on the back and walks out. Kira wasn't at school today, which makes me wonder if she'll to be at the store tonight. We've done homework together a few times over the last two weeks, but even that's slowed down because of basketball.

  "Sure." My shoulders rise and fall in a shrug, like I really have a choice.

  She's sitting behind her desk and I stand in front of it. "I just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you. You're doing a good job catching up. You're almost there. The lure of basketball must be really strong."

  Yeah, it is. That and a clear head too. "For sure."

  "That's all I wanted to tell you. Keep up the good work, Carter." Mrs. Z holds out her hand and I shake it. "Good luck at your game tomorrow."

  ***

  Practice is over. All the guys are just as pumped as I am knowing this is the last practice before our first game. We're shoving each other around the locker room celebrating the awesomeness that is the Jacksonville Lancers.

  "Whose house?" I yell one last time.

  "Our house!" They all chant around me and then go their separate ways. I'm waiting for Travis to finish tying his shoes when Jackson comes up to me.

  "What's up, Shaw?"

  I nod my head at him.

  "Hey... I didn't know you and Melanie broke up. Sucks."