by Jenn LeBlanc
Louisa
Writing the letter to Ellie had been the second most difficult thing she’d ever done. The first letter she’d written Ellie, breaking with her, had been the worst. Twice now she’d had to tell Ellie she wouldn’t be able to see her again. Twice now she’d had to bleed across the parchment and hope that Ellie understood.
She wanted nothing more than to leave and go to Ellie and never return, but leaving Amelia wasn’t possible. Not a full day after they’d arrived, Hugh and Charles had arrived in a carriage to find Amelia, and Louisa had sent them to the cliff house—a small, ancient building out on the far meadow of the estate overlooking the sea. It was somewhere Amelia went for days at a time, a sort of hermitage of her very own. She was happy there.
Louisa would deliver supplies in the morning before the sun rose. Peeking in the windows to be sure it wasn’t some sort of massacre. She’d count breathing chests. Shifting limbs. It was scandalous, but who was she to judge? She had no leg to stand on. Those were three titles wound together. Nobody could touch them except scandal, and last she checked, Castleberry wasn’t one to care about what was said of him in society.
Louisa walked back across the rolling hills to Pembroke Hall. What if…what if they were legitimate in the world’s eye? What if she could make them leave them all alone, once and for all? Every day she walked the distance to the house and her mind churned on the possibility. She would remain a ladies maid, and that was fine—she’d been out of society’s petty grasp for years and she’d become comfortable in that. But if she could have Ellie on top of that?
If Castleberry were to marry Amelia as planned, that was half the battle. Then Hugh would be free to marry and… She dared not hope it much less think it or say it until she had a chance to speak with Ellie. If the past three years had taught her anything it was that she needed to hold her hopes close and wish for the best.
Louisa had watched the three of them from afar and thought for sure that they’d come to an arrangement and that her idea would work.
Louisa was preparing another basket to haul out to Cliff House when the butler came to her in the kitchens.
“Lord Endsleigh wishes to speak with you. In the blue parlor,” he said with a twitch of discomfort.
“My apologies, Mr. Bragant. I’ll see to him.” She left her work and rushed through the passages to the blue parlor, which was the largest of the receiving parlors at the front of the hall, far from the kitchens.
She thought perhaps she should share this idea of hers. Why was he here? Perhaps they were prepared to return to London? Perhaps it was time for the wedding? He couldn’t have news of Ellie, for he’d been at the Cliff House all this time and she’d been checking all the packages and letters in case anything needed to be delivered to them. There’d been nothing.
She ran through the grand entry, her feet slapping against the stone floor as she rushed to Hugh. When she got to the parlor she stopped, cast a glance about the entry and straightened herself. She opened the door and walked in. “Hugh.” And stopped.
“I’m quitting the estate. I thought you should know so you wouldn’t waste time with preparing an additional meal.”
“What? Why? I thought…”
“You thought what?”
“I thought all was well. I thought—” She shook her head. She shouldn’t have been spying on them. “I’d hoped, I guess.” She twisted her fingers together in her apron and tried to catch her racing heart.
“Whatever it was you thought…they’re to be wed. I’m to return to London and… I don’t know—”
“But I had a thought about all of this. I—”
“If it doesn’t end with me marrying Amelia, Louisa, I’m uninterested in it. I cannot be part of any scenario in which she… It’s already too late then, isn’t it? They consider themselves husband and wife and I’m already lost.”
Louisa’s heart sank and she walked to him, wrapping her hands around his chin. “Hugh, she would never abandon you. What are you doing?”
His eyes were bloodshot, his hands shaking. “Seeing clearly for the first time, Louisa. I did as was expected of me. I managed Amelia and Charles and now…with your help he’ll be capable of managing her from here on out. I am not needed. I suppose I never was.” He turned, and she grabbed his arm.
“Hugh, don’t leave her. No good will come of this.”
“I’m afraid I’ve overstayed my welcome as it is, Louisa. I’m sorry.” He walked out of the parlor, and she heard the heavy slam of the latch on the massive entry doors.
You’d think she would have learned by now. She knew better than to hope. She always had.
Ellie
The letter arrived from Pembroke-By-The-Sea nearly a week after their night together. Nearly a week of Ellie an inconsolable mess after receiving a note that said I must leave and nothing more.
She’d known they’d been living on borrowed time but had no idea how borrowed it had been. Nobody had bothered to explain why they’d left, not Louisa and not Ender. She wasn’t the important piece to their puzzle. She was the afterthought, and that alone hurt. Burned. Like a cinder in her belly. She wanted nothing more than to belong with someone, anyone, somewhere, and she didn’t.
Then another letter arrived.
Maitland,
My apologies for leaving so quickly. It was beyond my control. I’m not sure when I shall be able to return to London, but I wish for you to know how lovely it was having your friendship. It meant the world to me in the moment and I will treasure our time together for the rest of my days.
Please know I will forever think of you fondly.
It was never my intent to hurt you.
It is my dearest wish to return.
Amelia
She read the note three times. She knew it to be Louisa’s handwriting, as shaky as that first letter from so long ago. She knew it was from Louisa and not Amelia. She wanted to go to her; she didn’t much care about the consequences.
“Who is the letter from, Maitland?”
“Lady Amelia Pembroke,” Ellie responded. “She had to quit London and return to her father’s seat.”
“Lady Amelia? When did you make her acquaintance?”
“At the first ball, when she came out. I was sure Aunt Rigsby had mentioned—”
“No, she hadn’t. Why didn’t you?” She reached for the letter, but Ellie pulled it away, folding it and tucking it in her pocket. “Let me read it?”
“No, Mother, she’s but a friend. She wanted to thank me for her friendship. It’s that simple.” And Ellie wasn’t going to share those words with anyone.
Her mother pouted as the maid pushed the tea service into the parlor. “We haven’t seen much of you for three days, then you receive this letter and… Whatever happened with Endsleigh?”
“I’m not sure. I believe he had to quit London as well.”
“Castleberry left. Why have they all left? It’s the height of the season.”
“Lady Amelia and Castleberry have a contract. There’s not much point in them parading around London if they aren’t of a mind to, is there?”
“Do you suppose they’ll be married in secret?” her mother said as she took her tea, ridiculously excited by the prospect of gossip.
“I suppose nothing of the sort, but I’m not privy to their relationship. I was naught but a friend to Lady Amelia.” She paused to consider the entirety of the situation when the butler came into the parlor.
“Baron Endsleigh for Miss Eliot Rigsby,” he said and Ellie stood, almost tipping her teacup on her skirts as she fumbled with it.
Her mother looked up at her. “Well, then. Go see to him. Or, no. Take the parlor. Serve him tea. Show him how domestic you are.” She put her own teacup on the service and stood. She fussed with Ellie’s skirts and her hair, tucking strands away. “You should have dressed for company today.”
“I had no idea—” she started but her mother cut her off.
“A lady is always ready for company.”
/>
“But I’m no lady,” Maitland said, and it brought a smile to her face.
“You just might be though.” Her mother turned and picked up the knitting basket that was next to the settee, handing it to Ellie.
“What am I to do with this?”
“Convince him that you’re talented. Titled men need talented wives. Do whatever you must, Maitland. Do whatever you must,” she angry-whispered, and Ellie cringed. Her mother seemed desperate at this point.
“Ladies,” Ender said, and he looked like Ellie felt. She dropped the knitting to the floor as her mother gave him her hand and a small curtsey then left the room.
Ellie motioned to the tea service, for she wasn’t about to serve him, then she sat. He declined the tea and sat next to her, which… Ellie cut a glance to the entry, unsure her mother would approve. But seeing the basket he had to kick aside once he sat and being reminded of her mother’s words, she thought perhaps she might be thrilled by it.
“I must apologize,” he said.
“For?”
“You know what for. For abandoning you without a word. I’m sure Louisa sent a note but I should have as well to be certain. I just—”
“She did. It didn’t explain much of anything.”
“She couldn’t possibly,” he said and his expression was so bereft she wanted to comfort him.
“Well,” she said, cutting a glance to the entry then standing and shutting the door. Propriety be damned at this point. “She wrote it as though it were from Amelia, so I guess Amelia and I should meet at some point if this is to be the farce under which we continue.”
“I don’t know that you’ll have need for that.”
“They won’t be returning?” Ellie asked, and something twisted in her gut. Pinched. She pushed a hand against her belly to quell it.
“I don’t know. I imagine not.”
“I feel quite like an afterthought at the moment. I’m hurt, Ender. I’m hurt that I wasn’t told. Why have you come here?”
“I’m not sure. You’re the only person who knows and… I shouldn’t have come. Your mother—”
“My mother already has us married and me knitting baby shoes, so yes, you coming here looks a certain way to her. Perhaps you should go. I’m… I’m exhausted. I don’t know what to say. I want nothing more than to leave London and never return, and if Louisa is trapped forever at Pembroke-By-The-Sea or Castleberry Keep, perhaps I’ll start searching for a cottage in Pembrokeshire or…whatever the seat is close to Castleberry Keep. I suppose that makes more sense. If you wish to be a friend, Ender, I would appreciate your help in this, because I’m not giving up. I meant what I said. If Louisa is to play ladies maid to Amelia for the rest of her days, then I need to secure my future wherever she is.”
“I’d no idea you were so determined.”
“I told you I was. I meant it. I realize you don’t know me well, but what you do know of me should have been enough to convince you of the level of my determination.”
He laughed softly. “I suppose so. You managed to turn up in so many places, I couldn’t believe my luck.”
“Luck? It doesn’t seem you have much of that.”
“No. Not much. I should go. I wanted… I’m still not sure what I wanted.”
“Commiseration?”
“Possibly.”
“You know how to find me. But if you keep up with this, you’ll need to deal with my mother. And I expect your help in securing my future. That’s what a friend would do.”
He nodded. Then smiled, albeit stiffly as he stood, and she followed him to the entry. He turned back, his hand on the door. “I will help you. I’ll make inquiries, and we’ll find you a home. One of us should end up the better for all this.”
She reached up on her toes and kissed his cheek then stepped back. “Thank you.”
Louisa
The next day, Castleberry and Amelia returned to Pembroke and they packed up and returned to London to prepare for the official wedding ceremony. Charles would meet with the Archbishop to make arrangements, Amelia would be presented to the Queen, and The Banns would be read in London and Beryshire. They would marry in a little over a month.
But Amelia wasn’t the same. She was distant and wrapped up in her thoughts, more than ever before. What chilled Louisa most was that it wasn’t an episode. She was…not there.
Castleberry had told her Hugh was to blame, and though she’d tried to explain differently, he refused to hear it. He’d been silent most of the return trip. His face tense with anger. He was set on destroying Hugh for abandoning them at the Cliff House.
Louisa was determined to set things back to rights. Amelia couldn’t live like this. She wouldn’t allow it. And Castleberry still had some things to learn; she understood his anger with Hugh—she was right put out by his departure as well—but she knew they had to get him back, not just abandon him altogether. They worked, somehow. The three of them worked.
They arrived back at Pembroke House and Louisa was helping Amelia pack her things for the move to Castleberry’s townhome, as he refused to allow her to stay with her mother. She was restless and unnerved and needed to get out of the house. She’d sent a message to Hugh, but he hadn’t responded. She didn’t dare send a message to Ellie yet, did she? Louisa was still so frightened, but she had to get out of here. Sitting around doing nothing would get them all nowhere.
“My lady, are you sure it’s all right if I leave?” Louisa asked. She was concerned with leaving Amelia alone, considering the way she was behaving.
“Go, Louisa. I’m simply packing things, so you go see your beau. I’ll be fine here, working on this.”
Louisa ruffled a bit at the mention of her beau. She wasn’t sure how Amelia would react when she discovered the truth of it, but she knew the deception to be necessary at the moment. This secret of hers could be her lady’s salvation. As well, it could be Louisa’s swift end—quite literally. It terrified Louisa, but she had to take this chance for Amelia, and for Hugh after all he’d done for Louisa.
Amelia seemed happy to stay at the town house, collecting her things and readying them for their own journey to her new London residence, and Louisa was glad they were here in London so she could track down Hugh. He had to know that Amelia was not well, and Louisa knew he couldn’t abandon Amelia, though by all indications that was exactly what he’d done.
Louisa considered going to Castleberry but they weren’t familiar enough— she a lowly servant. She could find no situation in which that would be considered acceptable. She stopped as suddenly as the thought had occurred to her, almost tripping over the sway of her own skirts. There was one situation in which a servant could pay a visit to a duke…but she wasn’t willing to chance that.
And Hugh…Hugh must be so hurt, but the only way to fix this… In truth, she wasn’t sure any of her efforts could fix this if the duke was set to destroy Hugh, and that was exactly what she figured he was planning to do, no matter what Amelia said.
What a mess. Louisa straightened her back, determined to do what she must. She stopped again. She was leaving the house under the pretense of visiting her beloved, and wouldn’t her acquiescence be required for this idea to work? Perhaps she should go there first. But Louisa could never go there. That would be too dangerous for both of them.
Louisa’s head spun. She’d no idea where to start. Louisa drew a deep breath and headed outside and down the walk. Since one of the destinations was walking distance from where she was, she decided to let fate have it, and that was where she headed.
Ellie
Ellie sat in her rooms, staring out the window. Hugh had returned. Castleberry and Amelia had returned, which meant Louisa had also returned, but she’d yet to hear from Louisa and it hurt. She was just so tired.
Someone knocked at her door.
“Come,” she said, but she didn’t move from her bed. She was comfortable and if someone was coming into her rooms then they got whatever it was they saw.
“Ellie?
”
She sat up and turned to the entry. “It’s not possible.”
Louisa closed the door behind her, searching for a latch or key, but her door had none. “Ellie?” She walked to her, and Ellie could see the tension in her from across the room. She stopped walking, twisting her hands, so unsure of herself.
Ellie stood to meet her on unsteady legs. “Louisa, I don’t know why— You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know, but I couldn’t wait. I need your permission.”
“You have it.”
“You don’t even know what I’m asking.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Ellie ran her hands up Louisa’s arms, then pulled her close, holding her tight. “I won’t let you go again.”
“It was beyond my control.” Louisa sobbed against her.
Ellie paused. Louisa had been at the mercy of others the whole of her life, and Ellie wanted nothing more than to give her the power to do whatever she wanted. If she could. If there was any way. She wished…she so wished she had that ability. “I know, Louisa, but never again. I can’t… I won’t allow for it. Look at you,” she said as she leaned back, holding her steady. “You’re a complete wreck.”
“I am a complete wreck. Amelia—”
“I know you love Amelia, but I don’t want to hear about her just now. I want to hear about you, Louisa.” Ellie went to the door, checking the hallway and shutting it again. Then, taking a key from the ledge of the doorframe, she locked it. “How did you get in here?”
“I’m a servant, Ellie. Nobody pays any mind to me.” Louisa sobbed, and Ellie gathered her tight.
“What’s happened?”
“Hugh left them. I had the idea that we could all be together, but then Hugh left and—”
“What?” Ellie said then she pulled Louisa over to her bed and they slid out of their shoes and crawled up to lean on the headboard. They lay on the pillows and Louisa explained her idea, that Ellie marry Ender and they would all be able to live together somehow at the duke and the baron’s far estates. It sounded perfectly outlandish…and entirely possible. Until she came to the part of the story wherein Hugh had up and left, abandoning Amelia.
