“Cole…”
“I’m going to fucking tell you that you beat that asshole up, not because he didn’t deserve it for spewing that shit, but because you couldn’t keep that vicious anger in anymore.”
“Well what about you?” I growl, stepping closer to my best friend. “You stand there, hurling shit to my face, where is your self-righteous statue, huh? I mean it must be so fucking nice to be right all the time, meanwhile you can’t even man up to face Tamara.”
“Did you see the look on her face?” He questions, his voice low and dangerous. We both know who he’s talking about. “Did you hear the fear in her voice when she screamed your name?”
I look away but he keeps going. “She’s lost and hurt about her family and so damn in love with you that she’s blindly following in your mess when you won’t even be here at the end of summer. At least have the decency to let her go with grace if you can’t do right by her.”
“Damn you, asshole!” I growl, my insides twisting up with each truth. “Keep her out of this.”
“Fuck that! Look at where we are! Look at where she’s been for hours now, when she could’ve been back at that house, trying to find peace with her dying mother or aunt or whatever!” Cole states, watching me.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I demand, stepping closer to him.
“I think you forget that, and sometimes, you seriously don’t care.”
“I fucking care.” I almost yell but he pushes me back a step.
“Not about yourself, you don’t!” he seethes. “You don’t give a damn about yourself, that’s why you’re this furious, lost and out of control!”
“Is that such a bad thing?” Is it a bad thing not to care about yourself?
“Fuck you, asshole!” he seethes. “Yes, it’s a bad thing! You’re not a martyr here. You lost control at the expense of her future! Of yours! Of mine! Fuck, even Liam’s future.”
Fuck this all to hell. I can’t help but kick the metal bench and then drop down on it, each word Cole says ringing clear and true in my head.
“Fuck,” he breathes, then drops down on the bench. For a moment, we’re silent then he speaks again.
“Dad found my birth father,” he starts, and I whip my head around to look at him.
“What?” I croak. After Cole’s asshole birth parents abandoned them, and the Perry’s adopted them, I knew James Perry, Cole’s incredibly supportive and attentive Dad for all intents and purposes, was searching for the birth parents.
“He doesn’t know I know, sure, ‘cause I found the files in his office the other day,” he scoffs. “I read the files of course, wanting to know how it all connects to me and my sister.”
My stomach churns as I listen.
“Theodore Brown,” Cole starts. “That’s his name. He’s just another statistic, a black man incarcerated for some shit.”
Oh shit.
“Dude,” I start but he shakes his head.
“Let me finish,” he starts instead. “Tammy was diagnosed with that shit at nine years old. According to Theodore’s medical history which I doubt is accurate, he doesn’t have any mental illness.”
“Shit, man, I…”
“I wake up every day, wondering when it’ll come for me too?” he says, his voice breaking. “You know studies show that when one twin has it, it’s only a matter of time until the other one gets it.”
“Well., fuck those studies man,” I grit out. “I told you not to read that shit ‘cause you’re not going to get it!”
“J,”
“No, don’t even,” I growl, getting up. “You’re fine! You’ll always be fine. You’ll fucking be the best QB the fucking NFL will ever have.”
“That’s if I even get there…”
“Fuck you man, you know you’re the shit,” I say it with all the honesty and respect I have for my best friend. “You do everything you set your mind on. You always rise to the occasion.”
“Yeah, including ignoring my twin sister like she’s the plague.”
Silence falls over us. The situation between Cole and Tamara is complicated. I can’t even explain it, it’s not my story to tell, but I’m fucking here for both of them.
“Today is as good as any to call her.” I murmur after a while. She’d love to hear from you and that you’re graduating.”
“I’m scared, bro,” he admits, looking at me. “I’m scared that she hates me, of which I don’t even blame her after the last time…”
He trails off, but the remembered trauma is clear between us. So, I give in to mine.
“I’m scared too,” I admit silently. “I’m scared that Liam’s going to hate me. He’s my last brother and he’s going to hate me for what I did. And I’m scared that she’s going to break my heart. I’m a fucking mess and I’m scared shitless, man.”
Cole chuckles. “Yeah, we’ve always been asshole, dude, but we’ll never go down without a fight.”
“Clearly,” I say, glancing down at my knuckles.
“You do know that he was wrong, right?” Cole starts. “Mia won’t kill herself. I doubt she’d like to go out that way, it’s not fabulous enough, let alone do it in front of you.”
That’s true for Mia, but…
“Really, and Aiden?” I grit out. “What about him?”
“One day, J, one day you’ll have to come clean and make him understand the choices you made and why you made them. And you have to tell her what you know, man,” he says softly. “Time’s ticking. You’ve always had three brothers, that’ll never change, but there’s only one of her.”
36
“You made bail, princess, let’s go,” a female police officer says when she comes to get me. I don’t look at the other girls who were arrested at the party too. I just silently get up, my heart in my throat and a foggy haze in my brain.
Honestly, the party’s a blur at this point, but here we are. Me! In a jail cell, hearing the words, ‘you made bail’ being uttered to me.
I can’t even process the mortification of this whole thing, so I keep my head down and follow the officer, stopping dead in my tracks when I meet my Dad’s soft gaze.
Nathan stands there, in all his hotshot lawyer glory. He’s different somehow, he’s leaner than he ever was but as I study him, I notice how his frame looks in his custom-made slim-fit suit. His hair is sprinkled with a bit of salt and paper, and he has his briefcase with him, standing next to a tense and angry John, a stoic and impassive looking Courtney and Nicky who’s trying her hardest not to break-down and cry.
“Oh Mia,” she starts for me, but I ignore her as I accept my stuff that the cops took hours ago. “Are you alright?”
I don’t say a word, instead I stare at Nathan.
“You’re back, huh?” I mutter silently. He watches me back, without anger or malice.
“Just in time for you to get arrested at a party,” he says, going for humor, but it’s not funny. I want him to hurt like I’m hurting.
“Did they tell you where the party was?” I grit out, trying to shoot him my mean smile but I’m so drained, it just comes out as an ugly, jagged grimace.
Nathan glances at John, then nods. “Yes, they told me.”
“You know what, we’re good here,” I start angrily. “No one needs you, so you can go back to wherever you were before.”
“Mia,” Nicky starts, stepping forward, the tears she was holding at bay now falling freely down her cheeks. She looks rough but so’s everyone here. “We need to talk, sweetheart.”
“About what, Nicky?” I question, my anger coming back with an intensity that makes my blood start to simmer. “I think Nathan already knows that he and Nancy aren’t my biological parents.”
The moment I say that, Nathan looks away and Nicky hiccups and starts bawling her eyes out. John can’t even look at me directly and dread pools in my stomach as Courtney steps forward,
“Mia, I think it’s best we take this conversation outside,” she says, her voice soft, not at all as clinical an
d cutting as it was when she delivered the news about my biological mother.
“Oh, now you care about your audience?” I seethe, shaking my head. “After you buy the home I grew up in out of spite? You’re something else.”
Courtney has the decency to look away, but she steps forward still, as if to touch my arm but I evade her, stepping back.
“I know you don’t have a reason to trust me, but I really do think this isn’t the place to…”
“This isn’t the place for your wrath?” I interrupt, suddenly weary and tired. “You know what, you did your part. I should thank you for outing the truth. You don’t happen to know who my birth father is, do you?”
Nicky cries even harder and Courtney glances at Nathan. A silent message passes between them, then Nathan steps forward.
“Princess,” he starts. “You know that I love you, right?”
I start shaking my head as I glance at him in shock, then at Nicky. My pulse picks up, my blood starts rushing in my veins. My heart starts pounding in my chest so hard like it wants to escape.
“No,” I mutter, eyes wide with realization.
“Mia,” Nicky starts, her voice strained. “I’ve been meaning to…”
“There’s no way,” I gasp, pain knotting up my insides as sweat dots my brow. This can’t be. There’s no way. “This is some kind of sick joke, right?”
“I was young, and I had a crush on him from the moment Nancy brought him home…”
“No!” I yell now, stepping back as Nicky follows.
“It was a one-time mistake,”
I was a mistake. I was the one-time mistake that she tried to get rid of. Damn.
“Princess,” Nathan starts, a solemn look on his face. “We were going to tell you when the time was right, but…”
“You’re actually my father,” I state, feeling wooden.
Have you ever experienced a kind of agony that pierces your heart, your soul, your mind and every other shattered piece of your being? That’s exactly what’s happening to me.
“You abandoned me,” I mutter, staring at Nathan but he becomes a blur when tears flood my eyes. I glance at Nicky, fighting not to cry.
“And you tried to throw me away,” I say as a strangled gasp leaves me. “You both never wanted me.”
I can imagine how Nancy took it when she found out, or maybe she didn’t know.
“Does she know what you did?” I question, ignoring the tears running down my face as I stand in the middle of the police station, several pairs of eyes on me, including Julian’s, Cole’s and Liam who’re standing right behind me. “Does she know of your betrayal?”
“Mia, Nancy…”
Oh my God.
I cover my shock with a hand over my mouth, unaware of my phone dropping to the floor.
“You broke her heart, didn’t you?” I gasp, staring at Nathan. “You accused her of cheating on you, I remember that! When your job started tanking, you accused her of infidelity when you’re the one who…”
“Mia, it wasn’t like that,” he starts explaining, his eyes pleading with me to understand. “Nancy and I were broken up when it happened.”
“Oh, so that makes it alright to sleep with her younger sister?” I laugh, shaking my head. “I hope she got her revenge. Did she sleep with another man while married to you?”
Nathan looks away, then shakes his head.
“Then why the fuck would you accuse her?” I yell. “She was dying, ALS slowly destroying her, and she needed you, but you…”
“Mia, we can talk about this—”
“No, let’s talk now!” I demand. “All you ever do is keep secrets. Why did you accuse her? Was there a reason to?”
“Mia,” he starts but I cut him off.
“Tell me!” I cry. I watch helplessly as Nathan glances at John, his gaze hardening, making me frown.
“Princess, things at work got complicated for me,” he gruffly says.
“How did they get complicated?” I start, folding my arms just as Julian steps behind me.
“Mia, I think…”
“Why are you touching my daughter?” Nathan suddenly growls, stepping closer to me. “Get your filthy, conniving hands off her, right now!”
Shocked, I watch as his face turns into an unhealthy shade of red, his fists clenched at his side. Frowning, I glance at Julian who has his eyes set on…his father, jaw clenched. Then he looks at Nathan.
“Sir, please calm down…” he starts, but Nathan cuts him off.
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down when it’s your asshole of a father who shattered my career and my life.”
“What?” Liam and I say at the same time, but everyone else in the room doesn’t look surprised, not even Julian. “What are you talking about? The Fitzgeralds had nothing to do with how you tanked your career and left us all broke.”
But it’s not a joke. I see it in the way Nathan huffs, struggling to stay calm and under control.
I feel it in the way Julian tenses behind me and when I look up at John, I’m transported to three years ago…
“What…what happened?” I stutter, my heart racing. “What do you mean?”
“Mia, remember how I started losing clients three years ago? All of them canceling on me?”
“Nathan,” Courtney says, stepping in, but he ignores her.
“Yes,” I murmur but the pounding of my heart is trying to drown out what’s about to happen to me.
“Yes, it started right after you started school at Clintwood, after you begged me to change you from St. Jude’s.”
“I don’t think—” John starts, but Julian cuts him off.
“Right now, is the best time,” he says, his voice deep and sombre behind me. “Continue, Nathan.”
Nathan stares at Julian for a bit, obviously shocked, then he continues.
“Work was hard to come by after you started high school. No one would hire me to represent them. So, without the knowledge of the love of my life, I put our house on mortgage, thinking I’d be able to pay back but…”
“You never did, I know that, but what does this have to do with…”
The image from three years ago flashes in my mind. I remember running away after what I had done and when I came back, Julian was still there, but this time, he was with someone else. I remember looking at Julian who looked at me like he wanted me dead, but his father…
“Holy shit,” I whisper as I stare up at John, everything clicking into place. “You did set him up.”
John has the decency to look appalled, and can’t hold my gaze. So he looks everywhere but at me, his lips pressed in a line.
“It’s because of me, isn’t it?” I gasp again as the crushing magnitude of what I’d done three years ago becomes so heavy I drop to my knees.
“No, Mia, it wasn’t because of—,” Nathan starts but I cut him off, seeing a younger me, standing in front of a sea of reporters, my lips swollen and tingly, with a broken heart in my chest.
“I blurted out that stuff about Aiden to the tabloids,” I gasp, the words so tortured and low, I can hardly breathe. “You saw me that day, you knew it was me and then you punished everyone else…because of me.”
I remember the shouting, the cursing out, the frustration and anxiety that hung in the air of our house, all because of finances.
Then the accusations, the heart ache, the pain, all because Dad thought Mom was having an affair with another man much more powerful than him, but…it was all because of me.
I broke my family.
I can’t even look at anyone, and when Julian tries to touch me, I flinch and get up, turning around to look at him, tears streaming down my face.
“And you knew,” I accuse.
“Mia,” he starts for me but I step back.
“Don’t,” I seethe. “You knew exactly what your father was doing, how could you not? And then you came for me. Fucked up everything. My mind, my emotions, my body, my heart, everything. You made me your personal destroy mission, aiding
your Dad, huh?”
I can see Liam’s shock, Cole looks at his shoes but Julian, he doesn’t look away. “Well done, Julian,” I mutter brokenly. “You did it. You showed me all your true colors tonight.”
“Mia, I—”
“Well does Liam know all your other colors?” I question, feeling bitter inside. I want to hurt him too. “Does he know about how you sold him to your father for your own selfish gain?”
“What?” Liam demands, but Julian just looks down at me, his jaw clenched, eyes dead, breathing fast and hard. I knew he was going to break me, but my God, this…
“At least be truthful to your own flesh and blood, if no one else,” I murmur, then I turn around, catching Courtney’s gaze. “You raised quite a family. It’s so easy to love them, I feel like a fool.”
Then to Nathan.
“I’m sorry for how I destroyed your life. I truly am.” I mumble, fighting to swallow that painful ball of pain in my throat.
Then to Nicky who stands there, looking shell shocked. I calmly say, “Your first instincts were great you know, throwing me way, but I think abortion would’ve been better than you bringing a monster like me into this world.”
And with that, in the middle of the fucking night, I run out of the station, not knowing where to go.
37
I want to follow after her, but I stay put. I watch as Nathan gathers himself, shoots me a deadly look that dares me to go after his daughter, then he follows after her.
Nicky slaps John across the cheek so hard, it rings in the room. She follows after Mia and I watch them go, knowing they won’t catch her. Behind me though, I have my own nightmare waiting to be faced. And since Mia just broke my damn heart and threw it in the fire to destroy it further, I feel EVERYTHING.
“What did you do to that family?” Mom starts instead. “John, you destroyed their whole lives.”
I’m so mad at John, I can’t even look at him. But when I do, I see his eyes glistening with tears.
“I…” he starts, his voice gruff. “The company was taking hits and nosedives and I wanted someone to pay, but I…”
“That’s right,” I murmur, cutting him off. I feel drained, tired and miserable. “You wanted someone to blame because your son with Down Syndrome and leukemia couldn’t take the brunt of your frustrations and anger, let alone actually suffer for it. You wanted someone else, another family who were starting their own journey with illness and you single handedly made it harder for them.”
Devious Kisses: A Bully Enemies -To-Lovers Romance (It's Just High School Book 1) Page 42
