The Right Side of Reckless

by Whitney D. Grandison

  Whitney D. Grandison is dedicated to telling stories about teens of color and teens in difficult but relatable situations. Some of her works can be found on Wattpad, one of the largest online story sharing platforms, where she has acquired over thirty thousand followers and an audience of over fifteen million dedicated readers. Outside of writing, she is a lover of Korean dramas, all things John Hughes, and horror films. Whitney currently lives in Akron, Ohio. She is the author of A Love Hate Thing and The Right Side of Reckless. Visit Whitney’s website, www.whitneydgrandison.com, and follow her on Twitter, @whitney_dg, and Instagram, @wheadee.

  Books by Whitney D. Grandison

  available from Inkyard Press

  A Love Hate Thing

  The Right Side of Reckless

  Whitney D. Grandison

  The Right Side of Reckless

  Simone Elkeles,

  thanks for telling seventeen-year-old me

  to keep her head high and keep forging forward.

  I made it!

  Contents

  Quote

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Guillermo

  Regan

  Playlist

  Acknowledgments

  You gotta give a boy a chance to grow some.

  —J. Cole, “1985 (Intro to ‘The Fall Off’)”

  Guillermo

  Fresh off the plane and I was already making trouble.

  The security guard was staring at me like I was some type of criminal. He stood across from us as we came out of the gate into the terminal at the Akron-Canton Airport, and as soon as he caught eye contact with me, his brows pushed down and knitted together. His hand breezed over the Taser gun on his utility belt, while he stuck out his broad chest.

  Sizing him up, I knew I could take him. He wasn’t that big. But with the way my mother was looking at me, I knew it was better to ignore him.

  He probably thought I was trouble. I was trouble...at least, I was before.

  “Keep walking, Memo,” my father said, shoving his carry-on bag into my spine.

  I stole a final glance at the security guard. He was still glaring at me.

  Pendejo.

  Like the diligent son I was now trying to be, I obeyed my father and kept moving, catching my younger sister, Yesenia, shrinking beside me.

  Jostling through the airport, we made our way to the baggage claim, gathered our bags, and prepared to leave. Upon heading toward the exit, I was surprised to see Mr. Security Guard by the door. The glare was still on his face, but this time, he was shooting his dark steely gaze at some other guy.

  Guess it isn’t just me. For once.

  I was used to this type of judgment.

  The car service my father had arranged was waiting outside. Our driver was standing in front of a Honda Pilot, holding up a sign with our last name stamped on it.

  My father quickly introduced our family before helping the man stow our luggage in the vehicle. At my attempt to help, my father shooed me away.

  Having no choice, I handed him my bag, and then I got in the middle row beside my mother and sister.

  “It’s going to be okay, Memo, don’t worry.” Yesenia reached out and squeezed my hand gently.

  I averted my gaze out the window, not seeing things her way.

  “You should listen to your sister, she’s right,” my mother said.

  Once the driver and my father finished packing the trunk, the driver took the wheel while my father sat in the passenger seat.

  As soon as we were on the road, my father faced me with a serious look. “We’re back now, Guillermo, and things aren’t going to be like before. Understand?”

  “It won’t happen again,” I said.

  My father grimaced, as if he doubted me. With my mass of screwups, I didn’t blame him. “Don’t forget to call your probation officer first thing in the morning.” He spoke with bitter disappointment laced in every word. “Remember, if you mess this up, it’s back to jail for you.”

  I gritted my teeth. Back to juvie? Fuck that. “I know.”

  Two weeks in Mexico and nothing had changed.

  They still hadn’t forgiven me for what happened back in March. Hadn’t even mentioned it to the relatives we’d just visited. I couldn’t blame them. Unlike the times before, I had fucked up royally.

  I stared outside for the remainder of the drive. Summer had slipped away while I was locked up. Now fall was here, a new season, a new beginning. It was seven fifteen at night, the sky above us a reddish orange as the sun sank lower on the horizon. Soon, the leaves on the trees would match.

  We got off the highway and began to pass closing businesses as streetlights flickered on. I watched all this, trying to feel a sense of rebirth. A piece of optimism.

  It didn’t come.

  While I was...away, my parents had packed up our house and sold it. They had purchased a new place on the east side of Akron and made it clear we were moving on from the past up north.

  Less than thirty minutes later, the driver pulled in to a subdivision called Briar Pointe. A subdivision, as in row upon row of houses that looked exactly alike, as in too bland and boring, unlike the neighborhood we’d lived in before.

  A late-night jogger breezed by, her blond ponytail swishing behind her, and I raised a brow. Where we’d come from wasn’t exactly dangerous, but nobody ran, especially at night.

  The driver came to a stop in front of a medium-size two-story house complete with an attached two-car garage. I gazed at my new home. It was my clean slate, my second chance—or more like my last.

  We all vacated the car and grabbed our bags from the trunk.

  My mother gathered the house keys and took the lead to the front door with Yesenia and me behind her. My father tipped the driver, and the man drove off.

  After I got home from juvie, and before our sudden trip to Mexico, my family and I had only begun unpacking here. Now it was almost the second week of September, and Yesenia and I had missed the first week of school.

  After spending spring in and out of court and a lovely ninety-day stay at a detention center, where I’d caught up on all the schoolwork I’d missed, I would be serving my probation in a new part of the city with a fresh start. However, it was beginning to appear as though there was no moving forward as far as my parents were concerned.

  They no longer looked at me as their son, but as a petty criminal and a burden.

  And given tha
t in the morning I would meet with my parole officer, I couldn’t blame them. I was newly seventeen and already the Patron Saint of Fuckups who couldn’t be trusted, as far as they knew.

  “Guillermo.” My father spoke softly behind me as we entered the house and Yesenia and my mother disappeared down the foyer around a corner.

  I didn’t face him. There were only so many times I could see that look in his eyes. “Yes?”

  “In the garage, now.”

  I turned and found him already making his way to the door that led into the garage. Each step I took after him felt heavier than the first, my anxiety causing sweat to bead down my back.

  Inside the garage, my father stood back, waiting for me.

  I barely glanced at him before my gaze landed on the two vehicles. One, my mother’s silver Acura, and the other, a dark blue Charger. The shiny, vibrant paint made its beauty stand out.

  My father cleared his throat. “Matt knew a guy who could restore it, and it took some bargainin’, but it’s yours.”

  Another glance from him to the car, and I realized what this was and what this meant. Back in the day, when my father’s brother, my tío Mateo, still lived in Akron, he used to keep this beat-up old Charger in his driveway. Tía Jacki used to complain about it, but Mateo wouldn’t part with it, swore it was a project in the making. Whenever I was bored, I’d climb in behind the wheel and pretend to drive it, pretend I owned the road, pretend to be as cool as Tío Matt.

  Fast forward to today, and gone were those rust-stained doors, replaced with a solid body and fresh paint. Even the inside was new. I leaned over to gape through the passenger window. The black seating and updated system had me grinning like a fool.

  Tío Mateo lived in Columbus now, but the gesture wasn’t missed. I faced my father, my smile instantly slipping away at the sight of his stoic face. “Thank you, both of you.”

  My father gave me a stiff nod. “I just don’t want to be responsible for driving you around. Keys are on the hook by the door.”

  During the whole ordeal, my mother had attempted sympathy, but not once had my father offered any. The moment I was released from juvie, they shielded Yesenia from me and started keepin’ a close eye on us, as if my bad seed would catch on.

  “I shouldn’t have to reiterate that this is a new start. You will not be in contact with any of your old friends. Especially that girl,” my father ordered. “You will go to school, complete your required community service, meet with your probation officer, and stay out of trouble. Do you hear me?”

  My fists balled at my sides. “Yes, sir.”

  “And...” He paused, as if thinking of more things to add to his list of demands. “Get a haircut.”

  To this I didn’t reply. He’d been after the length of my hair since freshman year. Now that I was a junior, you’d think he’d let it go. I would admit, my wavy hair combined with my facial hair did make me look rough around the edges. The judge had taken one look at me and scowled. No wonder that security guard at the airport had kept his eye on me.

  “Your mother’s going to order some food. Go put away your bag and come down,” my father said.

  Dinner with my family was often eaten in loud silence.

  I would pass.

  “I’m not hungry,” I told him.

  He didn’t fight me on it as he went to join my mother and sister.

  Home sweet home.

  With a heavy sigh, I raked a hand through my chin-length hair and headed up to my room. I was out, I was somewhere new, and I had a car. I couldn’t fuck up, not again. Hearing my mom up one night crying—that had hung heavy on my heart for weeks.

  This move was my chance to prove that I could evolve.

  There were no ifs, ands, or maybes. I was going to do better.

  Regan

  Troy Jordan slowly eased his hand up the back of my shirt. He thought he was being slick, but he was kissing me too urgently to play it off. I knew what he was after, and like the many times before, he wasn’t getting it.

  I was supposed to be doing my AP geography homework, but with Troy’s advances, that wasn’t happening. As his lips and hands roamed my body, I stared up at the Beyoncé poster on my cream-painted bedroom wall.

  “Troy,” I said, pushing him away and sitting up on my bed, “my parents are right downstairs. Besides, I’ve got notes to read over.”

  Troy groaned, rolling his eyes and sitting up beside me. “Come on, Rey, you’re never in the mood.”

  The mood, a topic of conversation Troy had been bringing up a lot lately. What he kept failing to realize was that one does not simply get in “the mood” to lose their virginity. It was an important decision to me, one I wanted to be completely sure of beforehand. While he was all hot and ready day and night, I wasn’t so sure.

  We had been together since the start of my sophomore year and his junior. One year later, we were constantly talking about my inability to go all the way. It made me feel guilty.

  I lay down on my stomach and turned on the TV. Maybe some harmless reality show would lull me. Getting lost in other people’s wild lives would be a good distraction from my own.

  “Is something wrong, Regan?” Troy asked, starting in on the usual question after I put a stop to things.

  It was Friday night and we could’ve been doing something romantic, or just chilling, but instead I was trying to do homework and study while also contemplating buying a chastity belt made of barbed wire. He’d come by to hang out, but as always, more was on his mind.

  I didn’t even want to study, but of course I had to. I had to get good grades all around, especially in my accounting course.

  Between Troy and accounting, I just couldn’t deal.

  “No, Troy,” I breathed out in response to the tantrum he was about to throw.

  I was attracted to Troy, sure, but when I thought about having sex with him, I felt weird and unsure. Maybe I just wasn’t ready. I was sixteen.

  “Well then, what’s up? You do this all the time. I’m not a mind reader, Rey, why can’t you just say what you’re thinking?”

  “I...” Want you to go. It always got awkward once we reached this point.

  I missed how we’d been at the beginning—the movie nights, the TV binges, the realization of who he was and who he was going to be during that first football game as his girlfriend among all his adoring fans, and mostly, the respected boundary line.

  Six months in and our messy tango of kissing had begun not being enough. Cuddling wasn’t enough, waiting wasn’t enough.

  “You what, Rey?” Troy stood in front of the TV, blocking my escape.

  I swallowed, fiddling with the heart-embedded infinity symbol pendant on the necklace he’d gotten me last November. How was I to explain myself when I didn’t even get it?

  “I just...need more time.” It was all I could muster, and it left me feeling exhausted.

  “How much more time?”

  His whining was getting annoying. I wouldn’t sleep with him just to shut him up—my parents were downstairs, as well as my younger brother, Avery.

  I couldn’t look at him. My gaze moved to the mahogany shelf on my vintage mirror-dresser combo and stopped on an old figurine my grandmother had given me. I focused on the dancing woman, seeking an excuse.

  “I don’t know, Troy. Maybe after we’re married?” Internally I cringed. It was a poor argument. Hardly anyone waited for marriage anymore. Troy himself was far from a virgin. He was our school’s star running back, and he’d hooked up a lot before we got together.

  Troy’s face fell in utter disbelief. “Married? I’m seventeen, you’re sixteen. What makes you think I wanna—marriage is on my mind right now?”

  It stung when he almost said he wasn’t thinking about marrying me. But maybe I was being naive; we were only teenagers. It wasn’t that deep.

  However, havi
ng found my way out of the situation, I took it. “So you don’t want to marry me?” I lifted an eyebrow, crossing my arms and appearing hurt.

  “Marriage is just a piece of paper.”

  “A paper of value.” I feigned cluelessness as I tapped my chin. “How does that one Beyoncé song go? Something about putting a ring on it?”

  Troy waved me off while he shook his head. “Please, that’s what you females’ problem is, sitting there listening to Beyoncé and letting her fill your heads up with that ‘girls run the world’ nonsense.”

  “Excuse me?” Personally, I was more for unity than the idea of one gender on top, but Troy’s tone irritated me.

  He quickly tried to backtrack. “Rey, I just... Of course I want to be with you.” He came closer and pulled me into his arms. “You know when I make it big I’m taking you with me. Big house. Nice cars. All that.”

  “Troy.” I sighed. “I’m not with you because of your ability to play football. If something happens when you’re in college and you can’t play—”

  “God forbid,” he quickly interjected.

  “Like I said, if something ever happened and you couldn’t play pro, I wouldn’t leave you. I love you for you, not some sport you play. I don’t think about us in a big house, I think about us in a normal house, married at least, living happily ever after.”

  Troy planted a kiss on my forehead. “That’s why I love you, Rey. You’re not with me because I’m next.”

  We were an unmatched pair. Troy was the most popular guy in school and the star football player. I wasn’t that popular, nor was I a cheerleader. Some people didn’t get it, since I was just Regan London, but Troy liked me. Enough that he’d pursued me despite my early rejections.

  When we’d gotten together my sophomore year, I hadn’t cared about his status at our school. He was just some football player everyone wanted to be with or wanted to be; it hadn’t impressed me. But then he started chasing me, ignoring his usual options, showing up around me more often. At first, I told him it was going to take a lot more than him hanging around to wow me, which made him laugh, and he kept at it, little love notes carefully stuffed into my locker, popping up with a single rose or carnation before school or after—the shower of affection wasn’t lost on me. Slowly, I fell for him once and for all.