The Right Side of Reckless

by Whitney D. Grandison

  His calm tone didn’t quite hide the storm brewing inside of him.

  “I’m sorry, Rav,” I said. “I saw her talking to the guy. I meant to text you but I got caught up.”

  He didn’t pay this any mind. “I was good to her.”

  From what I’d seen, Raviv was loyal. Being loyal just to get burned sucked big-time. Talk about wasted effort.

  “You’ll find someone better in time,” I encouraged.

  He frowned. “Girls are nothing but trouble, man. They’re not worth it.”

  Maybe a few months earlier I would’ve agreed. Now, I could see it wasn’t that simple.

  “Did you hear about Regan and Troy?” I asked.

  “Dipshit cheated on her.”

  I leaned over and caught his eyes. “Yeah, he did. Guys suck, too.”

  Rav smirked. “People suck.”

  His cell phone let out a chime for a text message. He sat up and dug his phone from his pocket and was quick to read it over. “Kayde to the rescue.”

  Bad association spoils useful habits, mijo. My mother’s words rang in my ears as I watched Raviv text Kayde Warren.

  I was only a year older, not an authority figure. It wouldn’t feel like I was smothering him if I offered guidance. Like Raviv, what I’d needed a year prior was a mentor, someone to set me straight and offer up no bullshit about my stupidity. Being angry at the world and smoking weed wasn’t the way to go about it.

  “Listen, I know what you’re going through,” I started to say.

  Raviv shot me an annoyed glare. “Sure you do.”

  “Remember I’m the one on probation,” I said. “I got in a fight over a girl, and the funny thing is in the end I was betrayed, too.”

  He eased up and sat back, willing to listen. “Yeah? What happened?”

  “I was messin’ with my best friend’s girl—”

  “You’re a dick for that.”

  “Noted,” I said before going on. “She had me thinking that what we had was real, and when it all came to the light, I realized she was just using me to get back at him. I was angry, I was hurt, and I hated her for the longest time. But you know what, things got better when I allowed myself to learn and grow from that situation. That’s what you gotta do. Learn from it, grow from it, and become stronger. Camila’s the one who fucked up and missed out on a good thing. Don’t sit here and beat yourself up over it, it’s not your fault.”

  Raviv hung his head, pouting just a little. It would take more than my encouragement to lift his mood. But I wasn’t going to give up on him. Channeling his anger into something active would benefit him more than sitting around getting high and moping.

  Because I really liked him, I threw him a bone. “Hey, if you’re ever feelin’ down or stressed, hit me up and we can play soccer or whatever.”

  This caught his attention. For the first time since I joined him in his room, he lightened up. “Really?”

  Some things were bigger than you. “Yeah. Who knows, maybe I’ll get good enough to beat you.”

  Gone was the melancholy as arrogance washed over him. “Not a chance, Memo. I’m scoring on you every time.”

  I shook my head. Athletes. “Jenaya’s meeting me at Freeze in a little bit, I should get going. You wanna come?”

  Raviv was back in his phone, staring at some photo I couldn’t see clearly from my angle. It would take some time to get over Camila. She was a cute girl and they’d been inseparable.

  But for a time, I’d thought I was heartbroken over Tynesha, and yet slowly I came to accept that it wasn’t right or worth it. Raviv would get there, and I’d see him through.

  “Nah, I really need what Kayde’s got right now,” Raviv declined.

  “Weed’s not the answer.”

  “Says you.”

  “Let’s just say that ‘just say no’ shit in sixth grade really moved me.” Until the time I’d tried it myself at sixteen. Wasn’t a fan in the end.

  I stood from my chair and set it back at his desk. “I’m serious about soccer and hanging out, though. You don’t always gotta drown your sorrows in weed. I’m here if you want to talk.”

  Raviv lifted his head to look at me. “I know, and I appreciate it, man. Right now I just can’t deal. Cami played me.”

  “It hurts now, but it’s not the end.”

  Raviv clicked out of his photos. “I should join you, anything to avoid Andy.”

  “What’s up with Andy?”

  Raviv gave me a flat look. “His girlfriend Danielle’s already having him mention this girl named Stacy to me. She’s not my type.”

  “Who knows, sometimes those usually be the ones who work out best for you,” I said.

  I hadn’t really liked nice girls before, probably because I wasn’t a nice guy. I’d liked them mean, with attitude, sass—trouble. Now, now nice worked. I liked nice, and I liked being nice, too.

  Raviv wasn’t convinced. “Pass. The only girl I need is Mary Jane.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know, Raviv, one day, and maybe not tomorrow, but one day, you’re going to run into a girl who’s going to flip your world upside down and you won’t be able to be that heartless stoner you are right now. And when it happens, I won’t only say I told you so, I’m going to revel in that shit.”

  Raviv’s doubt was evident. “She better have on some nice shoes, ’cause she’s gonna do a lot of chasing.”

  He wasn’t ready to hear me, and for that I tipped my head at him and went to the door.

  “It’s a shame about Regan, though,” he spoke up once more. “She’s a nice girl. Sometimes good people just get burned.”

  “And sometimes stronger people are there to help them rise from the ashes,” I told him.

  Regan was strong enough to stand up for herself and speak up. Rav, he would need a hand to cling to. I’d been down before, but like a phoenix, I’d managed to rise again. With my support, Raviv would rise, too.

  Regan

  Commotion outside my bedroom window woke me up Sunday afternoon. After staying up all night watching foreign films, I wasn’t surprised to find myself getting up at 3:00 p.m. the next day. From what I’d watched, a lot of the foreign films had bittersweet endings. No one really got what they wanted.

  Story of my life.

  My favorite would have to be Three Steps Above Heaven, a Spanish version of an Italian film and novel.

  Babi was awful and just undeserving, but H. was gorgeous and easy to swoon over. I could watch their love story over and over, it was so good. By the time I fell asleep, I was obsessed. Enough so to go online and buy the English adapted novel.

  Given the noise just below my window, it was clearly time to get up. I climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash up before going downstairs to see what was going on.

  It was a big mistake.

  Our front door was open, and creeping over to peek out, I stumbled on the sight of Troy tossing a football around with Avery. My father was standing back, coaching Avery on how to grip the ball right and throw it.

  My stomach dropped.

  What the heck?

  I ripped my scarf from my head and quickly ran my fingers through my hair to undo my wrap and make myself look presentable before marching outside.

  Troy turned his attention to me and still caught Avery’s incoming throw immaculately. Darn.

  “What’s up, Rey?” Troy asked casually. As if it were no big deal he was at my house, playing catch with my brother like it was a normal occurrence.

  We were not on speaking terms. Not now, not ever again.

  “Don’t just stand there, speak,” my father encouraged.

  This was an ambush.

  “What’s going on?” I looked from my father to Avery.

  “’Bout time we teach Avery how to throw a football,” my father said. “If he’s goi
ng to join the team next year, we gotta get a move on.”

  Avery was clenching his jaw, his unease palpable.

  I gaped at my father sideways. He couldn’t be serious. If it wasn’t accounting with me, it was football with Avery. Enough was enough.

  “Avery doesn’t even like football, just like how I hate—”

  “Nicole,” my father interrupted, saying my middle name in a stern tone. “If Avery has a problem, he can say so himself.”

  Avery stood where he was, awkward with the attention on him.

  My younger brother was like me in that he was very much nonconfrontational. Standing up to our father probably gave him anxiety, too.

  Before, I was weak, easily going along with my father’s demands. Now...now I was fed up.

  “Avery doesn’t like football, do you, Avery?” I prompted.

  “He just needs to come around, that’s all,” Troy insisted.

  “Shut up, Troy,” I snapped. The last thing Avery needed was Troy speaking for him. “Avery, tell them.”

  Our father was getting irritated, I could tell by the way he looked as though he wanted to wring my neck.

  Avery had the floor, but instead of answering, he did one better. “I’m going to Mo’s.”

  He turned and went across the street, leaving us for Guillermo.

  My father’s face twisted as he waved my brother off. He went back inside, stomping almost like a child throwing a tantrum.

  Troy shook his head. “Wow. Guess everybody lovin’ Con, huh?”

  He had tap-danced on my last nerve. “Why are you here, Troy?”

  He frowned. “I need to talk to you.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  For a moment, he looked pitiful, his shoulders sagging in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

  “Is not enough,” I let him know as I folded my arms across my chest. It felt really good to stand up for myself, and even Avery, for the sliver of a second it had felt like I got a victory there.

  Sorry wasn’t good enough, not when Troy clearly didn’t understand his error. This was bigger than his cheating, and I could see that he didn’t get that.

  Troy hung his head. “My mom invited you to dinner and you said yes.”

  “Tell her I’m declining.” I liked Mrs. Jordan, but things were different now.

  “Rey.”

  “We’re not together anymore.”

  “Come on, don’t say that. Don’t embarrass me like that. My mom loves you, she wanted to go all out for Sweetest Day this year by having you and me, and Tommy and Jas. Don’t make me—”

  “What? Don’t make you have to look her in her eye and tell her you messed up? I’m not protecting you on this. You did this, not me. I don’t owe you anything, much less my compliance to fit in your happy little picture.”

  Troy looked shaken. Perhaps some other girl would forgive him for cheating—I was still very much expected to, per my social media notifications. But I didn’t want to be that girl. I had a backbone, and it was about time I used it.

  “Just...please, think about it. My momma love you, Rey. It’s this Saturday night, and all I’m asking is for you to think about it. Think about us. I messed up and I’m sorry, but I don’t want to walk away.”

  “I’ll do it for you. Goodbye, Troy.” I turned my back on him and went back inside, shutting the door behind me.

  I didn’t allow myself to feel sorry for him and how awful he looked, didn’t allow myself for a second to rethink my intentions and plans going forward. I had only dated Troy to please my father, and I was never going to make that mistake again.

  “What’s gotten into you?” My father was waiting for me in the family room, arms crossed, eyes zeroing in on me.

  “Nothing,” I told him. “I just don’t think it’s right to force football on Avery when he doesn’t care for it.”

  “Let him say that. He wasn’t complaining when it was just him and Troy,” my father said. “Speaking of Troy, what’s got you being so rude to that boy like that?”

  He probably would never see the truth for what it was. All he cared about was me being an accountant and Troy’s future wife. It was good for business, not to mention Troy was the son my father had always wanted, making him the perfect man for me. Little did he know there were fingerprints all along my body from the many times Troy had touched me despite how I wanted to take it easy.

  There was no strength in silence.

  Thankfully, my mother’s arrival with Simba at her heels interrupted the tension brewing in the room.

  “I’m thinking about a roast for dinner. Unless you want chicken,” she said.

  My father tore his gaze from me and turned to my mother. “Chicken, I’m in the mood for some dressing.”

  They began to discuss dinner and I quickly escaped up to my room to safety and solitude.

  * * *

  Dinner was awkward. Quiet. Impersonal. My father kept eyeing Avery in disappointment, and me with suspicion. My mother was oblivious.

  It would be so easy to fall in line again and appease my father, but that wasn’t going to happen. Surrendering my rights and choices hadn’t equated to happiness.

  “Troy can finally relax now that he’s in the off-season,” my mother spoke up. “I’m guessing you two will be spending more time together.”

  He could use all his free time to woo Genesis, for all I cared.

  “He was by here earlier inviting Rey over to dinner,” my father chimed in. “We should reciprocate that sometime soon.”

  “I broke up with Troy,” I announced.

  You would’ve thought I dropped an atomic bomb by the way everyone froze.

  My father gaped at me. “Is that why you were being so rude?”

  “Rude?” I challenged. “I broke up with him and he shows up at my house, Dad. Some call that stalking.”

  Avery snickered and stopped once my parents looked his way.

  My mother approached me softer. “What happened?”

  It was so hard to put into words how I felt. It was like there was a mountain of things unspoken in my head that I needed to get out, and they were threatening to spill from my lips all at once.

  “I just decided I want something different,” I said in the end. It was a weak explanation, but all I could gather being on the spot.

  “What—”

  “Cliff.” My mother hushed my father before he could say anything further. “Let her breathe.”

  I kept my face even as I rose from my seat at the table. I usually loved my mother’s dressing, but I couldn’t enjoy it with the current conversation. “I’m done.”

  “Me, too.” Avery was quick to take his plate into the kitchen with me.

  I scraped our remains into the trash before placing our dishes in the sink. Avery stood beside me, watching.

  “Need something?” I asked.

  He shrugged as I gathered the dish detergent and sponge. “You didn’t have to speak up for me earlier.”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m your brother. I should’ve kicked Troy’s ass instead of being so chummy with him.”

  It was cute he was trying to be protective, but I was the older sibling; I could protect myself. Now. “No, you shouldn’t have. It wasn’t your place.”

  “He cheated on you, and then he comes over like he owns the place. I should’ve wiped that smile off his face with my bare hands.”

  Even Avery knew about Troy and me.

  As much as I loved his loyalty, it wasn’t his place to get involved. “Avery—”

  “I’ve been working with Mo in the gym at the center. I’m not some little kid anymore, Rey. Troy doesn’t own you, and neither does Dad. They don’t get to just walk all over you and have you smile and ask for more. What about you, what about what you want, or what any
of us wants?”

  “Avery—”

  “You know what, screw you, Regan.”

  He shouldered past me as he stormed out of the room.

  He was upset with me, and I didn’t know why. It all added on to the mountain of stress I was already dealing with, and I couldn’t hack it.

  I set the dishes in the sink and went up to my room to call the one person I should’ve been avoiding.

  Thankfully, we must have been on the same page. He answered immediately.

  “Hey.” The sound of Guillermo’s voice eased all my tension.

  I sat on the ottoman at the foot of my bed. “Hey.”

  For a moment we shared a calming silence. Even the sound of his breathing was a relief. Yes, it was a good thing we’d officially traded numbers after our rainy stay at the Keep Inn Company Motel.

  “So, I know we’re supposed to stay away from each other, but I could really use a friend right now,” I let him know.

  “So you want to be friends?” His taunting reply made up for all the drama I’d dealt with that day.

  Did I want to be friends when all was settled and squared away?

  If I were being truthful, it had stung when Sofia Rios popped up out of nowhere at the party and Guillermo went off with her. It wasn’t my place to be jealous, but I was.

  Focus, Rey. “No.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m still figuring things out, but I know what I felt in that motel room with you and it was real. I don’t have friendships with people I want to kiss.”

  “Likewise,” Guillermo agreed. “So what’s up? Avery mentioned a certain visitor stopping by earlier.”

  “He and my dad are unbearable.” I groaned, rolling my eyes to the ceiling. “I told Troy we’re not together anymore. Gosh, it feels so liberating, standing up for myself.”

  “I can tell, I’m proud of you.”

  He couldn’t see me, but I made a muscle to show myself I was strong, too. “Thanks.”

  “So he knows it’s over?” I could hear Guillermo sitting up. “Avery said he was there, I assumed to grovel, but he for sure knows it’s over?”

  “Yes. I told him we weren’t together anymore, and I walked away.” I let out a laugh, feeling triumphant. Sure, I still needed to sit down and talk with Troy once we both cooled off. I needed him to understand that what he’d done was unforgivable. It was more than the cheating, it was everything that I’d stomached from him. My father would have his share as well. Avery was right—it was about what I wanted. “My dad’s stressing me out, but I feel good right now.”