Looking for Love

by Kathy Bosman

  ***

  In the last week, Ross had spent every spare moment fixing up the house. He had to admit, the satisfied feeling of his progress did wipe away some of the ache in his gut. Not all of it, though. To add to the suffering, his body hurt from head to toe from all the physical exertion, but too bad, he wasn’t about to stop.

  While he painted the newly-fitted window frames a happy green, he tried to keep his mind off his dumb-ass decision to tell Ella how he felt about her, but nothing would work.

  No. He shook his head. He’d done the right thing. She had to know. He couldn’t have kept it quiet any longer. The only problem now was he wouldn’t see her again. He couldn’t go back there, ever. As difficult as the decision had been to make, he had to stick by it. It was all or nothing. Have her for himself as his woman in every sense, or not have her at all. How could he remain mere friends with her? And he’d always be reminded that she didn’t feel the same way. As much as he cared for her as a person, it was impossible not to be hurt by her lack of romantic interest in him. Yes, she was right. They should have just remained friends.

  Too late to go back and somehow manipulate his heart and stop it from falling for her.

  Sick. The whole scenario sucked.

  Wonder if her precious ‘album’ could show her that he was the right person for her.

  He slapped the paintbrush bristles against the aluminium window frames and groaned when streaks of green messed up the fresh coat of cream paint he’d applied to his outside walls.

  His cell phone buzzed a message alert tone in his pocket. What now? He had paint on his hands, and although his overalls already resembled a painter’s palette, he didn’t fancy messing up his new smartphone.

  Another buzz came through. Curiosity got the better of him, and deciding he could do with a break, he finished up the frame and went inside to clean his brushes. The sun had started going down too, making it harder to keep in the lines. Once he’d cleaned up and fixed a quick snack, he sat down by the kitchen table to read his message.

  Ella.

  Should he even read it? What if she’d realised she did love him back? Unlikely, but…

  Hi Ross. I hope you’re well. I’ve been thinking of you. I have an idea. I hope you’re game. I’d love some help setting up a website for the business. I want to reach people in the whole of South Africa, not just in Richards Bay. Seeing you’re the one at your work who set up the website and you did that website design course years back, well, I thought of you immediately. Now, I know we decided to take a break. This is different. I won’t be around much. Pauline will help you. She’s pretty good on the design side of things. I think you would make a great team. I’ll pay you both, of course. I know you’ve wanted to do up your house. Maybe the extra will help towards it. What do you think?

  What? The absolute cheek of her. He smiled. Typical Ella. Full of nonsense, always expecting him to be the saviour to solve her unsolvable problems. Probably why they’d formed this strange symbiotic relationship over the years. He’d have to say no. Have to hurt her and turn her down.

  Dragging his feet to the other side of the kitchen, he scratched in the fridge for a beer. He pulled open the can and tried to chug it down but it seemed to lodge in the pipe down to his stomach.

  How would he turn her down without becoming despicable in her eyes? Maybe deep inside, he’d hoped his love confession would get her thinking and pondering all their years together and she’d begin to feel the same way. He’d hoped that absence would make the heart grow fonder. Now this changed the whole situation. He couldn’t turn her down without being heartless and…honestly…he could do with the extra cash. Working on a website seemed much more appealing than painting, laying tiles, and fixing plumbing.

  Ross typed up a reply.

  “Fine, I’ll do it.”

  Ella: Don’t feel obligated to.

  Ross: I need the cash.

  Ella: You’re still upset with me.

  Ross: Don’t talk about it. We decided not to.

  Ella: Sorry.

  Ross: You can’t apologise for your true feelings.

  Ella: Ross, I hate this. I never wanted it to come to this.

  Ross: So, it’s my fault?

  Ella: I didn’t say that. Maybe we shouldn’t have made the stupid rule in the first place. Playing hard to get and all that.

  Ross: Maybe.

  Ella: Are you sure you want to help me? What about your feelings about the business?

  Ross: My feelings were all due to worry that it would bite you in the butt later. If I help you, maybe I can stop that from happening. But please, El, I’m not your saviour anymore. I can’t solve all your problems.

  Ella: What? (hurt smiley) You think that’s what I see you as? That I take advantage of you?

  Ross: No, I like helping you but things have changed. I can’t always be there for you. It’s not safe anymore.

  Long silence—long enough for the beer to be emptied.

  Ella: I know. I don’t want that, too. All I want is help with my website. Sure it’s okay?

  Ross: Yes.

  Ella: Great. Thanks. I’ll pay you a good fee.

  He sent a thumbs-up smiley and put his phone down, then went down the passage to run a nice hot bath to soak.