Looking for Love

by Kathy Bosman

  ***

  Ella didn’t think she’d be so excited to pack up her boxes, but every item placed inside the cardboard monstrosities reminded her of how much closer she came to being near her dad again. They’d had a whale of a time—swum in the pool, gone to the beach, watched movies and so many different ones: crime, thrillers, even romance much to her dad’s disgust—and cooked all sorts of things. Her dad was astounded at her ability to come up with such a variety of dishes from scratch and how she used fresh herbs and exotic spices. Pauline had been the one to show her those things.

  She’d even told him all about The Album and voiced all her concerns about it. He hadn’t given her any advice. Her estimation of him had notched up like two-hundred percent because she was so used to her friends telling her what to do. Yeah, sure, she went for them for advice, but sometimes, she felt like just having a simple sounding-board, nothing else. And Dad was good at that. How come she’d shied away from him for so long?

  Plus, it had been fun learning about all his experiences the past few years. He was an art historian and had had great fun discovering a whole series of paintings in the Durban area that belonged to some famous French painter. He’d also shared his adventures in helping out at a snake park in town years ago.

  The ornaments were in three boxes. Why she had so many, she didn’t know, but she couldn’t get rid of them as most of them were gifts from relatives or friends and held sentimental value. She worked on the picture frames next. Just as she stood on the ladder to take down a puzzle of Banff National Park in Canada that she’d framed several years back, the doorbell rang.

  Sunday. Goodness, she’d forgotten she had an appointment with a client.

  She re-hung the picture on its two hooks, scrambled down the ladder, and ran to her mirror in her guest bathroom to straighten up her hair and check she didn’t have dust bunnies nesting in it. Besides wearing her house clothes, she looked passable. Really, how unprofessional of her to forget. She should have closed up the business weeks ago when she’d first decided to leave town but her clients kept on coming and she hated turning genuine seekers away.

  Sucking in a breath, she opened up the door and smiled. “Hi.”

  A middle-aged lady stood before her, uncannily similar to her mother but with curlier hair and a thinner mouth.

  “Hi, Mrs. Lemmer. Please come in.” She loved how names always came back to her without a problem. A good thing seeing she hadn’t prepared at all for the appointment. “Just excuse the mess. I’m in the process of moving. You know what it’s like—boxes and tape and things lying everywhere. Come through to my office. At least there, it’s neat and orderly.”

  The woman nodded and Ella felt her reserve and some anxiety bounce off of her. Some customers felt uneasy about contacting a matching service and she was bound to be one of them.

  Ella opened her office and switched on the light because the overcast day made even the conservatory appear dull and lifeless. The Album was thankfully stashed away in a drawer and not out in the open. She’d spent several hours on it last night. Finding her place behind the desk, she moved some other clients’ files out the way and gave Mrs. Lemmer her full attention. “Let me know a little about yourself. Maybe tell me what kind of partner you’re looking for.”

  “I’m married still.”

  Ella blinked. Okay, now what? How would she push the woman away without sounding rude? No, she had certain rules and two-timing was a definite no-no.

  “Wait.” The woman’s eyes came alive. “To a ghost.”

  Ella looked down at her desk and tried not to giggle. Did she just hear things?

  “I talk to my husband’s spirit every day but he’s been nagging me to find someone. Says it’s time for him to rest and I must find love. I very reluctantly came here because I didn’t want to listen to him.”

  “So, you’re not technically married? You’re a widow.”

  “I’m a widow in the worldly sense but I certainly don’t feel like it. He hasn’t left my side since he passed away three years ago. At the moment, I feel like I’m going through a divorce because he wants to end it. But I know he’s suffering and needs to finally lay to rest. I have to let go.”

  The woman didn’t cry but Ella could sense the heaviness upon her.

  Ella had never believed in spirits and ghosts. With the advent of The Album, she wasn’t so sure any more about strange happenings on the planet. If the woman believed such a thing, who was she to dispute it? She could only help her find love or some means to get over her late husband.

  “My family thinks I’m still grieving him because I talk to him so much. They’re troubled about me. I also want to move on for their sakes but it’s hard. I hope you can help me. I read the article about you in the Credence magazine. I’m a difficult case.” She smiled for the first time since she’d entered Ella’s home. “But I’m hoping you can crack me. Is there any hope of me finding someone to love after losing the love of my life?”

  Ella longed to come round and give the woman a good squeeze but she had the feeling her reserve would make it awkward. Instead, she nodded, her eyes tearing a little although her client’s eyes remained dry. “I can almost assure you a hundred percent I can find someone just right for you.”

  Mrs. Lemmer let out a breath and dropped her hunched shoulders. “Phew.”

  She actually looked quite attractive now that she’d relaxed significantly.

  The next fifteen to twenty minutes, Mrs. Lemmer, or Sarah as Ella discovered, filled out all the forms and gave her photo in. Ella said she’d probably contact her in a couple of days. This case called for urgent work. She just couldn’t leave the poor troubled woman single any longer.

  Yet, at the back of her mind, she wondered if the lady was ready for a relationship yet. Sounded like she hadn’t dealt with the bulk of her grief fully. Sarah losing the love of her life got her thinking of her parents. For so many years, she’d blamed them both for messing up her life. She’d blamed her mom for fighting with Dad and her dad for giving up and leaving. Hearing the truth from her dad had made her realise that maybe, it had been beyond their control completely. They couldn’t have made it work, no matter how hard they’d tried. She considered Frank, her client completing the course she’d assigned him to. Had it changed him? Was there any hope for the man? If her parents couldn’t make it work, what if he couldn’t make any relationship work? She really wanted it to come right. She hated that helpless feeling, yet she had to admit—maybe sometimes, being single was way better and safer for some people.

  Was she one of those? Should she forget her dream to find this perfect man because really, he wasn’t out there? Or he certainly hid himself too well. Yeah, sure, there was probably a match for her somewhere, but she wearied searching and hankering for him. She wanted to forget about love for a while, forget about Ross, too, and all the confusion caused by him. Forget about Dirk and break it off with him totally and enjoy her new adventure of starting up in Durban, a city full of life and new experiences and culture.

  She picked up the phone to call Frank.

  “I need a current photo of you, please,” she asked him after he’d given her an update on the successful passing of his course. “I want to study the new you to see what woman is suitable for you. I also would like you to email me the report from your exams at the course. Actually, emailing the photo is fine. You don’t have to come in.”

  “Sure thing.”

  He sounded upbeat, as though impending disaster didn’t loom for him and her business. She tried to ignore the anxiety clenching her stomach. What if she couldn’t find a match for him ever? What if she’d sent him on that course all for nothing? Would he spread bad word about her? Would she lose hope in The Album? In the power of love?

  She ended the call and set to checking her emails. One came through from him almost straight away. Sheesh, this guy was keen. Biting her lip, she printed the photo out and placed it in The Album. Finding one of her female clients on file, she put it i
n the slot, waiting for the usual display of power to pass. Nothing, no photos of togetherness. After three more tries, she wanted to scream and send The Album catapulting across the room. Then she looked at Sarah Lemmer’s photo.

  No way. She shouldn’t even go that route. Frank was at least five years her junior and really, the woman had been through enough.

  Mind you, hadn’t he had his fair dose of difficulty? He’d done the course and according to the report, really excelled. It couldn’t have been easy for someone like him. When he’d first come into her office, she’d been put off by his arrogance and impatience. Surely, he couldn’t be pretending to be a changed man?

  Taking Sarah’s photo, she pressed it into the space and closed her eyes, not really expecting anything. Surely, they couldn’t be right.

  After the vibration had ceased for some time and she’d remained tight-lidded for several anxious moments, she squeezed open her eyes and let go of the pages. She turned. There were pictures of them, not hugging, not kissing, nothing romantic, but the pictures went on and on for pages. And then she saw a wedding ceremony with adult kids around Sarah and Frank next to her, the man looking so different. His face held softness, maturity, a certain thoughtfulness she’d never seen in him. She carried on turning the pages. All she could interpret was pure success. A lifetime of adventures, of doing things together. She slammed the book closed and shook her head. Opening it again like it was a dirty cloth and not a sacred magic book, she paged through once more.

  Who would have thought?

  Should she find someone else for Sarah? She hadn’t tried her out with anyone yet.

  No, Frank needed Sarah. Sure, Sarah may have success with someone else, but Frank needed her. Not for her business, not for her reputation. What did it matter? She intended to stop the business when she moved to Durban. No, this was for him. This would make Frank the person he was meant to be. Sarah would help him be that person.

  But she had to see something. She chose another female client and tried her with Frank. It worked. Oh, so Frank wasn’t such a monster, after all. He’d reformed. She tried several more and came up with three successful scenarios. Yet, she couldn’t shake away her initial image of Frank and Sarah together. The way she changed his face, his whole demeanour. She couldn’t for the life of her remember anything about the photos. Why not? She’d only viewed them minutes ago. Uncanny how she couldn’t remember anything when her clients came in. All she could tell them was that the coupling would be a success. Did The Album wipe out the memories of what she saw? That meant she could use one of her friends in the pages.

  But what if it didn’t have the power to wipe out the memories of her friend’s lives because they were strongly connected to her thoughts and emotions?

  She wasn’t willing to take the risk but the magic impressed her even more—it was a good thing that she couldn’t see into other peoples’ futures. Safe and better that way.

  Her hands shook as an idea came to her. Why not try Ross’s photo with one of her clients?

  What prompted that thought? Why not Dirk? Why Ross? Yet, she couldn’t see into his future. No, that would be dangerous. But she didn’t intend to see him ever again.

  Her hands shaking with the rush of anticipation, she sat down by her computer and went onto Ross’s Facebook to find a photo of him. When last did she take a photo of the man? While she browsed through his profile, her heart squeezed painfully. How could she say goodbye to him forever? The man had burrowed into her heart and would forever remain there. It reminded her of saying goodbye to her dad when he’d left and how their relationship had fizzled out over the years.

  Surely, the distance would be a good thing for Ross and her. It would end the friendship slowly and gently. She had to do it no matter how much it hurt. Just like Mom and Dad, Ross and she would never work. One of those sad facts of life you couldn’t do anything about.

  Once she’d printed out a picture of Ross, she slotted him into The Album. Then she found one of her clients and put her picture in. This time, she turned the pages frantically, desperate to know how it would work out. No success. The relief was uncomfortably strong.

  But Ross was so nice. Wouldn’t he be good for any girl? Okay, he’d had lots of bad relationships in the past, but really, why? He was the kindest man she’d ever known. Sexy, strong, dependable. Deep thinker, very perceptive. He knew as soon as even something small bothered her. Wouldn’t he be a sensitive lover to another woman?

  Unable to try another one, she put away The Album and neatened her office, then dragged herself back inside the house to finish packing. Somehow, the mess in her residence and the endless job of putting all her belongings in boxes didn’t appeal to her anymore. She stopped to make some supper and parked herself in front of the TV, ignoring the clutter around her and the odd itch that she couldn’t scratch inside. Something was wrong. What was it? Had she broken an unspoken Album rule by putting her friend on the pages? Nowhere had she seen that she wasn’t allowed to. Why couldn’t she stop thinking of Ross and another woman together? And why couldn’t she shake the churning in her gut at the thought?

  Dirk messaged her on her cell phone at about eight-thirty. She typed up an answer to him, wishing things could be different.

  “Dirk, we need to talk. I have some news for you. Could you come over?”

  She hadn’t even told him she was moving yet. They hadn’t seen each other for a while, the two of them being one of those relationships you could pick up at any time. Or so it seemed. Pity she had to go.

  “I know.”

  She waited for more.

  “It’s over, isn’t it?” he sent.

  “I’m moving to Durban. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

  “Maybe it’s a good thing. I was starting to doubt our relationship. You didn’t seem to have the drive. It always felt like your heart was somewhere or with someone else.”

  “I’m sorry, Dirk. I really liked you.”

  “But you love someone else?”

  Did he think she was moving to Durban to be with a guy?

  “No, I’m keen to live by my dad again.”

  “Ella, I hope you wake up and come to terms with your feelings once and for all because until you do, you’re going to be wafting around for centuries. Bye, then. Was nice knowing you.”

  “You too.” She sent a sad face.

  His harshness didn’t offend her. Yeah, she deserved it. She’d really messed the guy around. They hadn’t gone too far in their relationship, but he was worth more than the way she’d treated him. What did he mean by coming to terms with her feelings? He spoke so cryptically, and tonight, she did not have the energy to decode it.

  Besides, wafting around was exactly what she wanted. She’d let go of the pursuit of romance and had taken up the grand job of enjoying her single life, for once.

  Standing up, she let out a big breath and opened up her arms in the warrior yoga pose. She went into the prayer pose and visualized her relaxation and smiled. Yeah, it felt good to be free of that continual need to search for the man of her dreams. Finally now, she could live and put all her passion into whatever Durban offered her. The Album had its purpose but she also needed to tell people it was perfectly healthy to be single and to enjoy it.