The Ones That Got Away

by Lou Mindar

  “We’re all set,” Scott said. “But thank you for the offer.”

  Outside of Caesars, Scott hailed a taxi while Liz talked about all the things Scott could do with the money. Scott listened politely but didn’t interject. He knew the excitement was just beginning.

  The taxi took them back to Bally’s. Liz thought they were going back to the room, but Scott led her to the sports book.

  “What now?” Liz asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  Inside the sports book, Scott handed Liz the other winning World Series ticket.

  “Oh my God, not again.”

  Scott grinned and pointed at the cashier. “You know the routine.”

  “How much did you win this time?” she asked. Her eyes had gotten big.

  “Five million,” he said.

  Liz buried her head in her hands and started crying. Scott sat back next to her and held her. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “This is just too much,” she said between sobs.

  Scott suddenly felt guilty for springing this all on her. He wanted her to be surprised and overwhelmed, but in a good way. Instead, he had upset her. He put his arms around her and she leaned in close to him. He hadn’t gotten the reaction he expected, but their new reality together was just beginning.

  Chapter 84

  August 1988

  Scott stood in the living room looking out the French doors across the lawn toward Lake Mendota. The lake was calm this morning, the breeze causing slight ripples to the surface of the water. He and Liz purchased the house just before they were married. He wanted to live on the water. She wanted to be close to her parents.

  Scott sat in his chair and picked up the newspaper. Since returning from their honeymoon—a month in the Greek Islands—their habit was to spend the first hour or so of each morning reading.

  Liz sat on the couch, her back against one of the arms and her legs stretched across the cushions. When they returned from their honeymoon, she quit her job. She was still uneasy with that decision. Scott wanted her to be free to do anything she wanted, whenever she wanted. That sounded good, but she missed her job.

  Scott glanced at Liz. She was staring at him.

  “What? Why are you staring?”

  “Would you like to live somewhere else?” Liz asked.

  “We’ve only been in the house a few months,” Scott said. “Don’t you think it’s a little soon to move?”

  “Not just the house. Here in Madison. Or even, here in Wisconsin. Wouldn’t you like to live somewhere else?”

  “This is where you want to be, right? You want to be near your family?”

  “That’s what I mean.” Liz sat up on the couch and put her feet on the floor. “I’m asking you what you want. Not what I want.”

  “But I want what you want,” Scott said. “It’s important for you to be near your parents, so that’s important to me, too.”

  Liz sighed. “Scott, you’re always so good to me and I appreciate it so much, but you never do what makes you happy. When we got married, you didn’t care where we went for a honeymoon as long as we went where I wanted. We bought this house because you thought it would make me happy. I know it seems like a crazy thing to complain about, but it seems like your only goal is to make me happy.”

  Scott folded up his newspaper and sat it on the end table next to him. “But making you happy makes me happy.”

  “I want you to be happy on your own, not because of me,” Liz said. “Does that make sense?”

  Scott thought if he could keep Liz happy, then they could have a happy, successful relationship together. “Don’t you like the way we live our lives?”

  “I love how we live our lives, but I feel like you’re doing it all for me, like you don’t get anything out of it.”

  “I get plenty out of it,” Scott said. “I get to see you happy, and that makes me happy.”

  Liz exhaled and looked away before looking back at Scott. “I just wish you’d do more for yourself. Maybe get a hobby or do something that you love.”

  “I love you. I want to spend time with you,” Scott said.

  Liz smiled at her husband. “If there’s something else you want to do, anything, promise to tell me.”

  “There is one thing,” Scott said. “It’s beautiful outside. We should be out there. What would you like to do?”

  Chapter 85

  November 1989

  Scott drove the three hours from his home in Madison to Naperville, Illinois. He spoke to the same teenagers, they accepted the same fifty dollars, and they sliced the same driver’s side tires on Kathy’s car. When he called her parent’s home later that night, she was there, safe and sound.

  He had told Liz he was going to Chicago to have dinner with an old work colleague. He hated to lie to his wife, but he knew she would approve of his actions if there was any way for her to understand the situation.

  After paying to have Kathy’s car vandalized, he stopped for dinner at a steakhouse on Route 59 near the Fox Valley Mall, the same mall where he had once followed Kathy and her friend. He was eating when he heard a familiar voice.

  “Oh my gosh, Scott Thompson. Is that you?”

  Scott looked up and there stood Melanie.

  “Melanie, how are you?” Scott stood, wiped his mouth with his napkin, and hugged his old girlfriend and one-time wife.

  “It’s so good to see you,” she said.

  “It’s good to see you.” Scott glanced at the little girl that was holding Melanie’s hand.

  “This is my daughter, Allison. Allie, this is an old friend, Scott.”

  Not only did the little girl look just like the daughter he had once had with Melanie, she also shared her name. “Allie, it’s nice to meet you.” At this point in his life with Melanie, his Allie would have been two years old. “How old are you?”

  Allie held up five fingers, then hid behind her mother’s leg.

  “She just turned five last week. She can be shy sometimes, but if she knows you, she’ll talk your ear off,” Melanie said.

  “I’ll bet.”

  Just then, a tall, thin, balding man walked up to Melanie carrying a little boy. The man put his hand on the small of Melanie’s back.

  “Scott, this my husband, Jeff.” She turned to her husband. “This is Scott, a friend from college.”

  Jeff offered his hand. “Nice to meet you, Scott.”

  Scott shook Jeff’s hand. “Who’s this little guy?” Scott braced himself to hear the name Robbie.

  “This is Ethan,” Jeff said.

  “He’s two,” Melanie added.

  Scott sighed and nodded.

  “Do you live around here?” Melanie asked.

  “No, I live up in Wisconsin, but I had some business to take care of nearby. How about you?”

  “We moved to Plainfield about a year ago from St. Louis. Jeff got a job in Joliet. We come up to the mall a lot.”

  “Too much,” Jeff said.

  Melanie playfully smacked her husband on the arm. “I just wanted to say hi. It was great seeing you,” Melanie said.

  “It was good seeing you and meeting your family. It looks like you guys are doing great.”

  Melanie and her family turned to go, and Scott watched them leave. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Melanie looked great, and seeing her brought back a lot of memories, but he didn’t feel the old familiar tug in his heart for her. But seeing Allie, an Allie that wasn’t his, made his heart ache.

  He loved having kids. Being around Robbie and Allie was the happiest he had ever been. Even spending time with Taylor, before he found out the truth about not being her father, was a joy. Ever since his time with Melanie, Scott had felt it was imperative that he not have any other children. Leaving them was just too painful. Maybe he was looking at it wrong. Maybe the joy of having kids outweighed the pain of eventually losing them.

  *

  They were lying in bed on a Sunday morning. Rain pelted the roof. The sound usually relaxed Scott, b
ut this morning, he felt anxious.

  They had been trying to get pregnant for several months. Liz told him about her history of fibroids in her uterus and how it might be hard for her to get pregnant, but he didn’t think it would be this hard. The romance had gone out of their love making. It had become goal-oriented.

  When Liz announced she had started her period, Scott’s hopefulness fell yet again. Each month, he had convinced himself that things would work out. But each month, Liz didn’t become pregnant.

  “Do you think we’ll ever make a baby?”

  “I don’t know,” Liz said. “All we can do is keep trying. You don’t mind that, do you?”

  Scott laughed. “I love trying. If I practice enough, maybe I’ll actually get good at it.”

  Liz laughed and elbowed him. “You’re plenty good.”

  “I just wonder, when do we make the decision that it’s not going to work? At what point do we turn to in vitro, or even adoption?”

  “I’m not ready for that yet. Let’s give it a few more months, okay?”

  “Worst case scenario, we just get in a few more months of practice.”

  Liz laughed again. “Nothing wrong with practice.”

  Chapter 86

  June 1991

  Scott walked into the living room eating a bowl of cereal. Liz was lying on the couch.

  “Are you going to get ready to go kayaking?” he asked. Their habit was to go kayaking in the morning after reading the paper and having breakfast.

  “Not today.” Liz sounded groggy. “I’m too tired.”

  “Getting outside will do you good.” Scott took a bite of his cereal.

  Liz shook her head. “I need to take a nap. Maybe later.”

  Scott sighed. “You just got out of bed a little over an hour ago.”

  “I’m aware of that, Scott. But I’m really tired.”

  You’re always tired, Scott thought. He finished his cereal, then carried the bowl back into the kitchen. He hated leaving Liz behind, but he wasn’t going to miss being out on the water on such a beautiful day.

  As he paddled, Scott thought about Liz’s excuse for not kayaking with him. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was pregnant. But that wasn’t possible. At least, he didn’t think it was. Their attempts to get pregnant had failed. Because of her uterine fibroids, Liz wasn’t a good candidate for in vitro fertilization. She might be able to get pregnant via IVF, but the doctors said it was unlikely she could carry a child to term. That left adoption.

  Scott had changed the view he once held on adoption. Randy and Carla had adopted, and the result was a beautiful, happy family. Scott wanted that for him and Liz. But for now, the disappointment of IVF was still too fresh to talk about it.

  Scott was afraid that his wife had just grown bored with their lives. Having lots of money and not having to work was great, but not if all you did was sit around the house. They had been sitting around too much. Liz had even stopped jogging, an activity she once loved. It was time to shake things up.

  After he got back and showered, Scott came downstairs to find Liz still fast asleep. He thought about waking her but didn’t want to be selfish. Instead, he read a book and waited for her to stir. By noon, she still hadn’t woken up.

  He put his book down and walked over next to Liz. Gently, he rubbed her shoulder to wake her. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty, ready to get up?”

  Liz opened her eyes. “What?”

  “You don’t want to sleep all day. You won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

  Liz rolled over so her back was to Scott.

  “The weather’s beautiful,” Scott said. “Let’s go have lunch where we can eat outside.”

  Liz rolled back over and sat up. She rubbed her eyes. “I don’t feel good.” Liz stood from the couch. “I’m going up to bed.”

  Scott watched her walk unsteadily out of the room. He wasn’t angry with her. If she didn’t feel good, he could understand why she wanted to lie down. But this had been happening more frequently. She seemed to have less and less interest in going out and doing things. She had become a homebody. Under normal circumstances, Scott would be worried that she was seriously ill. But he knew from Hal Ridley’s report that Liz was in great health. She was a marathon runner. He was certain they just needed to get away for a while.

  At dinner, Liz was still tired, but she managed to shower and put on makeup. They went out to a local burger joint where they sat outside and listened to live music. Liz didn’t eat much, and Scott saw in her eyes that she still wasn’t feeling great. When the singer took a break, Scott decided it was time to share his plan.

  “I have an idea,” he said. “I think we should take a trip, get out of town and do something fun.”

  Liz gave a half smile. “Where do you want to go?”

  “Wherever you want to go,” Scott said. “Anywhere in the world. We can do whatever you want. Just say the word and I’ll make it happen.”

  Liz shrugged. “There’s nowhere in particular I want to go.”

  “Seriously? There’s nowhere you’ve been dreaming of going? There’s nothing you’ve always wanted to do, but just haven’t done yet?”

  “I don’t know,” Liz said. “Nothing that comes to mind. You decide.”

  “We could go on a cruise or go to Europe or the Grand Canyon or anywhere. What are you feeling?” Scott looked hopefully at Liz.

  Liz stared back and shook her head. “I can’t. You decide.”

  The hope went out of Scott’s face. He had wanted to share his excitement with Liz, for it to be contagious. Instead, she had somehow pulled the excitement out of him without taking it for herself.

  “Can we leave?” Liz asked.

  Chapter 87

  July 1991

  They were running late. Scott stood in front of the mirror in the living room of their suite adjusting his tie. Normally, he didn’t like wearing a tie—a holdover from his first life as a suit-wearing attorney—but tonight was a special occasion. He had gotten tickets to see Miss Saigon at the Broadway Theater in New York.

  “Are you ready?” Scott asked. “We need to get going.”

  Liz was in the bathroom with the door closed. “Just a minute,” she said through the door.

  Scott grabbed his suitcoat off the hanger and put it on. He had suits at home, but they were the remnants of his life as an associate at a Chicago law firm. He didn’t want to wear one of those tired old suits for this occasion. He’d gone out and bought a new blue pinstripe suit, something much too nice to wear to his old office.

  Liz came out of the bathroom wearing a black, form fitting dress with a V-neck and long sleeves. Her hair was up in a chignon bun. Scott thought she looked stunning, but her eyes were tired and her collarbones protruded. She had lost weight.

  “I just need to get my shoes.” Liz walked across the room to where her black leather high heels lay next to the couch. She stepped into the first shoe but seemed to hesitate. She lifted her other foot and let out a soft moan before crumpling to the floor.

  Scott rushed to her. “Liz!” She was lying on her side. Scott rolled her onto her back and cradled her head. Liz’s eyes were half open, but only the whites showed.

  Scott tried to rouse her. Liz’s body trembled periodically, but she remained unconscious. He took off his suitcoat, folded it into a pillow, and placed in under Liz’s head. He reached for the hotel phone. “I’m going to get you an ambulance,” Scott said.

  Liz didn’t respond.

  *

  The room was dark except for the light coming from the machines next to Liz’s bed. She slept soundly, the machines occasionally beeping. Scott sat in the chair next to the bed, dozing on and off.

  “Hi.” Liz’s voice was weak and breathy.

  Scott sat up in the chair and reached for her hand. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m sorry I ruined our evening,” Liz said.

  “You didn’t ruin it. We’ll see the play another time. Whenever you’re ready.” Scott squeeze
d his wife’s hand.

  Dr. Priyanka walked into the room and greeted them. He was tall and thin with thick black hair and wire-rimmed glasses. “How are you feeling?” He spoke with an Indian accent, and annunciated each word, as if he was speaking to someone who didn’t understand English.

  “Tired,” Liz said.

  The doctor nodded his head. “I reviewed your test results. The scans show two tumors, one on your esophagus and one on your salivary gland. Until we do a biopsy, we won’t know what they are, so I’d suggest we do a biopsy right away.”

  “But she’s going to be okay, right?” Scott asked.

  “I won’t know for sure until we know what we’re dealing with.”

  Scott was shocked. Nothing like this was supposed to happen. Hal Ridley’s report. The marathons. Everything was different. But how?

  Chapter 88

  July 1991

  Doctor Harding read over his notes while Liz and Scott sat waiting. They were in an exam room at the University of Wisconsin Hospital in Madison. After a moment, he closed the file, adjusted his glasses, and cleared his throat. “You have what’s called adenoid cystic carcinoma. It’s a rare form of cancer. You have a tumor on one of your salivary glands as well as a tumor tangled up along the nerves of your neck.” Doctor Harding ran his finger along his own neck as he spoke.

  Scott’s eyes widened and he gripped the arms of the chair more tightly. He wanted to speak, to tell Liz and the doctor that he knew Liz would be fine. But this was all new territory. And he feared he was to blame.

  Liz sat up straighter in her chair and looked directly at Doctor Harding. “What are we going to do about it?”

  “That’s a good question,” the doctor said. “The first thing we’re going to do is operate to remove the tumors, or at least as much of the tumors as we can. Then we’ll shift to radiation to kill the remaining cancer cells.”

  “Will I lose my hair?” Liz asked.

  “No. Usually hair loss is associated with chemotherapy. However, the type of cancer you have is not very responsive to chemo, so we won’t be using it. Instead, we’ll do surgery first to remove as much of the tumors as possible, then we’ll turn to external beam radiation to kill what remains.”