by Aston, Alexa
Dez brought back two buckets and slowly rinsed her hair, pausing several times to run a new comb through it. When he finished, she raised her head.
And smiled.
It was a smile the Anna of old would have given him. Sweet. Playful. It tugged at his heartstrings.
“I think we did a good job,” he praised, wanting her to think of them as a team.
She nodded, her enthusiasm obvious.
“Now, we need to repeat some of this and let you bathe.”
Dez explained that he would need to remove what she wore. She didn’t seem to react to this and he thought she might be desensitized to nakedness.
“Can I bring the tub out here? No one is around. It would make things easier.”
Anna nodded eagerly, like a child wanting to please a parent.
He went into the cottage and dragged the wooden tub back into the small clearing and then made several trips, filling it with water of different temperatures and stirring it with his hand to mix it. She watched him with curiosity.
“I am going to get soap and towels now. Wait here.”
When he returned, Anna had stood and left the chair to peer into the tub. She dipped her hand into the water and swirled it around, her face in awe. Once more, his heart seemed to tear in two, seeing her marvel at water that wasn’t used as a weapon.
Without being asked, Anna reached for the hem of the sack she wore and yanked it off, tossing it aside and climbing into the tub. He saw the welts on her back and more bruises before she sat and fought the tears that misted his eyes.
“I am going to scrub you, Anna. It will hurt some. Not like at the asylum, but I need to penetrate the dirt ground into your skin. We will bathe you every day until it is gone and then you’ll want to take a bath because it will be a pleasant experience.”
She nodded sagely, taking in his words. Then she held out her hands.
“Do you want the cake of soap and the brush?” Dez handed both to her. “I think that’s an excellent idea for you to take charge of this. When you have finished, I will wash your hair for you.” He paused. “I am going to the lake to retrieve more water and put more on to heat.”
She shrugged and took up the brush and soap. He left her to her ministrations and hauled water back and forth, working up a sweat. He would need a bath himself by the time this was all over. With no valet to give the order to the kitchens to do so and bring water to him, baths were a difficult undertaking. Still, Dez felt he had committed to the right path to help Anna heal.
By the time the water warmed enough to be brought to her, Anna had scrubbed herself thoroughly. Her skin looked rubbed raw in many places but he knew she washed away not only the dirt but the stain of the asylum’s soul upon her. He proceeded to wash her hair, working up a lather and rinsing numerous times to rid her hair of the various items he’d used to kill the lice.
Holding a bath sheet open, he said, “Let’s dry you off. It’s a good thing because the sun is setting.”
She stood, the water sluicing from her thin frame. He refrained from looking at her in a sexual way but as a doctor would, in a professional manner. The realization that he might never kiss Anna again was a strong possibility. Her time in the asylum might have left her so untrusting that she would never wish to give control of her body to another.
Even to the man who had loved her since childhood.
He wrapped her snuggly and then placed a smaller towel around her hair.
“Come inside,” he suggested. “Let’s see what all Coral brought for you to wear.”
Anna sat on the bed as Dez unpacked the valises. He talked about each gown he removed and then thanked Coral silently for also including a few chemises and two night rails.
“Let me help you put this on,” he said, taking one of them and bringing it to her.
Anna let the towel fall from her, once more seeming to be untroubled by him seeing her bare form as she slipped into the night rail. Then he handed her the dressing gown and helped her shrug into it, belting it for her.
“It’s time again to comb your hair.”
She huffed.
“I know. It seems like a lot but I don’t want you to sleep with it tangled else we might never unsnarl it.” He smoothed her hair. “It has been a very long day, Anna, but I promise that you can sleep soon.”
Dez had her return to the other room and sit in a chair so he could stand behind her. With her hair clean now, he could see some of the color though it was still wet. He couldn’t wait to see it in the sunlight tomorrow. Anna’s hair had been one of his favorite things in the world, her strawberry blond locks distinguishing her from anyone else of his acquaintance.
By the time he finished undoing the snarls, she was yawning repeatedly. She tried to stand and seemed too tired to do so. Dez swept her off her feet and carried her into the bedchamber. He placed her on the bed and saw she already was asleep. He took a quilt at the foot of the bed and covered her and then sat on the bed, stroking her hair. Her face looked younger now, resembling more the girl he had once known.
This day had been the most eventful in his life. He had found the woman he loved and brought her out of the darkness she had lived in for too many years. Now she lay here and he swore he would make sure no one would ever hurt her again.
“I love you, Anna,” Dez said softly and kissed her brow.
Chapter Thirteen
Anna awoke to light. Confusion filled her. Gollingham remained in darkness. Few candles or lanterns were ever lit. The windows had iron bars across them, which hampered light from streaming inside. She opened her eyes and saw a strange room. No, she had seen it before. Last night.
When Dez had brought her here.
She looked down and saw her arms and legs free. No restraints restricted her movements. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gone to sleep without being tied down or laced inside the straitjacket. No wonder she felt so refreshed from sleep. She glanced around and saw Dez in a chair brought close to the bed. Her gaze focused on his forearms, corded with muscle. A tingle swept through her, something she recalled from long ago but couldn’t think of what it was associated with.
He was asleep. His chest rose and fell, his breathing even. She studied him, wanting to touch his face but refraining from doing so. He looked older, much older than the last time she had seen him. When they had made for Gretna Green. A wave of sadness swept through her. They had been barely more than children. She was in the first few weeks of her come-out and Dez had just finished at Eton. Though he was remarkably handsome, his face matured and his frame filled out, instinctively she knew he had experienced pain.
She remembered him talking of the war. Lord Torrington must have shipped him off to the army once he and her father had caught up to them. At least, that is what her imagination was telling her. She knew what she was seeing and hearing and feeling wasn’t real. That she had finally been broken by the Fiend and Matron and retreated into a world of madness. Funny how she had fought from doing so for such a long time. Now, here in the grips of madness, she found it so very peaceful. She was with Dez. They were far from Gollingham. She had been able to create an entire world based upon one she once knew. Anna knew this cottage, though not the furnishings. She remembered the clearing and could see the lake. Why, she had even been able to recall gowns which Dalinda had worn, the ones the man called Coral had brought.
That was the only thing she didn’t like. Anna didn’t know where Coral came from. He didn’t look like any of the attendants at the asylum and he wasn’t a servant she had ever seen. Dez didn’t seem to think Coral was a threat to her even though his appearance had frightened her. She would let things play out. If this Coral bothered her, she would make him disappear.
With her arms free, she stretched lazily as a cat might. Oh, how she had missed cats and all the other wounded animals and birds she used to rescue. She had always loved nature and had helped plant flowers with the Shelton Park gardeners while growing up. She, along with Dez and Dalinda
, had explored the woods on both estates. Sometimes, they found animals that had been hurt or a bird with a broken wing. She had insisted on bringing each one home and nursing it back to health. Only then would she try to find a home for it or release it back into the wild.
Anna hadn’t thought of any animals besides horses in a long time. Perhaps in this new world that was slowly unwrapping around her, there would be animals, ones that she could take care of. She could fill the cottage with them and tend to them, Dez helping her. She would wait for that, though. She didn’t want to push things too far or too fast and have this new world crumble into dust. If it did, who knew how long it might take her to recreate it again?
She scooted up, pushing the pillows back so that they rested at her back. She rotated her wrists and then saw how clean her hands looked. The nails were still broken and jagged but her hands were free of dirt. Her arms, painfully thin, still were marred by old bruises. She supposed she couldn’t wish everything away. In time, though, she might learn how.
Smoothing the night rail she wore, she reveled in how white and pristine it was compared to the faded, gray garment given to her by Matron. She wore it until it began to disintegrate and then finally she received a new one. New was a relative word. It was new to her but it always looked old and already soiled every time Matron handed it to her.
Dez stirred in the chair and she hoped she could wake him soon. She liked this Dez. She had always liked Dez. As children, he had always protected her and Dalinda, though they were all the same age. Dalinda had been the mischief-maker. Anna had been the follower, going along with whatever her friend wished to do. And Dez had made sure they were always safe.
She watched him for several minutes until he yawned and opened his eyes. She liked his eyes. They were unique. A deep, rich brown like his hair but outlined in amber.
He smiled. “Good morning, Anna. I see you are awake.”
She nodded.
“I hope you enjoyed awakening in a bed with clean sheets. Wearing something different than before.”
Anna smiled, wishing she could say something. She couldn’t, though. Her imagination only went so far. It must take a great deal of thinking to make Dez and this wonderful cottage to exist in her mind. She would hope in time that she could make her voice return, as well. She would like to talk to him.
He pulled a chamber pot from beneath the bed and told her he would go to the lake to bring fresh water.
“I’ll also put on water for tea though you’ll still need to drink yours lukewarm because of your throat. We’ll stir honey into your cup, which the army doctors also suggested. And I want you to gargle with warm salt water. We never did that yesterday and can start today.”
She nodded eagerly, wanting to show him she appreciated his thoughtfulness. As he stood, she caught his hand and brought it to her lips. Pressing a kiss upon it, she hoped he understood how grateful she was that she was now in his world, away from the vile asylum and horrible attendants and ghastly treatments.
Dez gazed at her with tenderness, causing a lump to grow in her throat. He pulled his hand, bringing hers with it, and repeated her gesture, kissing her fingers.
“Thank you, Anna,” he said softly.
After he left, she used the chamber pot and then went to the window. She unlatched and raised it, thrilled with the view and the slight breeze that ruffled her night rail. That made her remember the pretty gowns and she went and sorted through until she found a pale blue one. She placed it on the bed and also set a chemise beside it then sat in the chair, waiting for Dez.
He returned and brought two pails in, pouring water into a small basin that rested on the table.
“Wash with this. I will be putting on the tea and getting us something to eat.”
Once he left, she used the water and splashed it on her face. It felt cool and clean. He had mentioned another bath today and she looked forward to that. Bathing at the asylum had been seldom and when it did occur, the bathwater was rarely changed from patient to patient, only growing more filthy. The attendants never cleaned the tubs, which stayed stained and dirty. The patients were made to share bath towels, as well, and she hated touching the sheets against her skin, especially when she saw skin inflammation and open sores on others.
She lifted the night rail from her and set it aside, picking up the pretty chemise. It was soft from wear but it felt good against her bare skin. She took the blue dress and held it against her, reveling in the fact that she had thought of something so pretty to wear. This had been one of her favorite dresses that Dalinda possessed. The two girls had sometimes traded dresses since they were almost the same height, Dalinda being maybe an inch taller. Mama hadn’t minded them doing so and Dalinda’s mother had died after giving birth to her and Dez so no one at Torville Manor said she couldn’t switch gowns every now and then.
Sadly, the dress was quite loose on Anna. She didn’t have the power to wish away being so thin. She would work on that. She wanted to look good for herself and for Dez. He had once looked at her with longing. With desire. He had kissed her and made her feel like a princess.
The thought of kissing him brought conflicted emotions. When Dez had kissed her long ago, she had felt possessed by him. She would have done anything he said and had proven it when he suggested they run away to Scotland together. Now, though, the thought of someone having such power over her bothered her. She would rebel against that ever happening, even if it was only in her make-believe world.
Yet the Dez she had brought to life was very much a man. An incredibly handsome, patient, kind man. Part of her did want to kiss him. Desperately. She would have to think on this. Examine her feelings. See if she could learn to kiss him and still somehow hold him at bay. Oh, this world was very hard! But it was infinitely better than living in the one she had for however long she had. Time had meant nothing at Gollingham. One day blended into the next until it was a series of endless hours.
She laughed—or at least tried to, as much as her damaged vocal cords would allow. She had hated wearing a corset and it struck her that the delightful Coral had brought none. Even when she wasn’t trying, she was already creating a better world for herself. She couldn’t fasten the back of the gown, however. Dez would need to do that. She left the bedchamber and heard him whistling. She had forgotten he did that and was proud that, somewhere deep inside her, she was resurrecting new things. She still had no control over what was happening. That would come in time. For now, Anna would simply move through her imagination and enjoy what unfolded.
Dez heard her and turned. “Ah, don’t you look lovely, Anna? I think so.” He grinned. “And it must be liberating to wear no stockings or slippers. At least the weather is warm and you won’t catch a cold. Come and let me help fasten the gown for you.”
She went to him and presented her back. She could feel his fingers along her spine as he moved, once again sending a little thrill through her. She determined to kiss him at some point and see how much of her feelings she was able to control.
“Coral has come and gone,” Dez told her. “He came for the horse and cart last night but he’s brought new supplies for us today. More food, as well. Before you sit at the table and eat, let’s have you gargle.”
Anna had never been good at gargling as a child, always laughing because of the sound it made, which allowed some of the salt water to go down her throat, defeating the entire purpose and souring her stomach. She determined she would succeed this time.
Dez poured some water into a mug and doused it with salt, stirring it with a spoon. He offered her the mug and she accepted it, taking it outside. If she could, she would spend every waking moment outdoors. She moved away from the cottage and then brought the mug to her mouth, taking in a bit of the salted water and then tilting her head back. She gargled, making sure not to giggle, and then spit it out, repeating her actions several times.
Once she finished, she returned to Dez and gave him the mug.
“Very good, Anna. I hope it will
promote healing. Come to the table. I have breakfast waiting for you. Coral brought things for us. He will do so every day, several times a day, whatever we need.”
She thought that very convenient to have a servant at their beck and call but still not a part of her fantasy. Coral was becoming quite indispensable. She determined not to act frightened the next time he appeared. After all, he was of her making. What had she to fear from a servant she herself had manufactured?
They had bread, which Dez smeared with peach jam, and slices of ham. Fresh fruit and a few slices of a sharp cheese. She had always loved cheese and was glad this Dez had remembered so. She even helped him with washing the few dishes and then dried them with a small towel.
“I will be back,” he told her. “Coral packed one of the valises with things for me. I would like to wash and put something fresh on.”
He left her and went into the bedchamber, closing the door behind him. Restless, Anna walked about the cottage. It bothered her that he had shut her out. Doors were forever being closed and locked at Gollingham. She didn’t want her new world to resemble it in any manner.
So she went and opened the door.
Her jaw dropped. Dez was bare to the waist, wearing only his trousers and Hessians. His shoulders seemed so very broad. His chest was muscular, covered in a fine matting of dark hair which ran down his flat belly and into his breeches. She couldn’t help but look at his beauty. Her feet carried her forward and her palms flattened against that magnificent chest.
He sucked in a harsh breath and gently took her wrists, moving them away.
“Anna, when a door is closed, that means privacy is requested. It is different here than at Gollingham. It is not proper for you to see me half-clothed.”
She frowned, unhappy at his words. This was what she wanted. To touch him. She placed her fingers against his chest again.
“No,” he said firmly, removing them again. “I know at Gollingham you had no say over who touched you. Who hurt you. You aren’t there, Anna. You are back where you should be but you must respect the rules of Polite Society. You cannot see me this way. I did not ask for you to touch me. I have the right to tell you no because this is my body. You also have that right and no one will touch you unless you want it.”
