by Aston, Alexa
But she did want it. She grabbed his wrists and jerked them toward her, placing them on her breasts. Dez froze. Anna wore no corset, only the dress and a thin chemise beneath it. He could feel the swell of her breasts beneath his fingers, soft pillows he longed to suck and lick. She wanted his touch. He could see it in her eyes as she stared defiantly at him. More than anything, he longed to tug the clothing from her and bury his face between her breasts. Knead them. Let his tongue follow their gentle curves. He yearned to tweak her nipples. Tease them with his tongue and teeth. Make love to her as he had wanted to all those years ago.
It wasn’t the right time, however. Anna didn’t know what she truly wanted. He had to be strong. For both of them. Hopefully, the right time would come when they could be together. Not yet. It was much too soon. Regretfully, Dez withdrew his hands, forcing them to his sides. Anna stomped her foot, letting him know it was what she wanted.
“No. I won’t touch you that way. Not now. Not until you have a voice and can tell me what you want.” He smiled sadly. “Even then, it is something that should wait until you are stronger. Feeling better. Do you understand?”
No. She didn’t understand at all. Once more, the world she created was spinning out of control, leaving her helpless. It was Dez’s world. He was making the rules. She didn’t like this at all. She stormed from the room and out of the cottage, her breathing rapid. She spun in a circle, unsure of where to go. A bit afraid, actually, that if she went anywhere she would lose the thread of Dez, who had linked her to this world.
What if she became lost—and couldn’t find her way back?
She slumped to the ground, tears of frustration falling onto her gown. She had never thought she would want to go back to the dark world of the asylum but it was familiar to her. Of course, she had no idea how to get back there. Even if she could, she understood she now danced between madness and sanity. She had slipped into madness. But wasn’t it possible to have periods of lucidity? She had seen it with others at Gollingham, women who truly were mad—or had been driven mad by years spent at the horror chamber.
Anna closed her eyes, bringing her hands over them to block out the light of the morning sun. If she thought hard enough, maybe she could get back for a few minutes. See Fiend as he walked past in his superior manner. Have Matron slap her or an attendant trip her. Something to help her get a grip on her wild emotions.
Then she felt Dez near. She could smell the faint scent of sandalwood. Feel the warmth of his body behind her.
He slipped his arms around her, drawing her up and carrying her to the porch, where he sat in a chair. He murmured words to her but she didn’t think on their meaning. His tone was soothing, which was all that mattered. She had felt rejected and angry and unwanted but that had changed. She was with Dez again.
And that was enough.
Chapter Fourteen
Dez held Anna, hoping he reassured her as he sensed the tension melting from her. He had wanted to give her control of the situation and her body, firming up her belief in herself.
He decided she suffered from what he’d seen in other soldiers who had been affected by the war. Some called it being hipped or blue-deviled. The few men he had been in contact with behaved recklessly and had trouble sleeping. They had wild mood swings and would endanger themselves—and sometimes others—on the battlefield. They usually drank too much and no longer acted morally.
He supposed Anna had been affected in a similar way. It would explain her sudden mood swings and the weeping. The distance she placed between herself and him, as if she were in another world at times. She seemed to have no regard for propriety and boundaries between men and women. He would have to take care and make a special effort when her behavior changed radically. Not scold her but continue to speak calmly and patiently, trying to help her come back to the world she’d left, with all its rules, both spoken and unspoken. He feared that would be the greatest hurdle to climb. Anna might never function well in Polite Society again.
It didn’t matter. She could live in the country at Shelton Park. Or he hoped with him, as his wife, at Torville Manor. They would have no need of London and its gaiety during the Season. He only hoped that could be a possibility. If not, he would have to respect her need for solace and merely be a visitor. A friend to her. No matter how much it pained him.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” he asked. “We could go through the woods. Down to the lake.”
She pushed against him and clambered to her feet then grabbed his forearm and pulled him to his. Anticipation lit her face.
“Where first?” he asked. “Why don’t you lead me where you wish to go?”
He wanted to give her choice and control as much as possible. Eagerly, she took his hand and he threaded his fingers through hers.
“Slow down,” he said, laughing, as she began pulling him quickly. “You have always loved nature. Let’s enjoy the day and take our time.”
He watched her consider his advice and then she began moving, more slowly this time. Anna led him to the water. They stood looking across the lake for some minutes, no words necessary. If anything, the outdoors would help to restore her to the Anna of old, or at least as much as she could be after all that had happened to her. Dez still wanted to string up Dr. Cheshire for taking a beautiful, spirited girl and almost crushing the life from her. Dez could still see sparks within her, though, of the Anna she had been. Being away from Gollingham and its inhumane practices was the first step in her recovery.
She pulled away from him and began searching along the shore, collecting rocks. He knew what she was doing and he did the same. Soon, they skimmed rocks along the water.
After flinging another stone, she huffed and slammed the rocks she held to the ground. Dez caught her by the shoulders.
“You are merely out of practice, Anna. Be patient. Keep trying. Remember, it is all in the wrist action. Will you try again?”
She looked contrite and knew the flash of temper was merely frustration on her part. She bent and retrieved the stones she’d dropped and began again. After several minutes, she had regained her old form and her tosses bounced three, four, five, even six times. Gleefully, she clapped her hands and then hugged him.
“See? I knew you could do it. Don’t forget that there are many things you haven’t done in a good while. Try to be patient and take your time and I am sure they will come back to you.”
She sighed and her head bobbed up and down in agreement.
After she grew tired of tossing stones, she hiked her dress to her knees and ventured into the water. She gasped, her eyes going wide.
“Yes, it is cold. It’s only May now. Remember that we used to wait until June or later before we went swimming.”
He sat on the ground, his hands stretched out behind him, and watched as she skipped through the water. She kicked it. Twirled. Grinned. Her happiness spilled over to him and he laughed easily at her antics.
Then she pointed to the woods.
“You wish to walk?”
Anna nodded and grabbed his hand, urging him to his feet.
“We will need to tread carefully,” he told her. “You have no shoes. I will see if Coral can bring some. I know you and Dalinda switched gowns sometimes but I can’t recall you doing the same with shoes.”
She shook her head furiously and he gathered that their feet were not of a similar size.
Tucking her hand through the crook of his arm, he said, “Come then. Let us explore.”
They went into the woods, daylight coming and going based upon the thickness of the trees. Anna seemed happy and Dez decided they should spend as much time as possible outside the cottage.
Then she froze, tilting her head slightly. Her brow creased in concern. Then she took off, running like a wood nymph. He followed, calling after her to slow down, and finally caught up to her when he saw her kneeling.
As he came closer, he heard the noise she must have heard before. A fox keened eerily, its paw caught in a trap. Ann
a looked at it, desperation in her eyes, begging Dez to do something. He recalled how she had always found hurt animals and birds in the woods and brought them back, keeping them in the Shelton stables and nursing them back to health.
“You want me to free it?” he asked.
She pointed at the fox and then jabbed her thumb into her chest several times.
“You want to care for it?”
Anna rewarded him with a radiant smile.
A hundred things could go wrong. The fox could bite either of them. Attack them. It might be rabid. He didn’t want to take such a risk but looking at Anna let him know he had no choice. Dez unknotted his cravat and, taking the ailing fox unaware, quickly slipped it around the animal’s jaws and tied it.
“This is so it won’t bite us,” he said.
Understanding dawned in her eyes. She went to her hands and knees and then lay next to the frightened animal, softly stroking its fur. The fox calmed and Anna placed her hands on its body, bringing her head to rest gently between the fox’s ears. Dez took hold of the trap and pulled with all his might. The fox hissed as he freed it. Anna tightened her grip, her body draped on the injured animal, keeping it in place.
He whipped a handkerchief from his pocket and bound the bleeding paw. Somehow, the fox must sense they were trying to help it and the creature stopped struggling. Anna lifted her head and kissed the fox between its ears over and over, petting it with both hands. Then she scooped it up.
Fear filled him, the thought of a hurt, wild animal slashing her. But Anna had always had a way with animals and the fox seemed to know the person who held it had a heart for the hurt.
It struck him that Anna herself was a wounded animal.
She walked slowly back to the cottage, nuzzling the fox. They arrived and went inside. She motioned what he thought was towel and he retrieved one, wrapping the animal in it with her help, only its paw sticking out. His cravat had held the animal’s snout, keeping the fox from biting them.
“We need to clean the paw,” he said.
She nodded and he began gathering items to do so. Pouring water in a basin. Finding ointment that Coral had brought for Anna’s wrists and bruising, which Dez had forgotten to use after her bath.
“Hold her head, Anna.”
She looked at him questioningly.
“The fox is a vixen,” he shared. “I saw her teats as we secured her in the towel.”
Anna looked dismayed.
“Yes, she must have a litter of kits. We’ll need to tend to her and then release her so she can go back to them.”
Nodding, she stroked the fox’s head, pressing more kisses upon it. Dez unwrapped the handkerchief and cleaned the paw of the squirming vixen and then doused it with ointment. He fetched one of the spare cravats Coral had packed and wrapped it around the injured paw.
“Let’s carry her back to the woods,” he suggested. “That way, she doesn’t have to walk so far on her injured paw.”
Anna nodded and lifted the fox in her arms, holding the animal close to her. They went back to where they had found the fox. Anna turned in a circle, her head cocked as she listened. Without warning, she strode off and he followed.
She slowed and searched the woods around them. The fox began making a sound beneath the cravat and Dez heard some noise. A mewling. He took Anna’s arm and guided her in that direction.
They discovered the litter, four kits in all. He knew they were born blind, deaf, and toothless. These little ones looked as if they were on the verge of their eyes opening, so they must be about two weeks old.
“Place the mama close to her kits,” he said softly. “Hold her while I untie the cravat and let go quickly. We have helped her but she is a beast of the wild and still may attack.”
Anna dropped to her knees and rested the vixen on the ground. The kits began making their way to her. Dez undid the cravat and pulled it away, grabbing Anna’s elbow and swiftly moving them several feet back, his heart beating wildly in his chest.
The kits swarmed their mother and she began licking one of them. Suddenly, another fox appeared next to the litter, studying the human invaders warily. Dez remembered foxes usually traveled in pairs.
“We only wished to help your wife,” he said quietly. “She is back now with your babies. Take care of your family.”
With that, Dez led Anna away.
When they reached the clearing before the cottage, she threw her arms around him in gratitude, pressing her body against his. Memories flooded him of holding her. Kissing her. Longing to make love to her. As she snuggled closer, he thought how they seemed like two halves, coming together as a whole after years of separation.
With a recklessness that he couldn’t resist, Dez lowered his mouth to Anna’s. He brushed his lips against hers softly, just wanting to be near her. To convey how much he loved her. Cared for her. How he would do anything to see her made whole once again.
She grew still. He knew he had acted too quickly. Had probably destroyed every bit of trust he’d gained with her. With sadness tinged with reluctance, he lifted his mouth from hers.
Meeting her gaze, something flickered in her eyes. A look shot across her face. Confusion. Wonder. Delight. With widening eyes, she reached up and grabbed on to his hair and forced his mouth back down to hers. He tried to lift it but Anna was having none of it. Her grip tightened and kept him in place as she started kissing him. Hungrily. Greedily. Over and over.
Then Anna broke the kiss. She searched his face, her breathing rapid, her body trembling.
“You’re real,” she croaked.
Chapter Fifteen
Anna looked at Dez. He wasn’t the Dez from her past. He was from now. She hadn’t imagined him. She hadn’t created him from the black hole of nothingness. It was really, truly Dez.
And he was here . . .
She wasn’t mad after all. It had really happened. Dez had found her. He had rescued her from that vile asylum. He had taken her out and brought her to the place they loved.
She would never let him go.
“Yes, Anna. I am real. You are not at Gollingham anymore. Lord Shelton—your cousin, Tom—and I came and got you the minute we knew you were there.”
Images flashed in her mind. Scattered and confusing. She remembered voices. A carriage. She thought of fragments this Dez—her Dez—had told her. She had heard some of it but pushed the rest aside, simply reveling in having him with her. But this was a flesh and blood man, not some imagined creature she had kept hidden in the recesses of her mind and resurrected when she most needed him.
This. Was. Dez.
Her Dez.
The love of her life.
He cradled her face tenderly. “You are free, Anna. You will stay free. I will see to that. I would give my life for you.”
She knew he would. He had loved her. He had wanted to wed her. And he had saved her.
“Dez . . .” She grunted the word since it was still difficult to speak.
It didn’t matter, though. They were together.
And she wanted this man so badly.
She released the tight hold she held on his hair and stroked his cheeks. He wiped the tears that fell down hers. They stared at one another, drinking each other in. He was so beautiful.
Anna whispered, “Kiss me,” and saw desire flicker in his eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
She nodded, words beyond her at this point.
Dez’s mouth returned to hers. The kiss began soft and sweet and tender but a storm raged within her. This man had been taken from her. Time had been stolen from them. She wanted it all back. Now.
She opened to him, letting him know she yielded. That she wanted to taste him. Crawl inside him. Anna clung to him as his tongue gently began exploring her. Though she wanted him to hurry, she understood he wanted to go slowly. To make sure she knew her own mind. She would follow his lead.
Because she never wanted to be parted from Dez ever again.
Anna allowed him to drink
her in, hoping she still made his heart beat as fast as hers now did. It pounded so that she thought it might explode from her chest. Her blood seem to come alive and she could feel it flowing through her veins, calling his name, over and over. As Dez continued his exploration, she could wait no longer. Her tongue stroked his. He groaned, his hold tightening on her. Boldly, she now searched him, her tongue gliding along his teeth. Along the roof of his mouth. Rubbing against his tongue.
Then a passionate war erupted and they both fought for control. It was a game with no losers because each of them grew more excited and satisfied as they continued to kiss. She locked her hands around his neck, claiming possession. His fingers pushed into her hair, massaging her scalp as he had when he had tenderly washed her hair. Her emotions exploded and she whimpered.
Dez broke the kiss, his face worried. “Are you all right? I am sorry if I pushed too far but my God, Anna. I love you so, so much.”
“I love you,” she mouthed.
“Rest your voice, darling,” he urged. “We will have much to talk about once you can.” He paused. “You do know where you are? Who I am?”
She nodded and forced out, “I thought you were make believe before.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Now, I know you are real.”
He smiled with his entire face, his eyes lighting up. “I love you, Anna Browning.” He threw back his head and shouted, “I love you!”
His gaze met hers and she nodded, the only way she could tell him she felt the same. Already, she seemed to wilt. The realization that she wasn’t insane and had truly escaped from the Fiend had eliminated her energy. Her legs quaked and she almost collapsed but Dez swept her into his arms and took her back to the cottage.
“You are tired. I can tell,” he said. “This experience has been overwhelming. You need to sleep, my love. Sleep will help restore your strength.”
