by Aston, Alexa
He carried her to the bed and placed her upon it.
“Stay,” she whispered.
“I wouldn’t go anywhere else in the world,” he said.
She patted the mattress, her eyes beseeching him.
“You want me . . . to lie with you?” he asked, his voice breaking.
She nodded enthusiastically.
“It’s not . . . oh, blast and bother,” he exclaimed. “Who cares if it’s not proper or what the ton might say? They aren’t here. We are. And my dear, sweet Anna, I need you even more than you need me.”
Dez climbed onto the bed beside Anna and gathered her into his arms. Her cheek nestled against his hard chest. His arms wrapped around her protectively. She sighed, utterly contented.
“Sleep,” he urged. “I will be here when you awake.”
Anna closed her eyes, finding peace for the first time since they had been parted.
*
Dez lay beside Anna, listening to her breathing as it became more agitated. She had been resting peacefully for an hour but now she began to grow restless, thrashing about, murmuring words that were incomprehensible.
Suddenly, she sat up, flailing, fighting with the bedclothes. He tried to calm her, placing his arms about her to keep her still, but she continued to fight, making guttural, animal noises.
“Anna!” he shouted, trying to get her attention. “Anna, you are fine. You are with me. It’s Dez, Anna. Please, calm yourself.”
Her eyes, wild with fright, looked at him and yet didn’t seem to see—or recognize—him.
He lowered his voice, realizing his shouts had only upset her. He kept his arms banded about her but murmured soothingly to her.
“I am here, Anna. I am not leaving you. Ever. You are safe. You are here. With me. At the cottage. Nothing can hurt you. I won’t let anyone ever hurt you again.”
He must have gotten through to her because she shuddered and then quit struggling. He relaxed his hold on her but still kept her nestled in his arms.
“I thought . . . I was there again,” she rasped.
“I know,” he said, stroking her back. “It is only natural to have a nightmare regarding that place. You will never see it again, that I can promise you.”
Anna blinked several times. “It was so real. And Matron . . .” Her voice trailed off as she began trembling.
Dez continued to rub her back. Kiss her hair. Assure her she was safe.
Finally, he asked, “Would you care to talk about it?”
“I dreamed of Matron,” she said dully.
He had only seen Dr. Cheshire and male attendants when he and Lord Shelton had entered Gollingham Asylum so it surprised him to hear a woman had been present in the madhouse. Still, she must have been a large presence in Anna’s life for her to dream about her.
“Matron is not here, Anna. She never will be.”
“She was so cruel,” Anna whispered, as if this woman could hear Anna talk about her. “She delighted in making impossible rules and then punishing those who broke them.”
After what he had witnessed during his brief time at the madhouse, Dez couldn’t imagine what punishments this woman had dreamed up that could be worse than what he’d seen.
“You could tell she enjoyed hurting others. Lording her power over helpless women.”
“Did she ever hurt you, Anna?” he asked softly.
She nodded. “Many times. She liked to have the attendants beat us with their fists while she counted the number of blows.”
He kept silent, letting Anna take the lead.
“The worst was the heretic’s fork. It was a metal rod with two prongs at either end, attached to a leather strap. Matron would tie the strap around my neck. One prong would rest on the fleshy part just under my chin. The other dug into my bone. Here.”
She indicated her sternum. A sick feeling washed over him.
A faraway look filled her eyes as she continued in a monotone. “You had to keep your neck stretched and your head erect and absolutely still. If you moved, the prongs would penetrate your skin. Matron would have an attendant bind my hands over my head and attach them to a hook from the ceiling.”
Bile rose in his throat at the thought of Anna being tortured in such a way.
“Matron said no vital organ would be pierced and blood loss would be minimal. She would leave me that way for hours.” Tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I would try so hard not to move and keep my head still.”
Dez kissed her brow. “She sounds as if she enjoyed seeing you suffer.”
Anna blinked. “She did. I think she thrived on the misery of others, Dez. She enjoyed it when a patient broke her rules. She liked to torment us. See us in pain and agony.”
Anna told him about being lashed with a horsewhip for not eating the food set before her. How when she spoke without permission her head was forced into something called a scold’s bridle, which included a bit with tiny spikes being jammed into her mouth. The words poured from her in a torrent. He could only hold her close and try to keep from picturing the torture she endured.
Her voice faded and Dez looked down. Anna had worn herself out and had fallen asleep. He kept his arms about her, hoping it would comfort her and keep the nightmares away. Hours passed and morning turned into early afternoon. He remained with Anna, knowing it was important to be present when she opened her eyes.
He understood that his kiss had awakened her to reality. She had seemed in a fog until then, moving as if she glided through water, only taking in part of what he said.
Had she descended into madness during her time at Gollingham Asylum? Or had she retreated from its horrors and now emerged?
Even Anna might not have the answer to that. Dez only hoped that he could keep her here, in the present, and not have her slip away from him again.
He knew Coral would be coming soon. He had arranged for his valet to come early in the morning and again mid-afternoon. His presence had frightened Anna before and Dez hoped that wouldn’t occur again. He needed to speak to the servant and tell him what to share with Lord Shelton.
Anna began stirring and he waited for her eyes to open. When they did, her gaze immediately rose to his face and she smiled. Her sky-blue eyes were clear. It was obvious she knew exactly where she was.
Dez kissed her brow and rested his cheek against it a moment before pulling away.
“Do you feel well rested?” he asked, not mentioning her previously awakening from a nightmare.
She nodded.
“My valet, Coral, will be here soon. He will bring us something to eat. Would you like to rise and refresh yourself? Brush your hair? Change your gown since it has wrinkled some while you slumbered?”
“No,” she whispered, smoothing the skirt.
He could tell she liked being in the dress. He got out of bed and offered his hand, assisting her to her feet and leading her into the other room to the settee.
“Coral is supposed to go see your cousin this afternoon and bring him news of you. Tom very much wanted you to come back to Shelton Park but I persuaded him that you would be better off in my care.”
She took his hand and kissed it, her gesture moving him.
“I know Jessa will also be eager to see you.”
Anna smiled at the mention of her sister.
Dez heard the approaching sound of the horse’s hooves clopping along and said, “Coral is here.” He squeezed her hand. “Let me go greet him.”
Going to the door, he opened it and went outside as the valet steered the horse and cart and brought them to a stop.
“Good afternoon, my lord,” Coral called. “How does Miss Browning fare?”
“Remarkably well,” he replied. “Let me help you carry things in.”
They came inside. Anna sat alert, her eyes large.
To his credit, Coral set down the box on the table and went to her and bowed. “Good afternoon, my lady,” he said, a blush rising on his cheeks like a schoolboy.
Dez went to stand by Anna, his h
and on her back.
She nodded politely and gave him a smile.
“You are looking very well, my lady. I know Lord Torrington is happy because of that.”
Again, she smiled.
“You can tell Lord Shelton that his cousin is feeling remarkably well. She is eating and sleeping and has been able to speak briefly. From my experience, she should regain use of her voice by tomorrow.”
“I will let the viscount know, my lord. What if his lordship asks about visiting Miss Browning?”
He looked to Anna. “I think tomorrow might be a bit too soon. Why don’t we say the day after?”
She nodded in agreement.
“Tell Lord Shelton that when you bring your report tomorrow that you will give him a time for him to call upon his cousin.”
Anna tugged on his hand and sputtered, “Jessa?”
“Yes, of course.” Dez looked to Coral. “Be sure to invite the other Miss Browning. For now, I would like you to help me haul more water from the lake.”
“Certainly, my lord.”
He took the two buckets from the cottage while Coral retrieved two from the ones he had brought in the cart. They made several trips and then Coral wished him well.
“Go straight to Shelton now,” he urged. “I know the viscount is eager for news of his cousin.”
After Coral left, they went through the same process as yesterday, applying the various solutions to Anna’s hair and combing through it. He only found a few nits, which pleased him. He prepared bath water for her and helped unfasten the back of her gown. Before she could pull it off, he stopped her.
“You are much better today. I have left the cake of soap and a bath sheet for you. Can you wash your own hair?”
Disappointment crossed her face but she nodded.
“Then I will leave and give you privacy. I will be just outside if you need me.”
Dez left and went to the chair sitting in the middle of the clearing, where he had Anna sit while he applied the treatments to her hair. He moved it back and placed it just outside the door to the cottage. He had left the door open so could he reach her quickly if needed. As he sat, he heard the water splashing, reminding him of when they would swim in the lake during summer. Anna, ever playful, would always splash with joy.
He listened carefully and heard when she stood and stepped from the tub. He decided when the sounds ceased that she had gone into the bedchamber to dress. He didn’t know if she would put on another of Dalinda’s gowns or if she would don a night rail. He knew how worn out she was and she might need to go to sleep again once he got some more food into her. Now that she was cognizant of her surroundings, he wanted to encourage her to eat small but frequent meals in order to help her regain her strength and put some weight back on her. Anna had always been thin but she certainly could stand to put on a stone or more.
She appeared on the porch, touching his shoulder. She wore a night rail. Her short hair was neatly combed.
“Are you tired, my love?” he asked, his fingers entwining with hers.
She bobbed her head.
“Very well. It’s important for you to eat. Let’s see what Coral brought for us and then we can put you back to bed.”
They ate in companionable silence and then he insisted she sit as he cleared away the food and dishes and then emptied the tub where she had bathed. He escorted her to the bedroom. Her eyes pleaded with him to stay.
“I won’t leave you,” he said.
She got into bed and he brought the bedclothes over her.
“Talk to me,” she said, her voice beginning to sound stronger.
“All right.”
Dez told her stories of the army, making sure to make them lighthearted. He had her laughing, especially with tales of Rhys.
“Rhys has been a good friend to me. I hope that the two of you will meet one day.”
“Dalinda?” she asked.
“Ah, Dalinda is doing quite well. She married. Not the man Father wanted to match her with but one of her own choice.”
“How?”
He chuckled. “Father punished me by shipping me off to war without a university education. He thought Dalinda far too spirited and meddlesome, especially after she had helped you and me try to get to Gretna Green. He decided to marry her off to an old man who would exercise a firm hand on her. Naturally, Dalinda had other ideas. What she didn’t expect was that a duke would come to her rescue.”
Anna’s eyes widened.
“Yes, you heard me correctly. Your best friend is now the Duchess of Gilford. She has two boys, Arthur and Harry. I met them and Gilford for the first time when I sold out and returned home to take on my title.”
She frowned, her brows knitting together.
“I am Lord Torrington, Anna. My father, like yours, passed away. And my worthless brother, Ham, drowned. He was drunk and tipped over the rowboat he was in, killing himself and his countess.”
Tears filled her eyes and he touched her cheek, wiping them away.
“I never met his wife since I was abroad. I do feel very sorry for her. The servants seemed to have liked her.”
She yawned.
“I see you are getting sleeping. Close your eyes, sweetheart. We will have much to talk about tomorrow. And then the next day, Jessa and your cousin, Tom, will come and see you.” He smiled. “You won’t even recognize Jessa.”
Anna bit her lip. “Why?” she asked.
“She’s grown up now,” he said matter-of-factly. “I saw her the other day when she and Tom and his new wife came to call. They showed me the letter from Dr. Cheshire, requiring the next yearly payment for your keep at Gollingham.”
“How old?” she croaked, her eyes filling with panic. “How old is she?”
“Jessa is now eighteen,” he said, taking her hand, wanting to calm her agitation.
“Eighteen,” she said mournfully and then burst out in heaving sobs, slamming her hands against the mattress.
In that moment, Dez realized what a fool he had been. Anna hadn’t had a clue how much time had passed. She hadn’t known she had been locked away for a dozen years.
He reached for her and she flinched, rolling away and presenting her back to him. He could only listen helplessly as she cried for her lost youth and the years which had been stolen from her.
Chapter Sixteen
Anna awoke enveloped in warmth. She opened her eyes and saw the first rays of morning light beginning to stream into the room. She inhaled and realized why she was so warm.
Dez.
Her back was pressed against his chest. His arms enfolded her and one of his legs was atop hers. She swallowed as her throat thickened with tears.
She was old. Thirty. Over a decade had been taken from her. By her father. By Fiend and Matron. By all the cruel attendants. All for loving the man beside her and wanting to be with him.
Days had blended into weeks and months and finally years as she’d been imprisoned at Gollingham. She wondered how she could have lost track of time and then knew how easily it could occur. One day was much as the one before it and the one that followed. No dates were mentioned. No holidays celebrated. No visitors came to call with news of the outside world. Anna realized she had retreated so far within herself that time had been forgotten.
Just as she had.
A tear slid down her cheek again for the years which could never be replaced.
No wonder Dez looked so much older than she remembered. It wasn’t that he was old. Thirty was a prime age for a man. His face and body had matured. He had been at war the entire time she had been at the asylum. If Dez was thirty, though, so was she. For a woman, looks faded faster. She already saw how thin she was and could feel how short her hair was. She wondered if her face had lines etched into it. She feared seeing herself in a mirror.
“Anna?”
“Yes,” she answered, her voice sounding a little rusty from disuse.
His thumb stroked her forearm. “Do you think you can talk?”
; “About how my father robbed me of the best years of my life?” she said, bitterness laced in her words.
He brought a hand to stroke her hair and said, “I would hope the best years are yet to come.”
She turned so that she faced him. “My youth is gone. I missed my entire twenties, Dez. A time when I had thought to marry. Have children. Build a life—with you or a gentleman I would meet during my come-out. I will never be able to capture those years again.”
He cupped her cheek. “No. The same is true for me. I spent the last dozen years at war. I know it was an honorable thing. To fight for king and country. But every shot I fired that felled a man. Every time my bayonet gutted an enemy soldier. Each battle I went into, I lost a piece of me.” Tears welled in his eyes. “I was an excellent officer but I hated every minute of it, Anna. I hated killing strangers in the name of politics. I hated being away from England. Most of all, I hated that we had been separated. After I heard of your death, I longed for it myself on the battlefield.”
“What?” she gasped.
He brushed back the hair from her brow. “Your father put out word that you had died. Dalinda wrote to me of the news. That you loaded your pockets with stones and walked into our lake and drown.”
She laughed harshly. “That’s exactly what I told him I would do when he told me I would be forced to wed Viscount Needham.” She sniffed. “To think that he used that.”
“Dalinda told me that because of the circumstances of your death, you weren’t buried in the village churchyard. When I returned to claim the earldom, that was a huge regret. Not being able to visit your grave. I didn’t think your father would let me come to Shelton Park to do so.” Dez sighed. “And then Tom came to see me, bringing his wife and Jessa with him.”
He wiped his eyes. “Jessa and your mother were told of your death and were cautioned never to speak about you again. Jessa was young but she recalled the day you were taken away. She asked your butler about it when he was pensioned off.”
“Beauchamp?”
“Yes. She was about eleven and he, too, warned her about ever mentioning you. Lord Shelton had said you were dead and you were to stay dead.”
