by Aston, Alexa
A chill caused Anna to shiver. Dez stroked her back.
“Your cousin and I went to visit Beauchamp. He confirmed you being taken away because you had been disobedient. He confirmed that you were placed in Gollingham and the general location of where it is located.”
“I never liked Beauchamp. He was firmly my father’s man.”
“Still, his words—and the fact Dr. Cheshire had sent a request for the next year’s payment—let us know you were alive. Though Cheshire never mentioned you by name, only initials.”
“I had forgotten his name,” she murmured.
“Didn’t you see him every day?” Dez asked.
“Some days. Matron and the staff merely called him Doctor. I called him Fiend in my mind.”
Dez cradled her cheek in his palm. “He can never hurt you again, Anna. Your cousin is now head of the Browning family. He feels terrible that he didn’t know of your whereabouts. Jessa, too, must experience guilt.”
“She was just a small girl.”
He smiled. “She has turned into quite the beauty. She has your blue eyes but your mother’s blond hair.”
“Mama said one of her cousins had hair the shade of mine. Papa never liked it.”
Running his fingers through her hair, Dez proclaimed, “I always loved it.”
She reached up and tugged on it. “It is so short. I must be so ugly.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I can’t help it, Dez. I am bony and barely have any hair. I am sure my face is—”
His fingers pressed against her lips, silencing her. “Your face is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. I love you, Anna. I have told you that several times and I will continue telling you until you believe it is true.”
“Can you really love me the way I now am?” she asked sadly.
“You are more than your looks,” his said fiercely. “You are kind and compassionate. You love people and flowers and music. You always think of others, be it humans or animals in need. You are intelligent and have a remarkable sense of humor. You are the sum of those things, Anna, and not merely your looks.”
“I want to believe you,” she said earnestly.
“You will. I guarantee it. You will grow stronger. You will add weight. Your hair will grow longer. But inside, your core, you always have been the same person I grew up with. The same girl I fell in love with. The one I still love.”
He kissed her gently. The kiss held the promise of what might come between them.
If she would allow it.
“I won’t ask you to marry me now,” he told her. “I understand that after what you have gone through that you might never wish to wed. You may be more comfortable being the only one in charge of your life. But if the time comes when you decide you would like a partner to go through life with, then I will be here. Whether that is in a month. A year. Ten years. It doesn’t matter.” He smiled. “Until then, I am content to be your friend.”
Anna wanted him desperately. As her friend. Her husband. Her lover. But she also thought Dez deserved much more than a broken human being. No, she wasn’t broken. She had survived Hell on earth and now stood proud and tall, knowing she had done so. It didn’t mean, however, that she was the one for this wonderful man. He was now an earl. He needed a countess worthy of him. Not old, plain Miss Anna Browning.
She would let him help put her life back together because he so desperately wanted to—and she didn’t think she could accomplish this alone. When the time was right, however, she would tell him that she would never take a husband.
To free him to take another as his wife.
Anna smiled. “I hope you will always be my friend, Dez. You have been my entire life.”
He kissed her brow. “We should rise and get ready for the day. Coral will be here soon with breakfast for us. I also have an idea that I think you will like.”
He left her to her ministrations and she heard Coral arrive. She came out from the bedchamber and the valet greeted her.
“A good morning to you, Coral,” she said, a bit raspy.
“You have recovered your voice, Miss Browning,” he declared. “I know you are happy to have it back.”
“Miss Browning will need to keep gargling her salt water, however, and sipping on tea laced with honey,” Dez added. “At least for the foreseeable future. Let me walk out with you, Coral.”
She began setting out the dishes Coral had brought. Her stomach growled in hunger. At least she was getting good food and it tasted marvelous.
Dez returned and they ate and cleared the dishes. He told her to go and gargle while he began washing them. She did as he asked and then came in and began drying the plates.
“I thought we could walk again if you’d like,” he suggested.
They strolled along the lakeshore. Dez pointed out a few things but had told Anna to rest her voice as much as possible in anticipation of tomorrow’s visit with Jessa and Tom. They returned to the cottage and she went to lie down and rest while he sat at the desk and went over some paperwork which Coral had brought to him from Paul Lexington, whom Dez said was his estate manager.
She dozed for an hour and rose. Dez was still at work and she put on water to boil for tea. Coral had brought some raisin scones and Anna was determined to have one. She had always had a sweet tooth and would probably eat more than one scone.
When she had everything set out on the table, Dez joined her. He talked of a few incidents from their childhood and told her more about Dalinda’s boys, who were nine and eleven. They seemed like a handful, which meant they took after their mischievous mother, in her opinion. Dalinda had always led Anna and Dez on a merry chase, devising all kinds of schemes in childhood. If they landed in trouble, Dez was quick to take the blame for his twin, claiming their actions had been due to his prodding. Anna had always thought it so gallant of him.
She heard noise outside and Dez said, “It’s Coral returning. Come and see what he’s brought.”
When she stepped through the door, her heart began pounding. The valet had returned not only with the cart but two horses tied to it. She ran to them, excitement filling her.
Dez and Coral untied the horses, telling her which was his and which one she would ride. Anna stroked the horse, called Daisy, which was a deep brown in color and had a white blaze.
“Look in the cart bed, Miss Browning, and you’ll find a few apples to give the horses a treat.”
“Oh, thank you, Coral. That was very thoughtful of you.”
“I aim to please, Miss,” the valet said.
She took an apple and said to Daisy, “This is for you, my girl.”
The horse made short order of the fruit and she offered one to Dez’s horse, as well, not wanting his mount to feel left out.
“Shall I head to Lord Shelton’s now, my lord?” Coral asked.
“Yes. Tell him Miss Browning is now speaking. That we had a lovely walk around the lake today and that we are now riding.”
“What time should I say for him to call tomorrow?” Coral pressed.
Dez looked to her. “What do you think?”
She thought a moment. “I believe we should call on him,” she said firmly.
“Are you certain? It would lead to many questions, you turning up with me after so many years away.” He paused. “I am thinking of your reputation, Anna.”
“I suppose you are right. I know in time I will need to return to Shelton Park, though.” She thought a moment. “Shall we say ten o’clock?”
“Very good, Miss Browning,” Coral said. “I am off to make my report.” He looked to her. “Your cousin was very pleased at the news I brought him yesterday. He will be delighted at how much progress you have made in such a short time.”
“Thank you, Coral. I am beginning to feel like my old self,” she said.
The valet gave a jaunty wave and took up the reins, leaving the clearing.
“Are you ready to ride?” Dez asked.
Anna glanced at the gown she wore.
“This would make it difficult to accomplish. Let me see if there is something else more appropriate.”
She retreated into the cottage and went to the bedchamber, combing through the clothing. Though no riding habit was present, she did find a gown with a wide skirt that wouldn’t restrict her movements much. She slipped from the simple gown she had worn today, not needing Dez’s assistance, and changed into the new gown.
Coming back outside, she asked if he would help in securing the back and he did so. Feeling his fingers along her spine gave her a delicious feeling, making her want to kiss him again. She refrained from doing so, not wanting to be so forward—and not wanting to give him hope where their future relationship was concerned. Kissing him would only encourage his interest in her, as well as sadden her in the end. She would keep Dez as her friend and no more.
He helped her to mount Daisy and she stroked the horse, telling her what a good girl she was and how much this ride meant to her.
They started off slowly, leaving the area since the forest was so dense, and working their way to more open land. Soon, they were cantering. Anna hadn’t felt this free in so long. She and Daisy moved as one. She urged the horse on and Daisy took off. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Dez nudge his horse and begin galloping after her. They raced across the open meadow and both pulled up when they reached the end.
“How is it?” he asked.
“Exhilarating!” she declared. “I think I missed riding almost as much as I missed you.”
He laughed, the sound rich and deep, causing her insides to contract.
Anna loved Dez. He was the only man for her. She would have to free him, though. It would be foolish of him to tie himself to her. He needed a countess who glittered, one who could move easily through society. With his sister a duchess, Dez would move in high circles among Polite Society. She was a lowly viscount’s daughter, one who had been locked away as mad, the ton made to believe she was dead by her own hand. Anna would not embarrass Dez in any way. He had done his time in the army and now he had a brilliant life ahead of him. He didn’t need her as an anchor to weigh him down.
She spurred her horse on and Daisy took off. Dez gave chase and finally passed her as they reached the opposite end of the meadow. Slowing their horses, they walked them back to the cottage. Dez helped her dismount and they led the beasts to the lake, letting them drink their fill. Dez hurried back and retrieved a bucket and then poured water over the pair, cooling them off.
He handed her Daisy’s reins and they led the horses back to the clearing, where Dez loosely tied them to a post on the cottage.
“Coral will return after he has visited with your cousin and take the horses back to Torville Manor. I hope you enjoyed riding.”
“I did. Very much.”
He seemed disappointed and Anna moved to him, the glow of the ride spilling from her. She hugged him tightly and said, “It has been a wonderful day, Dez. Riding was perfect.”
She began to pull away but he held on to her. His gaze searched hers and her insides began to thrum. Anna swallowed, feeling suddenly awkward and nervous.
“I want to make every day a happy one for you,” he said as he lowered his mouth to hers.
Kissing him would be wrong. She didn’t want to lead him on. Yet when his lips touched hers, that wonderful jolt rippled through her and she knew she would not be able to resist his siren’s call. Anna wrapped her arms around his neck and gave in to the kiss.
It was a sweet, leisurely one, with Dez nibbling and nipping on her lips and her answering him in return. Soon, it turned more heated, as they both began to take and then demand more of the other. Dez eased her mouth open and his tongue slipped inside, stroking hers. He tugged on her hair, tilting her head back, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Her insides began humming. The place between her legs started throbbing. Goosebumps sprang up on her arms.
Finally, he broke the kiss, both of them breathless, his forehead leaning against hers.
“I am sorry, Anna. I don’t mean to push you too far. I know you are still recovering from your experience at Gollingham.”
Anna realized they might never have this kind of time together. Alone. Isolated. She knew she couldn’t have Dez for a lifetime—but she could have him for a little while. Enough to create a memory to sustain her once he had left and found happiness with another woman.
She cradled his face and brought it lower, kissing him with determination and the fever she felt.
Breaking the kiss, she said, “I want more than your kisses, Dez. I want all of you.”
Chapter Seventeen
Anna almost giggled at the startled look on Dez’s face.
“Do you understand what I am saying?” she asked. When he didn’t reply, she said, “I want what was denied us by our fathers, Dez. What we would have had if we’d reached Gretna Green. I want that night with you. Now.”
He cupped her cheeks. “Oh, Anna, do you think that is wise? You have been through a terrible ordeal. You need time to heal.”
She glared at him. “I am not some fragile flower, Dez. I never have been. I am a strong woman, one so strong that she did not go mad when placed in a madhouse. I clung to my sanity in any way I could.”
Moving away from him, she began pacing. “Do you know what it is like to sit on those hard benches all day? No conversing. No moving. Just sitting until every bone in your body aches. And those were the good days, sitting from the time they roused me and gave me a nasty gruel to eat and then escorted me to that seat. Sitting for hours upon hours upon hours.”
She crossed her arms. “I won’t even begin to tell you about the bad days.”
Dez closed the gap between them and placed his hands on her shoulders, his face solemn.
“I saw some of what went on, Anna. What you were subjected to. I cannot imagine how you survived for so long.”
Anna softened, seeing how affected he was by his trip to Gollingham.
“Then you know what I am made of. I have come through it, out the other side, and while I know I must build up my physical strength, my character and heart and soul have never been stronger.” She placed a palm against his cheek. “That is why I know my own mind, Dez. And I want to couple with you. You are my one true love. I owe it to myself to experience the act of love with you.”
He enfolded her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. “If that is what you want, my love, then I refuse to disappoint you.”
Sweeping her into his arms, he carried her inside the cottage, kicking the door closed with his foot. He crossed to the bedchamber and then eased her to her feet. Their gazes met and Anna was moved by the depths of love she saw in Dez’s eyes.
He kissed her softly and then said, “I plan to worship you, Anna Browning, the way you were meant to be worshipped.”
He undressed her slowly, kissing her in all different places. Where her neck met her shoulder. The inside of her elbow. Behind her right knee. Each kiss brought a delicious thrill and her heart sped up. Her breathing grew shallow and rapid. Her blood buzzed in her ears.
Dez guided her to the bed and helped her to lie down. Anna then watched as he removed his own layers of clothing, her mouth growing dry at the masculine beauty of his form. He had broad shoulders and narrow hips. Muscular thighs and beautiful calves. Flat belly and muscled chest. Her fingers itched to touch him.
He lay on the bed beside her, on his side, and his hands began roaming her body. She tried not to be embarrassed, knowing the yellow, faded bruises couldn’t possibly be attractive, yet he seemed to ignore them. He kissed his way up and down her body, bringing chills of delight. She began touching him, too, gliding her hands along the planes of muscle, seeing them bunch beneath her fingertips.
Her breasts, though smaller now than before, seemed to hold him spellbound as he caressed them with his hands and mouth. His tongue circled her nipples, bringing them to attention, and then he sucked hard on them, causing the place between her legs to throb almost painfully. She shifted, wondering if h
e could satisfy whatever urges she felt, desperate for him to touch her there and yet too afraid to ask.
Somehow, Dez knew what she needed. His hands slid along her legs, up her calves and thighs, back and forth. Each long stroke brought his fingers closer to her core. And then he touched it, a finger gliding along the seam of her sex, back and forth, almost sending her into a frenzy. Slowly, he parted the folds and slipped a finger inside her, shocking her and yet filling her need.
“You are wet for me,” he said. “That means you want me.”
Anna smiled. “I have always wanted you. Even when I didn’t know I did,” she said playfully.
A second finger joined the first and the caresses became longer. Deeper. They began to cause her to writhe. To whimper. All the while, Dez kissed her, long, drugging kisses that caused her body to grow fevered. Her fingers pushed into his thick hair and she held tight, never wanting him to leave her.
A pressure began building within her, something frenzied and exciting. New and bold and wonderful. His fingers continued working their magic, urging her on to some new, wonderful place. Then she seemed to explode within, erupting as a long dormant volcano might, something wild spilling from her. Anna heard cries and couldn’t believe they came from her. She rode the crashing waves, Dez constantly kissing her. She clung to him, her moans becoming a shout and then she called his name a dozen times before falling limp.
He hovered above her, smiling. “Was it good?”
She managed a weak smile. “Very good, Lord Torrington. I would say remarkably good.” She frowned. “But what of you?”
Glancing down, she saw his member at full attention and touched it, her fingers encircling it. He groaned and placed his hand over hers, stilling it.
“Not now, Anna.”
“Why not? I must do for you what you did for me.”
“That is for later. When we are wed. Only then will we consummate our love.”
She hadn’t known that wasn’t what had just occurred but it made sense. She knew a couple somehow joined their bodies. That his cock needed to be inside her.
