A Pack of Love and Hate

by Olivia Wildenstein

  I was pretty certain my eyes had just gotten a lot bluer.

  He raised his hand to my face, but before he could touch me, he curled his fingers into his palm. “Fuck the convalescence period after the helicopter crash. This is going to be so much worse.” His hand plummeted to his side.

  “Maybe”—I wet my lips—“maybe we shouldn’t spend too much time together. It’ll make it harder.”

  He snorted. “That part’s not negotiable.”

  I flicked him, then snatched my hand away, shocked I’d broken the rule first.

  He stared at my hand. “Never thought I’d crave getting flicked, but if that’s the extent of our physical contact, then flick away.”

  “I shouldn’t even have done that,” I said, tugging my lip into my mouth.

  “That thing you’re doing to your lips. Try not to do that when we’re together.” He took a step back as though it would somehow ease the tension jostling the tether between us.

  I freed my lip. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, sweetheart. It’s not your fault I’m so darn attracted to you.”

  A thrill shot up the entire length of my body. “I should probably go, huh?”

  He palmed his dark, cropped hair, then looked over his shoulder at the construction site. We were far enough away that our conversation hadn’t carried but close enough for the men to watch us. When he looked at me again, his eyelids had thinned. “Yeah. You probably should because I’m about to fire a whole bunch of people.”

  I frowned.

  “And if you ever come back to visit, wear a muumuu or something bigger.”

  He wanted to fire people because they’d looked at me a little too long? “A muumuu? I don’t even know what that is.”

  “A shapeless dress. Grams used to wear them.”

  I smirked. “I don’t own any muumuus.”

  “Well, buy some.”

  “With your money?”

  “It’s your money. All of it. I’ve already paid taxes on it.”

  “August, I can’t accept—”

  “If you don’t want it, give it to charity.”

  “August . . .” I all but growled.

  “Dimples . . .”

  Ugh.

  He smiled.

  “You’re impossible,” I muttered.

  “Pot calling the kettle black, sweetheart.”

  I shook my head, but a smile made its way to my lips. “Shouldn’t you be working?”

  “Shouldn’t you be leaving?”

  My smiled increased; his, too.

  I started toward the van, glancing over my shoulder as I left. His posture had straightened again, and his eyes blazed with renewed assurance.

  The future was uncertain, and not just because we were werewolves fighting for our land and pack, but because we weren’t diviners. Yet I sensed August would stand by me even if he couldn’t hold my hand.

  The only certainty I possessed in this uncertain world.

  6

  I remembered feeling beat-up after the first contest in my pack’s Alpha trials, but two hours into training with Liam and I felt like I’d been fed through a trash compactor and dumped in a landfill.

  When my back hit the sweat-slicked mats for the hundredth time, I didn’t get up. I just lay there, gaping at the exposed metal tubing on the ceiling with great fascination until Liam’s barely perspiring face appeared in my line of sight.

  I closed my eyes so that maybe he’d leave me alone, but no such luck.

  “Up, Ness. We’re not done.”

  “You might not be, but I am,” I muttered.

  “Is that what you’ll tell Justin if you end up having to fight? Up!”

  I snapped my lids open and glared, even though I wasn’t truly mad at him. I knew he was pushing me because he had my best interests at heart.

  “Chicks are so fragile.” Lucas’s voice made me lurch up.

  I sent him a chilling look that made him simper. He winked at me at the same time as Sarah smacked his chest so hard the sound echoed against the brick walls.

  “Geez, blondie, I was just motivating her,” he said.

  I’d invited Sarah along for moral support. At least, that’s how I’d presented the invite. In truth, I was worried about leaving her alone after the phone call I’d had with her on my way back from August’s construction site.

  Last night, her brother called her to tell her that, sure enough, Cassandra inquired about the Pine’s stock of Sillin. After he told her they’d run out of the drug a couple months back, the Alpha apparently lapped it up. I doubted Cassandra Morgan lapped anything up.

  On the plus side, it assured me the Sillin was important to her.

  Now if I could just fig—

  Liam swiped my ankle with his foot, sending me flailing backward. Air whooshed out of my lungs with an audible, “Oomphf,” and little stars spangled my vision.

  I blinked. The stars glittered less fiercely, but they were still there, brightening the maze of metal tubes crisscrossing the ceiling.

  I was never getting back up.

  Ever.

  Liam brushed his brow with his forearm, pushing back the locks of dark-brown hair plastered to his forehead, before extending his arm. Even though my hand felt attached to a massive dumbbell, I heaved my fingers off the mats and latched onto Liam’s. He hauled me up so fast I stumbled against him. The contact had me pitching backward. Thankfully I stayed upright, but that had little to do with my footwork and everything to do with his solid grip.

  Averting my gaze from his piercing one, I slid my hand out of his and rubbed the back of my hot neck. “I’m beat, Liam. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to run tomorrow morning with Matt.”

  He observed me slowly and silently, his musky, minty scent ribboning off his gleaming skin and filling the air, stirring many conflicting emotions within me.

  After an entire minute, he nodded. “Okay.”

  “Okay, we’re done?”

  When he nodded, I contemplated fist-pumping the air, but the effort that would take felt remarkable.

  “And okay to canceling your run. You’ll do enough running on Sunday night.”

  It took my frazzled brain a second to remember that Sunday night was the full moon—the entire pack’s night out in fur. After a certain age, werewolves could only shift during the full moon.

  Last month, I’d run with the pack for the first time in my life. I’d experienced another first that night too. I wondered if Liam was also remembering our kiss. Even though so much had happened since then, I’d forever cherish that night.

  As we walked over to the bench where Sarah was trying to convince Lucas to cut his hair or jump on the manbun-trend wagon, I said, “Shouldn’t we be training in fur?”

  “We’ll get to that,” Liam said.

  “And shouldn’t we be practicing with Sillin?”

  “We’ll get to that too.”

  “When?”

  “You visit the Watts’ construction site, and suddenly, you’re in a hurry?”

  So he knew . . . Had he smelled August on my fingertip, or had Matt informed him?

  “Why are you suddenly so unhurried?” I volleyed back.

  His expression, which had been far from open, shuttered up. He snatched a bottle of water from the bench and tipped the rim to his lips, squashing the plastic between his fingers.

  Concern edged Sarah’s features.

  “You told me I wasn’t allowed to date him or hang out alone with him. I wasn’t alone, and we’re not sneaking around, so I don’t get why you’re giving me attitude about this.” Suddenly, I wasn’t exhausted anymore.

  “Hey, Lucas, can you show me where the water fountain is again?” Sarah asked, springing off the bench.

  Lucas pointed to the back of the gigantic room. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed his outstretched finger and heaved him up, letting go as soon as he was on his feet. If I wasn’t seething, I might’ve laughed at his stunned expression.

  She jutted her head, and he
followed suit, even though he seemed reluctant to leave Liam and me alone. What did Lucas think I would do? Claw up Liam’s pretty face?

  “Subtlety’s not your forte, huh?” I heard Sarah ask. Whatever Lucas answered made her bellow, “Oh my God, get over yourself.”

  I uncapped another bottle of water and downed half of it in one gulp. “I’ll be going to dinner at his parents’ house tomorrow night. He’ll be there too, as well as Jeb. I’m telling you this so you don’t get your information from another source and misconstrue a family dinner for a hot date.” I screwed the cap back onto my bottle slowly.

  Liam’s gaze narrowed on the steel bench. “Family? Did you get engaged?”

  “No. I did not get engaged. I’m seventeen.” I squared my shoulders and crossed my arms. “The Watts have always been like a second family to me. When I was growing up, I spent almost as much time with them as I spent with my own parents.”

  Liam still didn’t say anything.

  “And just so you stop assuming this, I’m not going to let a mating link drive me into a marriage. No amount of magic will dictate the course of my life. August and I go way back, but maybe we’re all wrong for each other.” We hadn’t felt all wrong for each other the night at his place, but Liam hadn’t felt wrong for me either.

  Liam glanced at me, and even though his gaze was still hardened, it sparked, and that spark felt dangerous. I hadn’t planned on giving him hope . . . I’d planned on setting him straight.

  “But I won’t know that until I actually date him, which I plan on doing once this duel is over.” My words dimmed the spark but didn’t extinguish it.

  “You know, it would’ve been in your best interest to let me duel Morgan yesterday,” Liam said.

  “Why?”

  “If I’d lost, I would’ve been gone. For good.”

  My arms fell alongside my body, the half-empty bottle clapping against my thigh. “Don’t say stupid shit like that.”

  He balked at my sharp words.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bring Sillin. Or I’ll bring what I have left.” I turned to go, but Liam’s voice stopped me.

  “I have to take care of some things tomorrow, so I won’t have time to meet you. But I’ll pick you up on Sunday morning at seven. Pack an overnight bag.”

  “Overnight? What about the pack run?”

  “We’ll be running, but not with the Boulders.”

  My pulse picked up speed. “Who will we be running with?”

  “The Rivers.”

  “The Rivers? One of the Eastern packs?”

  Liam nodded, then tipped his head to the side, his gaze hunting mine.

  I wasn’t sure if it was the sweat drying on my skin or the idea of running with lots of foreign wolves or traveling out of state with Liam, but I suddenly felt incredibly cold. “And it’ll be just the two of us going out there?”

  An emotion crossed his face. Hurt, maybe? He shrugged his shoulders that seemed to have gotten a little broader since he’d become Alpha. “I can ask Matt to fly out with us if it makes you feel more comfortable.”

  I didn’t need a chaperone, or did I? “I trust you to keep this professional, Liam.”

  This would be the first time I would be physically far enough from August for it to affect the link. What if . . . what if my attraction to him faded? Why was I scared of this? I’d told Liam that wasn’t the reason I wanted August in the first place. I stretched my neck from side to side, finding a little solace when it cracked.

  “You seem nervous?”

  Instead of confessing the true reason I was jumpy, I said, “I’ve never flown before. What should I pack?”

  “Nothing fancy. The Rivers are denim-and-tees sort of people.”

  “Okay.” I rubbed one clammy palm against my workout leggings.

  “The Rivers, huh?” Sarah said. I hadn’t even noticed her return. “I heard they hate the Creeks because Morgan killed the Alpha’s daughter. The girl was visiting the Aspens the night Morgan demanded to duel the Alpha.” I supposed she added that last part for my benefit, since I imagined Liam and Lucas were well-versed in pack facts.

  Liam stared at her as though her presence had slipped his mind. “If my trip gets back to Morgan, I’ll know where she got her information.”

  Sarah’s gaze turned incendiary. “You should stop confusing allies for traitors. Didn’t work out so well for you last time,” she added under her breath.

  Liam’s posture locked up.

  “Anyway, I need to get home. Ness, you done here?”

  “I’m done,” I said, lifting my bag off the bench.

  I didn’t look back at the boys as I left the gym with Sarah. The second we stepped out of the brick loft-like building that housed the gym, she muttered, “I can’t believe he thinks I’d tell Morgan anything.” Her blonde hair was starting to frizz, as though her kinky curls were desperate to bend her straightened locks into their original shape.

  “I don’t think he fully trusts me, Sarah.”

  She side-eyed me as she unlocked the door of her red Mini. “Do you trust him?

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re going on an overnight trip with him. Do you trust he’s not going to try anything on you?”

  I bit my lip, which made Sarah raise an eyebrow.

  “I don’t think he’ll try anything,” I said a little hoarsely.

  She gave a me a tight-lipped smile. “I wish I could come along.”

  “I wish you could, too.”

  But Sarah was a Creek. There was no way she could come with us. First, because Liam wouldn’t allow it, and second, because then Cassandra, who was able to track her wolves through her Alpha blood-link, would know Sarah was double-crossing her pack.

  7

  Jeb couldn’t make dinner at the Watts, so I ended up going alone. Since he’d needed the car, I took a cab. During the entire ride, I alternated between crinkling the brown paper wrapped around the bouquet of black parrot tulips resting on the seat next to me and smoothing the fabric of my red silk dress—the one that had belonged to Mom and that I’d worn only once before, for my “date” with Aidan Michaels. If it had been any other dress, I would’ve burned it, but it had belonged to Mom.

  “That’s a mighty nice house,” the cab driver said as he pulled up in front of the Watts’ high-ceilinged log cabin.

  The wood façade glowed amber in the setting sun, and the beveled windows gleamed like diamonds.

  August’s pickup was parked up front, which meant he was already here.

  “Nine dollars, please,” the driver said.

  I dug through my wallet for a ten dollar bill, handed it to the man, then touched the door handle but couldn’t bring myself to pump it. This felt like a meet-the-parents, even though I’d met the parents at the same time I’d met August—in the hospital room where Mom birthed me. In one of their photo albums, there was a picture of me cradled in August’s arms. My stomach churned like the cinnamon chocolate ice-cream Evelyn made this summer in the inn’s fancy ice-cream maker.

  God, this was wrong.

  How could I want someone a decade older?

  Someone who’d felt like a brother my entire childhood?

  Maybe Liam’s ban was a good thing.

  Maybe I should wait for the Winter Solstice to arrive so the mating link vanished and put an end to my scandalous attraction.

  Would it put an end to it, though?

  “Is this not the right address?” The cabby spun around in his seat.

  “No, it’s . . . um . . . I think I forgot—”

  The Watts’ front door opened and filled with August’s hulking shape.

  My heart beat bruisingly hard.

  When I still hadn’t gotten out of the cab, August strode over. He opened the car door, and since I hadn’t released the handle, drew me right out of the taxi. I stumbled, my bouquet toppling onto the black pebbles lining the driveway.

  He caught one of my wrists and steadied me. I think he asked the cabby if I’d
paid, and I think the cabby answered, but maybe I was imagining them having a conversation. All I could hear was my thundering pulse. All I could feel was August’s thumb pressing lightly into my vein.

  Was I too young to have a heart attack?

  August smiled a little wider. “Shifters don’t get those, sweetheart.”

  Shoot . . . I’d voiced my pathetic deliberation out loud.

  His thumb stroked the inside of my wrist, and my skin broke out in goose bumps.

  Remembering I wasn’t supposed to make contact with any part of August, I wrenched my arm out of his grip. Where he’d touched tingled and burned. A lot like my navel. Did his navel feel as though it was forever tumbling through a dryer set on the fastest and hottest setting? I would’ve asked but then thought better of it. If his abdomen didn’t feel that way, then I’d just be confessing to being one intensely hormonal girl.

  August crouched to retrieve my fallen bouquet. I took it without touching his fingers and nestled it against my heaving chest. As he straightened, he returned his hands to the pockets of his gray jeans.

  “I’m sorry.” He tipped his head to my wrist. “I didn’t mean to break the rule.”

  I tucked the bouquet closer, probably injuring the petals. “It’s okay.”

  “You look beautiful tonight,” he said huskily. “But if you could avoid wearing dresses and the color red while I’m banned to touch you, I’d be really appreciative.”

  My lips bent with what I hoped looked like a smirk and not an I’m-about-to-melt-at-your-scuffed-boots look. “We’re back to discussing muumuus, huh?” A gentle breeze twisted the hair I’d spent a long time blow-drying straight. “I haven’t forgotten your advice.”

  A firefly buzzed around August’s stubble-coated jaw. “It wasn’t advice.”

  The vibrations of his deep voice had the goose bumps, which had started receding, make a brusque second appearance. I seriously needed to calm down before entering his parents’ home. Which reminded me . . .

  “How much do your parents know about . . . everything?”

  “Everything.”

  I almost choked on my own saliva. “They know I spent the night at your place?” I whispered, praying my voice wouldn’t carry to Nelson’s lupine eardrums.