‘Y-yeah…I-I mean, I wanted to…I’ve always wanted to go…I just…’ His voice trailed off.
Oh dear. Alarm bells rang loudly in my ears. This was not a reunion of old colleagues. The more I stood here, seemingly invisible to both of them, and watched their body language, the more I got the feeling that these two had more than a professional relationship.
She played with her hair, pushing her pert boobs out and fluttering her eyelashes, and he was looking awkward. Kind of trying to act normal and unaffected by her presence, yet melting like an ice cream in a desert at the same time. It was like she’d cast a spell over him. He’d forgotten how to stand and how to speak and was stuttering like crazy. I’d never seen him so…so nervous. So tongue-tied before. He was always super-confident, but it seemed like she’d caused him to completely lose his shit.
Although part of me wanted the ground to swallow me up so that I could make a quick exit and leave them to their reunion, another part of me thought, no. I was here, so the least he could do was acknowledge that. Explain who she was to him. Then I could know for sure if my intuition was right or whether I was just being paranoid.
I cleared my throat loudly to remind them that I was still in the room.
‘Sorry! God, I’m so sorry.’ Miles winced. ‘Where are my manners? Gabby, this is Alex, Alex this is Gabby: an…an…old friend,’ he said.
‘Oh come, come. We were much more than friends.’ Gabby rolled her eyes. ‘Friends…passionate lovers… all of that and more. Miles was my ex. The love of my life,’ she said, stroking his face.
Holy shit.
This was his ex? I mean, from the way they were talking and acting, I guessed there was some history, but I didn’t think that she was the one who’d broken his heart a few months ago.
Fucking great.
When I’d asked Miles what his ex looked like and if she was pretty, he’d just shrugged his shoulders and said yeah, I suppose so. Talk about understatement of the century.
The more I looked at her, the more intimidated I felt. Imagine the body of Gisele fused with Beyoncé’s curves and J-Lo’s bum and you kind of get a sense of how this woman looked.
How could I, a short, average-looking woman from South London, compete with someone who wouldn’t look out of place as a Victoria’s Secret model?
And it wasn’t even like she was all style and no substance. She had brains as well as beauty. She was a doctor, for goodness’ sake. She was confident and determined. What’s worse, she’d just more or less told me that she was here to take her ex back, and said ex now turned out to be Miles: the guy that I was here with.
Calm down. Calm down.
This is the benefit of multi dating, remember? You don’t have all of your eggs in one basket. Just as Miles has no official claim to you, you have no official claim to him either. You have no right to be jealous when you’re dating another guy, so even if he does arrange to meet up with Miss Universe, it’ll be the same as you meeting up with Luke.
Right?
Er, no.
This is his ex, for goodness’ sake. They have history. It is not at all the same.
Okay, then, I said, desperately trying to reason with myself, if they do end up getting back together, you will be fine. It’s a good thing, remember? It will show that you two were not meant to be. That he didn’t like you enough. That he wasn’t ready to commit. It’s better that this happens sooner rather than later, isn’t it?
Isn’t it?
Oh God. This was a disaster.
‘Look at him,’ she said, turning to face me, ‘I love it when he gets all shy. He goes all quiet. So sweet!’ She stroked his cheek once more. I really wished she would stop fucking doing that.
‘I’m just surprised to see you, that’s all,’ he said, starting to regain his voice.
‘Well, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me’—she turned to face me again with a fake smile—‘so get used to it! I can’t wait to start working closely with you again. See you on Monday, Poochie,’ she said, kissing him gently on the cheek, and walking away, wiggling her pert bottom.
She was doing that deliberately.
Bitch.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to get jealous because Miles and I weren’t official, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like I’d just been punched in the stomach. Winded. In pain. Empty. So many emotions swirled around my mind. Not to mention at least five million questions.
Poochie? Was that some sort of nickname she had for him? And did she say that she was jet-lagged and looking awful? If that was her looking awful, I’d hate to see what she looked like on a good day.
And they were going to be working closely together?
Great. This is just peachy, isn’t it?
I had never seen Miles so tongue-tied. Was he still into her? He must be. No guy of sound mind would kick her out of bed…
He’d only mentioned his ex briefly before and said that they’d broken up because they both wanted different things and she’d emigrated. There I was, thinking, Well, that’s fine, then. If she’s not in the country, then she’s not a threat. I can ignore Laurie’s rule to avoid guys that have broken up with a long-term ex less than six months ago. Miles is over her. What does Laurie know? I’d told myself. Every guy is different. It will be fine.
Like hell it would.
This was a total shitstorm.
What was I to do now? Hang around and spend the whole evening watching her flirt with him and stroke his face? Get paranoid if he disappeared to the toilets, wondering if they’d arranged to have a quickie in a cubicle for old times’ sake?
No. Best to bow out now with my head held high. Leave them to it. Now I was the one worried about feeling like a third wheel. I’d thought that meeting his colleagues tonight might bring us closer. Give me a sign that he was likely to want to make a proper commitment. But in fact, it had done the complete opposite. How could I even consider ending things with Luke to date Miles exclusively now that Goddess Gabriella was back on the scene?
‘Is that the time?’ I said, pulling my phone from my bag and feigning a yawn. ‘I’m feeling a bit tired. Long day at work and everything. I’m going to head home.’
‘Really? You don’t have to. I’m sorry about all that. I wasn’t expecting her to be here.’
Clearly.
‘Yeah. Big day at work tomorrow, so best I get a good night’s sleep.’
‘Okay, then,’ he said weakly. ‘Thanks for coming, though. I’ll see you soon.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, straining a smile and heading to the cloakroom. But the truth was, now that Gabriella was back in town, I wondered if in fact we would.
Chapter Nineteen
That was unlike Miles. It was 6.04 and we’d arranged to meet at 6 p.m. He was always on time. In fact, more often than not, he was early. But today there was no sign of him.
We’d arranged to meet at a pub close to the hospital. When we were messaging last night, he’d said today wasn’t ideal and had suggested catching up later in the week or over the weekend, but I had an exhibition in Manchester from Friday to Saturday, so I’d be travelling there on Thursday morning to help set up, and on Sunday I’d already agreed to meet Luke. Plus, I hadn’t met up with Miles since his work do a week ago, and I was desperate to see him.
After that night, we’d messaged a few times, but the texts had felt a bit more, I don’t know, distant. Not as chirpy and upbeat. Yes, he’d messaged me the morning after the party, apologising again for his ex turning up, and asked how I was. He’d also texted over the weekend a couple of times as he’d gone to see his parents, which I knew he’d had planned for weeks. But it was me who had messaged yesterday to ask if he wanted to meet today. I’d been fretting, you see, as I hadn’t heard from him at all on Monday, which was the same day that Gabriella had returned to the hospital to start working ‘closely’ with him again. Coincidence? I wasn’t sure.
Now it was Wednesday, they would have spent a whole three days together, and so I’ll admit, as
well as wanting to see Miles because I really missed him, I was also keen to find out whether her presence had changed him in some way. Had anything happened between them? Had they stolen a quick kiss in the medical cupboard (if that’s even a thing)? Had she gone back to his and slept with him? I know, I know. This jealousy wasn’t healthy or even valid. We weren’t boyfriend or girlfriend, so what business was it of mine what he did? Fine in theory, but my heart wasn’t feeling very theoretical right now.
This was the longest five minutes ever. In truth, Miles had said it would be difficult to meet tonight because of some stuff that had happened at work (which of course I instantly hoped wasn’t Gabriella-related), which was why he’d suggested later this week would be better, but I’d been quite insistent. Not in a pushy way (well, at least I hoped not). More in an I can meet you somewhere near the hospital in East London to save you time way. I figured the easier I made it, the more likely he was to say yes. So that was why we were meeting here.
I recognised some of the people from the party last week, who’d smiled and nodded from across the bar. This must be where they all came after work. It was a simple, traditional British pub. Wooden bar, tables and chairs, burgundy-and-white checked carpet with matching walls. I scanned the room and realised I was the only one sitting alone. I felt like a proper Billy-no-mates. I reached in my bag to check my phone to see if there were any messages to say he was at least on his way. Just as I did, Miles came rushing through the door. Phew.
‘Sorry! So sorry I’m late,’ he said as he reached the table and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. ‘I was worried this would happen. I knew today would be full-on.’
‘Don’t worry,’ I said, glancing up at his face and feeling guilty about pushing him to meet. He looked tired. Drained. His eyes weren’t sparkling like they normally did. Even though he was wearing his glasses, I could still see that they seemed puffy, and dark circles cast a shadow underneath them.
‘I’ve got to go to the gents, but I’ll grab us some drinks on the way back, okay?’
‘Okay, thanks,’ I said as he put his coat on the chair in front and then headed off to the opposite end of the room. I should have offered to get the drinks in myself. He seemed flustered. I’d get the next round.
Oh no. That’s all I need.
Just as Miles disappeared into the toilets, the pub doors swung open and in walked Gabriella. I was seriously contemplating hiding under the table, but it was so small I’d never fit, and anyway, she’d already spotted me. Dammit. She smiled, flashing her Colgate-perfect gnashers, and then strutted straight over to me like she was walking down the catwalk for London Fashion Week.
Gabriella’s hair was tied up in a ponytail without a stray hair in sight, and even though her make-up was more understated this time, with a glossy nude shade on her lips, annoyingly, she still looked good. She was wearing a black trench coat, with a belt that had been expertly tied into a perfectly symmetrical bow around her waist to accentuate her hourglass figure, sheer tights and elegant black heels. Even though I was wearing my favourite navy body-con dress and up until thirty seconds ago had been feeling confident, in her presence, I felt like a frump.
Great. Just great.
‘Cassandra!’ she beamed as she approached the table and leant down to give me two kisses on the cheek. God, she smelt amazing too. All fresh and citrusy, like she’d just stepped out of a shower or had bathed in lemon-infused water and then hired an army of angels to gently massage her skin with sweet flower petals.
‘Hello, Gabriella,’ I said, ignoring the fact that she got my name wrong.
‘Miles is here already, then, I see,’ she said, glancing down at the chair. ‘I’d know his coat anywhere. I helped him choose it last year. I always knew exactly what suited him,’ she said, flashing a bitchy smile.
‘Right,’ I replied.
‘I’m surprised he even came out tonight, to be honest. After these past couple of days, he’s worn out, bless him. It shows, too. He looked so tired when we were together this afternoon. Still utterly gorgeous, obviously, but tired. He definitely needs a shot of ginger. That’s what I always used to have on standby after one of our sessions.’ She smirked. ‘Miles was always insatiable. I’ve never met a man with such a big…appetite. I don’t think we ever went more than forty-eight hours without it. Couldn’t keep our hands off each other. That’s why I call him Poochie. Because he always wanted to put his P in my coochie…Oooh!’ she said, fanning herself with her hand. ‘I’m getting hot just thinking about it. Speaking of the horny devil, there he is at the bar. Better go and check he’s okay. Bye, Cassandra!’
As she headed over to join Miles, my cheeks grew so hot you could fry an egg on them, and I had more steam coming out of my ears than a hundred kettles.
What a bitch.
Not only did she insist on calling me the wrong name (which I was sure she’d done deliberately), but she’d also implied that they’d been doing stuff together to make him tired. Or was that my paranoia? He did look drained. I’d noticed it straightaway. Was it because they’d been fucking? And why did she feel it was appropriate to start talking about what they used to get up to in the bedroom? Telling me that they were at it like rabbits with that stupid Poochie nickname and practically calling him a sex addict. Did Gabriella somehow know I was doing this challenge? Did she have some sort of sixth sense? Perhaps she’d studied psychology or something and could read my body language, which was giving off a vibe that I wanted it but had to abstain? Or maybe it was her way of warning me that Miles wouldn’t wait. If he never went more than two days without sex with her, how could I expect him to wait months for me?
Fuck.
And now look at her. Leaning against the bar, flirting with him again. I was fighting a losing battle, wasn’t I? If he hadn’t already succumbed to her charms, it was surely only a matter of time. They’d be working together for nine or ten hours every day. How would he be able to resist? In fact, was there even any point in me trying to have this conversation with him tonight about the future, when it was obvious that his future was with her? Maybe I should just bow out now.
‘Here you go,’ said Miles as he put the glasses of wine on the table and sat down.
‘Thanks,’ I said, examining his face for answers to the myriad of questions that were popping up into my head.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. Damn. Gabriella the bitch was right. He looked knackered, but still so bloody gorgeous.
‘I’m fine. I’ve been busy at work preparing for this Beauty & Wellbeing exhibition later this week but…anyway, how are you, Miles? How have you been?’
‘Not great, to be honest. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay long. I’m not in a good place right now. My head’s spinning. Trying to make sense of it all.’
Make sense of what? I asked myself. Was it Gabriella? What did she say to him at the bar? Or had something happened between them these past few days, and he was trying to work out whether he wanted to get back together because he still loved her or if he wanted to be with me? He wasn’t the only one whose head was spinning.
‘Oh?’ I said. ‘Why? Is there something you’d like to tell me? I mean, something you’d like to talk about? Sometimes it helps.’
I braced myself for what was to come. Perhaps it was going to be one of the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ conversations, or one of the ‘I think we should take some time apart’ lines that I’d become so accustomed to over the years. Here it comes…
‘Ordinarily, I’d agree, but not tonight. Sometimes things happen and there’s no logic to them. No reasoning, no amount of discussion, reflection or if onlys can change it. It’s done. Sometimes you just have to hold your hands up and say, I’m just a man. As much as I can try to be strong, some things are just out of my control.’
Oh gosh. He slept with her, didn’t he? Shit. I knew she had him under her spell. He wasn’t able to control himself. Most men wouldn’t. I didn’t condone his actions, but
, if he was going to succumb to any woman, it was understandable that it would be her. Didn’t stop it from feeling like someone had just plunged a knife in my heart, though.
‘I see.’ I bowed my head.
‘That’s the thing with death.’ He rubbed his eyes again. ‘It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care if it’s a wonderful little boy who has his whole life ahead of him. It just comes and takes whoever it wants. Including sweet innocent little children.’ He picked up his glass, downed the wine in one and slammed it back on the table. ‘It fucking sucks.’
Death?
Shit. There I was thinking he was worrying about his feelings for me and wondering whether he was sleeping with Gabriella, and he was suffering because he’d lost a patient. That was why he looked so drained. He was clearly upset.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it. ‘Was he one of your patients?’
‘He was. Lost him on Monday. I mean, I knew it was coming. I just hoped that…I don’t even know why it’s affected me like this. I should be used to this by now. It’s just…for some reason, it’s hit me hard. And so, I just can’t be here tonight, Alex. In a pub. Smiling. Trying to laugh and joke around.’
‘Miles,’ I said, moving my chair closer and wrapping my arm around him. ‘I don’t know what to say. That’s such devastating news. When you said you had a lot on at work, I didn’t realise. I’m sorry I suggested meeting tonight. Of course. If you want to be alone, I completely understand.’
‘Thanks. Normally I’m able to just soldier on, but there was something about him. He was different. In some ways, he reminded me a bit of me when I was younger…well, I can’t go into that because of patient confidentiality. I know it’s not my fault. It’s none of the team’s fault. We did our best. We tried. I tried. It’s just another child I couldn’t save.’
Only When It's Love: A Chick Lit, Romantic Comedy Novel: Holding Out For Mr Right Page 15
