by Jae
Burning blue eyes seared into hers. “Officer…”
“Please,” Rachel said softly. “Call me Rachel.”
The woman hesitated and then nodded. “Lillian.” She touched her chest. “Lillian Coleman.” She leaned forward until she sat on the edge of the chair. “Happiness can’t be bought, Rachel.”
“I know. I wasn’t trying to do that.”
Lillian sighed. “Listen. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, but you’re a total stranger and I don’t want charity from—”
“It’s not charity,” Rachel said. She got up and crossed to the other side of the desk, no longer wanting the barrier between them. “I was in Tyler’s shoes once. My mother worked three minimum-wage jobs to make ends meet. I never went hungry, but there wasn’t much money for extras.”
Lillian lifted her chin. “Tyler and I are doing just fine.”
God, she’s proud and apparently not used to accepting help from anyone. “I know. Anyone can see that you’re a great mother. Maybe I went about it all wrong, but…giving Tyler the robot was as much for me as it was for him.”
“For you?” Lillian repeated, looking doubtful.
Rachel shrugged. “Guess I’m tired of being such a Christmas grump.”
Now a tiny smile softened Lillian’s serious expression. She lifted one brow and directed a questioning gaze at Rachel.
“I’ve had a really tough year too,” Rachel said and swallowed against the lump in her throat. “I lost my mother and my partner.”
Lillian paled. Her hands clenched around the armrests of the chair. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, I mean… My mother died. She had been sick for a long time. But my partner… She just left me for another woman. It was nothing like…” Rachel paused and gestured toward Lillian, not wanting to say it out loud and reopen barely healed wounds.
“You know.” It was a statement, not a question.
Rachel nodded. “Tyler mentioned it.”
Lillian stared at her for a few moments. “He never talks about her. About Maggie.”
“I never talk about my mother either.”
Their gazes met, holding an entire conversation while neither of them said a word.
Finally, Lillian cleared her throat. “So where does that Christmas grump thing come in?”
Rachel smoothed her hand down her tie before she looked up again. “I’ve been… my colleague Mike has called it moping around and being a Christmas grump for weeks, feeling sorry for myself because of what I lost instead of appreciating what I’ve got. Meeting you and Tyler… Well, it put things into perspective.” She took the box with the robot from the desk and held it out to Lillian. “So, please, take this as a small thank-you from an ex-Christmas grump.”
Lillian glanced at the robot, then up into Rachel’s eyes. She reached out her hands to accept the box but stopped inches from it. “Under one condition.”
Holding her breath, Rachel nodded. She would accept that condition, no matter what it was.
“You come over to our house on Christmas Day and have dinner with Tyler and me.”
Rachel nearly dropped the box. That was the last thing she had expected. “You don’t need to…”
“I know.” Again, they stared at each other until Lillian laughed shakily. “Guess you’re not the only one who’s tired of being a Christmas grump.”
Wow. Suddenly, Rachel felt like singing a Christmas carol. She suppressed a laugh. “Can you cook?”
“I’m not a chef, but…yes.”
“Great. Then let’s make a deal.”
Lillian regarded her with a cautious gaze.
“You cook,” Rachel said. “I pay for the food.”
“You don’t need to—”
“Well, we could also share the costs, but to be fair, that would mean I need to do half of the cooking, and trust me, you don’t want that.” Rachel grinned.
After a moment’s hesitation, Lillian nodded and finally lowered her hands the rest of the way to accept the box with the robot. “Thank you,” she said quietly and then stood. “I need to go now. I have to apologize to Tyler for not believing him when he said Santa gave him the robot.”
Rachel scratched her neck. “Sorry if I caused any kind of trouble between you and your son.”
Lillian nodded in acknowledgment and moved to the door. When she laid her hand on the door handle, she half-turned and said over her shoulder, “For Christmas Day, would eleven o’clock be okay?”
“Of course.” The mall was closed on Christmas Day, and Rachel hadn’t been looking forward to sitting around all day. Now she had a hard time not jumping up and down with giddiness.
“Great.” Lillian opened the door. “And Rachel?” Again, she looked back. “Just so there are no misunderstandings: This won’t be a date. I’m not ready to—”
“I know,” Rachel said. For now, she was perfectly happy just to spend Christmas in the company of Lillian and Tyler. And who knew what next Christmas would bring? Now that she was starting to believe in the miracle of Christmas again, everything was possible.
###
Kissing Ms. Santa Claus
Rachel’s beard was itching like crazy. As inconspicuously as possible, she scratched her chin.
Lillian slapped her hand. “Hold still, or we’ll never find out whether the suit fits you or not.” She closed the last button on the Santa coat and slung the broad leather belt with the big buckle around Rachel’s middle. When she tightened it, the fake belly spilled over the belt.
“Ouch.” Rachel rubbed her fingers. “Hey, no roughing up Santa, or he might bring you a lump of coal!”
Lillian reached for Rachel’s hand and pressed a kiss to each finger. “Better?”
“Hmmm. The hand doesn’t hurt anymore, but…my lips feel a bit worse for wear. Must be the beard.” Rachel put on her most pitiful expression.
“Ah, I see.” Chuckling, Lillian lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed Rachel’s lips. Before Rachel could wrap her arms around her, Lillian stepped back. “Your beard is itchy.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying all along,” Rachel grumbled. “The beard has to go. Why can’t I be Ms. Santa Claus? Then I wouldn’t need a beard…and I would be much more kissable.”
Lillian shook her head. “Tyler is having a hard enough time with his unusual family. He wants a normal Santa Claus on Christmas, not the female version.”
“I know.” Rachel had grown up without a father, so she knew the teasing children endured when their families didn’t conform to the norm. “But why do I have to be the one to wear this itchy suit that reeks of moth balls?” She gave her voice a playful whining tone. “You’re Tyler’s mom after all.”
“And you are his…” Lillian paused. A furrow appeared between her curved eyebrows.
Yeah, what exactly am I? While this was the second Christmas Rachel would be spending with Lillian and Tyler, it was their first as a couple. She and Lillian had been together for the last ten months, but Lillian still hesitated to make Rachel’s role in the small family more official. Give her a break. After Maggie’s death, you can’t blame her for not being eager to jump into another lifelong commitment—no matter how much you want her to. Rachel sighed. Lillian’s hesitation still felt like a rejection sometimes.
Lillian nudged her padded belly. “You’re taller, so the suit fits you better. Stop complaining, Ms. Christmas Grump.”
“I’m not a Christmas grump, shorty.”
“Not anymore,” Lillian said and kissed her bearded cheek. “I cured you.”
“Yes, you did.” Despite her fake belly, Rachel wrapped her arms around Lillian and pulled her against her body.
Their lips met in a long kiss that made Rachel forget her itchy beard.
After a few seconds, Lillian’s hands tried to slip beneath the Santa suit.
Rachel moaned as Lillian’s fingers slid down her back and clutched her ass.
The Santa hat’s white pompom flopped forward and hit Lillian’s face.<
br />
Breathing hard, Lillian pulled back. Her cheeks were flushed. “You better go and change before Tyler comes home and finds his mother having sex with Santa Claus on the kitchen table.” She played with the strand of Rachel’s hair that was sticking out from under the Santa Claus wig.
Rachel pulled the padded belly from beneath the suit and waited impatiently while Lillian helped her to get rid of the beard.
“So you’ll do it?” Lillian asked, putting the wig and the Santa hat back into their boxes.
“Of course I will.” There wasn’t much she wouldn’t do for Lillian and Tyler. If she had to wear a reeking suit and an itchy beard for the boy, she would do it.
“Thank you. I’ll shorten the pants a little,” Lillian said. “Are you coming over tonight? You could try it on again to see if it fits better or if I need to take off more.”
Oh, shit. Rachel searched for an excuse for why she couldn’t come over after work, as she usually did. The truth was that it was three days before Christmas and she still hadn’t found a present for Lillian. She was planning another trip to the mall today and had promised herself that she wouldn’t return until she had found the perfect gift. “Not today. I need to practice my ho-ho-ho.”
Lillian tilted her head and studied Rachel. “All evening?”
Beneath the gaze of the clear, blue eyes, Rachel started to fidget. She had never been able to keep secrets from Lillian. “I still need to get a few presents,” she finally said.
Lillian looked her in the eyes. “Don’t overdo it, okay? I know you mean well,” she caressed Rachel’s temple and slid her fingers through Rachel’s hair, “but I want Tyler to realize that Christmas isn’t about how many presents you get. What’s important is that we can all spend some time together. Time is the most precious thing we have.”
Rachel stroked Lillian’s cheek. Was she thinking of Maggie? Lillian and Maggie had been high school sweethearts. Rachel had seen photos of them on graduation day with their arms wrapped around each other, grinning broadly. They had thought they had their whole lives ahead of them and could raise Tyler, their much-awaited child, together. But then Maggie had died on their twelfth anniversary. “I know.” Rachel cleared her throat. “I didn’t go overboard with Tyler’s presents this time.” After they’d had the same discussion on Tyler’s birthday in June, she had promised to do better.
“So you already got something for him?” Lillian asked.
Rachel nodded. “Tyler’s presents aren’t the problem.”
“Oh. You mean, you’re still searching for a gift for me?”
Rachel shrugged. How embarrassing. It made her look as if she hadn’t even thought about what to give Lillian for Christmas, when that wasn’t the case at all. She hadn’t thought about anything else for weeks, but no gift seemed special enough. Rachel wanted the gift to reflect all the love she felt for Lillian.
“Rachel…” Lillian stepped closer, wrapped her arms around Rachel, and hooked one hand in the Santa Claus belt. “Please don’t stress yourself out over this.”
Instead of putting Rachel at ease, Lillian’s words accomplished the opposite. Lillian was so calm. Does she already have my gift? Or was it no big deal for Lillian, as if it didn’t matter what they gave each other for Christmas? Rachel suppressed a sigh. Sometimes she couldn’t help thinking that Lillian meant a lot more to her than she meant to Lillian. Did Lillian really want to share her life with her, or had Maggie’s death taught her not to make any plans beyond the moment?
“All I want is to celebrate Christmas with Tyler and you, okay?” Lillian said. She caressed the sensitive spot on Rachel’s back.
Rachel nodded and rested her cheek against Lillian’s forehead.
“So I’ll see you tonight?”
Rachel nodded again. She had taken the day off to go hunting for presents. She hoped that by tonight, she would have found the perfect gift.
A horde of screaming children almost crashed into Rachel on the escalator. Quickly, she jumped to the side. When she reached the first floor of the mall, an old man loaded down with shopping bags jostled her. The hundredth repeat of Jingle Bells blared through the mall’s loudspeakers, getting on Rachel’s nerves. If not for Lillian and Tyler, Rachel would have reverted back to being a Christmas grump.
She weaved her way through the crowd of last-minute shoppers and stopped in front of the first store. A myriad of scents announced that this was a perfumery. Rachel studied the bottles and flacons in the display window. Should she give Lillian a bottle of perfume for Christmas?
After a few seconds, she shook her head. She had already discarded perfume from the list of possible gifts for Lillian weeks ago. Too generic. A dozen unimaginative men were crowding the perfumery to buy their wives or girlfriends the first present they came across. Lillian deserved better than that.
Rachel ambled over to the next store. In the display window, plastic mannequins presented lacy underwear and lingerie. She had considered lingerie as a gift for Lillian before, but she still wasn’t sure. Mmmm. A grin sneaked onto Rachel’s face as she imagined Lillian in silk, satin, or lace. In her mind’s eye, she saw herself sliding her hands over Lillian’s half-naked body, kissing her breasts through the lacy bra, and helping her take off the sexy underwear. For a few seconds, she didn’t hear the droning of the Christmas carols anymore as she lost herself in her fantasy.
Then she shook her head. No way. That’d be much more a present for me. She smiled. But for Valentine’s…? Now that was an idea right there! Oh yes. After one last glance, she turned away from the lingerie store and continued her hunt for the perfect present. She strolled past crowded toy stores and a store that sold household items.
Finally, she stopped in front of the jewelry store. Chains, rings, and watches glittered in the display window. Rachel rubbed her chin. A ring… She would have loved to give Lillian a ring and have in eternal love engraved on the inside, but she didn’t want to pressure Lillian. Lillian had stopped wearing Maggie’s ring just a few months ago, and Rachel wasn’t sure whether Lillian was ready to accept a new ring—or if she would ever be.
Maybe a pair of earrings or a watch? Rachel gazed at an elegant gold watch that she could easily imagine on Lillian’s slender wrist. God, no. How many times had she already thought of gifts like those? She’d even checked out a few watches, the sellers buzzing and fussing around her in eager anticipation, but then she had decided against it. Lillian didn’t have a lot of money at her disposal, and Rachel didn’t want her to feel ashamed if she couldn’t afford to give an equally expensive gift. She knew Lillian was a proud woman. Only rarely did Lillian allow Rachel to invite her and Tyler to dinner or pay for other things.
With growing desperation, Rachel prowled the rest of the stores and took the escalator to the lower level to continue her search. The bright colors and lights in the display windows started to blur before her eyes. Her head was throbbing, and her feet hurt, but she still hadn’t found a present for Lillian.
Someone tapped her on the shoulder from behind. “Hey.”
Growling, Rachel whirled around. Then she relaxed.
Her colleague Mike stood in front of her, his hands hooked in the belt of his security uniform. “What are you doing here? I thought you took the day off?”
“I did,” Rachel said. “I’m not on duty. I’m here on a mission.”
Mike grinned. “Mission? Oh, that sounds mysterious. Are you hunting spies to save the country?”
“I wish. That would be easier than finding a Christmas present for Lillian.”
“Oh, I see.” Mike gave her a compassionate smile.
Maybe he could help her. “What did you give Beth for the first Christmas you spent together?”
“Hmm, what was it?” Mike scratched his head. “Was it the blender with the integrated yogurt maker? No, I think that was some years after that. Give me a minute.”
Rachel groaned. “No, it’s okay. Never ask a man for advice on Christmas presents for a woman—unless you wan
t to sleep on the couch.”
Mike blinked. “Why?”
“I don’t think giving her a blender or other kitchen utensils is the best way to show Lillian how much I love her.”
“How about jewelry?” Mike asked.
“Too expensive. Lillian doesn’t like presents that are too materialistic.”
“Tickets to the theater or a musical?”
Rachel pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I already gave her tickets for her birthday.”
Mike thought for a moment. “Perfume or some stuff for a bubble bath?”
“Unimaginative.”
“Then maybe tickets for a football game?”
Rachel didn’t even grace that suggestion with an answer. She rolled her eyes.
“Man, I’m so glad I’m not a lesbian.” Mike shook his head. “Women are so complicated!”
Rachel looked up at the star topping the giant Christmas tree in the entrance hall. Was Mike right? Was she making things more complicated than necessary? Was what Lillian really wanted for Christmas actually very simple?
She mentally repeated Lillian’s words: What’s important is that we can all spend some time together.
A sudden idea made her laugh in relief. She hugged Mike, who stood frozen to the spot and then awkwardly patted her back. “Thanks,” Rachel said.
“Umm, no problem.” Mike stepped back. “I aim to please.”
Rachel gave him a gentle slap to the shoulder and hurried off. She had a lot to do before meeting Lillian tonight.
A herd of reindeer trampled down the stairs. At least that was what it sounded like.
Drowsily, Rachel lifted her head off the pillow. “What the heck was that?”
Lillian cuddled up to her from behind and laid her head on Rachel’s shoulder. “Tyler. I told him we could go see what presents Santa brought as soon as it’s light outside.”
