Demons Are a Girl's Best Friend (Good Girls & Demons)

by Allyson J. Myers

  Mortals loved their metaphors. Whenever there was a bad storm they liked to say that the sky was boiling. It was meant to describe the activity of the clouds. Looking up at the sky over Purson’s corner of Hell, the sky was boiling. The atmosphere was hot enough to burn up there. It made the clouds roil so that it did, in fact, look like a pot of boiling sludge.

  There was no precipitation. It wasn’t that kind of storm. That was what let me know that it was a reaction to Purson’s temper tantrum and not just a whim. Lightning danced through the pea-green and gray clouds then leapt out to strike within the forest that surrounded the battlements. Little fires broke out because of it, but instead of the crackle of flames that would be the typical result in the mortal realm, what was heard here were the shrieks of the damned souls that made up the trees. The fire, smoke and smell didn’t last. The souls regenerated so they could be struck again. And again. Business as usual. This didn’t bode well for me, and I sighed as I made my way up the flagstones to the gatehouse of the fortress.

  Members of Purson’s demonic legions lined the jagged stone walkway that led from the gatehouse to the main building. Nothing but humanoid shaped beasts without a single intelligent thought in their collective, ugly heads. I ignored them as the underlings they were. I had to, or they’d smell weakness. I wasn’t worried that they’d attack me. That would get Purson in trouble. I outranked the bastards and for them to lift a finger against me without direct orders would cause political unrest.

  Yes, there were politics in Hell.

  Weakness would be whispered into Purson’s ear and then everything would go to shit. I’d have to worry about invasion, displays of strength, blah, blah, blah. So, to keep from having to deal with an annoying instigation, I ignored their slobbering snarls. Even if it was tempting to tear the head off one of them and toss it at Purson’s feet.

  I knew the way to his majesty’s court room. Because, of course he wanted me to come to court. He had to keep up an appearance of rank and strength by making me kneel at his stupid throne in front of whatever courtiers would be present, trying to gain his favor. It wasn’t like I didn’t do the same thing in my territory, but at least I didn’t have a massive, ostentatious display of rank like this piece of shit castle.

  Rumor had it that each stone contained a soul that Purson himself collected. I doubted that.

  More of his legions stood guard at various points on the way to court. I ignored them, too. This whole thing made me wary which pissed me off. I wanted to get this over with and go about my business.

  I could move fast if I wanted to, and I wanted to.

  I reached the courtroom in record time and didn’t wait to be announced. Everyone knew I had arrived by now anyway, but a mock-surprise hush fell among the attendees as I pushed through the crowd. I thought I recognized a few faces but since machinations were as common in Hell as flies on shit, I didn’t bother trying to figure out why they were here.

  When I reached the very edge of what was an acceptable distance nearest the throne, I dropped to one knee, but I did not lower my eyes. I had my own rank which allowed me this little bit of defiance. It was satisfying to hear the mutterings ripple through the infernal crowd behind me as I looked up at the great King Purson on his throne. I was reminded of a mortal film that opened with some barbarian king on a stone throne, except this king lacked the physical bulk.

  Purson was thinner, more wiry and nervous. He kept his thin, dark hair longer than most of us and in a single braid that he had pulled over his shoulder to pool in his lap. The braid didn’t help it look any thicker. It just made it look ready to fall off from the first stiff breeze. Skeletal fingers twitched and drummed on the arm of the chair of bones that was much too big for his frame. His amber glowing eyes were little more than pinholes in a pinched, pale face, and they constantly shifted from side to side as if he expected an attack at any moment.

  I had to give him this much, he had every right to be nervous. Part of Purson’s power was being able to see into the past, present, and future. If I could see who would be coming for me, I’d be a little twitchy too.

  “Duke Valefar.” Purson’s voice matched the rest of him.

  There was nothing commanding about his lispy hiss. It was everything I could do to keep from laughing. Then the bastard kept talking without giving me permission to stand up.

  “It has come to our attention that you possess certain talents that we find desirable.”

  Ah, the royal We. Arrogant prick.

  “What talents are those?” I had to respond, but I wasn’t going to just hand anything over to him. I had a lot of talents. Which one he wanted would tell me a lot about what he wanted from me…and whether or not I could refuse.

  Purson’s fingers drummed on the arm of his chair. “We have heard that you hold a special rapport with the thieves of the mortal world,” he hissed at me. His patience must have been running thin, but why?

  “Ah, yes,” I answered. I allowed a proud if vicious smile to pull my lips to one side. The mortals he mentioned did fall into my expertise. They were fun little pawns of chaos. If Purson wanted them he would definitely have to go through me. I wouldn’t let anyone touch them for any reason. They were too useful. “What do you want with my thieves, great king?”

  “The Crown Jewels.”

  All amusement and sarcasm I had disappeared with those words. He was mad! Even for Hell! It wouldn’t be the first time a sovereign became unfit to rule. They were normally dethroned by their own legions. After that, any number of things could happen. Purson didn’t seem that far gone, however. Just deluded.

  “Assuming that you’re referring to the Infernal Crown Jewels—”

  “Of course, I am!” Purson’s whiny voice suddenly became sharp and loud.

  I flinched. I was not normally so easily spooked, but I was on my own here. I hadn’t brought an escort. Stupid. I hadn’t been instructed not to. I just hadn’t thought I’d need them. My mistake. This meeting had gone from annoying to potentially dangerous. I needed to take this more seriously.

  “The Infernal Crown Jewels—” the king continued—“have been in the hands of the mortals long enough.”

  I silently asked if I could stand, and fortunately received a nod from my host. It would have sucked to have to remain with a knee on the rough stone floor while we had this conversation. I cleared my throat as I stood up then put my hands behind my back.

  “We’ve always known that the thirteen stones were on Earth,” I said in a calm tone. Only one of us should be manic at a time, in my opinion. “We even know where some of them are, but attempts have been made to retrieve them before. Sometimes they work. Most times they don’t.”

  I never understood why the stones were created in the first place, but since I hadn’t been involved in commissioning them, I didn’t think I’d ever know. Whatever the reason, at various points in time, thirteen gemstones had been created in Hell. Each one did something different. Each one had been lost somehow to the mortal realm. And every so often, someone got it into their heads to try to get one or more back into infernal hands.

  I understood why. Possessing just one of the stones would give a sovereign more power. But no one had ever gotten one back, or at least not for very long. It was a waste of time as far as I was concerned.

  I had no interest in helping Purson.

  “One was recently located. They went after it. Now it’s lost to us. Permanently.” Purson shifted on his throne as he let that sink in. My reaction was exactly what he no doubt expected. I was surprised then intrigued. Never had we lost a stone permanently. It wasn’t supposed to be possible. Now that he really had my attention he continued.

  “The Ingress,” he said, the word emphasizing his lisp. “You know what it is.” It was more statement than question, but I nodded anyway. “It had been located finally, after centuries of being lost. Brought into the open. It became a race to obtain it, but the traitor got in the way.”

  Purson sounded disgusted and ev
en I sneered. Marchosias. He was a rank below me and had abandoned his realm. I had heard hadn’t stepped foot in it for more than a decade. But because it was technically still his no one could just walk in and claim it.

  There were rules, and unless we wanted the big guy himself to get involved, we kept our hands off.

  Worse than not taking his proper place in the hierarchy, Marchosias kept to the mortal realm and purposely got in our way. He’d killed some of us. Mostly just minions, but he had managed to take out some ranked hellspawn.

  Now, Purson claimed that the traitor had destroyed one of the thirteen. Ridiculous. Marchosias wasn’t that powerful. No one but the big guy was that powerful. I was missing something.

  “How did we lose The Ingress permanently?”

  Purson looked like he wanted to get up and pace, and it was then that I noticed no one but me was anywhere near the great king. Not a good sign at all. He remained seated, however. He was making a huge effort to remain in control. He was under pressure from something for him to be this twitchy. I came to the conclusion that this was not his idea. This was becoming more and more interesting.

  “He had help,” Purson said through clenched teeth. “A mortal woman.”

  A collective intake of breath went through the crowd behind me. They were surprised by this information. So was I. It wasn’t unusual for there to be mortals of power. Some were born with it. Some cultivated it from other sources…like us. I wasn’t one of the infernal who bestowed power like that on humans so I wasn’t sought after, but there were plenty of my brothers who could exchange power for something in return. Usually the mortal soul. And still there were other mortals who got power from things even older than us. Regardless the source, no one had ever heard of a mortal helping one of the fallen.

  Purson shot a glare around the room to warn everyone into silence then turned it on me.

  “She put the bloody thing beyond our reach.” I tilted my head. I wanted to know more. Purson the weasely sighed as he rolled his hand in the air. “The Egyptians protect it now.”

  There went that shocked gasp again, but this time it was followed up with muttering. The Egyptian pantheon, and their magic were one of the few things from old that were still active and could stand in our way.

  This mortal woman was clever. That or Marchosias gave her more information than Hell would be comfortable with. Probably a bit of both. I got an idea of what was wanted from me, but I wanted him to say it.

  “That is unfortunate,” I commented. On the face of it, it was the stupidest thing to say, but it meant get on with it.

  Purson leaned forward on his throne to sneer at me. At this distance I could tell that his lips were little more than a slit in his face.

  “Your mission is to get your thieves to track down and steal any or all of the remaining twelve.”

  The court went dead silent as the point was finally made. After having heard the opening story, I had a feeling it had been leading to this. Either the others present hadn’t known, or they were excellent actors. Either was possible. I didn’t care. I looked Purson dead in the eye then gave my answer.

  “No.”

  The room erupted into pandemonium. Courtiers gave loud displays of shock, outrage, or astonishment. Someone even fainted or gave a good performance of it.

  I was of a lesser rank than Purson. I should’ve done as I was told, be honored that his royalness was requesting my services. Beyond that, anyone else would have launched into the bargaining part of the discussion. I had absolutely no interest in this. The Infernal Crown Jewels were nothing but trouble.

  I didn’t trust the smirk that came to the great king’s face. He still held a few cards, apparently. “You have no choice, Valefar.”

  I huffed in mockery and indignation. “Oh, yes I do,” I shot back then turned to leave this ridiculous court. As far as I was concerned, I had done my duty. I answered the summons. I heard the request. I gave my answer.

  The crowd of courtiers parted for me, but I only got partially through before Purson’s voice hissed out to me with satisfaction coloring his tone.

  “The command comes from the highest court.”

  All eyes were on me as I stopped in place then turned enough to glance back at Purson. The furious and suspicious expression I had must have been intimidating since some of those closest to me backed away. Cowards. But they weren’t worth even a snarl. I narrowed my focus onto the great king.

  “You lie,” I accused.

  “Would I dare?” Purson countered.

  He had a point. It was one thing to claim that another king was involved, but to bring Him into it without it being true would be a huge risk. He didn’t take kindly to his name and power being taken for granted, and he always found out.

  This was getting decidedly dangerous, and I didn’t like it one bit. But if the big guy had requested my involvement, then Purson was right. I didn’t have a choice.

  I stalked back toward the throne with little care for protocol anymore. I’d get right in the bastard’s face if I wanted. This had gone far beyond opportunism.

  “No more games, Purson,” I growled.

  “King Purson,” the major domo snapped at me.

  I turned a real growl at the little pissant which made him cower behind the throne, tail literally tucked between his legs. With that, the court fell as silent as the grave. I cast my eyes around. No one would make eye contact. Good. I might have been of a lesser rank, but I would not tolerate being taken to task by anyone other than my superiors and even then, there better be a damn good reason.

  I looked back to Purson on his throne of bones. It really was an ostentatious piece of furniture. Spiraled ivory tusks rose from either side of the back to frame the occupant. The creature they came from had gone extinct before the first two mortals had been given the boot from the garden. The rest of the bones were a mishmash of human and animal with skulls on the ends of the armrests. Every tick of Purson’s fingernails made a hollow click. For once, his fingers were still.

  “The Lord and King of Hell, Lucifer the Morningstar himself gave the edict to seek out the remaining twelve Infernal Crown Jewels and return them to Hell.” Purson pulled a rolled-up parchment from within his surcoat then held it out to me. I took it with a scowl firmly in place then opened it.

  Lucifer’s seal was easily recognized, and no one dared to use it without permission. No one in Hell, anyway. Mortals used it to attempt to summon him. That never ended well, but Lucifer tolerated it since he was able to harvest souls so easily. The rest of the parchment was indeed an edict, written in Enochian script. It gave the order to the kings of Hell to make every effort to retrieve the Infernal Crown Jewels before any more were lost. That was it, though. It left a lot open to interpretation. No limitations. No jurisdiction. This could get ugly. Fast. And if I had my druthers, I’d take a cue from Marchosias, close up my territory and skip realms until this all blew over. Too late now.

  I rerolled the parchment then handed it back to Purson.

  “Do you have any particular stone in mind, or do you just want me to cast out my thieves hither and yon?”

  Only the kings of Hell had received Lucifer’s marching orders. No doubt the others were clamoring to form their alliances, scheme against each other and grab up us lower ranks for their own means. I probably had five other summonses sitting on my desk, but Purson’s had come first. Like it or not, I was his man now. I could have done a lot worse than this king. I could tell the others to go rot without fear of retaliation.

  “As a matter of fact—” Purson said as he tucked the parchment back within his surcoat— “I do.” His lips formed into a reptilian smile as he leaned back in his throne. “Tell me, Valefar. What is the one thing in all of creation that keeps Hell functioning? The one thing that tortures all souls?”

  That was easy. I huffed before I answered. “Hope.”

  Without the souls having just an ounce of hope of redemption, escape, or rescue, their torture and punishment meant n
othing. They had to believe that there was a chance, no matter how remote, that they would be lifted up from perdition. Dashing that hope over and over was the real horror that Hell offered, because once they came here, they were here for good. There hadn’t been a redemption since a certain Israeli carpenter did his thing. If there was one constant in the universe it was the existence of Hope.

  Hell just twisted it in on itself.

  I realized which stone Purson wanted. None of them would be easy to get to, but this one? I would have rather gone up against the Egyptian gods.

  I crossed my arms as I squared my shoulders and planted my feet. “That’s only part of the whole, and no one knows what happened to the other pieces.” It wouldn’t be enough. But again, I had underestimated Purson. I needed to stop doing that.

  “You forget,” the great king said with a grin. “It is within my power to find things as well as look into the past, present, and future.” He didn’t deserve those abilities. “What the mortals call the Tavernier Blue was cut apart, it’s true. We’ve always known where one piece of it is, but it means nothing without the others.” Purson lifted his chin proudly. I really despised him. “I looked deep into the past, Valefar. I saw when the Tavernier was broken. And I tracked the missing piece.” His eyes landed solidly on mine. “I know where it is, and I want you and your thieves to retrieve both pieces and bring them to me.”

  I was surprised once more. Only two pieces of the original? I would bet my territory that it would have been cut into smaller and smaller stones. Only two pieces would make this a lot easier. “Tell me, then.”

  Purson was so satisfied with himself. He gave a chuckle that under any other circumstances could have been mistaken for mockery. “The State Diamond Fund of the Russian Federation.”

  “Oh, come on.” I tossed my hands into the air dismissively. Now I knew he was having one over on me. The Russians? After everything that country had been through, even if this were true, too much of their treasure was missing. They’d lost an entire room made of amber, and it hasn’t been found yet. An entire room.