Becoming God

by Trilok Nath Pandey

  Come, Nandi, come from the cattle’s quarter.

  To ride on, Cheu needs you.

  Come, Moon, come from sky high.

  To dine on your silver plate, Cheu needs you.

  Come, Sleep, come from the sleep forest.

  To lull Cheu to sleep, to lull Cheu to sleep.”

  Lolmu would sing the last line for long – crooning for some moments, then humming nasally and eventually melting the sound into silence till Cheu fell deep asleep. Lolmu would still remain awake for long to guard the sleeping child.

  Toddler Cheu would call Lolmu lispingly Ba...Ba. He was so attached to Lolmu that even while sleeping he would snuggle his head in Lolmu’s elbow and would keep fondling his fingers apparently to be assured that his Ba was close there.

  2.3

  It was the winter that year when one morning Thokan, the Goba of the rival Thongsa village, along with his fellow villagers, blew his bone pipe furiously and boisterously from his side of the Mo Chhu, to throw a gauntlet to Lolmu and his fellow villagers. Lolmu and his people were taken aback and could not understand what provoked the Thongsans to such belligerence. They hurriedly assembled at their side of the stream. Lolmu did not blow his pipe to bespeak reluctance to accept the challenge, and, instead, raised his arms to express wish for peace talk. His wish was granted by Thokan, who stopped blowing pipe and raised arms to indicate invitation for talk. A delegation of three Lohtsans led by Lolmu, raising arms up, immediately approached Thokan and got the day fixed for talk for the day after tomorrow.

  People from both the villages, Thongsa and Lohtsa, assembled at the scheduled time and place to hold the peace talk. The Thongsan side was led by its Goba, Thokan who sat contemptuously, flanked by his arrogant fellows. Lolmu was leading the perplexed Lohtsan side. Cheu was tucked into his arms, while his brother Bilotu was just behind him.

  Thokan initiated the talk by accusing Lolmu of having stolen a child from the Thongsan territory. Lolmu hurried up to his defence by demanding to know who that child was, and what the proof of the allegation was. Thokan instantly pointed his finger to Cheu, but faltered on the point of proof, and muttered just that he had a secret information about the child. In a sly and sudden move he seized the situation to shift the burden on Lolmu to prove innocence by testifying in the temple of the Goddess. Not letting to be trapped in Thokan’s trick, Lolmu started retreating, brushing off the allegation impatiently. But Thokan pounced on him, trying to snatch the child. Almost simultaneously, the Thongsans charged on the Lohtsans hurling abuses, and got into fist fights when retaliated by the latter. Bilotu surprisingly remained neutral. In the melee, Lolmu managed to escape keeping the crying child clutched in his arms.

  About five years had passed since that incident, but the enmity between the two villages did not lessen, and bitterness between the two brothers grew deeper. Lolmu remained peeved over Bilotu’s conspicuous silence against Thokan’s aggression that day. He suspected that Bilotu might have been the source of what Thokan had referred to as ‘secret information’. On the other hand, Bilotu continued resenting Cheu’s presence in the family and Lolmu’s extreme attachment to the child. He spared no opportunity to intimidate him. Tormented villainously by Bilotu and ignored by most of the family members, Cheu had no option but to cling onto Lolmu and play with cattle, particularly Nandi that had become a full and strong bull by that time.

  2.4

  One day, Bilotu saw Cheu feeding Nandi barley from his palm in the cattle’s quarter. He slapped him, abusing: “You bloody orphan, you are feeding the bull barley that is so difficult to produce and hardly available even for human feed.” Lolmu, who was milking Dhenu nearby, screamed, “Oh, Noooooooooo, no, no; don’t beat. He is the Lord……” The moment he uttered the last word, he fell unconscious on the earth. The boy ran to him wailing and complaining, “Ba, uncle has beaten me. Come, rebuke him, otherwise he will beat me again.” Cheu was pulling Lolmu’s arm, unaware that he was unconscious. Seeing Lolmu falling on the earth, Bilotu rushed there, which further frightened the boy. He examined Lolmu briefly, stared at the boy, and uttered in disbelief, “dead”.

  “Dead? Dead means?” the frightened boy mustered courage to ask.

  “Your head, bloody fool”, Bilotu was remorselessly curt.

  “What happened to my Ba?” asked the boy impatiently.

  “He has gone up”, Bilotu said pointing towards the sky, and rebuked the boy, “and you go to hell, the wretched orphan.”

  Bilotu was extremely perplexed as to what caused death to Lolmu, and what did he mean by ‘he is the Lord’, though he died before he could complete what he wanted to say. It all seemed very mysterious to him. Contemptuously, he ridiculed the boy, “Are you the Lord?” Shocked that he is being blamed for death of his Ba, the boy screamed, “No, I am not the Lord.” He kept repeating it hysterically till he fainted and fell on Lolmu’s body. Instead minding the fainted boy, Bilotu hurried away towards the family quarter.

  The whole village assembled for the cremation. It had supreme significance for the villagers as death had occurred to the Goba of the village. Many of the villagers had not witnessed such happening in their lifetime; while some elders had seen, in their childhood, the death of the previous Goba, the father of the just-deceased Goba. As per the convention, a new Goba had to be installed before cremation of the dead one. The convention also demanded that the eldest male of the deceased Goba’s family was to take over as the incumbent. Luck clearly favoured Bilotu.

  An elaborate ritual for consecration of incumbent Goba commenced. Bilotu was made to fast for a day. The next day, his body was smeared with milk and butter; his hair was unbraided as the convention did not permit a Goba to braid his hair, and he was given a new goatskin robe to don. In the afternoon, he was taken, in a procession, to Goddess Tora’s temple, where intricate rituals was performed till evening, involving invocation of the Goddess, consigning offerings for her to fire, and collective prayers that the Goddess be pleased and accept the incumbent as her favoured devotee. Bilotu was left alone, in the night, in the refuge of the Goddess in the temple, which was closed from outside with a huge slab of stone. He had to pray and meditate in solitude, seeking vision and blessing of the Goddess.

  Next day morning, Bilotu was found unconscious in the temple by the villagers who had reached there in ceremonial procession to bring him back to the village. After strenuous efforts, the villagers could bring him back to consciousness, though he looked extremely frightened and talked weirdly. The coronation was held in the day amidst elaborate rituals and presence of the people from both the villages. Thokan, the Goba of the rival village, presided over the occasion and ceremonially recognized Bilotu as the Goba of Lohtsa. Convention did not let enmity between the two villages interfere in the matters of religion and diplomacy. Convention apart, Thokan was too happy to participate in Bilotu’s coronation, keeping in view their old secret association since Bilotu had passed on information about Cheu to him.

  In the meantime, nobody bothered for Cheu, who remained hungry, crying and clung to the body of Lolmu, imploring his Ba to rise and give him milk to drink and take him out for play. He wailed, “Why are you sleeping so long, Ba? Are you angry, not talking to me? I promise I’ll make no mischief. Had you not seen Bilotu uncle beating me? You did not rebuke him. Why are you so silent?” The boy would faint and fall asleep intermittently due to exhaustion.

  The people visiting to pay homage would pity the boy, ridiculing and admonishing him to remain away from the corpse. Cheu did not heed to what they talked and not even raise his head leant against the dead Lolmu.

  Cheu was adamant to remain cuddled to Lolmu’s body when it was being carried, on a bier, to the temple of the Goddess. When he did not yield to the persuasions and admonitions, Bilotu pulled him down and slapped him hard across the face. The boy howled, complaining: “Do you see, Ba? Bilotu uncle has again beaten me. You are still silent. Rebuke him.” He kept repeating “Rebuke him”, making it a refrain. He ran behin
d people, making his hollering shriller, “Where are you taking my Ba?”

  Negotiating his path through rocks he followed the bier-bearers and the villagers and reached the temple of the Goddess. When the day rituals in the temple ended by dusk, Bilotu signalled the villagers to move out with him, leaving the dead body behind in the temple. Annoyed that Cheu was not coming out, he shouted at the villagers, “Let him remain there to die of fear and hunger.”

  Shortly after the villagers left, Cheu fell asleep, leaning against the dead body, due to exhaustion. But soon he was ruffled by a soft touch on his head, and awakened to see a tall dark woman with bowed head and half-opened eyes. The boy, fearless and precocious, asked, “Who are you?”

  “Lord, I am Tora, your Shakti, the power.” answered the woman, softly and politely.

  “No, I am not the Lord” retorted the boy curtly. Then suddenly recollecting something, he asked, “You said you are the power; can you make my Ba rise and speak to me as earlier?”

  The woman’s voice was remorseful, “No, my Lord, he is dead. Bringing him back does not fit your play.”

  “Play?” the boy butted in, widening his eyes inquisitively.

  The woman intoned, “Yes, Lord, you have come on the earth as per your grand scheme to awaken people from ignorance. You are not aware of your plan as you have masked yourself to honour human aspirations and limitations, and realize the miseries and sufferings a human being undergoes.”

  The boy was dazed at what the woman had said. The woman disappeared, having revealed: “Lord, I am leaving this place to be born at the land’s end, and will meet you at the appropriate time.”

  In the morning next day, the villagers found the boy sitting in the temple, with eyes closed and seemingly absorbed in some deep thoughts. To the surprise of the people, the boy appeared calm and rejuvenated. He did not take note of arrival of the people or their rituals in the temple. As the dead body was kept in the temple for three nights, the boy continued to remain absorbed in meditation beside the corpse. He awoke only when the body was being taken to the cremation plateau. He followed the people quietly, but when the limbs of the dead body were being chopped off, he again started howling, imploring not to cut his Ba into pieces. Tradition and religion proceeded in their ways, without bothering for the feelings and sentiments of the boy. Finally, he was left behind, when he refused to come down the plateau along with the villagers. The boy remained there for a couple of days, calling his Ba, looking towards the Kailash peak where his Ba was told to have gone.

  Back at the village, the women in the family were concerned about Cheu, and pestered Bilotu to find and bring the boy back. Bilotu was reluctant, citing the tradition that nobody was allowed to go to the cremation plateau, except for the cremation rituals. However, under growing pressure Bilotu along with some villagers went near the plateau, and loudly made calls to the boy to come down. To their surprise, the boy, bested by hunger, came down slowly and followed them to the village.

  2.5

  The next ten years were not less fraught with hardships and persecutions for Cheu. Soon after coronation of Bilotu as Goba, Thokan, the Goba of Thongsa village, had staked claim to Cheu’s guardianship, alleging that he was stolen from Thongsan territory. Bilotu had to acquiesce to Thokan’s claim as he had already weakened his position by disclosing to Thokan the information about Cheu having been found from the Thongsan territory. Both the Gobas were interested in having Cheu as an extra working hand in their respective families. The pulls and pressures between the two Gobas led them to reach an agreement, prescribing Cheu to live alternatively with them - for one month each.

  In Bilotu’s family Cheu’s persecution remained as usual, with Bilotu unabatedly intimidating him. In Thokan’s family, situation was a bit better as Thokan was indifferent to Cheu – neither kind nor cruel – and was interested only in utilizing him as a labourer.

  Meanwhile, Cheu was fast growing as an adolescent. Though he retained tenderness of a child in his looks, his limbs grew strong as those of a grown-up youth. He was taller, stronger, and prettier, with distinct features, different from any other boy in either of the villages. He was developing his own distinct style of living, a bit contrary to the old traditions of the region. He used to wash and bathe with water, and enjoyed having bath in the icy-cold water of the Manas even during the winter. For body massage, he used ash instead of stale and stinking butter. He did not braid his hair, but preferred to make a bun on head, which would make him look even taller and more attractive.

  Womenfolk were attracted towards Cheu because of his charming look, sharp features, tall and strong body, and clean and elegant style. They had deep longing for him and strived to seduce him. They all staked claim to his love as he was not born to any of them.

  Cheu had many friends among the boys, but two, Gannu from Lohtsa and Bhero from Thongsa, were particularly close to him. Gannu was an intelligent, wise and happy-go-lucky type youth. His abnormally elongated face with drooping chin, large earlobes, small eyes, coupled with plump body and bulging belly would give him a funny but pleasant look. Till a few years back, he was ridiculed by the playmates for his fondness for rats, found in abundance around the Manas. They would tickle his protruding belly to giggle him, and would make fun of him that his belly contained many balls of roasted barley, which Gannu would feast on with great relish. He was, however, respected for his knowledge of the world beyond the valley, which he had acquired during his visits, with his father, to the far northeast areas.

  Gannu’s father, a trader, used to go to the areas in far plains to sell wool, and often took his son Gannu along to familiarize him with the area and teach him the secrets of the trade. Gannu would recount with a great gusto the tales of people and places he had come across during his sojourns. His tales would enamour the youth, including Cheu who was impressed by Gannu’s tales and wished to visit those areas in future.

  Bhero from Thongsa was a completely different type of youth – stocky and swarthy, with red large eyes, excessive growth of body hairs and thick moustache. Apart from the physical features, distinct from the natives, Bhero was short-tempered by nature and quite frightful by appearance. Most of the youth would fear him and avoid his company. Cheu, however, liked him a lot because of his instinct to fight for justice. Bhero loved dogs. The ferocious family dog was his favourite, while other dogs in the neighbourhood were also friendly to him. He was believed to know the magic of taming dogs, even the ferocious ones. The villagers would call him the lord of dogs.

  Apart from being blessed with extraordinary physical features and strength, Cheu had indomitable will and vigour for performance. He would accomplish his tasks well, especially tending cattle. Nevertheless, the two Gobas were unhappy with him, alleging that he did not come up to their expectations of discipline and obedience. He was blamed for working on his whims only, and not lending ear to their instructions. They also did not approve of his atypical manners and conduct, and even physique being conspicuously different from those of the local people. They apprehended a threat from him to their authority, sensing his rebelliousness, growing influence on the youth, and popularity among the people, particularly among women who were mad after him. The two Gobas would spare no opportunity to admonish him, and would seek new ways to tame him.

  Contrary to skewed perceptions of the Gobas, Cheu was very kind to the people, even to the animals. His compassion for all had made him quite dear to people. He would extol humility and compassion as great virtues, and would emphasise that empathy with fellow beings was far greater than worship of any god or goddess. Such talks would always provoke the Gobas who would smell rebellion in his conduct.

  One day, during the stint at Thokan’s family in Thongsa, Cheu was caught feeding roasted barley balls, of course from his own share of food, to a bull. It incensed Thokan so much that he showered Cheu with filthy abuses, refusing to listen to his pleas for compassion to all living beings. Thokan grew very angry when Cheu further tried to make him understand
that compassion was the greatest virtue.

  Another day Cheu was found sympathizing with a woman convicted for alleged carnal misconduct and condemned to live in cattle’s quarter. He was caught talking affectionately to the woman in cattle’s quarter. Thokan seized the opportunity to accuse Cheu of keeping liaison with the convicted woman.

  Thokan hastily called for judicature for Cheu’s trial. Cheu’s arguments on the need for compassionate treatment of even a convict were not accepted, and he was awarded the sentence of mutilation of his limb of manliness. However, execution of the sentence was postponed till the day after tomorrow as the vexed issue of his motherhood, which was the pivotal point in the sex-related crime, remained undecided.

  The very next day, Cheu fled in panic to Lohtsa. Bilotu, though not aware of his conviction by then, refused to let him stay in the family during the period of Thokan’s claim on him. Cheu tried to argue that it was his Ba’s home, and that he was entitled to remain there. It angered Bilotu so much that he pounced on Cheu, who instead of fighting back preferred to flight. Though he escaped from Bilotu’s onslaught and hid himself in the cattle’s quarter, his panic was not over as he could not find a way out of the dilemma – Bilotu was not letting him to stay with his family and in Thongsa he had to lose his limb and live a life of ignominy, and that too not for an actual crime but for practicing compassion. He was deeply distressed, but soon found an idea of consulting his friend Gannu, who was the wisest person in Lohtsa village.

  2.6

  On the advice from Gannu, Cheu did a moonlight flit, following the course of the Karnali River, which issued from a source a bit east of the Manas Lake. He kept moving along the river, which traversed the Deul valley. In the morning the next day, he reached the end of the valley where the river ripped the heart of the stony mountain to make its way ahead. The river, which was sluggish in the valley, ran swiftly through twisted canyons, making a deep muffled roar, when constrained by canyon walls. The river wrestled with mighty and obstinate boulders, and when tired of fighting, moved aside skirting around the obstacles fumingly. It would jump into several deep gorges desperately searching for the way ahead.