by Holly Martin
‘I don’t think I come across well in an interview. I had one a few years ago and, when I left and closed the office door behind me, I heard them all burst out laughing.’
She swore softly under her breath.
‘Jesse, there is no way that is going to happen in our interview, it will just be an informal chat, then we have the practical cooking part of the interview in the afternoon. That would be a walk in the park for you. And it doesn’t have to be forever if you don’t want that. You could work here for a year and then, if you decided to go back to Canada to take up a bigger and better job, I’d give you a glowing reference. There are also lots of colleges round here that you could study at part-time, there’s evening classes you could take too while you’re working here. Every little bit helps.’
He nodded, deliberately not saying anything.
Suddenly his future was laid out in front of him with the dream job and the perfect woman, he just had to be brave enough to take it. If he was going to fight to make his dreams come true, a huge part of those dreams included Skye and he knew he had to fight for her too.
Skye was heading to the hotel to see Clover; she wanted to talk to her after her doctor’s appointment and she didn’t have long before she’d have to open for lunch. Suddenly Bea caught up with her, throwing her arms around Skye’s waist and hugging her.
‘Hello you,’ Skye said, her heart filling with love for her. She plopped a kiss on her head.
‘Did you and Dad make everything OK?’
Skye wondered how to answer that question. She’d certainly ironed out any misconceptions Jesse had had when she’d told him he wasn’t living up to his potential. At least he didn’t think she thought less of him because of his painting and decorating job. They’d smoothed out the little row but whether their relationship as a whole was OK was probably a different question. She had asked him to move here, she had offered him a job and he still didn’t know if he wanted to take it. She was planning to tell him she loved him but right then any hope of a future together seemed to be slipping through her fingers. He had to want to take that chance with her and she wasn’t sure if he did.
She glanced at Bea and saw the hope in her eyes.
‘Yes, we’re fine,’ Skye lied. ‘And how did you know we’d had a falling-out?’
‘Oh I can tell. Mom and Dad used to fight all the time and Dad used to stomp around the house afterwards. I walked into the kitchen today and Dad was clearing up the pancake batter he’d spilt. I kind of guessed after that. What did you fight about?’
‘It wasn’t really a fight,’ Skye said, awkwardly. ‘Just a… misunderstanding.’
‘He said it wasn’t anything important, but why fight over something that wasn’t important?’
‘Maybe we fought because I thought it was more important than he clearly did,’ Skye said and then regretted it instantly. ‘We’re fine, it was just a silly row.’
‘That’s what he said. So what was it about?’
Skye smiled slightly at her persistence
‘It was about… well, I guess it’s kind of private, between me and your dad. I suppose we need to figure it out between us.’
Bea huffed. She clearly didn’t agree. ‘Do you love him?’
Well that was a question. And Skye hated lying to Bea. ‘It’s not that straightforward.’
‘Do you love me?’
‘Yes, very much.’ Skye didn’t even hesitate. Why was it so easy to say that to Bea but not to her dad?
‘See, that was pretty straightforward,’ Bea said, linking arms with Skye. ‘And for the record I love you too.’
Skye blinked away the tears that suddenly filled her eyes.
‘You see, there’s a boy at school, Lucas, who I sit next to in class quite a lot and the other week, one of the kids asked if I loved Lucas and straightaway I said no. I didn’t have to think about it – it wasn’t hard as I knew that I didn’t love him. So when I ask you and Dad if you love each other and you dodge answering it and it isn’t just a straight no, it makes me think you do love each other.’
‘What did your dad say when you asked him?’ Skye said.
‘That it was complicated.’
Skye sighed.
‘So do you love him?’
Skye hesitated. ‘Yes I do, but—’
‘I knew it!’ Bea said, triumphantly.
‘But it doesn’t change anything,’ Skye said.
‘Of course it does.’
Unease settled into her stomach. This was a mistake.
‘As soon as I tell him, he’ll be asking you to marry him again,’ Bea said, joyfully.
‘No honey, I’m sorry but that’s not going to happen.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because people only get married when they love each other.’
‘Or to stay in a country when they’re not really supposed to.’
Skye smiled. ‘That too. But that wasn’t a proper marriage.’
‘He married my mom because she fell pregnant with me.’
Oh god, Skye hoped that really wasn’t true, what a crappy reason to get married. It was good of Jesse to do the right thing of course, if that was the case, but spending the rest of your life with someone just because of a child was not what marriage was about. It was supposed to be about that big sweeping epic kind of love, the kind that lasted a lifetime. Maybe it was old-fashioned but she’d always wanted that.
She thought back to what Jesse had told her about his relationship with Ginny. He’d had the same kind of relationship with Ginny that she’d had with Oliver, where you get swept away with it all and everything is wonderful and exciting until the shine falls off and you realise you’ve married a bit of a twat.
‘I think your dad loved your mum. They might have got married a bit earlier than they’d planned because of you but it doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other,’ Skye said. She had no idea if that was true but, judging from what Jesse had told her, he did have feelings for Ginny, at least in the beginning.
‘Dad loves you too. I have never seen him act the way he does with you with anyone else, not even Mom. And if you love him then you two can get married again and you can move back to Canada to be with us.’
Skye cringed. ‘I can’t move back to Canada. My life is here now. The hotel, the island, my sisters, they’re important to me.’
The fact that Clover was now pregnant and Aria had Orla meant that Skye couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. She wanted to be there to support her sisters, to help raise their kids. That was everything compared to the half-life she would have if she went back to Canada, meeting up with Jesse occasionally for secret sex. It wasn’t enough. And, based on their talk earlier, he certainly wouldn’t be offering her anything else, despite Bea’s rose-tinted view of it all.
‘Are we not important to you too?’ Bea said, quietly.
‘Oh god Bea, of course you are, you’re my world. But as lovely as it was to be part of your family for that year, it was never meant to be forever.’
‘But you wanted it to be forever?’
Skye didn’t answer that question but Bea clearly took it as a yes.
‘So what you’re saying is, it’s Dad’s fault you broke up,’ Bea said.
‘No, that’s not fair. We both agreed on a year. That was the deal.’
‘But you changed your mind and Dad didn’t.’
‘But that’s not his fault. You can’t blame someone for not having feelings, no matter how much you want them to have them.’
God, this was such a mess.
‘He does have feelings for you, but he hides them away. Dr Jermaine says—’
‘Who’s Dr Jermaine?’
‘Some man who wrote a book on love.’
‘Oh, Jesse told me you were reading your mum’s self-help books. I wouldn’t really pay a lot of attention to them. Some man probably with some kind of fake doctorate who thinks he’s an expert on love and life. I don’t think there are any experts on love – we’re human, we’
re spectacularly bad at messing up when it comes to matters of the heart.’
‘I ignore most of it but there are some parts in there that I find kind of useful. Dr Jermaine says that past trauma can impact how you live the rest of your life.’
‘Well… I guess that’s true. I know Ginny leaving upset Jesse but—’
‘His mom walked out on him when he was a child,’ Bea said.
‘What?’ Skye had no idea about that; he never spoke about his parents. It was a part of his life that he had closed the book on.
‘When my mom left he told me he knew how I felt because his own mom had done the same. He wouldn’t tell me much but he said he knew what it felt like. He said when his mom left, he felt like he wasn’t good enough to make her want to stay and that I was never to feel that way, that I was everything to him.’
Oh god, Skye felt her heart breaking for him.
She swallowed. ‘Well of course that might have an impact on his future relationships.’
‘And then my mom left him too,’ Bea said.
‘Yes, I can understand why he was upset by that but I can’t force myself on him. If he’s not ready to take that step for another relationship, if he doesn’t feel that way about me or he wants to protect his heart and won’t let me in, what can I do?’
Skye shook her head that she was actually having this conversation with a twelve-year-old.
‘You need to be patient with him, that’s what Dr Jermaine says.’
Skye was going to have to have serious words with Dr Jermaine, who was such an expert on love he was more than likely on his fifth wife and probably had numerous affairs.
‘Bea, we’ve known each other for over five years. I can’t wait for your dad to fall in love with me for the rest of my life. At some point he has to be brave and take that step with me and I really don’t think he wants to.’
This was making Skye cringe. She shouldn’t be talking about this with Jesse’s daughter, she was making it sound like it was all Jesse’s fault and she didn’t want that.
‘But—’ Bea started and Skye stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
‘No matter how hard you wish for something, sometimes it just doesn’t come true,’ Skye said.
‘If he asked you to marry him, would you say yes?’ Bea asked, clearly not giving up.
Skye knew she would, in a heartbeat, but it wasn’t fair to put all this on Jesse.
Bea stared at her hopefully.
‘Oh look, a hedgehog,’ Skye pointed wildly and Bea looked around. Skye used the opportunity to run away, laughing at her lame distraction technique.
‘Hey!’ Bea called after her, laughing. ‘I’ll take that as a yes.’
Skye couldn’t help but laugh but she knew she was going to get in so much trouble with Jesse for this conversation.
Chapter Nine
Skye found her twin in her office and smiled when she saw Clover was looking at pushchairs on the internet. If anyone was going to be thinking about which was the best pushchair this early into her pregnancy, it would be Clover. Along with teaching dance to all the islanders and hotel guests, she was helping to put the Sapphire Bay Hotel on the map as one of the key places to hold weddings and parties. The last few events they’d had at the hotel had been organised down to the last tiny detail, all thanks to Clover.
‘Hey!’ Skye said and her sister blushed at being caught not doing work. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell the boss.’
Clover laughed. ‘I caught her looking at summer dresses this morning for Orla so I think we’re even.’
Skye smiled, watching her sister carefully. She looked… peaceful, there was no other word to describe it.
‘How did it go at the doctor’s?’
Clover gestured for Skye to take a seat.
Skye sat down, nervously.
Clover smiled. ‘Stop looking so worried, everything is fine. Me and Angel went to see Dr Lomax this morning and she was just lovely, like she always is. We had a really long chat about our baby and about you and she doesn’t think there is anything to worry about at all. She said chromosomal abnormalities being passed down from our parents is really rare and she said the chance of me having a miscarriage is pretty much the same as anyone else. She’s not worried at all; she’s really excited for me. She’s given me a load of leaflets to read and she’s referred me to a midwife to talk things through, plus she’s going to arrange a few extra scans along the way just to keep an eye on things and make sure everything is looking OK. So I have my first scan just after eight weeks.’
‘OK, good,’ Skye said, letting out a heavy breath. She felt some relief from this, although she still would be happier once Clover got past twelve weeks.
‘She also said it was very unlikely that you had anything wrong with you either. She said miscarriages aren’t really anyone’s fault, and that they’re really common sadly. And she agreed with Angel that there is some research that points to low-quality sperm being the reason for some miscarriages.’
Skye nodded. She wasn’t sure whether to believe that or not but it did make some sense. Although it didn’t seem fair to blame Oliver when he wasn’t here to defend himself.
‘So do you feel happier?’ Skye asked.
Clover broke out into a huge smile. ‘I do. We just had this lovely chat about babies and pregnancy and I feel like I can really get excited about it now. I mean, I know it’s still early days but I’m not worried any more.’
Skye smiled. ‘I’m so pleased she helped to reassure you. You should enjoy this time, make plans, decorate the nursery, buy pushchairs, think of names. Don’t ruin it thinking of what-ifs.’
‘We won’t. I’m happy now.’
Skye smiled and came round to hug her sister. ‘I’m excited for you. You and Angel are going to make wonderful parents.’
She ignored the ache in her chest that reminded her that she would probably never have that.
Jesse was on his way back from the village in a golf buggy. In the back was the giant golden tray that would ultimately hold the rhubarb pie. He was going to take it back to Skye’s cottage and give it a new coat of paint. He was gratified to find that the tray was in two parts: the normal oversized cake tin, which had been kept at Kendra’s bakery and which went inside the oven, and the gold painted wooden tray which held it. Both had clearly been purpose-made for the event, but he was quite glad the pie wouldn’t be cooked in the golden tray as he’d originally thought – he wasn’t sure how safe it would be to cook something in a tray that was painted gold.
He checked his watch. The café had just opened for the evening, but it wouldn’t get busy until around seven, so he probably had time to do at least one coat of paint before he joined Skye for the evening rush.
Lunch had been busy as normal; Skye really did need an extra pair of hands in the kitchen. They hadn’t spoken about their earlier row or her job offer, they’d chatted and laughed but it felt like they were papering over the cracks. What they had right now wasn’t working and they both knew that. He either had to embrace the life Skye was offering him or let her go because this weird limbo arrangement wasn’t fair on Skye and it wasn’t fair on Bea.
He wanted that life, him and Skye together, with Bea. Working alongside Skye every day making cakes and desserts together was a dream come true, so why was he still holding back?
His dyslexia had always meant he’d been at a disadvantage at school and when he was older, and then his belief that he wasn’t good enough, instilled by his mum and Ginny, had continued to do that job for him. Skye had struck a nerve back in the cave when she’d asked if he was trying to protect himself rather than Bea, because that in part was true. He had been hurt by Ginny leaving and her affair. She’d made him feel like the life he led wasn’t good enough for her, like he wasn’t good enough.
And then there was Skye. What he felt for her was so much more than what he had with Ginny and he thought Bea felt the same, so the potential for them to get hurt and to be let down was even greater
.
He spotted Bea walking along the path and beeped his horn. She turned round and grinned at him. He pulled to a stop and she leaned into the buggy.
‘Where you off to?’ she said.
‘Back to the cottage, briefly. I’m going to paint this thing for the parade.’
Bea climbed in. ‘I’ll come too. I might have a nap, this whole jet-lag thing is starting to catch up on me.’
Jesse smiled. Bea was the kind of girl who bounced her way through life, she had a never-ending supply of energy. When she said she wanted to take a nap, what she probably meant was that she’d lie in bed or on the sofa and read for a while.
He took off towards the cottage and Bea held onto her summer hat, her curly dark hair flowing behind her like ebony ribbons, a huge smile on her face. He smiled with love for his daughter.
When Ginny left, Jesse had wondered whether he was going to be enough for Bea. As useless as Ginny was, a girl still needed her mother. But one thing was for damned sure, he’d had no intention of bringing another woman into Bea’s life to fill that role. He didn’t need anyone else to hurt Bea as spectacularly as Ginny had. Skye had been the exception to that rule. She’d been his neighbour and his friend, and when he’d married her it had been entirely to help her out so she could stay in the country long enough to sort out her working visa. It had never been about filling that maternal gap for Bea. When he’d made love to Skye the first time, a few weeks after they’d got married, it had never been about wanting Skye to stay or creating a new family for Bea, it had purely been fulfilling his own wants and desires. Lust, it was as simple as that. He’d made it clear to Skye and Bea that it was only for a year, so Bea didn’t start getting attached and Skye wouldn’t feel the need to step into that maternal role.
Except it had quickly become so much more than that for him, and also for Bea. For him, Skye had become his best friend, someone he could laugh and talk with in a way he never had with Ginny. Sex was magnificent and they shared a connection that he’d never experienced before. And for Bea, despite Jesse making it clear that he wasn’t looking for a replacement mother, Skye had shown Bea more love and friendship in the short time they’d been together than Ginny ever had.
