by Annie Boone
Dropping her hand, Susannah glanced at the muddy shoes uncertainly and worried about what she had missed. Back to the fireplace she went, taking one of the blankets and a mug of cider to enjoy as she tried to think this through. Perhaps she needed to be present for more occasions in the beginning. Maybe the two of them weren’t ready to be on their own yet.
As a third party, there was only so much she could do for the matchmaking process, she knew, but surely she could still be of help. The only problem was that she needed to understand the situation in order to provide any assistance. If only Olivia would tell her what was going on. If she would share what she was thinking.
“You’re thinking too hard again, aren’t you?”
She looked up, gripping her mug tightly, and found Lucas standing there. Of course. Trying to hide her surprise, she shrugged and took another sip. But he knew everything and gave her a small smirk before grabbing his own cup of cider and sitting down next to her. Susannah tossed some of her blanket onto his lap as he kissed her forehead. “It’s giving you forehead wrinkles. They’re cute, but they look heavy,” he explained. “What’s on your mind today, Susie darling?”
Pouting, she gave him a look. “Relationships are difficult. Well, other people’s relationships are,” she amended at his raised eyebrow. “Things have been going well, haven’t they? Between Olivia and Simon? But she just came home without a word, and he didn’t even bring her to the door. I don’t understand it.”
Lucas settled into his seat by wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She rested her head on him, staring into her nearly finished mug. It was delicious, but it was supposed to be for the couple. She’d even put extra sugar in to make sure it was especially sweet. Trying to think her way through this problem to a solution without all the details was particularly difficult, and she just wasn’t sure what to do about it.
When she finally turned to ask Lucas what he thought about the situation, Susannah found him dozing off. Hurriedly she grabbed his cup before it could spill, and carefully set both mugs back on the table. Chuckling quietly, she stood up and wrapped the blanket snug around him and yawning herself, headed to the kitchen. Perhaps starting supper would help her to focus.
Susannah set the table and had finished preparing supper by the time Lucas woke up. He gave her an abashed smile before washing up. Giggling, she brought the cornbread to the table and tossed him a towel for his hands. After years of being together, they often didn’t need to say a word in order to help one another. Their familiarity was a comfort, and she liked how he found small ways to touch her elbow, her hand, her shoulder as she moved around the kitchen.
They said grace, but she didn’t eat. Instead, she saw the empty spot beside them and frowned. What should she do about Olivia? She had yet to find herself an answer. “Eat,” Susannah told Lucas at last. “I want to check on Miss Foster.”
Before she went, she picked up a warm mug of cider and headed for the boarding house. Susannah made her way over to Olivia’s room, and knocked quietly twice. When she didn’t hear an answer, she knocked again but a little louder. After a minute, she heard a rustling of sheets and Olivia stuck her head through the doorway all blurry-eyed.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Olivia managed a smile. “Is it already supper time?”
She looked flushed and had dark circles around her eyes. It almost looked as though she had been crying. Susannah’s brow creased as she studied the young woman’s face, wondering what was going on inside her mind. “Yes,” she said slowly. “I brought you cider in case you weren’t hungry, however. How are you doing?”
“F-fine,” she stammered, accepting the mug but keeping the door nearly shut. “Thank you.”
“And you’re sure you’re fine?” Susannah put a hand on the door as it started to close. “Are you positive? You just… you don’t seem the same. Since you came back this afternoon, you seem withdrawn. I’m a bit worried about your wellbeing. That’s all.”
Olivia swallowed, glancing down at the mug in her hand. “I’m fine, of course,” she murmured in a hollow voice. “I’m just tired. It was… very chilly today.”
The door slowly closed and Susannah was left alone again. Frowning, she stared at the door for a solid minute or two before grudgingly turning back towards the kitchen and Lucas. When she arrived, she sat and stared at her plate for several minutes. Lucas looked at her frequently, but wisely chose not to say anything until finally Susannah sighed and rested her chin in both her hands.
“Maybe I was a fool to do any of this,” she said at last. “I don’t feel as though I understand anything at all.”
That made Lucas laugh and Susannah could only glare at him. “You’re taking this much too seriously,” he told her, putting a piece of pie on her plate. “I told you that you were thinking about this too much. It’s probably nothing. I’m sure she’s like you.”
“What?” Susannah objected. “I don’t act like that.”
His pointed look said otherwise. “It’s hard to get the truth from you sometimes. You don’t like to say what’s in your heart because you don’t want to hurt other people.”
She tried to consider what he was saying. “Do you think she doesn’t like Simon, then, is that it?”
He shrugged. “I think something’s going on that she doesn’t want you to worry about. But when she’s ready, she’ll tell you. Remember, the road to love and trust isn’t always a straight one.”
Biting her lip, Susannah fiddled with her fork. He had a point, and now she could see it. His words made some sense. Since the young woman arrived, she knew there was something going on with her. After the life she had survived, and she’d said something about needing to leave quickly, but never saying exactly what had happened. Something was on her mind, something was haunting her.
Sighing, Susannah leaned back in her seat and shook her head. Perhaps, then, the matchmaking business never got any easier.
Chapter Ten
Lying in her bed, Olivia opened her eyes again and stared at the ceiling. It was brown, because that was the color of wooden planks. Dark wooden brown planks. It was just a ceiling, after all. Something people didn’t usually think about, not in Colorado. There were a lot of things they didn’t consider. And there were a lot of thoughts she’d been ignoring. Like Jack.
Olivia Foster tried not to close her eyes, because that’s where she would find him. Her heart pounded and her eye twitched. Her hands balled into fists. Every part of her body stiffened, but she couldn’t resist blinking once, twice, and then she closed her eyes. There he was. Her muscles relaxed.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, heaving a sigh. “Jack.”
Her fingers traced over her lips, and they felt warm. She could still feel his own brush against hers as if it was happening all over again. Olivia started and opened her eyes again. It kept happening. Simon kept happening. And Jack. One man within in her mind only and so far away, and one man nearly within reach.
Clasping her shaking hands together, she tried to do the same to her thoughts. Heart pounding, she tried to figure this out. What was she to do? Even though she had come so far, and even though she had known what staying at the Jessups’ Boarding House meant, Olivia hadn’t thought as far as this situation.
What had she expected? A safe place, a harbor from her last home. Anything was better than Vermont, she knew that much. She looked at her hands. In their normal state, they were so calm and so steady. She could stitch like no other, on a pillowcase or bodice. Olivia was an excellent nurse, and she cared for sick people better than anything else. When she worked with the doctor, her mind was focused and she knew her next move no matter the situation. And now, she didn’t know where to turn or who to turn to.
“I promise,” she could recall Jack saying to her. “I promise you’ll enjoy it. Please, come with me?”
It had been a beautiful day, and she had looked outside around him. The sun was shining and the sky was so blue. Of course she had the urge to run and jump, but that wasn’t
something she’d done in years, not since she was a little girl. Olivia’s heart had pattered at the thought, but moreso at spending an afternoon with Jack.
He’d been a nice young man, one who had looked out for her often. They lived on opposite sides of town, and he’d been to the nicer school growing up. But often they found each other at church, and sometimes even during their errands. She recalled the time he’d sprained his wrist. He came to the doctor’s office while Dr. Hadley had been out to lunch. Instead of asking him to wait, she’d wrapped it and advised him to keep from using it for a week.
“You promise? How do you know for sure I’ll enjoy an outing?” That afternoon she couldn’t imagine how he could guarantee her happiness. Biting her lip, she’d wiped her hands on her apron. It had been a Sunday so the clinic was closed. She’d just set a pie down to cool, and Grandmother was resting. There was nothing for her to do, and Jack had showed up.
After that, he started coming to her for other things, besides his sprained wrist. Apparently Jack had his share of accidents, usually small cuts or bee stings or sometimes a bruise he wanted her to look at. It made her laugh, but she loved the way he smiled at her.
Sometimes when he’d shown up with a scratch that needed cleaning, he’d bring flowers he’d claimed to find on the road. The man had the prettiest eyes and darkest hair. While he wasn’t very tall, it was nice to look straight into his eyes. And unlike the others in town, he didn’t mind her height.
Jack’s promise had been enough for her. She’d pulled the apron off carefully, setting it down before accepting his arm and went out the door. He’d led her into the sunshine with that wide open grin, leading her down the street. They’d walked for hours, playing in the stream and talking and plucking flowers for her Grandmother.
That had become a Sunday tradition, Jack stopping over to say hello to her and take her for a walk. Even in the snow, he would be there for her. Soon he was joining them for supper, and visiting her daily at the doctor’s clinic. Eventually, Jack knew Olivia better than she knew herself, and always knew what to say around her.
“What do I do without you?” Now, she sat up on her bed and stared out towards the window. Even in this new place with friendly people, she was still alone. Staring back down at her hands, Olivia frowned. Simon James had kissed her, and it had felt nice. But it was too fast, too soon. What about Jack? He was gone, but she had to honor his memory. She needed to honor his precious memory.
No matter what solution came to mind, it scared her. What was someone to do when they lost their soulmate? She was still so young, and with a bleak future ahead of her. Sighing, Olivia rubbed her eyes and jumped as there was a knock at her door.
Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as she carefully slid onto her feet, trying to convince herself there was no reason to be so nervous. There was no one chasing her, and there never had been. Taking a deep breath, Olivia brushed her hair back and cracked the door open. “Y-yes?”
It was Susannah, of course. Because no one else would be there. The blonde cocked her head with a bright smile, clearly unbothered, and held up the muffin in her hand. “Good morning, dear. Are you hungry? You never came out for supper last night. Are you ill?”
“Just a bit under the weather,” Olivia said finally, offering a tight smile. “But thank you.” She hesitated, and then grudgingly accepted the muffin. Her stomach growled and she realized that Susannah was right. It had been a while since she’d eaten. She hadn’t eaten at the picnic, nor had she eaten any supper. But at the memory, something in her made her freeze.
The other woman noticed. “Is there anything I can do to help? Olivia, there’s a lot on your mind, isn’t there?”
Olivia’s throat tightened. “I don’t know what you can do.”
Susannah’s big blue eyes were so kind, so inviting. Olivia sighed. The other woman had a strength beyond what Olivia might have supposed. Leaning against the doorframe, she stared at the floor as she held the muffin.
“Come on,” Susannah invited herself into the room, leading Olivia back to the bed. The two women sat on the edge and the other woman found a hairbrush that she started using on Olivia’s hair. The motions were firm and slow, just like her Grandmother’s. She felt her muscles relaxing, and she sighed again, oddly comforted. But this time, it was lighter. “What’s on your mind, dear?”
Looking at her hands, Olivia swallowed. “How do you know you’re doing the right thing? I’m just so confused. Things were going well, but I’m so far away from everything I know, Susannah.”
It took the woman a while to speak. “You’re never truly sure, not until afterwards. I’m afraid that’s the way faith works, Olivia. You pray and you listen for His voice. You hope what you think you hear is the right thing. Your faith that the Lord will guide you has to be true. If you feel peace, then it means that it’s right. And if not, then you’ll know that, too.”
Rubbing her eyes, Olivia tried to decipher the meaning. “But… but what if both are terrifying notions?”
Susannah offered a light chuckle, patting Olivia’s shoulder. “I’m afraid that’s just the way life is sometimes. Now, when I first arrived here in Colorado, I was scared and I was alone. I didn’t know where I was or if I was in the right place. All I knew was that I’d wanted to leave Boston and it felt right that I came here.”
Olivia blinked quickly, taking in Susannah’s words.
“Lucas is a good man. He’s strong, protective, and funny. When I first met him, I had no idea what to think, or what I was getting myself into. He’s still very much a Ranger at heart, and I don’t always understand him. When we were married, I was scared of every step that followed.”
Olivia turned to her. “Then when did you know it was right?”
Returning the brush, Susannah slid off the bed and flattened her skirts. A soft, thoughtful look spread across her face, showing off a small sprinkling of freckles she had earned from the sun. “One morning, I woke up and went out onto the porch. I don’t remember exactly when—it could have been a week, a month, or a year after we wed. The sun was just rising, and I could hear the birds singing in the trees. And the sweetest breeze touched my hair. It was like an angel,” she chuckled, shaking her head as though it were funny. “Like an angel telling me I was right where I needed to be.”
Glancing at the brush, Olivia pondered on this. “Do you think I’ll know too? Someday?”
“Someday soon,” Susannah patted her knee with a nod. “Soon, I’m sure.”
Chapter Eleven
It took him a good hour to climb out of bed that morning. Every move only exhausted his efforts and Simon considered going back to bed. Sighing, he leaned out the window and glanced at the sun that had long since risen. He had never stayed down for so long. The heat warmed his bones, and it took the rest of his strength to move away from the window.
After tending to the cows, Simon headed to the house. It smelled good, biscuits and gravy they must have had for breakfast. Carefully he pulled off his shoes and washed his hands, listening to his sister moving around the kitchen.
“What’s wrong?” Lillian noticed his swollen downturned gaze the moment he entered the kitchen. His sister was perceptive like that. “Simon, what is it?”
Glancing around the house, he sighed and rubbed his face once again. Was it so easy to notice? Leaning against the wall, he tried to collect himself. From the looks of it, her husband was already out in the fields and the children were outside playing.
“Simon?” She tugged on his arm, leading him to the table where they sat down and she touched his face delicately, checking for a fever. “You’re warm but you’re not that warm. Did you get any sleep?”
He shrugged. “Some.” Then he tried to summon up a smile for her, telling her not to worry. “I’m fine, I just…”
When he didn’t say anything else for a good minute, Lillian brushed her hair away and came up with another topic. “How did the picnic go yesterday with Olivia? I didn’t see you after you came
back. Did the two of you enjoy your time together? And how was the food?”
But he hesitated, because he wasn’t sure about the answer. He didn’t know what to say, not even about the basket sitting in the barn by his bed. “It started out really well,” Simon managed finally, and then stared at his hands on the table. “But I’m not certain about anything else, I’m afraid.”
“No,” Lillian frowned. “Surely it wasn’t as terrible as you thought?”
“We kissed.”
She blinked quickly, clearly not having expected that detail. He could feel her gaze on him, both of her hands still covering one of his, and she squeezed but still Simon refused to meet his sister’s gaze. Lillian chuckled awkwardly after a second. “Well, isn’t that a good thing?”
“I don’t know,” he tried to explain, attempting to put his thoughts and feelings into words for his sister and for himself. He wasn’t sure there was any way to explain what had happened, on the picnic or in his dreams. “I thought so, in the moment. But then she pulled away like she was unhappy. And then I dreamed of Jane. Oh, Jane. She was so far away. I’m not trying to forget her. Am I?” He couldn’t decide.
His sister shook her head. “No! Not at all. Simon, she wouldn’t want you to be sad and lonely. Jane would have wanted you to be happy, more than anything. She wouldn’t want you to be miserable. Trying to live again isn’t the same thing as trying to forget her.”
“She’s only been gone two years. I still wake up thinking she will be right there.”
She squeezed his hand again. “You’re feeling guilty, and that’s normal. But what’s not normal is how you’re treating yourself. Jane wouldn’t want this for you and I don’t want it for you either. I’m sure no one else does, including Olivia. Now I’m sure she was just shy, or something like that.”
