Life After: The Complete Series

by Julie Hall

  The words were inspiring, but something about them still bothered me. “Are you saying I’m just a robot created as a means to an end?”

  I worried for a moment that I’d overstepped, but instead laughter rolled up from his gut. It shook the ground beneath us as well.

  “Oh Audrey, so blunt, so perfectly you. Yes, you were created with a purpose in mind, but the decision has always been up to you. Just as you decided to give your life for your little brother. You have always had free will—the freedom to make up your own mind. You can choose what I have to offer or you can reject it. Just the same as when you lived on Earth.”

  I chewed my lip nervously. “So will I get kicked out of here or something if I don’t want to be a hunter?”

  His smile was gentle. “No, you won’t get kicked out. You are here to stay as long as you want. You’ll just be reassigned somewhere else. You’ll simply be choosing a different path for yourself.”

  “But won’t you need someone to do what I’m doing here?”

  “You won’t need to worry about that. The ends will be the same, but the means may be different. I’ve got a pretty good handle on things.” He surprised me with a wink.

  I chewed on my fingernail absently as familiar doubts rose to the surface.

  “Tell me your fears.”

  “Don’t you already know them?” I asked.

  He smiled warmly at me. “I’d like to hear them from you, if you don’t mind.”

  I bit my lip, embarrassed by the truth. “Well, what if I can’t do this? What if I fail at it? What if someone gets hurt because of me? It’s not like my first couple of missions have gone well.”

  “On your own, you will fail, My precious child.”

  My heart sank. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

  “This task isn’t meant to fall on your shoulders. This isn’t something you do yourself. Instead, you will need to rely on Me, and I will give you what you need to accomplish it. It’s not by might or power you will prevail, but by My Spirit. My light will go with you and give you victory.”

  “There just seem to be so many people more capable than I am. My own grandmother is better at this than me. I’m nothing special. It doesn’t make sense that you would choose me.”

  “Do you know how many miracles I’ve carried out through those you would consider ordinary? The people you read about in My Word, the saints living on Earth, they are all just ordinary people. But they are ordinary people with an extraordinary God. They are people who have given up on trying to live an extraordinary life on their own merits. They are people who understand that the only way to do great things is to rest on their faith and believe I am who I say I am and I can do what I say I can do. I will be the One who goes with you to fight against the enemy and give you victory. That’s the confidence you should have moving forward.”

  “Confidence?”

  “Yes, confidence in Me, in my power through you. Not confidence in yourself. That will always fail you.”

  “And you think I have the ability to do that?”

  “Not think, I know. Did you just see the moments we watched? The girl you are?”

  It was hard to argue with that. Despite the failures, in life I had been fearless. Perfect, no, but confident in my God and His plan for me.

  The trouble was, I hadn’t been that girl since getting hit by that car. I was someone different. Someone with doubts, with insecurities. Someone who’d crumbled and been crippled by the hit she’d taken.

  “Am I still her anymore? I feel . . .” I had to pause before going on. “I feel broken.” I cast my eyes down in shame. I had always thought I would handle the hard times with strength through my faith, yet I had not.

  His hand settled gently on mine. “Everyone falls. You have the opportunity to be built up even stronger than before. I’d like to show you one more thing. Look over there.”

  I turned my head where he pointed and found myself in a familiar place. It was my family’s lake house. I stood and turned in a circle to get my bearings.

  I was in the living room. The sun pouring into the western windows indicated it was late in the day. There was a commotion outside, and the front door was thrown open. I nearly cried out when my dad step into the room followed by a miniature version of myself. I remembered this day.

  Little Me squealed in delight and clapped her hands together as she followed Dad into the kitchen. I followed not far from their heels.

  “Yay, Daddy!” Little Me cheered and did a happy dance, one that suspiciously resembled the pee-pee dance. “We did it! You said that we could, and we did.”

  “That’s right, Audrey.” My dad bent down to Little Me’s level and tweaked her nose.

  “And I was so brave, Daddy, wasn’t I?”

  “You most certainly were! The bravest little girl ever.”

  “Did that fishy almost get away?” Little Me’s face changed from delight to little-girl seriousness.

  My dad’s face attempted to mirror the same, but he didn’t quite manage it. “Yes, he almost got away, but we didn’t let him, did we?”

  Little Me shook her head fiercely. “No, Daddy, I wouldn’t let it get away. It was caught fair and square. I helped get the fishy.”

  “Of course you did, Audrey. Remember, you’re Daddy’s little helper. I wouldn’t have wanted to catch that fishy for dinner any other way.”

  Little Me’s face brightened with Dad’s praises. Her smile got impossibly larger, and she threw herself in Dad’s arms. He scooped her up in a hug and rocked her back and forth as he planted kisses on the top of her head.

  A tear slid down my cheek, but before it could land on the ground, I was looking into the smoke around our fire.

  “That was one of my favorite days.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t just show you that for nostalgia’s sake. I wanted to remind you of that day for a reason.”

  I brought my hand to my face to wipe the wetness away.

  “Do you think your earthly father needed you in order to catch those fish?”

  I shook my head. “Of course not.” Looking back now, if anything, I must have been a hindrance.

  “But at the time, what did you think?”

  I took a moment to bring back the memory. It was one of my first, so if it hadn’t been shown to me, I wasn’t sure I could have recalled the details. I was only four at the time.

  “I really thought I was my dad’s helper that day. I thought we’d brought those fish in together. I remember thinking he probably couldn’t have gotten as many without me. I was even a little smug about it.” I chuckled a little at the thought.

  “But what was the truth about that day?”

  “That Dad would have done just fine without me. That he let me help him because it was fun for me and he could teach me how to fish, not because he needed me there. He wanted me there for companionship . . . because he loved me.”

  “Exactly, Audrey. Things are not so different today.”

  He gave me long moments for the implications to sink in, for the knowledge and the assurance to reach my head and heart. I was still meditating on it when He spoke again.

  “You and Logan are not bonded like you believe.”

  It was said bluntly and so off topic I was shocked into continued silence.

  “I know you were wondering about that but wouldn’t ask.”

  I suppose my reaction was silly, but I couldn’t help but be embarrassed. Embarrassed about the situation, embarrassed that He knew all about it, and embarrassed that I was really curious about what that meant for Logan and me.

  “How is that possible?” I asked. “I mean, we did that thing that I didn’t know we weren’t supposed to do that makes you bonded.” Oh gosh, I couldn’t even say “kiss.” There was a decent chance I was now sporting a head full of pink hair.

  “It’s still a choice, my dear Audrey. A conscious decision. A covenant, if you will, that you have to make with a pers
on. One kiss was never meant to unknowingly seal you for eternity. It is not the kiss that does it, it’s the covenant—the promise to one another. That is something you and Logan have not given to one another. But I’d be careful about the next time.”

  “Oh.” I frankly couldn’t think of what else to say. This whole time it had never seriously occurred to me that it wouldn’t count. I was perplexed as to whether or not I thought it was good news. And what did that mean for how I felt about Logan? I knew I felt something. I’d just never taken the time to figure out what that something was. In all honesty, I’d always been scared to search too deeply.

  “Wait, what? Next time?” My voice had a super attractive shriek-squeak thing going on. “There’s going to be a next time?”

  He only smiled broadly and shrugged.

  “But what am I supposed to do now . . . about Logan?” I gazed at Him with wide eyes. Desperately hoping He would just tell me what to do but fearing He wouldn’t.

  “You know, Audrey, I created you with both a heart and a head. And the reason for that was for you to use both. When you try to follow one without considering the other, you will make bad decisions. This especially pertains to relationships. You need to evaluate where you are with Logan by using both of those important parts. I think once you do, the answer will be fairly clear.”

  I blew out an exasperated breath, not trying to hide my frustration; He already knew how I was feeling, so there wasn’t a point to that.

  “Audrey, what do you think your life would be like if I took away all your decisions? Took away your ability to decide what was right and wrong. Just marched you forward with a personalized life map, something you knew from birth that said ‘You will like these subjects and dislike these. You will have this job, and on this day you will marry this person.’”

  I took a moment to really think about that. On the one hand, it would mean I would never make any mistakes, never run into any problems. My map would force me to steer clear of them. On the other hand, there would never be any adventures or mysteries. Never any excitement or real need to use my brain. That didn’t seem very fun either.

  Still, there were some things I’d rather have an answer about right away. The messiness with Logan was one of those things. I looked at Him hopefully.

  He shook His head. “You have a journey to discover. One that I’ve planned with infinite care and consideration. As my beloved child, I won’t take that away from you.”

  “But I don’t know what to do.” There was a hint of whine in my voice.

  “You will need to figure it out.”

  I chewed on the tip of another finger. The manicure I’d gotten with Romona was long past saving.

  “But what if I do something wrong? What if I make the wrong decision?”

  “If you trust in Me, I’ll give you a gentle nudge back in the right direction.”

  “But you know who I will be with someday?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you won’t tell me if it’s Logan or not.”

  Another smile. “No, I won’t take your love story away from you by revealing its end.”

  “Love story?”

  “I am the Creator of love in each of its forms. Learn what pure love should be, and it will lead you to the love of your life. Be watchful of what love is not, and discernment will steer you away from what is false.”

  “That easy, huh?”

  “It is for those who earnestly seek Me.”

  “Ha. Okay, so I’ll give up the life map, but I think the after-death orientation would have helped me out a bit these last few weeks. Why didn’t I get that like everybody else?”

  He smiled. “Let’s just say you are more of a ‘learn through experience’ type of girl.”

  I wrinkled my nose. There were more than a few situations that would have gone down differently had I attended orientation. Namely kissing Logan. Was that the point? Was I supposed to kiss Logan—so that I would think we were bonded, or just as a way to escape the demon? Or did that situation have no bearing on missing orientation one way or another? I looked to Him for an answer.

  “Not telling.” He seemed immensely amused by this situation.

  I buried my face in my hands.

  “Audrey, I have one more thing for you before you go.”

  I uncovered my face and was pushed over by a very large, very warm, and very furry body. His laughter vibrated over the mountainside as my face was covered in slobbery dog kisses. I could actually feel the emotions rolling off the animal as he tried to reach over my head to chew my ponytail—all love and joy and excitement and happiness. It almost sounded like the animal was saying I missed you over and over again in my head. My eyes started to fill instantly.

  “Bear! I missed you so much, boy!”

  The slobbering continued as I struggled to get to a sitting position. My 110-pound golden retriever wasn’t done saying hello. I grabbed the dog’s head to look into his eyes.

  “He’s been waiting for you for some time.”

  I hugged Bear tightly and looked past his head to see Him beaming down at the two of us.

  “I thought I’d never see him again. He died a few years ago. It was so sad. We’d gotten him as a puppy, and he slept in my room every day of his life. I didn’t even know he could be here.”

  “Yes, the bond between some animals and humans is very strong. They were created with a purpose as well.”

  “Does that mean I get to keep him?” I asked.

  He only smiled and said, “I think you’ll find your old friend here will be a great help to you.”

  My eyes welled up with tears once again. I buried my face in the soft coat of my precious friend and let it dry some of the wetness from my face. What thanks could I offer? What payment could I give?

  When I looked up to attempt to give thanks, Bear and I were alone. The cloud had dissipated, and the air was clear. It was as if He’d never been there at all.

  “Thank You,” I whispered into the breeze. I knew He heard and was glad.

  25

  Awake

  When I woke, the world was no longer bathed in gold. Instead, I was indoors and staring at a white ceiling. It was a moment before I realized I wasn’t in my room in the tree, reverted back to a blank slate. I tilted my head to the side and looked through an open window to the mountains in the distance. The white peaks glistened.

  I sucked in a deep breath of the fresh air that had drifted in from the opening. Windows were hard to come by when you lived underground in a tree, but not in the city. It was clear I was tucked safely in a bed in the healing center.

  I was taking my change in location rather well until I spotted the figure asleep in a chair at the end of my bed. Logan was stretched out with eyes closed in a sofa chair. Hospital chairs didn’t look any more comfortable here than back on Earth—the barely padded seat looked as if it would squeak and squeal with even the smallest of movements.

  With his long legs extended and arms folded across his chest, his only movements were the barely perceptible rise and fall of his chest. Logan looked as relaxed and peaceful as ever.

  I took the moment to secretly soak in the sight of him, memorizing everything from head to toe. When my gaze had traveled the length of him and then back up to his face, striking blue eyes stared straight back at me. My breath caught.

  He hadn’t moved a muscle, but sometime during my unabashed ogle of his sleeping form he’d woken up. I blushed, seeing a piece of my hair slowly turn a rose color as well. Who knew how much of my appraisal he’d observed? It was difficult to pretend I was doing anything other than checking him out.

  I tried a lame cover-up as I struggled into a sitting position and willed my hair to turn brown. A dull ache from my injured shoulder protested the movement. “I was just, ah, wondering if you were dead.”

  His mouth quirked up in a half-smile. “So who’s this guy anyway? He just showed up sometime last night. Trotted right in here as if he owned the place, actually. I wasn’t about
to argue with him.”

  Logan pointed to something on the floor. I followed his finger to a pile of fluff on the ground. Bear was fast asleep on the cool tile floor, sprawled out on his back, tummy up, back legs spread, front legs bent and crossed as if praying, mouth open. There was a small pool of drool where his tongue lolled from his jowls.

  I smiled broadly and ignored Logan for a moment to savor the simple act of remembering. My memories had been missing for so long it was now a precious gift to be able to search them, even the painful ones.

  I had numerous such presents still waiting to be unwrapped, but now was not the time to relish them. I gave silent thanks to my Creator for the return of my companion as well as the other gifts He’d bestowed on me on that mountaintop. Perhaps to others it looked as if I hadn’t left this bed, but I knew better.

  Logan’s eyes watched me, patiently waiting for an answer.

  “This is Bear.”

  “He certainly could be one,” Logan commented.

  I smiled at that. The dog was huge. “He was a Christmas gift when I was four. He stayed smaller than me for about four months, and then I never caught back up. He died a few years back. Didn’t think I’d ever see him again. I’m glad I was wrong.”

  The memory of losing him, even knowing that he was there with me now, caused my throat to constrict. I coughed to hide the sudden emotional rush. I was going to be having a lot of those in the coming days.

  “So what happened at the school?” I asked.

  I glanced at Logan. Concern wrinkled his brow.

  “You mean you don’t remember anything?”

  “I meant what happened after this?” I gingerly touched a hand to my sore shoulder, avoiding his eyes as I did so.

  “Oh.” It was a heartbeat before he continued. “No one was hurt, including the shooter. He’s in police custody now. We’ll be sending groups down to keep an eye on him to make sure the demon can’t reattach itself, but considering everything—”

  “Wait,” I interrupted, “you mean the demon got away? Even after I cut up half its body?”

  “Yes.” Logan’s voice turned to ice. “After I pulled it off you, it barreled through the other hunters and got away.”