by Julie Hall
“I have to go fill out our report.” Keeping his eye on me, he flicked his chin at Jonathon. “He knows how to take care of you now.”
“Are you kidding me?” They still looked mad at each other. “Did you have some telepathic conversation a moment ago I wasn’t privy to? What happened to,” I dropped my voice, “‘you’re crazy if you think I’m just dropping her off and leaving’?”
Great, now we were all angry. Okay, maybe not Bear, whose head just lobbied back and forth as if he followed our conversation perfectly.
Logan took a step back. He was really leaving me.
I jammed my finger on the close-door button three or four times. “Fine, just fine. Just great. See you around then. Have a nice afterlife. I’ll see you when the next life-or-death situation crops up. Or not. Whatever.”
“Audrey, don’t be irrational.”
“Irrational?” Just as the doors were about to close, I jammed my arm in the space and forced them open. I sputtered, caught on his words as much as how quickly and unexpectedly he’d changed his mind. But what else was new with Logan?
He wiped a hand down his face. “I’ve got some stuff to figure out. This is where you need to be right now. I’ll—” his pause was an awkward one. He flicked his gaze to Jonathon before it settled back on me. “—come for you when it’s right.”
Was that some coded way of telling me our timing was off? Or was he just saying he’d see me later? Even after all the time we’d spent together, I still didn’t understand Logan-speak. I was so tired of feeling like I was being kept on the back burner.
“Great then. Go ahead and shove me into someone else’s arms. Just don’t be upset when I don’t fall back into yours,” I shot back at him.
Jonathon took in a sharp breath. His hand resting on my lower back fell away. Clarity as to what I’d just revealed seeped in immediately. I was going to have the inevitable conversation with Jonathon, and I already dreaded it.
But the conversation with Logan wasn’t over yet.
“That is not what I’m doing,” he said.
Yeah, it totally was. I looked back at him sadly. There was no way my heartbreak wasn’t being broadcast through the depths of my eyes.
“Let’s go, Jonathon,” I said weakly. “I’m in a lot of pain right now.” Truth. Just not all of the pain was coming from my ribs.
Without a word, Jonathon pushed the close-door button. He left his finger on it. I held Logan’s conflicted gaze until it disappeared behind the closing doors.
Uncomfortable. That pretty much summed up the next two hours of my life.
Jonathon ushered me to a vacant room on the eighth floor of the healing center. His words weren’t unkind, but they weren’t overly warm either as he instructed me to change into a tank and scrub pants while he located a healer to attend to me. He said and asked all the right things. Checking with me before he left if I needed someone to help me undress—I said no, but probably should have said yes—telling me I’d be taken care of shortly, and sending someone to bring me food and water.
But he never once looked me in the eyes after we stepped out of the elevator, and he didn’t return. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.
Susie, a young female healer with brown hair and pretty green eyes, came in while I struggled to wiggle out of my body armor. Every move caused some ache or pain to flare up. She graciously helped me remove my clothes and put on the ones issued to me.
Last time I was here I was unconscious during most of my treatment, so I wasn’t awake to be embarrassed. This time was different. Thank goodness Jonathon wasn’t my primary care provider this go-around.
With freshly-wrapped ribs, I settled into bed. Pillows were situated at my back to prop me up. Bear snored on the floor. I didn’t have a window, so I stared at the ceiling and tried to ignore the way I ached all over. My whole body had taken a beating, either directly or from overexertion.
The ceiling wasn’t very exciting. My mind skipped from topic to topic like a Mexican jumping bean, never settling on just one thought to examine it too closely. Logan, Satan, Jonathon, and my family cycled through my head over and over again, but I couldn’t come up with closure for any of them.
The knock at my door was a welcome interruption. That is, until I was hit with the look on Romona’s face. Where Jonathon had radiated concern for my well-being, anger rolled off Romona in waves.
Oh boy, was I in trouble.
“I feel like we’ve been in this situation before,” I joked to lighten the mood.
It backfired.
“Yes, we have.” She stepped into the room and crossed her arms. “And I believe that instance was from poor decision-making as well.”
“Ouch. Okay, maybe I deserve that—”
“Maybe?”
“But I’m injured, here. You have to be nice to injured people. I’m pretty sure there’s a rule about that.” I gave her my impression of puppy-dog eyes.
Concern flickered in her own before she extinguished it. “What were you thinking?”
The lectures would come, but I wasn’t prepared for all the hostility. First Alrik, now Romona. I shivered to think of my unavoidable conversation with Hugo. He was going to be so disappointed in me, and that was going to hurt.
I blew out a breath of air before going with the truth. “I was thinking I was bigger than God. I was thinking out of fear, and I regret my decision.” I hoped my honesty would disarm her, but her response was still just as acerbic.
“Well, I’m not going to lie, I’m surprised you figured that out on your own.”
“Okay, double ouch. Hey, did you know I have some broken ribs over here?” I gestured to the right side of my bandaged body. “Would you like me to lift my arm so you have a clear shot? I’m thinking that might hurt less than whatever might come out of your mouth next.”
Romona finally deflated and the concern I expected to see filtered fully into her gaze. Her body sagged, and she took a seat on the bed near my feet. “Audrey, we didn’t know where you were.” Her eyes took on a sheen. “Do you know what that could have meant?”
My brows knitted together. “What do you mean you didn’t know where I was? I was at, or at least around, the house.”
“You and Logan were shielded. No one knew exactly where you guys were. We thought . . .” Her voice caught. “I thought the worst.”
Her face said it all. Remembering back to my conversation with Logan, I realized what she’d imagined and gasped.
“You believed we’d been captured?”
“Only a high density of demons can shield hunters from our instruments while on Earth. When you guys didn’t show up, we all believed the worst.”
Well, that might explain Alrik’s hostility too. And yet, it didn’t add up.
“But that doesn’t even make any sense. We were just staking out the house. The greatest number of demons we were ever around was six.” I didn’t think it was the time to explain about Morgan or Satan quite yet. “And there were long periods of time we weren’t around demons at all. In fact, we spent a lot of time in some really secure demon-free locations. You should have been able to find us. In fact, if anyone had bothered to provide some support for our family, they would have found us right away.”
Her expression darkened. “When you dropped off the map, hunters were sent to your last known location to search for you. That’s why there wasn’t anyone at your house. The demon activity broke up when you left with that man and the dragon, which we will be getting back to.” She gave me a pointed stare. “And so our efforts were spent locating and recovering you and Logan. Do you have any idea how many miles of Ohio I’ve covered in the last two days?”
I blinked. Twice. “Do you mean to tell me our family was left unprotected because everyone was searching around the Midwest for me?”
“Yes.”
I dropped my head back and used my hands to cover my face. I’d made an even bigger mess of things than I’d thought. Romona jolted when I screamed into my
hands. Tilting my head, I looked at my grandmother. I didn’t even try to hide my tears, or my fear. “It’s so much worse than just that.”
16
Confessions
Romona stared at me, her face expressionless. I’d told her everything. And I mean everything. From the way I got down to Earth, to my conversations with and confusion over Logan, to my interactions with Satan. She listened without interrupting. When I was done she just . . . stared. I waited several minutes before prompting a response.
“You still with me?” I asked.
She blinked. Had I broken her?
I reached a hand as far as I could from my semi-seated position and brushed my fingers over hers. The suspension of the empathy link in the healing center didn’t allow me to get a read on her emotions.
“I don’t know where to start,” she finally said.
A short laugh burst from me. “Tell me about it.”
“Bear turns into a bear?” She looked at the sleeping lump of fur still happily snoring away at our feet. She was so serious I couldn’t help but laugh. Of all the things for her to start with.
“Yeah, surprise. Right? Poor Logan. I was really slow putting the pieces together.” Mentioning Logan sobered my mood again.
“Maybe we should start there,” Romona said. “What are you going to do about Logan?”
I shrugged. “What is there to do? One second he was all ‘I’m not letting her out of my sight,’ and the next he was practically tossing me at Jonathon. He all but ran away from me.”
“That last part sounds familiar.”
My eyes narrowed at my grandmother-slash-best-friend. “That was different.”
It was her turn to shrug. “If you say so.”
“It’s not even remotely the same situation.”
“Okay then.”
“It’s not.”
She heaved a sigh. “Audrey, why did you ask for a new mentor?”
I couldn’t look her in the eye. “You know why.”
“Yes, I do, but I don’t think you do.”
“I had reasons.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Lots of really good reasons.”
“Yes, I know you did. And some of them were valid, but at the heart of it, you were scared. Your decision was fueled by fear. Fear of rejection, sure, but I think also fear of moving forward.”
If I were having this conversation with anyone else, I would have been incredibly embarrassed. As it was, I was simply uncomfortable with the topic. “What does it matter anymore anyway? What’s done is done.”
“I’m merely trying to help you understand the parallel between your and Logan’s decisions. You two may be more alike than you realize. Perhaps he’s struggling with fear as well.”
I looked away from her probing eyes. “Well then, he should get over it and man up.”
“Just like you did, right?”
“Hey. Whose side are you on, anyway?” I grumbled.
Romona started to laugh.
“What part of any of this is funny to you?”
“Quite a bit of it, as a matter of fact.”
“Part of this mess is your fault, you know.” I pointed a finger at her face.
“Me?” Romona stopped laughing. “What did I do?”
“Your whole ‘Logan’s not really available right now’ statement gave me a huge complex. Do you know how long I thought something was going on between him and Kaitlin because of that comment?”
“You thought Kaitlin and Logan were together?” Her face mirrored the note of surprise in her voice.
“Well, yeah. They are super close and look perfect together. It wasn’t a stretch. They never made it obvious they weren’t.”
Romona stared at me like I was crazy. “They never did anything that made it obvious they were.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Well, what else was I supposed to think? I still don’t know what you meant by that whole comment. Cryptic much?”
“Well gosh, I didn’t mean for you to think that.” She was thoughtful for a moment and then cringed. “Yeah, it was poorly phrased.”
“How about you break it down for me?”
Romona’s gaze was guarded. “I still don’t know if I should.”
“Are you serious? I’m tired of jumping to the wrong conclusions. I think it would be in Logan’s and my best interests if you took a little time to set the record straight. I’ll take whatever you say as opinion rather than fact.”
She chewed her lower lip. “I suppose I should clean up my own mess. What I meant was what happened with Morgan.”
I wasn’t expecting that.
“Morgan?”
“Yes. You obviously know about him now.”
“Unfortunately.”
Romona looked sad. “Morgan was a good guy once.”
“You’re defending him? He’s literally attacking our family. Maybe as we speak.” A spike of fear shot through my body. I shoved it aside. “That guy is high on my hit list, so don’t even try to defend him.”
She put her hands up in surrender. “Fair enough. But Logan wasn’t the same after he returned from that ordeal. Believe it or not, Logan used to be pretty carefree. When he returned to our realm, after all that had happened to him and without his trainee, it changed him.”
“I don’t know how a person could go through what he did and not be changed.”
She nodded. “So, I meant he was emotionally unavailable. Not literally unavailable.”
I groaned and ran a hand over my face. “Romona,” I whined, “saying someone is unavailable is always code for ‘he is in a relationship.’”
She had the decency to look regretful and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I’m truly sorry to have caused so much confusion, Audrey.” Sadness still lingered in her eyes. “But it wasn’t my place to tell you about Morgan. Logan has been filled with shame over him. No one blames him but himself. I didn’t think he was emotionally capable of having strong feelings for anyone at the time. But maybe I was wrong. All I’ve ever wanted to do was protect you. And protecting your heart was part of that.”
She heaved a heavy sigh. “But it’s not my place. I realize that now. Maybe the best thing for you and Logan is to lay it all out there for each other. So many of your interactions are tainted with assumptions.”
I took a fortifying breath. “Truth?”
She nodded.
“I trust Logan . . . with everything but my heart. I don’t know if I’ll ever be willing to hand that over to him. The truth is, his fickle behavior scares me.”
She pressed her lips into a straight line. “I can understand that. But we’re not created to let fear dictate our actions. I’m less concerned with you trusting Logan and more concerned with you trusting your Creator.”
Something inside me reared back. We were talking about Logan. Why did she have to drag my relationship with God into it? A knot formed deep in my gut.
“What? Who says I’m not trusting God?”
“If you were,” she continued, “you wouldn’t fear for your heart. You’d know He’d take care of it for you. Whether that be to protect it for, or from, Logan.”
“You sound like Hugo.”
“I’d take that as a compliment if I’d ever met him.”
I cocked my head. “You didn’t see him at all while I was gone?” The guy was something of a recluse, but I still assumed he’d be working with the team trying to locate me.
“No. He wasn’t part of the recovery mission.”
My brows pinched in confusion as I tried to reason that one out. Perhaps it had something to do with Hugo’s claim that he wasn’t officially a hunter.
“He hasn’t stopped by here either. I thought for sure the moment I stepped back in the realm he’d be waiting to berate me for disobeying his orders. That’s strange, right?” I grimaced. “What if he doesn’t want to see me because he’s too mad?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Yeah, me either.” I threw my head back to stare at the
ceiling. You’d think with the amount of time I spent looking up, there’d be something up there worth looking at. There wasn’t. “Romona,” I asked in a small voice, “do you think they’re going to be all right?”
“Believe it or not, I don’t like this anymore than you do. But they’re in the Creator’s hands. That’s where they’ve always been.”
Images of the bridge, the dragon, and Satan’s empty eyes plagued me. “Yeah, but when I was there it was pretty bad. And I made things so much worse. I feel even more responsible now. It’s taking everything in me to stay in this bed rather than run back down to Earth to be with them.”
“They’re not your responsibility. They never were. Satan’s manipulation was to make you believe they are. You did the right thing by refusing him.”
“I hope so.” The anxiousness I’d been warding off settled in the pit of my stomach. Its fingers reached out and anchored itself in my heart as well.
Two days passed. Thanks to the magical healing properties of our realm, I was back in tiptop shape—except for the heart hammering in my chest.
The doors in front of me looked innocent enough. I’d shoved through them a hundred times before without pause . . . but the uncertainty waiting on the other side kept me rooted in place.
Besides Romona, I’d received visits from Kevin and Kaitlin. There were a few noticeable absences. Alrik, I assumed, was still on Earth. Logan had pulled the same disappearing act he did the first time I’d landed myself in the healing center. And Jonathon never came back to check on me, which left me both concerned and relieved.
Now, I stood in front of the doors of my training gym, working myself up to face Hugo, who had also not made an appearance while I’d healed from my injuries. I could only assume it was because of how angry he was.
I tilted my head side to side and then shook out my shoulders while bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet, hoping my trainer would be there, and dreading it, too. To an outsider, I probably looked like I was getting ready to step into a boxing ring rather than my training space. I took one more deep breath and placed my hand on the cool metal, then pushed it forward.
