by Eric Vall
Eligor drew her white claymore from inside her robe and held it at the ready. Meanwhile, Raphael shelved his FAMAS and drew his oversized dagger.
A group of about twenty soldiers rounded the corner, led by Metatron in his pure white armor.
“Raphael, I’m so very disappointed,” he said with a long sigh. “Despite all the mud I dragged you through earlier, I truly thought you were innocent. I guess I was wrong.”
“You are wrong!” Raph shot back. “I am innocent, as is Jacob Ralston. We will prove it to you in due time.”
“I don’t think so,” Metatron growled. “Thanks to this little endeavor, my case is now open and shut, and I’m going to--”
Metatron’s words were suddenly cut off by a snowball-sized ball of Divine Light.
“Enough talk!” Ariel exclaimed, and then my friends all charged at our opponents.
I had to think fast if I wanted to get us out of here. I clapped my hands together, summoned red Hellfire into both of them, and then created a ball of fire nearly the size of my whole body. I launched the attack at the fortified door, but it simply bounced off as if it were made of styrofoam.
Next up was the bronze Hellfire of judgement. I aimed it at the door, and instantly the entire hallway began to shake violently as every atom in its structure was rocked to the core. However, it still remained.
I tried my silver flames, but the shrieking sound of enchanted metal against my spell nearly knocked me to my knees.
Fucking Hell.
Suddenly, a blast of Divine Light struck me from behind and sent me flying through the air. I rolled across the sickly brown carpet for a few feet before I hopped up onto my feet and drew my axe.
Metatron was currently engaged with Raphael, and the two Archangels were essentially at a stalemate. They each knew each other’s moves and techniques, and their bodies were moving in a sort of lethal dance as they blocked and parried each others’ blows.
Eligor was knocking away soldiers with the swing of her sword, and she only stopped occasionally to block an attack or two.
Meanwhile, Ariel was kicking ass like I’d never seen before. The angelic redhead sliced one of the soldiers in the arm, then she hurled her body up into the air, wrapped her legs around his neck, and twisted so her momentum threw him to the ground. As she came up, she used her claws to take out the leg of another SWAT officer.
Three of the remaining soldiers had found their way through the crowd and were headed straight toward me with their weapons drawn. The first man held a shotgun in his hand, while the second one wielded dual daggers, and the third man had both of his fists aglow with Divine Light.
The first soldier squeezed the trigger of his shotgun, but I threw up a small barrier of purple directly in front of him. There was a small fireball as the barrel of the shotgun splintered like a banana peel, and the SWAT officer was knocked down on his ass.
I swiftly ducked out of the way of a blast of Divine Light, and then I used my feet to propel myself forward and tackle the man with the knives to the ground. I felt him swing wildly at me with his blades, but I was quick to dispel each blow with a cast of purple flame. I slammed the hilt of my axe into his windpipe, and he dropped both of his weapons as he grabbed at his throat and fought for breath.
Then I whipped around and slammed the blunt side of my axe into the third soldier’s leg.
He had been charging up a blast of Divine Light, and as he collapsed to the ground, he unleashed it into a nearby door. His attack punched a basketball-sized hole in the enchanted metal, and I couldn’t help but smile.
That was it. If Hellfire didn’t work, I was just going to have to use a little Divine intervention.
I slammed the end of my axe into the fucker’s face, and he crumpled to the floor like a marionette whose strings had been cut. The final soldier was already back on his feet, and his hands fumbled for the pistol at his side.
Unfortunately for him, I was too fast.
I was pissed off, so it didn’t take much for me to call forth a massive red fireball. I unleashed it onto the SWAT officer at point-blank range, and his body caused a dent in the metal door as it slammed into it violently.
He fell to the ground, unconscious, and then I turned back to the exit.
I closed my eyes and pictured all of my friends in my head. I thought about what they meant to me, how important they were, and how much my life had changed for the better since they’d entered the picture. As the images of my succubi, Todd, Raph, and Eligor shot through my brain, I could feel a familiar power surge in my body. When I finally opened my eyes, I was floating in the air, and my entire figure was surrounded by white light.
I let out a growl of frustration as I threw back my hands, pulled them forward, and released my full power onto the metal door.
The fucking thing didn’t stand a chance. There was the screech of its hinges being yanked from the wall, and then it flew off into the distance.
“Guys,” I commanded my team. “Move!”
While my attack was still going, I spun around and aimed at the ceiling of the hallway. Chunks of metal, drywall, and plaster rained down from above to create a large barrier between me and the Divine.
Thankfully, my friends had heard my command, and they were already halfway to the door when I released my spell.
Small blasts of Divine Light and enchanted bullets were already ripping through the debris, and I knew that would only keep them preoccupied for a minute or so.
So, I whirled around and followed my friends out the door and into the light of the beautiful day.
“Where the hell is Todd?” Eligor demanded as she looked around with a bit of fluster in her voice. “Our getaway vehicle should be here by now.”
“We’ll just have to head toward the road on foot,” I ordered. “He’ll be heading this way, so we’ll just meet him out there.”
“That might be difficult,” Raphael sighed and then shot off a blast of Divine Light in the direction of the highway.
Another group of SWAT officers had come around the corner, and Raph’s attack was able to disorient them by kicking up asphalt and sand into the air around them.
“We got this,” Ariel chuckled. “You know what they say, nothing worth having comes easy.”
The redheaded angel charged at the group of soldiers just as they reoriented themselves. A swarm of bullets were fired in her direction, but Ariel was able to dodge them gracefully as if they’d been fired in slow motion. She flipped onto her open palms, tumbled forward, and then drove the heels of both of her feet into the chest of one of the soldiers. As the man went flying backward, she swiftly lashed out and sliced the tendon of a second soldier. Ariel was back on her feet before any of the SWAT officers could get a good shot at her, and then she spun around and slammed the back of her heel into another soldier’s face.
While this was going on, I unleashed a blast of red Hellfire that sent two more of the distracted soldiers onto their backs.
Eligor quickly sprouted her black angel wings, fluttered a few feet off the ground, and soared toward our enemies with her sword drawn. One of the SWAT officers tried to blast her with his shotgun, but she was as graceful as the wind. She dodged the cluster of enchanted buckshot in the air, and then she flipped her sword around so she was holding it like a club. The second the knight got within striking distance of her, she swung the weapon and struck the bastard square in the face with the wide end.
“Jacob!” Raphael gasped. “Six o’clock!”
I spun around and saw our opponents from earlier must have broken through the rubble.
Metatron’s normally cocky expression was twisted into a scowl of rage as he held his giant sword in his hand. His pristine white armor was covered with grit and grime and looked like it had been dented in a few places. The Archangel raised his Angelglass blade into the air.
“We need Ralston and Raphael alive,” he sneered. “Try to take the others if you can, but they have no value to the Exalted One. Lethal force wil
l be tolerated in this case.”
“That was the wrong fucking thing to say, Metatron,” I growled. “Threatening me is one thing, but my friends? That warrants a fucking beatdown.”
The two soldiers on the far end of the group raised their assault rifles and unleashed a flurry of bullets at Raph and I’s ankles. The Archangel took to the sky, and I threw down a small wall of purple Hellfire to dispel the projectiles. The bullets disappeared into the flames with a hiss, and then I made my move.
Without breaking my violet spell, I summoned bronze Hellfire into my hand and slammed it into the ground. The asphalt below us rumbled as if it were being struck by a massive earthquake, and then a crack formed in front of the glowing purple barrier. The crack shot through the pavement like a bolt of lightning before it splintered off and opened up the earth beneath a cluster of the soldiers.
The fuckers let out a yelp of surprise as they were swallowed by the ground, and then they disappeared from my view. A few of them were able to sprout their wings and get airborne in time, but those unfortunate few were taken out by a few quick blasts of Divine Light.
Soon, it was just us and Metatron.
“Just like old times, huh?” I mused to Raphael as we stared down our foe.
“Metatron makes Uriel look like a kitten,” the Archangel warned.
“Please,” I scoffed and whipped out my axe, “I kicked his ass not that long ago. I can do it--”
“He was taking it easy on you because he wanted you alive,” Raph shot back. “Metatron at full power is no joke.”
“I hear my ears burning over there, ‘brother,” the blond Archangel growled as he hovered in the air and readied his sword.
Metatron swooped over on his pristine angel wings and lashed out at my head.
I threw up my own weapon to block, but the force of the blow caused me to stagger backward. I caught myself before I fell with a quick cast of purple, but then I had to duck down to avoid getting decapitated by the glowing white sword.
“Metatron, stop!” Raphael pleaded as he leapt onto the other Archangel’s back and wrapped him in a bear hug. “Can’t you see that Jacob isn’t your enemy?”
“Could have fooled me!” the blond man hissed as he flew up higher into the air and tried to shake Raph off violently. “Now get off me, you traitor! First Uriel, now you … does anyone in this universe have any honor any more?”
As the two Archangels tangoed in the air, I summoned yellow Hellfire into my hand and took aim at Metatron. However, the two combatants were moving too fast, and I couldn’t get a clear shot without hitting Raph.
Metatron suddenly summoned white light around his body and then shot it outward at a three-hundred and sixty degree angle. The blast of blinding light must have disoriented Raph, because he released his grip on his foe and floated back with his hands over his eyes.
Then, before he could make another move, Metatron’s sword found Raphael’s abdomen.
“No!” My heart sank as I saw the blood-soaked blade protrude from the other side of the Archangel.
Raph’s eyes were wide in shock as he stared at his former ally, and then his body went limp as the blade was removed and he plummeted to the ground.
I let out a scream of rage and released my yellow shuriken at full power. The tiny projectiles struck Metatron directly on the exposed part of his back, and there was a spray of blueish-red blood as they tore at his flesh.
Raphael’s body smashed into the sand of the nearby beach and sent a cloud of dust into the air. The Archangel stirred weakly as his blood was soaked up by his white SWAT uniform, but he was still alive.
For now.
I didn’t have time to worry about my friend, because a blast of Divine Light was headed right in my direction. I rolled to the left just as it struck the spot where I was standing and melted the asphalt into a sludgy mess.
Metatron darted down and lashed out with his sword, but I was able to block it with the hilt of my axe. The Archangel’s face was inches from my own as we both tried to overpower each other with our own weapon.
“What the fuck happened to ‘take them alive?’” I growled through a fit of white-hot rage.
“He’ll live,” Metatron grunted. “An Archangel can survive through much, much worse. You, on the other hand--”
Before the Archangel could finish his clever comment, his words were cut off by a car horn blaring the tune of “La Cucaracha.” Both of our heads spun around toward the commotion, and I couldn’t help but grin at what I saw.
It was a bright yellow Volvo that looked like it had been ripped straight from the eighties.
It was fucking Lola.
Todd sat behind the wheel of his beloved car with a pair of sunglasses on his head and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
Before the remaining SWAT officers could react, the yellow Volvo ran straight into them and sent their bodies tumbling up over the roof of the car. The vehicle swerved to a stop, and Todd sounded the novelty horn once more.
I used this distraction to my advantage.
With one final heave, I shoved Metatron backward. Then I quickly ran a flaming red hand over the blade of my axe, spun around, and struck the Archangel square in the chest. There was the sound of metal scraping metal as my axe clashed with his white armor, and a massive gash appeared in his breastplate.
Metatron stumbled back and readied his sword, but I quickly knocked his arm back with a blast of red Hellfire. Then, without a moment’s hesitation, I thrust my axe upward and severed the fucker’s hand at the wrist.
Metatron roared with agony as he grasped at his now-bloody stump.
The bluish-red blood shot out of his wrist like a small geyser and ran down his uniform like a waterfall of blood. He fell back onto his ass as he fumbled to apply pressure to the wound.
I holstered my axe, summoned green Hellfire into my hands, and cast it around the wounded Raphael. I lifted the Archangel up into the air, pulled him toward me, and then ran toward the yellow Volvo.
Eligor and Ariel were already in the back of the vehicle as they beckoned to us from an open door.
I heard more gunshots behind me, but I didn’t dare try and halt my gait as I sprinted as fast as I could toward the car with Raph. Once I was a few feet away from Lola, I tossed the Archangel into Eligor’s waiting arms, ran over to the front, and leapt up into the air. I used my own momentum to slide across the hood of the vehicle like something out of Dukes of Hazard, and then I quickly scurried into the passenger’s seat.
“Gogogogogogo!” I exclaimed as I slammed the door shut.
Surprisingly, Todd didn’t make any sort of clever comment. The next thing I knew, I heard the sound of our wheels spinning out, and then we were off. The gunfire began to sound like it was getting further away, but I could still hear the thwip of the bullets as they passed by our car.
“I found her, Jakey!” Todd cackled over the blaring tunes of AC/DC. “I know you always told me Lola was up here in Car Heaven, but I always thought you were just fucking with me. Ya know, kinda like how my parents always told me my dog was sent away to a farm somewhere, when in reality they sold him off to some Hollywood executive so he could star in Air Bud.”
“Right,” I noted with a sigh. “Glad to see your old sex machine is back in action. How’s Raphael looking back there, guys?”
“He’s critically injured,” Ariel explained, “if we don’t get him medical attention soon, he might not make it.”
“All the more reason to get us down to Earth as quickly as we can,” I growled. “Sia should be able to get him back to normal.”
“How ya feelin’ back there, Raphey?” Todd asked as he glanced in the rearview mirror.
The Archangel gave the imp a weak thumbs-up with a blood-covered hand.
“I-I’ve been better,” he joked. “Could you do me a favor? If it looks like I’m not going to make it, I do have one request. I want to try one of your joints. I’ve always been forbidden from that by my Divine Code of ethics.”
“Well, I got some bad news for ya, Raphey,” Todd shot back. “One, this is just a normal cigarette, not a joint. I don’t think they allow that shit in Heaven. Two, you aren’t dying today, bro, so get that shit outta your head.”
“There it is!” I gasped and pointed to a massive glowing portal about five miles ahead on the road. “Step on it, Todd!”
“I’m trying, Jakey,” the imp in disguise admitted. “This thing only has a max speed of one hundred. Technically it can go one-fifty, but the last time I tried, the wheels nearly flew off.”
“Why in the world would you pick such a slow car?” Eligor demanded from the backseat. “And why would you pick something as out of date and hideous as--”
“Don’t you dare talk smack about my baby, Goldilocks!” Todd warned. “When you’re in the yellow beaut that is Lola, you will show some respect.”
“Todd has a soft spot for this car,” I explained. “It was his first and only car all the way up until we got Shadow.”
“You’d have a soft spot too if you’d been through everything I’ve been through with this sexy beast,” Todd added. “Did you know I lost my virginity in this car? Right where Ariel’s sitting, actually.”
I glanced at Ariel in the rearview mirror, and her face contorted into a grossed out expression. She scooched over to the side, and then Todd let out a small chuckle.
“Good luck with that one,” he laughed. “There’s not a spot in this baby that hasn’t been the home to the Toddster’s school of love making at some point in time.”
“Can we please focus?” Raphael groaned. “I don’t want the last thing I ever hear to be Todd’s sexual history.”
“Are you going to be able to use your powers?” Ariel asked the wounded Archangel. “This entire plan is riding on that, and, uh, not to be a downer, but it looks like you’ve lost a lot of blood.”
“Just get me there,” the Archangel grimaced in pain. “I’ll get us out of here, even if it kills me in the process.”
Suddenly, there was a flash of white light, and chunks of asphalt sprayed up into the air beside us. Todd yanked the wheel to the right, and the vehicle swerved violently. He forced the car back to the left as another blast took out a spot in the pavement beside us, but then he was able to get Lola back on the straight and narrow.
