Ashes to Ashes

by M. J. Padgett

  “Still, it’s odd,” he said, stuck on the topic. He shifted his weight and rolled onto his side to face me. “A daisy for your thoughts.”

  “A daisy? What would I do with a daisy?” I asked, wondering where on earth he’d heard that phrase.

  “I’m not sure, but my sisters and the Grimm girl used to make daisy crowns and force us to wear them. I assumed all girls love daisy flowers.”

  “Why are you so mean to your sisters? They love you, Eliot. I wish my brother weren’t—” I almost slipped and told him Julian would soon be leaving. I wasn’t quite ready, so I covered. “Weren’t always so busy. Or even a sister that wanted anything to do with me. Even Genevieve is distant now.”

  “You never did say what caused the argument between you and Corrina. What’s got her so turned around she won’t even talk to her own sister?”

  “She’s angry with me for something I have no control over.”

  “That makes no sense. You’ve done nothing to her.”

  I sighed. It was time to tell my best friend the news. “Not directly, but Father agreed to an arrangement a few months ago. I didn’t mention it because I had hoped to escape it, but...”

  He noticed the distress in my tone and pushed off the ground, pulling me into a seated position with him. “What is it Saskia?”

  His mahogany eyes bore into mine, and I swore he was reading my very soul. I felt a warm blush creep over my face, but now was not the time to fall deeper in love with him. No, I was supposed to be falling out of love, but how does one go about falling out of a hole? I’d fallen so deep in him I feared I may never escape.

  “He has agreed to an arrangement with the King of Silberstadt. I’m to marry his son in a year.” As I said the words, I saw Ely’s face contort from his usual, slightly sour expression, to one of outrage.

  “He can’t do that! He can’t make you marry a person you’ve never even met and move away forever!”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Eliot. Julian abdicated to me. I will be Queen of Goldene Stadt.”

  “Wh-what?” he appeared distressed, as though the idea that I would be the queen of a kingdom bordering his, yet not able to spend time with him was worse than me leaving.

  “How can he make you marry someone you don’t know? My father would never—”

  “I do know him. His name is Ulrich, and I’ve met him many times. He’s very nice, and I think he would make a good husband.”

  “How would you know that? You met him a few times and suddenly know everything about him? Does he know you? Does he know what you like to eat, your favorite color, the books you love, or the silly dance you do whenever you hear my brother play his pipes? Does Prince Ulrich understand you at all? What’s in your heart, what your dreams are? Does he know how you injured your eye, or how you’re so self-conscious about it you try to hide behind your hair?”

  He reached for the cascade of hair that was perpetually in my face, blocking full view of my right eye. I hated it, the way the scar made it appear iridescent. He tucked the hair behind my ear and went back into his speech.

  “I never understood why it bothers you so. You are...” he paused, considering his words. A resolve came over his face, then he said, “You are awe-inspiringly beautiful, and the injury to your eye does not take away a fraction of that beauty. You captivate me, Saskia.”

  I wondered, if only for a moment if there was some way I could still escape my fate and be with the man I truly loved. However, I must be sure he felt the same before taking such a leap.

  I cleared my throat, desperate to find the right words to convey my feelings without making a fool of myself. I took a shaky breath and said, “I do want to marry a prince, but...”

  Ely hung on every word, holding his breath until I said the last few. I, however, was shaking on the inside. I’d never been so afraid of anything in my life, but I reminded myself that I was sitting beside my dearest friend, my Eliot, and there was nothing I couldn’t say to him.

  “I think I’d rather marry a prince of a different name.”

  “Is that so?” he asked, leaning closer to me. I nodded, and my lips began to tremble, an outward sign of my inner fear.

  He raised his hand to my face, gently brushing his thumb over my trembling lips. “Do I know this prince?” he whispered.

  I nodded again, and he leaned still closer. “This prince, do you love him?”

  I sucked in another breath, ragged and fearful, yet determined. “I do. I do with everything in me, my entire soul.”

  “Tell me, Saskia. Tell me who has stolen my best friend’s heart and run away with it?”

  “It’s you, Eliot, ever since I saw you that day at the lake.” He closed the final distance, his lips settling on my cheek for a moment before he whispered in my ear.

  “And I love you. Run away with me, Saskia.”

  My body shook, and Heidi’s blurry face came into view. She shook me slightly, then released me and began speaking in a foreign tongue. I tried to focus on her words, but they slipped from my grasp. I turned my head slightly, fearing for my sister. I saw her, only for a moment, flat on her back beside Ely. A panic rose in my chest but was drowned by another skull splitting shot of pain as another memory sprang forth.

  “So, it’s settled? We’ll try again tonight?” Eliot asked just days after we’d been caught trying to escape our kingdoms.

  “Yes. This time we leave in the dead of night, long after Father has fallen asleep.” I ran my hands over my growing stomach, fearful that my father would notice any day and have Eliot’s head on a platter. He’d have him jailed for marrying me in secret, but I couldn’t imagine the dungeon he’d be thrown in for impregnating me.

  He leaned in and kissed me, desperate to stay with me but knowing there was no way we could leave that moment, not during the day. In the distance, I saw a horse approaching, the rider familiar.

  “Oh no, Eliot, it’s Marcellus!”

  There was no time to run from our secret place. We’d been caught, and I had no doubt Marcellus would tell his father Eliot planned to steal me away in the night, breaking a treatise between our two kingdoms.

  Eliot pushed me gently behind him, but Marcellus would never harm me. He was kind and gentle, but tonight, he was also in distress.

  “Eliot! It’s father!” Marcellus slid from his horse and gripped his brother’s shoulders. “It’s Father!”

  Eliot, believing Marcellus was there to drive us apart at his father’s wishes, took a defensive stance. He pushed his brother away from him, freeing his shirt from his grasp.

  “Get a hold of yourself, brother! I’m in love with her, and there’s nothing...” he paused, noticing what I did at the same time. “Marcellus? Are you... why are you crying?”

  “He’s dead, Eliot. Father is dead.”

  “He’s what?” Eliot gripped my hand tighter still, but I knew it was over. I couldn’t drag him away from his family, not when they needed him most. Perhaps in a few weeks or a month, we could try to run again?

  “I know what you’re doing here, Eliot. If it’s what you wish, then I support you entirely, but please, I beg of you, run away with her after things settle. Wait until the funeral is over. I need you, brother. I need you,” Marcellus begged.

  Eliot looked at me, and I nodded. “Go, be with your family.”

  “You are my family, Saskia.”

  “And I will be waiting patiently for you while you support your brother.” I reached for him, pulling him tightly against me. I whispered in his ear, “I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so sorry. I am here, and I am never going anywhere.”

  “I’ll come for you the night after the funeral, Saskia. I’ll do this for my brother, and then I’ll come for you. I love you.”

  Screams broke through the fog. Cecily’s screams. My head jerked to the left where I’d seen her last, beside Ely. Her back arched and her hands clutched her head. Felix knelt over her, cradling her in his arms as Ely lay asleep behind him. Two guards stood watch over him, a
nd I noticed the sounds of battle had quieted. The air was heavy with the smell of blood, but I faded again before I could speak a word.

  I stared at the cover of Julian’s casket, my entire body feeling numb and empty. Corrina could not be consoled, nor could my parents. Oddly, I was the only one who did not cry, the pregnant princess whose husband had disappeared.

  There was no trace of him, nor any of his siblings. They just vanished in the night, but if one was to believe Snow White, the wolves had taken them. I trusted her, primarily since she was the only one who hadn’t been angered by my revelation—that I was married to Eliot and carried his child—but at the same time, I doubted she knew what she was talking about in her grieved state.

  Julian had been hellbent on finding Eliot, especially since it was our father who’d been accused of dispatching of the troublesome prince. Father was a lot of things, but he was not a murderer. He’d have Eliot tossed in the dungeon, but not killed.

  I felt lost and confused, desperate for the warmth of Eliot’s embrace on the day of my brother’s funeral, but there would be no comforting words or touches from my long-lost husband, only more questions.

  Julian’s body had been found ravaged by wild animals. I couldn’t imagine never seeing him again, my only friend in the world after Eliot’s disappearance. Corinna and I had become strangers, and my father had all but disowned me. Mother only hid away in her room while Genevieve did her best to pretend everything was okay.

  It was far from okay. My brother was dead. My husband was likely dead, and the surrounding kingdoms all looked at my family with suspicion.

  “Saskia, it’s time.” Auntie Cinderella tugged gently on my elbow, urging me away from my brother’s final tomb.

  I backed away and watched the royal guards lower him into the ground. As he disappeared, he took what was left of my heart with him. I felt dead inside, and I doubted anyone could ever make me feel alive again.

  “Oh, Sierra, I do wish you’d hurry,” Heidi said, and I felt my body moving around. Unfortunately, I could not pull my eyelids open. Heidi opened them carefully, and for a moment I saw sunlight again, then she let them drop, and the darkness took me.

  “Auntie Cinderella... what are you doing?” I asked as she wove her fingers quickly between the colorful threads.

  “Isn’t it obvious? I’m making you a blanket for your dear child,” she replied, her sweet smile comforting me. She took pity on me after Julian’s death and begged Father to give me another chance. He would have disowned me if not for her pleas. Prince Ulrich’s agreement to marry me even with Prince Eliot’s child in my womb, was the last bit of convincing it took to earn one last chance with King Agustus.

  Mother was still bitterly disappointed with my behavior, and Corrina, she despised me with every fiber of her being. I was to marry the man she loved. With the Salien children gone, I had few options unless I wished to become an orphaned, homeless princess. I had to marry Prince Ulrich, like it or not.

  The accusations against my father grew stronger. The neighboring lands suspected Father had all the Saliens murdered—King, Queen, children and all, only allowing Snow to live if she promised to merge her kingdom with ours—but I knew my father wouldn’t stoop so low. He was furious I was with child but wouldn’t resort to murdering an entire household.

  Julian’s death only added to the tension in the household, and months after his funeral the pain of loss lingered. Auntie Cinderella was a comfort to me. She was there when no one else was, and likely the only reason I didn’t wander into the forest and let the wolves take me as well.

  “I’m not sure what I’d do without you. I’m so scared,” I admitted.

  She put down the threads and spread her arms wide. I fell into them, weeping for my lost love, my missing family, and for the child who would never know the love of his father.

  “There, there, child. All will be well before you know it. One day, all of this will be a memory.”

  A quiet knock at the door interrupted our bonding, and Prince Ulrich stepped in.

  “May I have a word with the princess?” he asked.

  My aunt looked at me questioningly.

  “It’s fine,” I said, and she rose from her chair to leave my quarters.

  “I’ll just be next door if you need me,” she said, a warning to the prince.

  Once she left the room, he slowly approached me as if I were a wounded animal that would dart away from him. He wasn’t entirely wrong. I’d refused to take any meetings with him since Father informed me he was still willing to marry me. I knew it was for the best, and that it would happen regardless of my protests, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

  “Princess Saskia, please, would you hear me out?”

  “There’s nothing to say, Ulrich. You’ve got what you want, now let me continue to mourn in peace.”

  He knelt on the floor in front of me, his blue eyes sympathetic. His dirty blonde hair was neater than Eliot’s dark locks ever were, and I couldn’t deny his good looks. Still, he was no match for the father of my child.

  He opened his mouth, reconsidered and closed it again. Then, after a moment’s more thought, he said, “I know you loved him, that you love him still, and you will always love Eliot Salien. I do not wish to replace him in your heart, Saskia. I only wish to find some small place in it, merely enough that I can take root and provide a happy life for you and your child. This child,” he said, cautiously placing his hand over my swollen belly, “will know his father well. I do not wish to take Eliot’s place in his life either, but if you let me, I can help him to grow and learn. I will love your child as much as my own if you choose to... what I mean to say is, if you marry me and choose to have more children, this child will be their equal in my heart in every way.”

  “You would do that for me? You would raise my child to know his father, and you would allow me to deny you your own?”

  “Of course, Saskia.”

  “Why would you agree to such conditions?” I asked, shock filling my mind.

  “Because I know how it feels to be ripped away from the person you love. You are not the only one who was forced into this, Saskia. But neither of us has a choice in the matter, so I would much rather spend our life together working as one, than constantly pushing against one another. I believe we can find friendship in each other, and perhaps one day, love,” he declared.

  “It makes no sense to me. You had the choice to walk away once my pregnancy was discovered. You chose to stay. Why would you do that if you’re in love with another?”

  He slipped his fingers through mine slowly, and I allowed him the closeness.

  “Because I made a promise, and I don’t break my promises. You would have been the laughingstock of your kingdom, Saskia. I can’t have that, not when... not when this whole thing was someone else’s plan, not ours. I know you married Eliot in secret, but he’s gone now. Let me help you, Princess. Let me provide you with the life that was taken from you.”

  I learned that day that Prince Ulrich was possibly the noblest, most honorable man I’d ever met.

  I wanted to know more about that story, but my mind was jerked back to reality. The calm and quiet of the forest was soothing, but the smell of blood still lingered. I found enough clarity of mind to move my head again, but when I did I saw no sign of Ely or Cecily, not even Felix or Heidi was in view. I was too blurry to comprehend that they may have moved me, but it didn’t matter. My memories were not done torturing me.

  Hans giggled and jumped around with his new puppy.

  “See,” Ulrich said, “I told you he would adore it.”

  “He’s two, Ulrich. He likes everything,” I teased as I rested on the floor beside him. I watched my son, a near mirror image to his father, playing with his birthday present, a very hyperactive puppy Ulrich had found in the forest.

  “So, you say, but he didn’t care much for the bird your aunt got him,” Ulrich argued.

  I chuckled, remembering how Hans stared at it with such
fear in his eyes, I thought he would scream bloody murder. Hans was not fond of that gift, but he was quite happy with the rest of the spoils from his second birthday celebration. My mind wandered over the past two years, remembering every important moment—his first steps, first word, first everything. Ulrich was by our side for all of it, including my miserable labor. Against all the odds, he had managed to wiggle his way into my heart, taking up residence as a faithful and loyal friend. I cared deeply for him, and he for me.

  “Hans, come here and tell me what you’ve named your friend,” Ulrich said, opening his arms to my son.

  Hans fell against him with a giggle, then said, “Flopsie!”

  “Flopsie? What kind of name is that for a fierce dog?” Ulrich teased, then ruffled Hans’ hair and sent him on his way again. “Go ahead and play with Flopsie, son. I’m sure—” he cut himself short, then glanced at me. “I’m so sorry, Saskia. It just slipped out. I didn’t mean to insinuate... I just meant—”

  “Shh... Ulrich, it’s okay.” I rested my hand on his and forced him to look at me. “Perhaps the blood is not the same, but your heart and his are alike. He is your son as much as he is Eliot’s and mine. He loves you dearly, as do...” I trailed, and it was not lost on Ulrich who waited with bated breath for me to continue.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, deciding that loving Ulrich did not take away from the love I had for Eliot. I grew brave and admitted the feelings that had been developing since the day Ulrich committed himself to me.

  “He loves you as I do. I love you, Ulrich, and I thank you for being so kind and patient with me,” I said, earning a grin from the handsome man, my husband.

  “I love you, Saskia. I didn’t know those few years ago if we would ever reach this point, but I am so happy we have.” He squeezed my hand and sat straight, his eyes questioning mine. Would I allow him a moment of intimacy or not?

  I leaned forward and rested my lips on his, the first kiss we’d shared since the day of our wedding. I felt him smile and pulled back, but he followed, stealing one last second before releasing me.