Last Exit to Brooklyn

by Hubert Selby Jr.

  The door banged shut and she leaned against the banister until the nausea subsided then stumbled down the stairs (Tony watching her) and out to the street. The sun was hot and bright and light rammed and slashed her from windows, windshields, hoods of cars, from tin signs, shirt buttons, bottle caps and slips of paper lying in the street. Her gut glowed and she bumped against parked cars, but she was moving, moving, and everything got brighter, whiter, hotter. She clutched the railing and stumbled down the stairs to the subway, the beautiful dark subway. Only a few people. No one near her. She folded her arms and rested her head on the seat in front of her. Cool. It cooled. Yes, it was cooler and her head was beautifully warm and she would have Vinnie again and the next time, some time, he would kiss her. And they would go out together. A movie and hold-hands or go for walks and he would light her cigarette . . . yes, he would cup his hands around the match, his cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, and I will put my hands around his and he will blow out the match and toss it away . . . but we dont have to go dancing. I know he doesnt like to dance. I will wear a smart print dress. Something simple. Something trim and neat. Vinnie? It was Harry . . . No. No, I wont have to go in drag. We will defy them all, and love . . . Love. And we will be loved. And I will be loved. And the Bird will come in high blowing love and we will fly ... O that evil bitch. I am a far more convincing woman in drag than Lee. She looks like Chaplin. And I will dance like Melissa. If only I were a little shorter. Well we showed Miss Lee up, didnt we Vincent—(Georgette danced around the room humming tunes, in her silk panties and padded bra, and a John sat naked, on the edge of the bed, sweat sliding down his greasy body, touching the silk as Georgette whirled by, playing with his genitals, licking his lips, spit hanging from his lips; then she stepped out of her panties and he grabbed them, buried his face in them and fell on the bed groaning, groveling . . .)—No. No. Its now. Tomorrow. Vinnie . . . yes, yes. Vincennti. Vincennti d/Amore. Che gelida mania . . . yes, yes. Cold, O my beloved. Sì me chiamano Mimi ... Sì, A candle. Soft candle light. . . and I will read to you. And we will drink wine. No. Its not cold. Not really. Just the breeze from the Lake. Its so lovely. Peaceful. See, just the slightest ripple on the surface. And willows. Yes. Si. Majestic bowing willows looking at themselves in the waters; nodding, saying yes to us. Yes, yes, yes . . . O Vincennti, hold me. Tighter. Vincennti. d/Amore. O soave fanciulla.—(Georgie is a friend of mine, he will blow me anytime, for a nickle or a ) —The Lake. The Lake. And a moon . . . Yes . . . Look. Look. Do you see there? A swan. O how beautiful. How serene. The moon follows her. See how it lights her. O such grace. O yes yes yes I do Vinnie, I do . . . Vincennti . . . See. See, she glides to us. Us. For us. O how white. Yes. She is. Whiter than the snows on the mountains. And they are but shadows now. But she glistens, shimmers. The queen of birds. Yes. O yes, yes, Cellos. Hundreds of cellos and we will glide in the moonlight, pirouetting to THE SWAN and kiss her head and nod to the Willows and bow to the night and they will grace us . . . they will grace us and the Lake will grace us and smile and the moon will grace us and the mountains will grace us and the breeze will grace us and the sun will gently rise and its rays will stretch and spread and even the willows will lift their heads ever so slightly and the snow will grow whiter and the shadows will rise from the the mountains and it will be warm . . . yes, it will be warm . . . the shadows will stay, but the moonlight will be warm (Dance Ballerina Dance) Vinnie??? the moonlight will be warm. It will get warmer. Hold me Vincennti. Love me. Just love me. But fields of flowers are so lovely in the sun. In the bright flooding sunlight. Warm and brilliant. And the tall grasses flow and part and the colors burst and small drops of dew glisten and it is all red and violet and purple and green and white . . . yes white, and gold and blue and pink, soft pink and see the fireflies . . . like flowers of night .. . o yes, yes, flowers of night. Soft little lights. Lovely little lights. O, Im so cold. La commèdia è finita. No! NO! Vincennti. Yes, yes my darling. Sì me chiamano Mimi. Georgie-porgie puddin n pie. The Bird. Listen Vinnie. Bird. O yes my darling, I do I do. I love you. Love you. O Vinnie. Vincennti. Your mouth, lips, are so warm. d/Amore. O see how the stars soften the sky. Yes, like jewels. O Vinnie, im so cold. Come, let us walk. Sone Andati. Yes my love, I hear him. Yes. He is blowing love. Love Vinnie . . . blowing love ... no NO! O God no!!! Vinnie loves me. He loves me. It.

  Wasn/t.

  Shit

  Part III

  And Baby Makes Three

  Thou shalt know also that thy seed shall

  be great, and thine offspring as the grass

  of the earth.

  Job 5:25

  THE baby was christened 4 hours after the wedding. Well, whatthehell, they got married first anyway. But I/ll tellya man, it was a ball! I mean after. Her old man threw a great party. And Spook with his damn motorcycle. Tommy had a 76 Indian. Hes the guy who got married. He had this Indian—you know, one of those small jobs. Not a onelunger. Nonea the boys would have one a those. They can really move and all that, but theyre too small. Yawant somethin that can be fixed up. Yaknow, made real sharp-streamers and things and a bigass buddyseat with chrome. Man, the snatch really comes runnin. Its real crazy! Anyway, he had this 76 and Tommys long and kinda skinny and he sorta looked like the bike was growin outtaim; like he had a bike between his legs instead of a pecka. And when he kicked it over he just sat there like he was restin or somethin and gave a little push on the peddle and BaROOOOM. All the other guysd be standin with their bikes leanin and kickin and kickin and the goddamn bike coughin and fartin and Tommyd sit on this pecka with wheels gunnin the motor and retadin the spark soundin like a gun battle and then hed ride around, slow, in circles and wait forem to get their bikes started.

  But Tommy was a great guy. Sorta quiet. Especially compared with the other guys. And he worked. Mosta the time anyway. He used ta go out with Suzy once ina-while. Hed taker ridin on the bike and a few movies (I think) and they usually went to the neighborhood beerrackets tagether. But we didnt know she was knockedup until she was about 7 months gone. Maybe more. She was a big-hipped Polack and even her oldman didnt know she was knockedup until she was in the hospital. I suppose he didnt look very hard. Yaknow, he was a bit ofa lush anyway. So when the oldlady toldim why Suzy was in the hospital he flipped. But afta stayin juiced for a few days he went slobberin up to the hospital cryin how he was gonna do everythin for his little girl ( she was only a inch or 2 shorter than Tommy and outweighedim by 40 pounds); and why didnt she tellim she was in trouble and she just sorta looked and askedim for a smoke and toldim she wasnt in any trouble and a week or so later the oldman was like always studyin the scratchsheet and sippin beer until a liveone came in. But I gotta hand it toim. He really threw a ball after the christenin. It started after the weddin, but things really moved after the christenin. Thats when Spook had a few beers and hadta go ridin. Spook had the hots for a bike for months. 6 months before he even got one he was wearing a motorcycle hat. Of course all the boys with bikes woreem. No boots or jackets with eagles or anya that shit, but yagotta have a hat ta keep ya hair outta ya eyes. Anyway, Spook had this hat and he didnt have no bike. Hed sit in the Greeks all nite and wouldnt part with that hat for nothin. Man, you try and get that thing off his head and hed go outta his mind. Well, anyway, once inawhile Tommyd let Spook ride his bike and Spookd be bugged outta his mind. Hed spark the damn thing and bang it and blast it and yell and scream and fix that damn hat of his and go rollin along 2nd avenue making all kindsa goddamn noise. Then Tommyd waveim back and Spookd make a slow turn and come backfirin up to Tommy, gun the motor a few times, push the kick stand down, turn the motor off, and get off real careful and sorta pat the seat and tank and tell him itsa great bike. Real great. And the next day Spookd make the rounds of all the bike shops downtown and stare at the jobs in the window, droolin, and go in and pricem and the guyed tellim its still 1500 dollars just like two days ago and Spookd ask if he got any new second hand jobs and the guyd shake his head and go about his business an
d Spookd look around at the lights, seats, streamers, windshields and boots and go half out of his mind and hed come back to the Greeks and tellus about the great Harley-Davidson machine he saw —a brand new model and he knew every goddamn strip of chrome and every bolt and nut on the sonofabitch and ev-erybodyd laugh and someone would sneak up behind him through the side door and take his hat off and toss it around and Spookd go ape tryin ta get it back and then someoned plop it on his head and we/d laugh and hed tellus that we didnt know what it was ta want a bike. Fifty times a day the same thing. You dont know what it is ta want a bike. Then somebodyd tellim he could ride withim if he bought coffee-and, so Spookd breakdown and part with a dime (it was pretty hard ta getim ta part with anything, especially money. I guess he stashed his loot in a piggybank tryin ta save for a bike.) and hed fix his hat and theyd take off and hed yell GerOOOOnimOOOOO and theyd hit the Belt Parkway and weave between traffic and Spookd be flipped off his ass yellin and screamin and theyd get back ta the Greeks and hed say, Christ! I gotta get a bike. Man, you dont know what it is ta want a bike, and off hed go the next day, downtown.

  Well, anyway, when Su2y told Tommy she was on the lull I guess he was a little surprised. I dont know. He didnt say nothin, but I guess he was. So she toldim and they went for a ride along the Belt and on the way back they stopped at Coney Island and had some hotdogs at Nathans and he was workin at the time and I guess he tolder hed marryer. Anyway I dont think he said he wouldnt. It really didnt make too much difference. I mean he had his bike. All paid for an fixedup like he wanted it and they could move in with her oldman and oldlady. Downstairs. So whatthehell. And I think she sorta wanted to get married anyway. You know. But I dont know if she even askedim. I mean, she coulda dumped the kid without too much trouble. Theres all kinds of agencies. But Tommy was alright. He never bothered nobody and hed never beaterup or anythin so I guess she wanted ta get married. And like this she wouldnt haveta work. Just feed the kid and that sorta stuff. So actually it worked out pretty good. So anyway, Tommy comes into the Greeks one nite and tellsus hes gonna be a father and Alex givesim a cupa coffee on the house and Tommy lets Spook go for a ride.

  So when her oldman dries out a little he tellser (when she comes home from the hospital with the baby and she says, thats grandpa, and the oldman starts slobberin again) that hes gonna giver a real party and he goes and sees Murphy in the bar and tellsim he wants ta rent upstairs for a weddin reception. And when Murphy asks when he says he dont know, but itll be soon and Murphy tellsim that the Raven S.A.C. is goin ta throw a racket soon so the old-man tellsim two weeks and he leaves a deposit and goes home and tellsem and they get a holda Tommy and he says OK and finishes shining his bike so they set the wedding date and make arrangements for the christenin. Of course they lied a little at the christenin, you know, but the oldlady figured it was better forem ta he a little than not have the poor little tyke christened at all. So they got the papers and a few of the boys went withem and it was over in a few minutes and then we went ta Murphys ta wait until it was time for the christenin and ta figureout who was gonna be godparents. I think they finally got some aunt and uncle, I dont know, but anyway that was when things started swing-in. Murphys Hall is a big room above the bar and he had bottles of whisky on a small bar in the corner and kegs abeer and a big long table stacked with all kindsa sandwiches. So we each grabbed a pitcher a beer and started scoffin the sandwiches and Spook comes in and tellsus he got a bike. Ya shoulda seenim. His eyes was bugged outta his head. I thought he was up on tea or somethin, but he was just high with a bike. He picked up a old police bike for a few bucks and fixed it up. You know, threw some paint on it and stole a wildass buddyseat all covered with fur and chrome, and was all fulla piss and vinegar ta go. We toldim ta play it cool and relax and celebrate Tommys marriage. So someone pushed a beer in his hand, but he flipped when someone tried ta get that goddamn hat off his head so we said OK, wed go down stairs and look at his bike. So we looked. Big deal. Yaknow, when the cops is finished with a bike, man, its had it. But it was a bike and it moved. I think that sonofabitch woulda used it even if he had ta push it or pedal it like a kiddy car. So he kicks it over after 5 minutes and we listen to it cough and miss and Spook went puttin off with a shiteatin grin on his face and we went back up stairs and a few minutes later he comes back. Smilin all over the goddamn place and the strap of his hat under his chin. I tellya man, it was a pissa. But whatthehell, we were havin a ball and we didnt know what it was ta want a bike and pretty soon he was talkin ta Suzys old lady about this bike and she was throwin the booze down like crazy and soon she starts weepin about her poor little girl and tellin Spook how she looked when she was born and it seems like only yesterday and now here she is all grownup and married and a mother and Spook kept noddin and said yeah, but all he really has ta do is clean the sparks and maybe giver a carbon job—which he could do himself at nite and it wont cost nothin—and itll run as good as any bike on the road and when ya figure it only cost a yard its a damn good deal . . . and long since Suzy had cut from the oldman and oldlady and was shovin salami sandwiches down likemad and things was really movin. Of course some a the skells from the bar worked their way up and congratulated and grabbed what they could and when the christenin was over and they came back with the kid everybody was tellin the oldman and oldlady that it looked just likem (and man, the oldladys some dog!) and they sniff and pound backs and tellem ta drinkup and somebody had a camera and flashbulbs was poppin then smashed against the wall. Of course the kid started yappin but they took care of it and the party really started. They had a phonograph and a lot of real great records like Illinois Jacquet and Kenton; and Roberta, a real hip queer from the neighborhood, cameup and started danc-in and wigglin and somea the boys was stoned and was dancin wither and she was havin a ball! Of course she was up on bennie, like always (unless she got some pot) and onea the guys askeder if she was the bride and she said no, she practices birthcontrol and then she started dancin with Suzys oldlady and oldman. That was a real gassa! She was still all snots and tears and her big lardass was wigglin and we were pissin in our pants. Man, it was a ball!

  Of course Tommy didnt drink much. I mean, not because he got married. That didnt make any difference now. He just never drank much. A couple a beers now and then was about all. Ya know. But he was sorta ballin. For Tommy anyway. The oldlady almost put a drag on the party by diggin up a record with some dame singin Because, and then she goes stag-gerin over ta Suzy and starts huggin and kissener and Suzys tryin ta stuff a salami sandwich in her mouth and she cant chew because the oldladys all overer. But Roberta really broke usup. She was standin in a comer makin like she was singin and man, it was a gas. You know, flutterin her eyelids (she had that shiny Stardust stuff glued to her eyelids) and doin a few bumps and grinds and that sorta stuff. But the oldlady didnt seeer ( I dont think she could see much by that time) and she wanted to dance with Suzy and starts waltzin around, stumblin all over and Suzy still holdin that salami sandwich, but the record ended and Roberta threw a Dinah Washington side on real quick and Suzy got ridda the oldlady and we all started ballin again. Pretty soon the oldlady passed out and they stretched her out on a cot in the back and we ended up in a corner jumpin with the music and doin some real juicin and even Spook was a litde high. Tony got real stoned and goosed some dame and there was a bit of rumble with her husband, but it didnt amount ta much so we just pushed Tony in the corner and letim sleep. Of course a few of the old Irishmen started throwin blows at each other, but they didnt do any real damage and as long as they didnt get too close ta the bar they letim fight until they passed out.

  But Spook couldnt sit still for long. He wanted ta go ridin. Everybody toldim ta go, but he didnt want ta go alone and everybody, but Tommy, was too stoned ta ride a goddamn bike. So Suzy tells Tommy ta go. Whatthehell. Cant do anythin tonite anyway. You know, too soon. And she figured shed look around for the kid and takeim home and go ta bed. She said her ass was draggin anyway. It was only two weeks or so since
she had the kid. And it was a pretty good size one. Eight pounds somethin. I dont know exactly, but somethin like that. She said it was like shittin a watermelon. Havin a kid. So she hunted around and found the kid and cutout. So Tommy figured hed take a spin with Spook. It was a real nice nite. Just right for ridin. And probably be in the house all day tomorra fixin things. You know, puttin this here and that there and takin care of the kid and that kinda stuff. So when Roberta sees Tommy gettin ready ta cut she comes hustlin over and starts cooin at Tommy ta takeer for a ride, shes feelin so depressed watchin somebody else with a baby and gettin ready for a honeymoon, and she flutters her lids and everybody cracks-up, so Tommy laughs and says OK and Roberta giggles and waves bye bye and Spook is halfway down the stairs his hat all tied under his chin and they cut.

  Of course we stayed until they kicked us out the next morning. I mean, whatthe-hell. The oldman paid good money for the joint and everything. No sense in lettin it go ta waste.