Last Exit to Brooklyn

by Hubert Selby Jr.

  * * *

  Saturday the President spoke to the men before they were given their packages. The men, for the last few months, stayed on the side of the hall near the doors where the packages were handed out and half of the hall was empty while they jammed and shoved each other to retain or take a place near the doors; and each week the shoving and yelling increased. The officials tried to get the men to sit, but they absolutely refused to give up their places near the doors and so more than 1,000 men shoved and jostled each other as the President spoke.

  Men . . . Men, we/re beating them! Theyre starting to COLLAPSE! The men quieted a little and most of them were looking at the President. Its been a long time—and krist knows weve suffered with you —but theyre coming around. They havent given in down the line yet, but its only a matter of time. Theyve agreed to most of the terms and it wont be long before they agree to the rest. The men started to move uneasily at hearing the same words again and the noises started increasing. The President raised his hands and yelled louder. We could have settled the strike this week if we wanted to, but we didnt. You want to know why? The men quieted again and stared. Because we like talking to those stuffedshirtbastards? because we like to argue with men who are trying to take the bread out of our families mouths? because we like workin 16 and 18 hours a day??? No! I/ll tell you why. Because they wanted the right to fire anybody they want, thats why. If they get a bug up their ass and decide they dont like the looks of some guy they want to be able to fire him right there and then. No questions asked, no answers given. Just kick him out on his ass and let him and his family starve. Thats why we have been fighting those bastards so hard; thats why we have been out of work so long. The men were silent, still. More than 1,000 men huddled near the doors staring at the speaker. More than once since we have been negotiating with them they have tried to buy us off in one way or another if we would let them throw men out in the cold any time they wanted to. And you know what we told them. You know what we said when they tried that shit on us. I/ll tell you what we said. We stood up and looked those bastards right in the eye and told them, right to their fat faces, FUCK YOU! The clique roared approval—thats what we told them—others joined in the yelling and whistling— thats what the elected officials of your union said and we walked out—more yelling and stamping of feet—we left those bastards standing. And you can bet your sweet ass those sonsofbitches know theres no weak link in this union —almost all the men roared and whistled—and we/ll see them dead and buried and piss on their graves before we let them throw one of our brothers to the wolves—the men continued to shout and the President leaned over the edge of the platform and yelled over and between their shouts— we let those bellyrobbinbastards know that all we want is an honest dollar for an honest days work . . . we dont want any handouts, we want to work for our money, but by krist we/re not going to let them get fat from our sweat. We/re the men who break our backs while they sit their fat asses on soft chairs in an air conditioned office and rake in the money for our work. And you know what they say? They say that the average pay for you men is $8,000 a year plus another $1,000 in fringe benefits. They say this is enough. They say that they cant afford to pay more without firing as many as they want. You know what we said? We told them to let us have all over $50,000 a year that they were getting and they shut their goddamn mouths fast enough—the men roared so loud he had to stop speaking for a moment—thats just what we told them. He stood with his head bowed then slowly raised it, his voice lower, husky with dedication. I tell you men now that no matter what happens—even if it should cost me my life—you will not have to worry about whether or not you will have a job tomorrow or the next day or the next, speaking slowly, each word seeming to be forced separately from his overworked and weakened body, this I tell you now and guarantee that when we sign a contract you will be able to go home from work each night and know that there will be a job waiting for you tomorrow. There will be no sleepless nights or empty bellies. He backed away from the edge of the platform and sat with the rest of the officials, his head bowed slightly. The men roared, slapped each other and laughed as they lined up for their $10 bag of groceries. There would be no trouble from them for a few weeks.

  The next Monday the mens spirits were still raised. There wasnt the picnic atmosphere of the first days of the strike when they joked, played ball, shot crap and washed and polished their cars; but the despondency and hopelessness of the past few months had been relieved, temporarily at least. Now, as with the incident of the trucks, they had a tangible reason for hating and this allowed them to ignore the reality of the strike, of their lack of money, of the fact that they had been out of work for 6 months and did not know how much longer the strike would last; the daily arguments with the wife, and that they had to scrimp to make the payments on the house and car and, in some cases, that there no longer was a car. Now their hatred and anger was no longer spread over and around everything and everyone they came in contact with, but was directed, with energy at the company and the men who were trying to break their union. There was even a little buoyancy in their stride as they walked the picket line and a hint of optimism in their voices as they spoke to each other and occasionally laughed.

  Harry walked around with the men too, patting them on the backside and telling them that theyd break those ballbreakers. Theyll find out they cant fuckus, and he would smile his smile and stamp books.

  Only a slight reminder was needed the following Saturday to keep the men comparatively content, but soon the grins once more faded into scowls and the scowls into blankness and though the President gave an exuberant and loud speech before they received their $10 bag of groceries, and told them in as fatherly a manner as he could, that Thanksgiving morning they would each receive, in addition to their regular bag of groceries, a 4 lb. chicken—the clique applauding—they lined up, walked and spoke with the same sullenness and hopelessness they had not too many weeks before. And then it was Thanksgiving day. At least the wife would be home today to cook.

  * * *

  That night Harry went to the dragball. Hundreds of fairies were there dressed as women, some having rented expensive gowns, jewelry and fur wraps. They pranced about the huge ballroom calling to each other, hugging each other, admiring each other, sneering disdainfully as a hated queen passed. O, just look at the rags shes wearing. She looks like a bowery whore. Well, lets face it, its not the clothes. She would look simply ugly in a Dior original, and they would stare contemptuously and continue prancing.

  There were, too, hundreds not dressed as women: a few of them fairies who walked about with the others, but the majority were johns, trade, and bisexuals. They sat around the perimeter of the ball room on folding chairs or stood leaning against the wall, dimly visible in the shadows of the barely lighted ballroom, squinting and leering at the queens. The entire ballroom was lit by four medium sized spotlights, one in each corner, and the light was filtered through multicolored discs so spots of colored light crawled along the ceiling and walls, fell to the floor then crawled along the floor, over a leg or back and back into the corner. The queens standing or walking around the floor were continually brushed with the colored spots and their smooth bared arms would be pocked with green, purple, red, violet, yellow, or combinations as the colors crossed each other, and flesh would be covered with brownish or bluish cores with various colored ellipses wiggling from them; or a cheek would be pink or white or tan with makeup then suddenly mottled with a large gangrenous spot, the rest of the face shaded with yellow and violet and then the cheek would turn purple, then red; and an occasional light scratched across the faces of the stag line along the sides of the grand ballroom, a wide staring eye or green wet lips briefly visible in the shadows; the lights crawling down the wall, rushing across their faces, then crawling along the floor to their corner and starting the journey again. A few of the shadows spoke, some even smiled, but most sat still and silent, hunched forward slightly following the movements of the lights and queens. Occasionally
a flame would appear as a cigarette was lit and an orange face would be thrust forward then be completely invisible for many seconds before coming slowly from the shadows again, the eyes never once, not for a second, looking anywhere but at the queens and the roving lights.

  Harry stood at the entrance to the grand ballroom looking around then slid to the side and leaned against the wall trying to recognize his friends. He know almost everyone from Marys would be there, but he could not recognize them in drag. When his eyes became accustomed to the light he looked more closely at the queens on the floor. He was surprised, though he knew they were men, how much they looked like women. Beautiful women. He had never in his life seen women look more beautiful or feminine than the queens strolling about the floor of the ballroom. Yet, when his surprise passed, he felt a little disappointed and looked at the fairies not in drag. He spotted a few he knew and walked over to them. At first he felt conspicuous leaving the shadowed edge of the room and walking across the floor with the lights bobbing around, but as he stood and talked with his friends he wished the lights were brighter. Occasionally one of their friends, who was in drag, would join them and though Harry was still surprised at how beautiful they were he was impatient for them to leave.

  Later in the evening a small band played dance music and couples glided, bumped and twisted across the dance floor. From time to time a couple would stand almost immobile, arms tight around each other, kissing and an evil queen would dance by and tap the queen on the shoulder and tell her to take it easy. You might get a hardon honey and rip that dress all up, and laugh and dance away; and people walked back and forth to the bar and others stood on the stairs in the hallway gulping at a bottle; and couples sprawled up and down the stairs, some looking desperately for a dark corner; and the band played a Charleston and the queens and their johns and lovers shuffled and kicked and a few queens lifted their dresses, squealing and screaming, each trying to kick higher than the other, the colored spots crawling up their legs and across their genitals; and the walls and corners were empty now except for embracing couples; and Harry went out and bought a couple of pints of gin and he and his properly dressed fairy friends made frequent trips to the hall and Harry, for the only time during the evening, watched the queens, but when the Charleston was over he once more ignored the couples on the dance floor of the grand ballroom.

  All the queens were high now on gin and bennie and the dance floor was a chaos of giggling, flitting queens, the drooling bodies from the shadows tracking them. All during the night queens came over to Harry and his friends and talked with them and many asked Harry to dance or take a walk and he always refused and when they left he would turn and start talking to Regina, a fairy he had met many times in Marys, but, for some reason, had never taken home or thought of; and soon he was always at Reginas side, talking, drinking, smoking or just standing, and wherever she went Harry followed. She was wearing a pair of tight slacks and a sportshirt and all the whirling of skirts seemed to force Harry to her side. After the Charleston ended Harry put his arm around her and she smiled and kissed him. Harry smiled his smile and rubbed the back of her neck and they went out of the hall with the others, finished what was left of the gin, stood talking with their friends for a while then, when the others went back to the ballroom, they left and Harry took Regina home.

  The weeks following Thanksgiving were lovely and exciting for Harry. He saw Regina often and though, if he thought about it, he might have wished he were with Alberta or one of the other fairies he had made love with, he liked being with her, making love with her and calling her on the phone and making a date to meet in Marys. She was a little different than the others and her attitude toward Harry was not the same as the others. She wasnt nervous with him at all. She had no doubts as to what Harry would do. She was more like Ginger when she danced with him at the office and almost crushed his hand. And Harry loved going up to Marys and walking to the tables in the rear knowing someone was waiting specifically for him. He still hung around the office after five drinking beer with the guys from the Greeks, but left shortly after they did and took a cab uptown. He went out more often with Regina than he had with any of the others and occasionally he would buy her a shirt or some little something she asked for. And so he added a few more dollars each week to his expense sheet.

  For the other strikers the weeks following Thanksgiving were the beginning of winter. There were days of cold drizzling rain when the men were so cold after walking the picket line, from the weather and dejection, that the coffee, no matter how hot, did not warm them, nor did they feel alive enough to shiver. They just walked the line or waited in the office, only a few of them bothering to curse the weather and then only under their breath. And each Saturday they lined up, after being reassured by one of the officials, and collected their $10 bag of groceries, no longer interested in what was said at the last meeting of the negotiating committees, or the fact that every union in the country was sending money each week to their local so they could continue to provide their men with the staples of life.

  Harry loved sitting in the back of Marys with his arm around Regina, waving to his friends, ordering drinks, inviting people to his table, even waving to Ginger one night when she walked in and keeping her at the table until he left with Regina. One night Harry took Regina home and early the next morning he was slowly awakened by something tickling his face. He opened his eyes and Regina was kneeling beside him rubbing her cock against his mouth. He stared then sat up. Whatthefuck yadoin, unable to look her in the eye for more than a second, looking at her cock and the hand around it, the manicured and redpolished nails. Regina laughed then Harry laughed too and they fell back on the bed laughing until Regina finally rolled over and kissed him.

  * * *

  On xmas eve the men reported to the hall for their bags of groceries. The hall was strung with decorations and over the platform was a huge sign stretched from wall to wall: MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. Recorded xmas carols were played and the officials wished each man, individually, a merry xmas. Each man got an additional $5.00 worth of groceries, another 4 lb. chicken and an xmas stocking filled with hard candy.

  At the first meeting after the xmas holidays the strike was settled. New government contracts were awarded the company and work would have to begin by the middle of January so Harrington was forced to settle the strike. He was certain that if they prolonged the strike another month he would be able to rid himself of Harry Black, but the Board of Directors informed him that the plant must be in full operation by the middle of January and so an agreement was reached.

  Although the union officials had realized thousands of dollars from the strike fund and there was more money coming in every day from unions throughout the country, it was not as much as their income from the Welfare Fund and so the agreement reached was satisfying. And too, after so many years of leisure, the strain of working a few hours every few days that had been necessitated by the long strike enervated them and they were looking forward to the end of the strike and a rest. And, of course, the deposits to the Welfare Fund had been increased and its administration remained in their control.

  On December 29th, at 1:30 pm, the men once again assembled in the hall and though they knew that the strike was over they remained huddled by the doors while the President made the announcement. Well men its all over. They gave in to us one-hundredper-cent-right-down-the-line. The clique cheered. A few others joined in. Its been a long hard fight but we showed them what a strong union can do. A few more cheers. The President of local 392 told how hard he and the other members of the negotiating committee worked; reminded them what ratbastards the company men were; expressed his thanks and the appreciation of all the men for the fine job done by Brother Harry Black; and told them that the real credit goes to them, the rank and file of the union, the heart of the organization, who walked the picket line in fair weather and foul, who gave their time and blood that the union could win and help secure an honorable contract. He then told them ab
out the contract and the additional monies to the Welfare Fund and how their jobs were secure; avoiding telling them that they would be assessed $10 each month for the next year—about half of their increase in pay—to build up the now depleted strike fund. When he finished he asked for a vote on the new contract, announced the ayes had it and so the contract was ratified. The clique hootedandhollered. A few others joined them. They were to start work the next day. As the men ambled out of the hall, the officials walking among them, slapping backs and smiling, a recording of auld lang syne was played.

  When the meeting was over Harry called Regina then hopped in a cab and went up to her apartment. When he paid the cabdriver and started up the stairs he realized that he could no longer afford to take cabs back and forth, that he could not spend money the way he had while there was a strike. He would no longer be on the union payroll and have an expense sheet. He realized he would not have much money for himself after the rent was paid and he gave Mary a few bucks for food. Regina opened the door and he went in. You know you awakened me from a simply delightful sleep. I dont know why you had to call so early. I just came from a meetin. The strikes over. O you and that strike. Im going to shower, dress and put a face on then we can go to Marys for a few drinks and after that you can take me to dinner and perhaps the cinema if I should happen to be in the mood. I—I ... a dont know if I can go ta Marys—Regina strode briskly to the bathroom. The water splashed suddenly against the side of the shower stall —maybe we could just hangaround here—I cant hear a word youre saying—Harry still standing in the middle of the room —I thought maybe we could eat here, huh?—Regina was singing—Harry stopped talking yet remained standing in the middle of the room. 20 minutes later Regina turned the water off, opened the bathroom door and started arranging her hair. Yalook pretty Regina. She continued combing her hair, humming and occasionally singing a line or two. Be a dear and get my brush in the bedroom. Harry moved from his spot, picked up the brush from the dresser, walked to the bathroom door and handed the brush to Regina. She grabbed it and started brushing. Harry stayed in the doorway watching. O Harry, for heavens sake, dont stand there like that. Go away. Go on. Go. Shoo. He backed away and sat on the couch, the couch he had sat on with her many times. I know what. You can take me to Stewarts for a seafood dinner. I adore the place and they have the most divine shrimp and lobster. She went to the bedroom and Harry got up and followed her. I dont have enough money for Stewarts. What do you mean you dont have enough money. Go get some. And please dont hang over me like that. You bug me. Harry backed away and sat on the bed. I cant get anymore. I only got a few bucks. O dont be silly Harry. Of course you can get some more. Go get my kerchief from the bathroom. Harry got it. He stood behind her for a second then grabbed her and started kissing her neck. Regina squirmed and pushed him away. Dont be such a bore. Cant we stay here tanight. I/ll go get a couple a bottles a beer. O what are you talking about. We dont have ta go out. We could stay here, huh? O, Harry sometimes you are just too much. I have no intention of staying here tonight or any night. Now will you please leave me alone. But I dont have enough money ta go out and Id like ta stay here and we could have a few beers and nobodyd botha us and I aint so hungry and anyway we could get some sandwiches and—O for gods sake will you please stop babbling like a baby. Im going out this evening. If you have money you can meet me at Marys, if not please do not annoy me any further. Now please leave so I can dress. But we dont have ta—she shoved him in front of her toward the door. Really Harry. You are getting hysterical. She opened the door and shoved him out into the hall. The door slammed shut. Harry stood for a long time, feeling a swelling behind his eyes—how long since he had felt it? It almost felt new yet he knew it was not—then left the building and rode the subway to Marys.