Hold on Tight

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  All of this extra time and energy was taking a toll on her school work. She was simply too exhausted by the time Jeremy was asleep to do much besides put clothes into the dryer and open a textbook. But the last two evenings, she’d fallen asleep at Jackson’s kitchen table.

  Just like she’d done that night.

  Jackson letting himself in had woken her up with a start. When she’d heard the door click, she’d cried out and almost knocked over a chair when she’d stumbled to her feet.

  Then, seeing him standing in front of her, looking concerned and uneasy, she felt like crying. “I’m so sorry,” she blurted.

  Instead of glaring at her, Jackson motioned her to sit back down, then pulled out the chair across from her. “Sorry for what?” he drawled. “Falling asleep again?”

  Again. Boy, could she feel any worse? “I’m so sorry, I know you pay me to watch your daughter. Not fall asleep while she’s under my care.”

  “Um, Dani, believe it or not, I sleep at night, too.” He narrowed his eyes. “Did you really think I would get upset if you fell asleep?”

  Now she was making him sound like some kind of ogre. “No. I mean, of course not. I like staying awake for you, though.” She waved a distracted hand over her books. “Plus, I’ve got all this schoolwork. I need to get it done or I’ll have to take an incomplete for the class. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

  “I do,” he said gently. “You’re exhausted.”

  “I guess I am.” She was on the verge of apologizing again but stopped herself. Honestly, there was nothing else she could say.

  Pure compassion filled his gaze. “I feel bad about making you take my daughter all afternoon and evening. How about I ask around and see if someone else can watch Kate from time to time? My buddy Kurt’s fiancée is a high school teacher. She might know of a teenage girl to look after her a few nights a month.”

  “No!” Realizing she’d practically yelled that, she rushed to soften her response. “I mean, it’s okay, Jackson. I’m just getting my bearings.” Because he was still looking at her intently, she said, “I wasn’t expecting Jeremy’s schedule to be so crazy. Um, as soon as I get used to it, things will get easier.”

  “Maybe I can help. What’s kicking your butt?”

  The honest, blunt question made her laugh—and maybe made her be a little more honest than she intended. “The pressure of Jeremy being part of the Bridgeport Bats.”

  “What’s been going on?”

  “Nothing that I shouldn’t have expected,” she said with a wry twist of her lips. “Extra practices that never seem to end on time, the long games, eating on the go, tons of laundry, and an amazing amount of money that’s needed for everything from practice bags to batting cage times.”

  “That’s a lot.”

  Feeling weak, she nodded. “That’s not even counting his regular team or school.”

  “Or your job cleaning houses.”

  Yep, that too. “I’ll figure it out.”

  “Dani, you should have told me about just how much you’ve been doing.”

  “Why? It’s my problem, not yours.”

  “You help me with Kate, honey. I can help you with Jeremy, too.”

  No, he paid her to help with Kate. And she needed every penny of that. If he started doing her favors, she’d feel obligated to do the same for him.

  Standing up, she stretched her arms. “Thanks, but I’ve got it.”

  Getting to his feet as well, he placed a hand on her arm. “Dani, let me help.” Searching her face, he said, “Do you need to borrow some money for all those fees?”

  “Of course not.”

  His mouth thinned into a line. “I hate to think of you working yourself to the bone like this. Have you talked to the coach?”

  “About what?”

  “About getting financial assistance. There’s always funds available for kids who need a little bit of financial help.”

  She gaped at him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Really. We had kids on our teams back in West Virginia that needed a helping hand from time to time. No one thought anything about it.”

  Dani didn’t think this Bridgeport team had the same kind of setup. But how could she tell Jackson that? He really was trying so hard to help.

  Pinning a smile on her face, she said, “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll, um, ask Coach Edwards if there’s a fund for people like me.” Boy, even saying the words felt like she was swallowing Ajax.

  “There’s no shame in being a widow on a budget, Dani,” he said softly.

  She supposed not, but as far as she was concerned, she felt like she was raising her boy to always be aware of how much she couldn’t do for him.

  Making up her mind, Dani nodded. “Thanks for the idea. I’ll give the coach a call tomorrow.” Or she’d email him. That might be easier.

  Of course, she was still going to have to figure out how to get Jeremy to all of his practices. But that was a problem for another day, right?

  He looked at her curiously. “How come you don’t look any happier?”

  “I am.”

  “But?”

  Pride meant that she didn’t want to tell him the rest of her troubles. But the late night and his kindness loosened her tongue. “Jackson, there’s a ton of practices. The other mothers carpool, but with my schedule, that’s kind of hard to do.”

  “So you need help driving him.”

  “I do. I mean no, I don’t.” Feeling rattled, she blurted, “I can handle it.”

  “I’ll help. I want to help.”

  “Jackson, that’s kind of you, but you pay me to watch your little girl, remember? I know how much you work.”

  “I’ll figure something out. I’ll ask Ace and Kurt if they have any ideas.” Looking at her intently, he said, “The important thing is that you remember that you aren’t alone. You might not have a mess of family around, but you have friends. Lots of friends.”

  She chuckled. “You’re making it sound so easy.”

  “That’s ’cause it is.” He paused, then said, “You could also tell Jeremy that you aren’t sure if he can continue.”

  Even thinking about saying such a thing made tears form in her eyes. “I can’t do that. He needs this, Jackson.”

  “He needs you. I promise, it’s okay if you tell him that he can’t always get everything he wants.”

  “He already knows that.” Her boy had a childhood filled with frequent moves and ended with his father dying. There was no way she was going to let Jeremy deal with one more disappointment if she could help it.

  “He loves baseball that much?”

  She nodded. “He’s also that good.”

  “Then that is what matters.” Reaching out, he took hold of one of her hands in between both of his own. “You’re right. Everyone needs a dream to reach for, don’t you think?”

  Before she even realized she was doing it, Dani shook her head.

  Smiling softly, Jackson stepped closer and gently kissed her on the lips. After staring at her for a moment longer, he smiled. “Let’s get you out of here.”

  Feeling stunned by both the kiss and how she felt about it, Dani quickly gathered her things and shoved them in her canvas tote bag. “Good night.”

  “I’ll walk you up.”

  When he held out his hand, she handed over the tote and then quietly walked by his side out his door and up the stairs. After she unlocked her door, he stepped in and turned on her light.

  And then kissed her again before pulling her into a warm hug. Before Dani realized she was doing it, she rested her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his middle.

  “It’ll be okay, Dani,” he murmured against her hair. “I promise.”

  She didn’t know how it could be, or how Jackson could make such a promise.

 
But right then, standing in his arms, she almost believed he was right.

  When he pulled away, she pressed a hand to his chest. Finally looked up into his eyes. “Jackson?” They’d kissed several times now. Didn’t that mean something? Did they need to talk about what had just happened?

  He ran a hand down her back. “Don’t worry anymore. Not tonight. ’Kay?”

  Out of words, she simply nodded.

  Looking pleased, he smiled. “Night, Dani. Get some sleep, sweetheart,” he said as he turned and walked back down the stairs.

  “Night,” she murmured. Trying to recall the last time anyone had listened to her complain but didn’t offer judgments. Or, the last time anyone had kissed her, held her, or called her sweetheart.

  When was the last time Brian had done those things? Maybe before their last move? Before he got his new job?

  She couldn’t remember.

  No, the only thing that seemed to come to mind was the knowledge that it had been far too long.

  CHAPTER 14

  From Les Larke’s

  You, Too, Can Host

  a Poker Tourney:

  Determine ahead of time the desired intensity of your poker group. Some guys are real sticklers for doing everything by the rules, which can get tense. It’s up to you to set the tone.

  Sunday

  It was nice to think about someone else. As Jackson drove up Highway 48, curving around a grouping of five clapboard houses that had recently been remodeled, it occurred to him that he’d been solely focused on himself of late. Maybe for too long.

  Though he knew he should give himself a break—after all, losing one’s wife and job in the space of eight months was a lot for even the strongest person to handle—he was starting to think that he’d fostered that self-pity a bit too long. Like two years too long. Dwelling on his hardships hadn’t done either himself or Kate much good.

  Accepting all of his friends’ help and sympathy hadn’t helped him in the long run, either. He’d stopped wondering what problems they might have been dealing with. Almost as if no one could have a problem if they weren’t dealing with a spouse’s death.

  But whatever the reason, it was only after meeting Dani that he’d realized just how much he’d been living in his own particular circle of hell. Worse, he’d almost been feeling justified about being there.

  Usually, all this reflection would make him wonder what advice Beth would have given him. But he didn’t need to look that far. No, he realized that both of his parents had been hinting quite a bit that it was time to get over himself. Yes, he’d had some traumas. But he wasn’t alone in missing either Beth or his job.

  “Daddy, we gonna see Finn today?” Kate called out from the back seat, bringing him back to the present.

  He glanced back at her in the rearview mirror. “I don’t think so, baby. We’re going over to see Kurt and Sam and Emily.”

  “Daddy, you can’t call me baby anymore.”

  Boy, his girl always had something on her mind. “Why ever not?”

  “’Cause Miss Dani says I’m a big girl now.”

  “She did, did she?”

  “Uh-huh, ’cause I don’t have any more accidents and I’m going to be in preschool before I know it.”

  He couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing. “You’re right, sweetheart. You are a big girl now.” And Lord help him if he ever had to go through the perils of little girl potty training on his own again. Sweet Kate had taken a small eternity to get the hang of it after the move, and every setback had involved lots of emergency baths, showers, and loads of laundry.

  As for preschool? He could hardly believe it was looming.

  “Sweetheart?”

  “I’m not a sweetheart neither.”

  He chuckled. “You don’t like that name either?”

  “Nope. My name is Kate, Daddy. Kathryn Elizabeth.”

  “It sure is.” Boy, if she was this bossy now, what was she going to be like when she was fourteen?

  Luckily, he wasn’t going to have to worry about that for a while. “We’re here,” he said as he pulled into Kurt’s driveway.

  “Yay!”

  “If I’m not mistaken, your buddy Finn is, too.”

  She craned her neck to look out the window. “Really?”

  “Yep.”

  “Hurry, Daddy.”

  After grabbing his cell phone, he reached in and released the straps of her car seat. Just as she was about to scramble out, he leaned close. “Hold on, Kate.”

  She stilled. “Yes?”

  “Don’t forget to be a good girl now, you hear?”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  Swinging her to the ground, he reached for her hand. “Come on, let’s see where everyone is.”

  Pointing to where Kurt, Emily, Ace, and Troy were standing on Kurt’s front porch, she called out, “There they are!”

  “There’s my girl,” Kurt called out. “Looking so pretty today, too.”

  Kate giggled. “Hi, Mr. Kurt!” As soon as Jackson released her hand, she charged forward, hugging Kurt’s knee before he could kneel down to give her a proper hug.

  After she left Kurt’s side and said hello to Emily and Troy, she hurried over to see Sam and Finn.

  Kurt straightened and shook Jackson’s hand. “Good to see you, buddy. Glad you stopped by. Em and I were just talking about going downtown tonight. Want to join us?”

  “Downtown Cincinnati? Where, Over the Rhine?”

  Emily chuckled. “You know I’ll never get Kurt that far. We’re just going to downtown Bridgeport.”

  “What do you say?” Kurt asked. “Kate’s welcome, of course.”

  “Or, do you have to work?” Troy asked.

  “No, I don’t have to work tonight. Let me think about it, though. I’ve been putting in a lot of hours. I was thinking about staying home with Kate.”

  “All right.”

  After double-checking that the teenagers were all right with Kate tagging along after them, Jackson took a seat next to Ace and Troy. “What have y’all been up to today?”

  “Making a picnic table,” Troy said.

  “What?”

  Kurt groaned. After looking like he was making sure the space was clear, he lowered his voice. “Em started telling me how she’d always wanted a picnic table. She was gonna go to Home Depot and take one of those classes.”

  “She and Campbell were going to construct it together,” Troy said.

  “So, how did it go from that to y’all building it together?”

  “I’m not gonna sit around and watch my fiancée build a table,” Kurt muttered.

  Jackson laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Troy asked.

  “Only that you just bought yourself a world of hurt. You took their project away. She pissed?”

  “No.” Looking out for Emily again, Kurt mumbled. “Maybe a little.”

  “Maybe a lot,” Ace said, grinning. “She’s covering it up real good for you, but before y’all got here, she and Campbell were having a minor meltdown about how we took their project away and weren’t even doing a very good job of it.”

  “Guess we arrived at the perfect time.”

  Kurt fished out another bottle of water and drank half of it. “I’m hoping Emily will cool down presently. What do you think my chances are of that happening?”

  Jackson wobbled a hand. “Fair to middling.”

  Kurt grunted. “Did you come over here to offer relationship advice or help build?”

  “I’ll be pleased to do both, but I actually came to ask you a favor.” Looking at all three of them, he added, “Come to think of it, I could use some help from all of you.”

  “Name it,” Troy said immediately.

  Ace’s expression turned worried. “What’s going on? Do you need a loan or somet
hing?”

  “No, this time, the favor isn’t for me. It’s for Dani, the gal who watches Kate.”

  Ace’s expression sharpened. “I know who Dani is. Doesn’t she live in your apartment complex, too?”

  “Yeah. I mean, she lives in the apartment above me.” Thinking it would be best to simply dive on in, he continued, “See, here’s the thing. She also lost her spouse. Plus she has a fourteen-year-old, so she’s a single mom.”

  “Man, that’s hard,” Troy said.

  Jackson nodded. “I know it’s been real hard. Especially because her man didn’t have any life insurance to speak of. He left her without a cushion.”

  Ace leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, money’s tight.”

  “Really tight. Dani cleans houses during the day, runs Jeremy around after school, then watches Kate for me in the evenings.” Thinking of how that woman never did anything just for fun, he added, “She’s also been taking come college courses online. She works on those late at night.”

  “So she never sleeps,” Kurt said.

  “Not much. Not enough.” Looking at the three other men, seeing the sympathy in their eyes, Jackson felt himself relax slightly.

  Not because they understood what he was getting at, but because he knew they understood people like Dani. All of them had grown up without a lot of money. Their fathers worked long shifts in the mine and their mothers did odd jobs in order to pay for extras.

  Each of them had grown up being expected to do chores, take care of younger siblings, and take care of themselves. No one was sitting at home, waiting for them to get off the school bus. Instead, they’d let themselves inside.

  “What does she need, Cookie?” Troy asked.

  “Oh, sorry. Her boy Jeremy is a good enough baseball player to join the Bridgeport Bats. It’s a club team.”

  Their expressions cleared.

  “Let me guess,” Troy said, “playing for the Bats costs an arm and a leg.”

  “At least,” Jackson muttered.

  “She also didn’t think about saying no,” Ace murmured.