Love Me or Miss Me

by Dream Jordan

  Disappointed and mulling over my financial situation, I was in another zone when Naleejah tapped me. “There’s your boy,” she said, jutting her chin forward.

  Before I realized it, we were already in front of Charles’s building, and Charles was ten feet away, sitting on the island of cement near the parking lot, talking to a quartet of dudes.

  Next thing I knew, Naleejah grabbed my arm and started pulling me in the opposite direction. “Yo, what are you doing?” I protested, tugging my arm away from her.

  “Time to make a U-turn!” Naleejah exclaimed.

  “What?”

  “I just remembered,” she began, “you can’t be rocking those raggedy sneakers in front of Charles. He’ll think you fell off the fashion wagon and hurt yourself.”

  I jerked my head back in confusion. “But don’t I look good enough from the ankles up?”

  “Far from good, girl,” said Naleejah, shaking her head at me. “Your sneakers are tragic. You need to go home and change. We’ll come back this way when you got your act together. Ain’t no half-stepping when it comes to Charles, okay?”

  Naleejah’s face looked so serious and so concerned that I believed every word she said. Okay, true. Last time I saw Charles I was rocking sweaty armpits and acting the fool. This time, I had to come correct from head to toe, or I might lose his interest for good.

  * * *

  Naleejah came with me to my house. But I asked her to wait on the stoop while I went inside to change into her tight-as-can-be shoes. Didn’t feel all that welcome in the Johnson household to be inviting my friends in.

  I zipped to the bathroom, smeared on a ton of deodorant under my arms, and helped myself to a squirt of Lynn’s flowery perfume from the bathroom cabinet. Boom, now I was smelling good, looking good, ready to get my man.

  As I wobbled down the porch steps, Naleejah eyed my feet approvingly and said, “Now, that’s much better.”

  By the time we made it to the corner of Fulton Street, my feet were killing me. We spotted Charles sitting on the island, and his homeboy-count had whittled down to one.

  Charles smiled as soon as he saw me. “What’s up, baby?”

  “Nothing much,” I said.

  “Heyyy, Charles,” said Naleejah, smiling harder than necessary.

  “What’s the deal, ma?” he asked. Then he turned to his friend and introduced him as Divine. He was divine, fine as ever. Not that tall, though, but he was oh-so-dipped in beautiful cinnamon-brown skin. Nice white smile. Cool baggy clothes. He looked good enough to grab Naleejah’s attention, thank goodness.

  Naleejah stayed in Divine’s face, and Charles guided me over to somebody’s red car. He sat on the trunk and pulled me toward him. “Get closer, Kate.… Why you acting all jittery?”

  “I’m not acting jittery,” I lied.

  Charles cocked his head to the side and said, “Matter of fact, the last time I saw you, you were acting mad nervous. You practically ran away from me. What’s up with you, girl? You changing on me?”

  I tried to pull myself together. I had to get rid of the goofball actions once and for all. So I decided to turn on my sexy charm (if I had any to offer). “I’m not changing on you,” I said, smiling seductively (I hoped). “So, why don’t you tell me how you want me to be.” Then I winked for special effect.

  “Stop teasing a brother,” muttered Charles.

  “I’m not teasing you.”

  “Yes, you are, and you’re silly too.”

  “I’m not silly.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  I puckered my lips, and in a baby voice, I said, “Aww, him mad at me?”

  “Sweetheart, you need to grow up and get some,” Charles said. “Even your nerdy little friend is getting hers.”

  “Shut up,” I said. I punched Charles in the arm for teasing my homegirl. It was a shame how word had whizzed around P.S. 342 so fast about Felicia. She had trusted a bigmouthed liver-lipped boy with her heart, gave up her golden treasure, and Liver Lips went around our school shouting out the news.

  “So, you’re just going to stand here looking like a pretty statue?” asked Charles. “You’re usually running your mouth.”

  “Well, you have a mouth too,” I said, even though I knew Charles was right. Before this beauty business, I had a whole lot of mouth—couldn’t shut me up for nothing. But now I was being careful. Didn’t want to say anything stupid. I wanted to take things to the next level, but I didn’t know how. I was expecting Charles to lead the way to romance.

  Out of nowhere, a trio of boys on BMX bikes rode up on us. “What’s up, Charlie? What it do?”

  “Nothing new,” said Charles. “Catch y’all later on tonight, a’ight?”

  One of the boys winked at me for whatever reason, and they rode off.

  Then another interruption.

  “Heyyy, Charles,” a voiced called over my back. I swiveled around to face a short honey-brown girl rocking a burgundy weave and a skintight leopard-print dress.

  “What’s up, Imani?” said Charles, looking over my head to greet her.

  “Is your brother upstairs?” Imani asked, now standing two inches away from me, but not bothering to look my way.

  “Yeah, he’s home.”

  “All right, Charlie, thanks.”

  As soon as Imani walked away, here comes another girl around my age rocking a black weave with blond tips, and a red dress that barely covered up her butt.

  “What’s up, Charlie?” she asked in a squeaky voice.

  “What’s up, Tyesha?”

  “When you planning to give me back my DVDs?” she asked, playfully tapping his leg. She acted like I wasn’t standing there, didn’t even say hi to me.

  Charles cocked his head to the side and said, “Come on, now—I live two doors down from you, where am I going?”

  “But I want them back now,” she squeaked. “I’m headed to a friend’s house, and I promised I’d bring them.” Tyesha glanced over at me. She was smiling, but the smile was not friendly. Charles jumped off the car, gently pushed me to the side, and said, “I’ll be back.”

  “Okay, Mr. Popular,” I joked.

  I worriedly watched Tyesha and Charles disappear into their building. Naleejah must’ve been watching the whole scene from the corner of her eye, because I suddenly heard her call out, “Bye, sweetie,” to Divine, and she was by my side in a flash.

  “What was that all about?” Naleejah exclaimed. “No he didn’t just leave you for that broad!”

  I explained the DVD situation, and Naleejah shook her head. “Still, the chick saw that Charles was busy with you—she could’ve waited.”

  “True.”

  “She did that mess for spite.”

  “Well, he’s coming back out,” I said. “No big deal.”

  Five minutes later, I didn’t expect Charles to come back out with Tyesha still by his side. Big dang deal!

  Twenty feet away from us, Tyesha grabbed Charles’s arm, and they stopped short. She told him whatever she had to tell him, he nodded, and she laughed. I wished I had bionic ears.

  When Charles tried to walk away, Tyesha pulled him back again.

  I remained calm, although don’t get it twisted. When Charles and I got serious, these chickenheads had better go clucking somewhere else. Trust and believe, I wouldn’t be so patient when he was officially my man.

  Naleejah stared at Tyesha, shaking her head. “Now she’s really violating.”

  “Violating, for real,” I said, wishing I could read lips. What did Tyesha have to say that was so freaking important? To get my mind off of what was going on in front of me, I turned my attention to Naleejah. “So did you get the digits from Divine? He’s a cutie.”

  “Did I get the digits?” Naleejah repeated, then whipped out a piece of paper. “Oh yeah, I got the digits. You know I’m always on my grind.”

  I laughed, a little louder than usual, just to let Teyasha know I wasn’t fazed by her—even though I was.

  “I swear, I hat
e a jealous chickenhead,” Naleejah continued harping. “She knows she’s disrespecting you, and she’s loving every minute of it.”

  “Well, if Charles doesn’t come over here soon, I’m about to be out. It’s too hot out here for this bull.”

  “Yeah, I don’t blame you.”

  Then suddenly, from wayyy down the block, I heard Charles’s name being called. By his mother. Mrs. King. Putting my baby on blast out in the streets like she always did. She was carrying a gang of grocery bags in both hands. “Come over here and help me with these, boy!” she shouted.

  Mrs. King may have stopped beating on Charles, but she surely hadn’t changed her loud ways. The only thing I was grateful to her for was getting Tyesha out my man’s face.

  Charles sprinted up to his mother and grabbed the bags. As he walked past Naleejah and me, he called out, “Wait for me, Kate. I’ll be back down.”

  Mrs. King butted in. “I don’t think so. Not until you put all these groceries away.”

  By now, my feet were killing me; I was sweating from the heat, tight about Tyesha, ready to go home.

  “Hey, I’ll catch you later,” I said.

  “A’ight, ma,” Charles called over his back.

  Then I turned to Naleejah and said, “Let’s go.”

  But Naleejah stood her ground, wearing a scowl.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I asked, perplexed.

  She jutted her chin toward Tyesha, who was now standing in front of a nearby fish and chips joint, talking loud into her cell phone.

  “What about her?” I asked.

  “You need to go find out what’s going on with her and Charles,” said Naleejah in a stern tone.

  “Nah, that’s okay,” I said. “I don’t fight over dudes—not even Charles.”

  “I’m not asking you to fight. I’m asking you to find out if something’s up between him and her.”

  “Like she’s really going to tell me the truth,” I said.

  “Well, you can play blind if you want to. But that wasn’t right what she did. She straight-up violated.”

  Before I knew what I was doing, I was standing in front of Tyesha. Naleejah was close behind me. I waited for Tyesha to click shut her phone, then said, “Excuse me, can I ask you a question?”

  “Why, what happened?” Tyesha staggered back a step. The sight of two girls in her face must’ve frightened her. So I made sure to soften my tone when I asked, “Do you talk to Charles?”

  “No,” said Tyesha. “Why?”

  “I was just wondering … that’s all.”

  “’Cause she talks to him,” piped in Naleejah, folding her arms across her chest.

  “Well, she can have him,” said Tyesha with a shrug.

  “Listen, it’s really not that serious,” I said, staring at the sidewalk.

  “Well, do you need to know anything else?” asked Tyesha sarcastically. Before I could say no, Tyesha walked away from us, shaking her head.

  When I parted ways with Naleejah, I was shaking my head too.

  The entire day was a bust.

  Chapter 15

  On Tuesday, I was getting ready to head to Tisha’s office when Naleejah called. It was nine o’clock in the morning, so I wondered why she was calling me so early … and why was she sniffling over the phone? I went from confused to worried in under sixty seconds. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “What happened?”

  “Kate … I think I caught something.”

  “Oh no, are you—?”

  “And I’m scared.”

  “Man, I’m sorry to hear—”

  “And the messed up thing is … I don’t even know who gave this to me.”

  “Well, do you know if—?”

  “I can’t tell my mom, definitely not my pops.… I can’t even go to our family doctor, because I’m afraid my parents will find out.”

  Finally I jumped in. “Listen, you can go to the free clinic around our way. Those doctors won’t tell your parents anything.”

  “Yeah?” she sniffed. “Well, where is it?”

  I ran down the address and gave Naleejah directions to a T. I’ve escorted so many group homegirls to the cootie clinic (don’t laugh, that’s what we called it), I could get to that grimy old building with my eyes closed.

  “Can you come with me?” asked Naleejah.

  I paused, and then reluctantly said, “Sorry, I can’t.”

  Man, I felt so bad for having to say no. But Tisha is no-nonsense when it comes to me keeping appointments. Tisha was meeting me on her own time, something she didn’t have to do. If I fronted on Tisha, she would be furious with me. I told Naleejah this.

  “But can’t you meet her tomorrow, or some other time?”

  “No,” I said flatly. “I really can’t.”

  “But what time is your appointment?”

  “Eleven.”

  “And it’s only nine o’clock.”

  “Yeah, but trust me, there’s always a long wait at the cootie—um, I mean, clinic.”

  Silence on the other end.

  “Naleejah, I’m really sorry that I can’t come with you.”

  Next thing I knew, click, bam in my ear.

  Okay.

  Foul of her, but whatever, I had to go.

  * * *

  Turned out to be a nice day. I met my new law guardian, Mrs. Morrison. Sweet older black lady. She had short curly gray hair and a friendly smile. Tisha made sure I understood everything Mrs. Morrison could do for me as my lawyer, and after that meeting, I was feeling more protected than before.

  As soon as I got home, I was still feeling positive. So I decided to call Naleejah. I was reaching out to her because I’d had the chance to step back, relax, and put myself in her shoes. I imagined how scared she must be. If I were her, and she were me, I’d want my friend to check up on me too—even if I had acted like a butthead, hanging up phones and whatnot.

  But Naleejah wasn’t home, nor was she picking up her cell phone. All day, I left messages, but Naleejah returned none of my calls. Was she still upset with me? I wondered. Of course, I understood why she’d be upset—at first. She probably felt let down and dissed. But dang, time has passed, don’t overdo it. Can we move on, please?

  Then again, maybe Naleejah needed some time to herself. Maybe she was too embarrassed to talk about it—or maybe she was still crying in her bed and couldn’t talk about it. I had no clue.

  All I knew was that I’d wait two more days, and then I’d try her one more time. And if she didn’t pick up her phone, or call me back, I’d have to count her as another homegirl lost. Like I told you before, I don’t jump through hoops for nobody. Bump that. Naleejah had no right to be mad at me. Wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go with her to the clinic. I didn’t choose to be in my situation—having courts decide what happens with my life. Some people only have to see courts on TV; meanwhile, I have to experience the real deal even when I’ve done nothing wrong.

  * * *

  On Friday, Naleejah’s deadline, I prepared to make my final call. Since I’m only allowed to use the phone in the kitchen, and have no privacy to speak of, I waited until Lynn and Ted were fast asleep before dialing her up.

  Finally, I reached her on the celly at eleven o’clock on the dot. She answered in a cheery voice, so things couldn’t have been that bad.

  “Girl, I’ve been calling you off the hook!” I said. “Are you okay?”

  “Of course I’m okay,” Naleejah replied. “We don’t have to speak every day. I’m a busy woman, you know.”

  “Don’t get it twisted,” I said half-jokingly. “I was only checking up on you.”

  “Well, I’m fine.”

  “Glad to hear it.”

  “Not as much as me,” exclaimed Naleejah. “It was nothing. Nothing a little cream can’t fix.”

  “Oh,” I said, wondering what she had to fix.

  “Yeast infection,” Naleejah volunteered. “Doctor said no more tight jeans, but he must be crazy. I don’t do baggy clothes, feel me?”
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  “Yeah, true—not you.”

  “Girl, I’m so happy! Now I can keep my date with Finesse.”

  Naleejah suddenly broke out into song. “I’m getting me some tonight. I’m getting me some tonight.”

  “You still messing with Finesse?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Yeah, and?”

  “After he put his hands on you?” I said, not believing this forgetful chick. “I thought you were through with him.”

  “Well, minds are meant to be changed … like panties.” Naleejah giggled.

  “But … don’t you think you should slow down?” I asked. I didn’t mean to ask her this, but the words just fell out of my mouth. I couldn’t believe Naleejah had recovered so quickly from an itchy STD scare.

  “Slow down?” Naleejah repeated. “Don’t you think you should catch up? Besides, did I say anything about us having sex? Shoot, a little oral never hurt nobody, you feel me?”

  “Naleejah, hate to tell you, but oral sex is sex.” Duh?

  “No, it isn’t. Calm down.”

  “Yes, it is. You better ask somebody.”

  “Girl, you’re just paranoid,” said Naleejah with a chuckle.

  “Well, would you drink after a dude who has AIDS?”

  “Hell no, is you crazy?” Naleejah exclaimed. “I ain’t putting my lips on nobody’s AIDS cup!”

  “Okay, then.”

  “Okay, then—what?”

  “You can’t even catch AIDS from drinking after someone—but you can from having oral sex. How do you know if Finesse has AIDS or not? Did he show you results from a test, or are you just hoping for the best?”

  “Kate?”

  “What?”

  “You really want to be a teacher when you grow up, don’t you?”

  “See, you always got jokes—too bad I’m not laughing.”

  “Too bad you’re not getting any either,” said Naleejah. “You need a man in your life, for real.”

  “Are you done yet?” I snapped.

  “All I got to say is, you don’t know what you’re missing. I mean really, you should try the lollipop—matter of fact, you should try to put it on Charles. Bet you won’t have any problems keeping his attention after you go down on him. He’ll love you for life. I promise you that much.”