by Lauren Helms
From the corner of my eye, I see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “I see you too, Kel.”
I nod. “Yeah? And what do you see?” I breathe.
“You’re lonely, too. Just like me.” I suck in a breath and wonder when I became such an open book.
“I thought you said you weren’t lonely.” I don’t smile, concerned about how the mood turned somber.
His shoulder lifts in a shrug. “Maybe I lied.”
I narrow my eyes at him, and he seems to know I don’t like his response. He lets out a sigh. “More like… I just don’t want to admit it.”
Then tension in my neck eases. “What would make you less lonely?”
“You.” His gaze fixes on mine. My body heats, and I run the risk of melting into a puddle of goo right here for everyone to see.
I work my jaw, making sure I have control over my body, “You’ve got me. Friends. Remember?”
His eyes darken. “And does anyone else have you, too?” he nearly growls.
Blinking back surprise, I tilt my head. “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t want a relationship. When did friendships become exclusive?”
Anger flashes in his eyes as he opens his mouth, but he must think better of what he was about to say because he snaps it shut instead. I narrow my eyes on him—I can almost guess what he was going to say.
“Are you sleeping with anyone else, Kel?” His tone is tight, clipped.
He’s the one who didn’t want a relationship, and suddenly, he doesn’t want me sleeping with anyone else? I shake off my anger because I don’t want to fight.
“No, Ben. Just you. My friend.” I can’t hide the bitterness, and he catches it.
“I don’t like the idea of a long-distance relationship. I told you that from the start.”
I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in my chair. “I’m not asking for one.”
He leans closer, “You didn’t let me finish. “I like the idea of you hooking up with anyone else even less,” he bites out.
I raise a brow.
“What I’m saying is that I want to be more than friends with you, Kelly.”
My heart hammers in my chest. “But…”
“I know what I said, Kelly. Last night, today—hell, the last few weeks—it all solidified that I want to give this a shot. It’s not going to be easy, but I think we should try.” His lips press together as he exudes calm.
My heart is anything but calm. “Okay,” I let out on a shaky breath.
The tension that has him bound tight shatters as he lets out a soft, “Thank God.”
I can’t help but grin, my heart taking flight like a bird being let out of its cage. We stare at each other, all dopey-eyed grins.
Then he snickers before asking, “Does this mean your friends’ warnings of my decapitation gets more vivid and elaborate now that I’m your boyfriend?”
Warmth spreads across my chest at the term boyfriend, even though I’m far too old to feel giddy about it. Snorting, I tell him the truth. “I have no idea, but I can imagine much more violent threats.”
“You should visit me in Chicago. Meet my friends.” He beams, and I nod in agreement. I’d pretty much agree to anything at this point.
That’s when another truth hits me square in the chest.
Shit, this is gonna hurt like hell.
11
Ben
I pick up my phone and swipe to listen to the voicemail. Assuming the call was spam, I let it roll, but as I lie in bed trying to find sleep, I decide to listen.
“Hello, Ben. This is Ronni from Gallant Gaming. We received your application for the Producer position. I would love to talk with you regarding the current opportunities we have available. I think you may be just who we’re looking for. Please, give me a call.”
She rattles off her number and the message ends. I let out a breath. I filled out that application weeks ago. I had almost written off the company. Gallant Gaming is one of the leading video game developers in the industry, and from what I hear, they’re a great company to work for. I’m still not sure what I want to do, but I know I’m going to have to figure it out fast. I was hesitant to apply for this job because their headquarters is in New York. Born and raised in Chicago, I’m not sold on moving, but I need to keep my options open.
If I take this job in NYC, I’m going to face another big issue—moving even farther away from Kelly.
We’ve only been official for a few weeks now, but if we have any chance of a future together, I should consider this relationship when thinking of what’s next in my career. The thought of moving even farther from her tugs at my heart a little too hard not to.
Kelly is amazing; the highlight of my day is talking to her. I’m always counting down the days until I see her next. If I move to NYC, then the already small amount of time we get to see each other will reduce. Short of me moving to Cali, I can’t see how I’ll be able to continue with our current setup. Working with Lasso on a contract basis allows me to visit her. But once I get a full-time gig after leaving the team, I’m going to have to save my visits to weekends only. Plus, they’ll be random, and I’ll zip through my frequent flyer miles quickly.
I scrub my hand down my face and toss my phone on the nightstand next to the bed.
Fuck.
I’m fucking lost right now. Pro gaming just fell into my lap. I’m stupid if I think my next job will, too.
I kick off the sheet, suddenly getting overheated in my bed. Punching my pillow, I roll to my side and blink at the wall.
I haven’t talked to the team about moving on yet. I know it’s only a matter of time before Dex and Simon do, but something’s gnawing at me to move on first. I don’t want to be left behind or stuck in a situation I didn’t see coming. I see the ending to Team NoMad as it’s coming, and I’m ready to embrace it.
Maybe I need to broach the situation with Dex and Simon. Or talk to Bernie. I need to feel them out and get an idea of what they’re thinking.
Then maybe after I do that, I need to talk to Kelly about what it means for us when I’m no longer enjoying free flights and frequent visits to Cali.
Would she be willing to move wherever I end up? We could live together, she could find a job, or I could support her for a while—no biggie. Would she leave her friends and family? Fuck, I don’t think she would. She’s really loving her job right now, and I know it’s been a long time coming for her to find something she truly enjoys. No way could I ask her to uproot her life for me. We’ve known each other for a few months, and I’ve only been her boyfriend for a few weeks. We just aren’t there yet. Unfortunately, this decision will come before we are.
I know if I had the opportunity, I’d move to Cali. But I’ve checked, and there aren’t many career opportunities in my wheelhouse at the moment. I’d love to work at Lasso, but they aren’t hiring. I’ve got enough money to keep me comfortable for a while, but I’m not the kinda guy who likes sitting around and doing nothing.
Her face flashes through my mind, and I’m hit with a pang of sadness. I don’t want us to be over, but this long-distance thing is no joke. It’s hard being here in the Windy City and her over in the Golden State. The three-hour time difference doesn’t help. Oftentimes, I don’t think about it and call her super early when she’s still asleep. Or I call her when she’s still working. It sucks, but it’s something we’ll have to get used to, I guess.
It takes me several minutes of lying in the dark before I fall asleep. And it feels like only moments have passed when I’m startled awake by the vibration coming from the nightstand.
Groggily, I reach over, patting around for my phone. Opening one eye, I lift my phone and see it’s Kelly. I also see that it’s just past three in the morning.
“Hello?” My voice is gravelly with sleep. My eyes stay shut as I rest the phone on my face.
“Oh my God. You were asleep,” she slurs.
“Yeah.”
“Shit sticks, what time is it? I don’t even kn
ow what time it is.” She’s drunk.
“It’s three here,” I mumble, still not awake.
“Ben, I’m so sorry. Aubrey and I went out for drinks, and I just got home and all I wanted to do was talk to you.” She draws out the last word. I can picture her sitting on her bed, pouting.
“It’s okay. You sound like you had a lot to drink. Did you have fun?” I smile in the dark when she giggles her response.
“So much fun, but way too much sex on the beach.”
“As in the drink?” My dick stirs as I hear the word sex on her lips.
“Yes, silly. Who else would I be having sex on the beach with if you’re there and I’m here?” More drunken giggles.
“Exactly.” I roll to my back, dropping the phone on my face. I grab it quickly, and she’s chatting about her night. While I’d love to be sleeping right now, hearing her voice is just as relaxing.
“I miss you.” Her whisper fills the phone.
Frowning, I realize again just how damn much I miss her. “I miss you, Kel.”
“I wish you were here with me tonight. I love my girl time with Aubs, but...” she trails off.
“How about next time we see each other, we go out? You can drink all the sex on the beach you want, and I’ll be there with you.”
“While I grope you all night.” Her voice goes sultry and my dick twitches.
“Is that right? You get touchy and feely when you’re tipsy, huh?” I chuckle.
“Only with you. All I can think about is that fucking hot bod of yours, gamer boy.” She sighs. “Which, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting your body to be so sexy, but I love it. Looooovve it,” she purrs.
“Your body is fucking hot. Those surfer legs make me hard just thinking about them wrapped around me.” I groan at the thought, covering my eyes with my hand.
She whimpers at my response.
“So not fair that you’re here and I’m there,” she whines.
A bubble of laughter rises up through my throat. “Kel, it’s the other way around. I’m here, you’re there.”
“Whatever. Same difference.” She goes quiet, and after a few moments, I wonder if she’s still there. Then she speaks again. “Pixy is a really good goat, you know? Almost like a dog.”
I smile into the darkened room. “You saying you want a goat?”
“No, I think the Bateman’s got very lucky with their goat. Except for the fainting part,” she replies.
“That is unfortunate. And also very odd.”
She keeps on going about the goat. “I mean, he’s not very soft. If I were to get a pet, it would have to be fuzzy and soft. I like snuggles. Cuddling is a passion of mine.”
“I’ll cuddle you,” I tell her, hoping to hear her laugh again.
“Hmm.”
“Kel?” I question.
The only response I get is a soft snore. My girl just passed the fuck out after telling me cuddling is her passion.
“Night, Kelly,” I whisper into the phone before ending the call and going back to sleep.
Due to my late night—er, early morning—call from Kelly, I decide that coffee may not do the job today. I’m exhausted and I’m considering doing something I haven’t done since college. A good ole fashion mid-day nap. Shutting down my computer in the training room, I figure out how much time I’ve got until my meeting with my financial planner this afternoon.
I took a page from Dex’s book, and a couple of years ago when I was bringing in more money than I ever expected when it came to pro gaming, I hired a financial planner. I don’t invest a lot, but mostly, my guy has saved me from wasting all my money. I have a call with him quarterly, but I set up a call today because I wanted to go through some numbers. If I stopped gaming at the end of this season, how long could I comfortably go without working? Or how long could I afford to freelance? Basically, I just wanted to get my shit together.
I’ve got two hours. While I doubt I’ll manage to sleep for two hours—I’ve already had a shit-ton of coffee today—I have two hours to relax. Just as I get to the front door, I hear Dex call to me from the workout room.
“Ben, wanna grab a quick bite for lunch?” Looking over my shoulder, I see Dex walking toward me, Simon behind him.
I contemplate losing out on that nap just as my stomach rumbles. Screw the nap—I’ll just get more coffee. “Yeah, sure.”
Dex comes to my side and slaps my shoulder. “Awesome. Link is meeting us. Let’s go.”
Link is Dex’s best friend and a famous YouTube star. He used to be on the team, but he retired a couple of years ago to focus on his YouTube empire. He’s a good dude but cocky as shit. He lives with Simon upstairs, but he’s still around and oftentimes forgets he’s not actually on the team anymore.
The three of us make our way to a nearby bar we frequent often for lunch, dinner, and late-night drinks. It’s like a second home. Waltzing in and taking a corner booth in the back to join Link, who’s already made himself comfortable.
“Ladies, how are you today?” he sing-songs.
Rolling my eyes, I ignore him. I’ve found it’s best to ignore the dude at times. The three guys, who I’ll admit are thick as thieves, chat and talk about their morning. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have such close friends. Not only are they close, but all of their girlfriends are close, too. It’s like some strange little family of couples. If it weren’t for Bernie, I’d feel like the awkward man out. Don’t get me wrong, the ladies in these guys’ lives are all wonderful, but I tend to stay away from group settings.
These three have one another’s backs. They know each other well and are always up in one another’s business. No, thank you. My closest friend is Garland, and we live thousands of miles apart. Still, in the back of my mind, I always sort of thought I should have tried a little harder to get into this little family. It’s water under the bridge at this point. I’m going to leave the team soon and they will all, in some way, still be together.
“So what’s up with you, Ben? Haven’t seen ya around,” Link says from across the booth.
“Just chilling. I’ve been going to Lasso a lot, working on some voice-overs.” I take a drink of the Diet Coke the server just dropped off. We come here so often that the servers know our drink orders.
“That’s right. Lasso is epic. I’ve worked with them before. Awesome company.” He nods.
“Are you planning on working with them more?” Dex asks this time, and I glance in his direction, trying to figure out if he’s on to me.
“Maybe. I really like the work. But it’s all freelance right now. Works with the schedule nicely.” Truth.
“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if they try to snag you up full time one of these days.” He grins, and I realize that now would be the time to do a little digging.
I lean on to the table, my forearms flush with the top. “Have you ever thought about what you’ll do when you retire from the team?” I don’t sugarcoat it—I just throw it out there and hope I catch something.
Dex chuckles and Simon sneers.
“Oh, real talk time, boys.” Link claps his hands with glee. I snort at his excitement. What an idiot.
“Sure, I have,” Dex answers. “Have you?”
I assess him, wondering if he’s been wanting to bring this up with me, and I’ve just offered up the ideal time to do it.
“Not sure.” I look over to Simon. Both he and Link are relaxed, and I decide this could be an easy conversation. Easier than expected, at least. “I don’t know. I’ve got an itch recently...”
Link interjects. “Maybe get it checked out, man.”
I flip him off, and my tablemates chuckle as I continue. “Just an urge to figure out what I’m going to do next—whenever that may be.”
“I get it. We’ve,” Dex motions to the whole table, “all gotten to live and breathe our passion. But we can’t do this forever. Eventually, we all have to ‘grow up.’” He air quotes the last words.
“Speak for yourself, douche. I�
�m never growing up,” Link sputters.
“This is exactly why we don’t include Link in serious, adult conversations.” Simon shakes his head and Link just grins.
“I’ve got a plan,” Dex says, lifting his shoulder like it’s not a big deal.
“You’re getting married. I would think that’s probably wise,” I tell him.
“I know I want to do some game design with that art degree I have collecting dust,” Simon throws out.
“You probably could design games, degree or not,” Dex says, and it’s true. Simon is wicked good at design. Any gaming company would want him in a heartbeat.
“What are you thinking?” Dex asks.
Shrugging, I say, “I don’t know. I think I’d like to manage the development of a game. I really like the narrating, though.”
“Shit, Ruby and Bernie listen to all those romance audiobooks. You should look into doing that.” Link laughs, but I’ve heard that before.
“Believe it or not, you’re not the first one to suggest that.”
“I can see it now. All those ladies losing their minds as you read the sexy scenes in those novels. Instant orgasms,” Link says. He’s a tool, but I one-up him.
“Yeah, can you imagine Ruby sitting on the couch next to you, me whispering a dirty sex scene in her ear? Getting all hot and bothered, and you having absolutely nothing to do with it.” I grin at his shocked face. Simon and Dex silently lose it next to him.
“Fuck. You’re an asshole,” he fusses, and we all laugh.
We get our meals and start to eat. Talking about upcoming tournaments and Link’s newest videos. And because they’re all hopelessly in love, their girlfriends make their way into the conversation.
“How’s Kelly?” Dex asks.
“She’s good. She’s actually visiting next weekend.”
“What? We get to meet surfer girl Kelly?” Link puts his burger down.
I shake my head. “I didn’t say that. I said she’s visiting, not meeting you.” I point my fork at him.
