Just a Dream

by Penny Copper

love her, but had just about enough of her showing up whenever she felt like it. He flung open the door ready to send her away. It was not his mother.

  “Hi, I’m sorry to show up like this, I’m a little drunk”, it was, embarrassingly, Daniel. He had certainly been drinking, the stench of cheap vodka spewed out of his pours in semblance with some spicy, overpriced cologne. That did not make him any less beautiful. The ruddiness of his tired eyes seemed to suggest a rare sensitivity that was not revealed during office hours.

  “Here, come in, sit down!” Nathan’s body began to tingle with a divine urgency; he was excited and mortified by this visit. It had been years since he’d had a house guest he wasn’t related to. “Do you want a glass of water? You probably should drink one.”

  “No,” Daniel did not seem in the mood for polite adage, he plopped himself down on a patchy sofa that rested against a wall adjacent to the front door and stared at the space ahead of him, like a child in time-out.

  “What brings you here so late?” as he asked this, Nathan realized just how relevant the question was. Why, of all places, would he come here? The man didn’t even drive a car. He rode a bicycle all over town, even though he could absolutely afford a nice car. What on earth could have happened that he felt he needed to ride his bike from some watering hole all the way down to Nathan’s house?

  “My heart is…” Daniel lifted his hands, collapsed them together and shredded the air between them as though it were an old parking ticket. This kind of drunken charades was ridiculous, but at the same time endearing.

  “Broken?” Nathan was oddly excited by this. His thoughts flurried against one another as he envisioned a scenario where he became Daniel’s shoulder to cry on, but were quickly tempered this by the perverse thought of dating a therapist his mother had introduced to him. He also knew how horribly insensitive this was. Daniel had never mentioned he was seeing someone before. “Want to talk about it?” He stared at the room they were in and was suddenly grateful that Daniel had not come there sober. It wasn’t a totally unappealing house, but it had not been dusted or vacuumed in about a year, and despite his tidy professional appearance, he allowed his entire home to become a storage room, filled boxes with no organization whatsoever. The living room where they now sat was in a much better state than the back of the house, it was a least painted in the last five years, a cool taupe color. There was a medium-sized television set opposite the sofa with a mirror hanging above it. In front of Daniel there was a small but elaborately carved wood coffee table which he, in his intoxication, had decided to use as a foot rest.

  Nathan stared at his beautiful, dark, companion. His hair was lightly seasoned with gray strands, not quite aging him, but allowing for a distinguished look. His eyes were deep set and kind of a hazel gold. He looked like Greek God. When he stood he was well over six feet with a perfect build, he would be intimidating were it not for his welcoming disposition. Nathan thought about how strange and wonderful these circumstances were. Daniel was a doctored man, and barely a friend, he should know better than to breech professional boundaries like this, and yet he had for some reason, he had to have gotten Nathan’s address from his file or someone they both knew.

  Finally, Nathan realized he was wearing unflattering plaid pajamas, grabbed himself a robe from the front closet and took a seat in a chair in the far corner of the room, he loved that chair, all sunken in and covered by a big quilt his mother had made for him as a child, it even smelled like her. Daniel sat with his face over his hands as though he was praying. Nathan clutched the arms of his chair, wondering what he could say that would be appropriate, if not comforting. He decided this role reversal was not as much fun as it could be.

  “She’s married,” Daniel choked suddenly. He was rubbing the sides of his temples, now, likely to start crying at any moment, but this admission had significantly lessened both Nathan’s sympathy for, and attraction to, the wounded old man. Nathan never did approve of infidelity or those who partook in it.

  “Well...you should know better than to get mixed up in that kind of thing, it never does make for a successful relationship.” This was not helpful, but Nathan didn’t know how to feel about this revelation, he had been so elated to open the door to this lovely man, and now with this disappointment, he almost felt like telling Daniel to leave so he could go back to bed.

  “I begged her to leave her husband, but she just wouldn’t,” he was sobbing now, Nathan was not good at this sort of thing, but he could hardly resist a crying friend, so he reached over and embraced him gently, patting his back. Daniel began to slow his breathing down, and after about ten seconds, which seemed like an eternity, let him go. Nathan wasn’t quite sure if he had extended this gesture for Daniel’s benefit or his own, he only knew it felt good to be exposed to some form of direct human contact after years of exclusion from it. “Do you party at all?” Daniel abruptly reached inside his jacket and pulled out an unmarked orange pill bottle.

  Had it been any other day, Nathan would have refused those pills. He would simply have said no, and excused the man for the evening. But now he was very tired and, as always, he was extremely lonely. He would give anything to have such a beautiful friend with him that night, and to have some escape from his painfully mundane reality. He had never done drugs in his life, never had anything stronger than beer, he had never even smoked a cigarette. “Sure”, he reached out his hand and accepted a tiny, white, innocent, little pill into his damp, pink, shaky palm. He assessed the situation for a brief moment; there he was, about to take unknown drugs with his incredibly unbalanced but gorgeous therapist. Could this be the turning point where he would finally start living his life, could this be the escape from the punishments of the universe? Probably not, but he had nothing to lose. They swallowed the pills dry. Nathan sat back in his favorite chair wondering what the hell he had just done.

  “What does it do, Doc?” His voice wavered a little. Daniel looked over at him slyly and said nothing for a few seconds, and then shrugged. Nathan normally couldn’t stand the idea of being out of control, but the chance at taking that pill, and having that experience with this magnetic person was far too intriguing, he felt a sense of pride in exploring these new sensations, not yet knowing what they were exactly. He sat for a moment, breathing deeply, realizing just how crazy Daniel must be to risk his career with behavior like this. What else is he hiding behind that pretty façade?

  “When did you know you were gay?” He resented Daniel’s question. He hated being treated like some kind of oddity, but answered anyway. In sitting with the question for a moment, he vaguely hoped this would segue into Daniel revealing his openness for experimentation.

  “I guess by the time I was ten I understood I was attracted to other boys.” Daniel smiled gleefully at this response. All of these actions were so puzzling to Nathan. Where was the well-rounded man his mother had introduced him to? Was this really the person he had been trusting with his own welfare?

  “Are you attracted to me?” Nathan could tell that Daniel was fighting laughter when he asked this question, and couldn’t believe he had allowed for this type of thing to happen in his own house, he was fuming. “I bet you love guys like me, I can’t see you chasing after a bunch of little boys in ladies clothes.”

  “I think it may be time for me to go to bed, you’re welcome to stay on the couch, asshole.” Nathan rose and headed toward the back of the house, where he could hide from this disastrous evening.

  “Now wait just a minute, I’m making conversation, you’re welcome to deflect anytime, dear.” Daniel beckoned him back to the chair. He turned and sat back down. Not because Daniel was so convincing, but because walking those few steps made him realize he was starting to really feel sick.

  “Daniel I don’t feel so well,” his heart was pounding now and his skin felt like it was being pricked with a million tiny needles, his stomach churned almost in rhythm with his quickened pulse.

  “Just let it happen, young man,
” Daniel was leaning in towards him. He reached over and began firmly massaging his neck and shoulders.

  The panic was subsiding as quickly as it had risen, and now a slight twinge of euphoria washed over Nathan. He began staring again at his handsome friend and felt an ease that comes from the familiarity of a face. It was amazing how fast the anger had left him, all that mattered now was that this wonderful person had helped calm his unsteady nerves.

  “You really are so beautiful”. The words spilled out of Nathan’s mouth like warm molasses. Daniel drew nearer to him, so much so that they could feel the impact of the other’s breath on their rosy cheeks. He no longer smelled like alcohol. His cologne had dispersed into a mild woody fragrance and now blended with the sweet sourness of body odor. Nathan’s thoughts were becoming fuzzy, he tried thinking of clever things to say, but it was too difficult to string a cohesive sentence together. So, in a rare moment of bravery, he leaned in and kissed Daniel.

  It was soft, and lasted no time at all, as though they were small children taking dares in a sandbox, but the kiss was so delicious to Nathan that it rippled all over his body and caused him to keel over onto the