Beautiful Mistakes

by Sam Mariano

  "It's a long story," Matt responded.

  "I have a lot of time to kill," she told him with a slight smile. "There are still hours left before he can run in and go to bed."

  For an instant, she saw something she couldn’t identify flit across Matt's face, but then it was gone and he merely sighed, saying, "It's not really long, it's just that it involves Emma and I know you don't want to talk about her."

  That was true, Julie thought. She got uncomfortable just hearing the name spoken aloud in her presence.

  But she was still curious. "I can handle it," Julie decided. "Just tell me what makes him feel indebted enough to you that he will provide room and board for someone he loathes."

  "It's hard to really explain without you knowing Aaron—it's just how he is. A while back when he decided to open up that little café he needed the money to get it up and running, and even though it kills Aaron to ask anyone for anything, he had to come to me for the money to get it started."

  "Did he pay it back?"

  "Of course—he doesn't accept hand-outs. He'll be making his final payment this month, actually."

  "So, all you did was loan him money, and that makes him feel indebted to you—even though he paid it back in full?"

  Again, Matt looked a little bit uncomfortable before responding, "It's complicated. He needed the money, but he didn't want me to feel like I was doing him any favors, and he didn't want to feel like I was doing him any favors, so by helping me out of—with you," he corrected, "and this situation, by Aaron's standards he is returning the favor, but once this favor is over…he will probably talk to me a couple times throughout the course of our lives if he has to, but that’s about it."

  It didn't make complete sense, but she felt like she sort of understood. "Huh."

  Matt nodded. "Aaron's a complicated person, don't concern yourself with him."

  Julie nodded, letting the topic go, but something about the story didn't feel complete.

  Maybe she had just expected the story to be better, she concluded, and then she attempted to enjoy the rest of her short time with Anna.

  Matt was well-behaved until he got back to the apartment, at which point she was positive he was about to lean in—whether to hug her or kiss her she would never know, because she all but jumped out of the car as if he had set it on fire.

  Luckily, Aaron wasn't there yet, so she took out her earrings and put them away, then she changed into one of her college hoodies and a pair of soft pajama pants and curled up on the couch, planning to spend the rest of her evening with George.

  When he still wasn't home at the end of 1984, she wondered if she should move on to another book or go e-mail her mom. Since she found out she was knocked up, she had only spoken to her mother once on the phone and she did a bad impression of losing reception so she could get off the phone before she had to lie or tell on herself.

  Of course, her mother was going to have to find out eventually. That was a given. But Julie kept telling herself that a better time would come along.

  Instead of being a good daughter or opening up a new book, she went to the kitchen to find something to munch on, making a mental note to pick up some healthy foods next time she was at the store so that she could at least keep the munching under control while the little glutton in her womb nagged her to eat all the time.

  Nothing looked good, but she finally decided she would have to settle with a can of Spaghettios.

  Unfortunately, Baby Poppy Seed seemed not to like that idea, and as soon as the aroma hit her nostrils she was running for the bathroom.

  Deciding that had been a bad call, she threw out the food before it even finished cooking, plugging her nose the whole time, and then she went to Aaron's bedroom to hide from the smell.

  Unsurprisingly, once she was in there, she found herself bored again, and she wondered why she had always wished for her own apartment when she lived with Jack. She pretty much had all the perks of her own apartment and she didn't even have to pay for it—and she was lonely. Nothing but a poppy seed that couldn't even hear her talk for company.

  Thinking of Jack made her decide to do something kind of stupid. She decided on a whim to grab her phone and give him a text, just a "Hey, how are you doing?" kind of message.

  Within a minute, he responded. "Fantastic. You?"

  Nauseated, but she wasn't going to say that. "I'm fine. I finally finished school, so that's great."

  As she flipped her phone shut, she wondered why she was making small-talk about school; he had never cared when they were dating, why would he want to hear it when they weren't?

  "Great. More perfect grades I'm sure, huh punk?"

  He added a smiley on to the end, and that—used with her old nickname—made her smile. "Of course," she responded. "What else would you expect from an egghead such as myself?"

  "Good to see some things don't change," he responded.

  But that one made her sad.

  She was trying to figure out how to ask if he had done anything Jack-like—taken a new girlfriend, moved in with some up-and-coming band, quit his job, gotten hitched in Vegas—but she didn't know how to word it politely.

  Instead, she said, "I'm trying to decide which book to read next. Just finished 1984. Any suggestions?"

  "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," he texted back.

  Taking a mental inventory, she came up short. "I don't think I have it. I left that one with you 'cause I have another copy at my mom's."

  It took a moment for him to respond, but when he did it was, "Well, my girlfriend's over right now but you could probably stop and grab it if you want."

  So he did have a new girlfriend. Of course he did—he was Jack Gelman; he treated girls like shit and they loved him for it.

  "No thanks, I'm sure I can read something else. Thanks for the suggestion though."

  "No prob," he texted back.

  She was done being entertained then, all she had done was successfully make herself feel even worse than she had before she texted him—and then she had been throwing up, so that was really saying something.

  Yawning, she decided not to read anything for a moment, just to sprawl out on the bed and lie there thinking about her unhappy life.

  Honestly, she didn't even know why she had texted Jack. Even though Matt had fallen short of her expectations, even though in weak moments of loneliness she would forget, she knew that breaking up with Jack had been a good thing—one of the only good decisions she had made lately. Regardless of the things he said in the end, obviously exaggerations of how he felt since he already had—

  Her thoughts were cut short by the chime of a new text, which she saw was from Jack, and she opened it up.

  "I'm glad you texted me punk."

  Smiling slightly, she pushed reply and typed back, "No prob."

  Yawning again, she closed her eyes and sat her phone down by her side, trying to remember what she had been thinking about. It had been about Jack…oh, and his new girlfriend… she wondered… what had she wondered?

  In less than a minute, she couldn't remember what she had been thinking.

  The next thing she could remember she was sitting at a diner, looking into a cup of coffee while Jack sat at the counter with her. Then Jack was handing her a phone, and she didn't know why, and she was calling Matt—but she couldn't dial the phone. She was getting very frustrated as she tried to dial, knowing there was something she was supposed to tell him. What was it? Oh, right—she had to tell him she was pregnant.

  Then Aaron came walking into the diner with a knapsack, and she no longer needed to call Matt. She called out to Aaron, and he came over to her, giving her that smile he never let her see. She must have asked him what was in the knapsack, because he put it on the counter—and suddenly Jack was gone, although Julie barely noticed, and with him the phone had vanished—and Aaron pulled a map out of the bag, handing it to her. Julie took the map and looked at it, not knowing what it was a map to. She was just about to ask Aaron why he had
brought her a map when—

  "Julie!"

  Gasping, Julie's eyes shot open and she looked up with blurry vision, trying to shake herself out of the dream fog. "What?" she murmured, trying to bring the face into focus.

  "If you're going to sleep in my bed, can you at least move over?" Aaron asked, gesturing to the way she was sprawled across the very middle of the bed.

  Not wanting to wake up, still thinking of the map and the dream and wanting to read it, Julie grudgingly scooted over to one side of the bed and closed her eyes, falling easily back into a restful sleep.

  ---

  "We have to find the treasure! Argh!"

  Julie's head pounded as 17 young children went yelling and screaming toward the middle-aged male pirate, the sound of their shrill voices piercing through to her bones as she cursed her stupid costume for not having a pocket for aspirin.

  More screaming ensued as she cleaned up the mess the kids had made as they had picked at the cake, getting most of it on the very edges of their paper plates so that of course her fingers had no way of escaping contact.

  Germs, germs, germs, she thought as she raked the plates into a big black Glad bag.

  Even the adults were laughing, enjoying the fun the children were having since they had to do absolutely nothing. Jim entertained the kids, Julie got everything set up and then cleaned up afterward, and when they left, they got to do it all one more time before she got to go home.

  As she finally got to the end of the cake, plate, napkin and pirate punch mess that the children had made, she heard a boy's voice squeal and a loud "Argh!" from Jim, so she assumed the treasure had been found.

  Great, she had to get the face-painting set up, because the kids were coming down to claim their treasures and that was when she was supposed to be ready to paint some faces.

  The boys mostly wanted swords and skulls, but one of the little girls wanted a ladybug.

  "It's a pirate party, stupid," said one of the rude little boys.

  "I don't care," she said defiantly, glaring at the little brat. "I want a ladybug!"

  Rolling his eyes in disgust, the little boy secured his pirate hat on his head and stormed away.

  "I think ladybugs are prettier than skulls anyway," Julie told the little girl.

  The little girl brightened, and that made Julie forget about her headache…until the sword fight began.

  Even though there should have been nothing to make her nauseous, at the second party she came really close to tossing her cookies while she was cleaning up, and that would have definitely put her behind schedule.

  By the time she got back to the apartment that night, she felt like it had been one of the longest days of her life.

  As it was, Julie was only needed for one party the following day, and she didn't have to go in until 3:45, and it was only scheduled to be a two hour shift. Even more pathetic than her waitressing shifts, and she didn't get tips—plus she had to wear a pirate costume and striped stockings that made her feel just a little bit ridiculous.

  Was 8 lousy bucks an hour really worth the humiliation?

  When she got out of the shower, she saw that she had a missed call, and it was a number she didn't recognize, but they left a voicemail, so she dialed it and listened to the message.

  "Julie, it's Leigh! Hey, can you come in? We're supposed to be busy tonight, my four to eight girl called off last minute and I can't get a hold of anybody—it's just me and Aaron, and we would love the help. Please call me back—this is my cell, by the way. Save me in your phone if you want to."

  Looking at the clock as she dialed, Julie saw it was already 6:04—they probably wouldn't need her.

  "Hello?" answered a gruff voice.

  Whoa, hadn't she called Leigh's cell phone?

  "Um, is this Leigh's phone?" Julie asked uncertainly.

  "Yep," he said. "We don't need you to come in, never mind."

  "Okay," she said. "No problem, I was just making sure."

  Then the phone was disconnected, no goodbye, nothing.

  He was such a friendly guy, she thought sarcastically.

  But he hadn't kicked her out of his bed when she fell asleep there last night, so she had to give him that.

  Still, he was rude, she decided stubbornly. It would not have killed him to say “thanks anyway,” or even goodbye.

  With that last defiant thought, she went in and grabbed her earrings from Matt, putting them in her ears. Why shouldn't she wear them? Why should she hide them? After all, she had earned them, she thought a little spitefully. It wasn't like anything she did was good enough to not piss Aaron off anyway—he had decided she was a whore, and she was branded from then on, never to be redeemed.

  Suddenly, she knew which book to read.

  With an ironic little smile on her face, she went to her books and dug out the one she was looking for, then she went back in to her stupid little air mattress to read, just in case she fell asleep like she had the night before.

  ---

  Much later that night when Aaron quietly crept in, he put his keys down on the counter and kicked off his shoes, sighing and hoping his housemate would be asleep so he wouldn't have to deal with her. He knew he had been a total prick to her when he had answered Leigh's phone earlier—he knew because Leigh had reamed his ass, especially since nobody else had answered, so it was the two of them waiting every table on a busy Saturday night.

  The good news was that they had both made extra tips.

  The bad news was that Leigh was becoming suspicious of why he was so completely opposed to having Julie around when he was the one who hired her.

  "What did she ever do to you?" Leigh had asked him as she tossed him a glare, not even having a chance to get a drink of water. "I know she's a rookie, but she's not half bad—you could have let her come in for two hours."

  He had evaded the question, telling her with one of his winning smiles that they could handle it together, and even though she was annoyed, she had cracked a smile, sighing and rolling her eyes as she walked away, adding a head-shake in case he didn't get that she was exasperated.

  But Aaron hadn't really explained the whole Julie situation to Leigh, and he really didn't want to. Leigh would be entirely too understanding, and that was one area of his life that he didn't want Leigh invading with all her kindness and compassion.

  Aaron was jarred from his thoughts when he spotted Julie asleep on the "boat-bed" as she called it, with a book open and lying across her chest. Walking closer, a frown marred his brow as he read the title.

  The Scarlet Letter.

  Fitting, he thought ironically. He had his very own in-house Hester Prynne, and she was reading The Scarlet Letter as she lay nestled in his living room, his brother's bastard child in her womb.

  "Beautiful," he murmured to himself sarcastically.

  Then he sighed, because she moved just a little, curling up slightly and knocking the book off her chest and causing it to slide down her side, propped up.

  Aaron bent down and picked up the book, reaching into his pocket to grab some piece of paper—possibly a receipt—to mark her spot, then he closed the book and sat it down on the floor beside her bed.

  Just like the night before, she didn't seem to understand that it was winter, and she was lying on top of the blanket he had put on her bed.

  She was going to get cold, he thought with a little annoyance.

  His first thought was, "Oh well," but then he glanced back down at her, and she looked so…innocent in her sleep.

  With a slight guffaw, he rolled his eyes. Yeah, she was real innocent. She had gotten knocked up by a married man by being innocent—that made a lot of sense.

  Feeling mildly disgusted with himself, his thoughts, and the girl sleeping on an air bed in his living room, he decided just to give in and go to bed. After all, it wasn't his problem if she got cold.

  As he showered and brushed his teeth, he thought of a million other things, anything to keep him from going soft and taking a blank
et in to drape on his brother's sleeping mistress. If he had to sing the alphabet backwards until he fell asleep, he refused to extend that gesture of kindness—it would only make her more annoying.

  But after lying in bed for a good 15 minutes and not being able to go to sleep, he finally gave in and stomped out to the living room with an extra blanket, refusing to look at her innocent-looking face as he draped the blanket over her sleeping figure.

  The breeze from the blanket must have stirred her—she was a light sleeper, he would have to take note of that—and her eyes fluttered open as she looked straight at him, her groggy gaze settling on him with a little smile.

  "You're nice," she murmured, closing her eyes.

  It took him off guard, so he accidentally smiled a little ironically.

  Her eyes opened again, and she smiled a little wider, but her eyes lost the battle, fluttering shut again.

  "Go back to sleep," he said quietly, just in case she could hear him.

  "You have a pretty smile," she murmured, yawning and then rolling over, seemingly oblivious to his presence once more as she drifted right back to sleep.

  Immediately, he scowled at her sleeping form.

  "You have a pretty smile," he heard again.

  Sighing in defeat, he turned around and headed back to the bedroom, wishing that he would have just let her be cold.

  Chapter Twelve-

  It had been nearly a week since Julie fell asleep reading The Scarlet Letter and woke up with a blanket draped over her, and she still hadn't figured out whether or not she had dreamed telling Aaron that he had a pretty smile.

  She really hoped she had dreamed it.

  But she didn't know, because even though Aaron had actually been there the next morning when she woke up—apparently Sunday was the one morning he didn't open the café—she didn't have the nerve to bring it up, and he didn’t act any differently.

  Matt hadn't come around all week, had only called once, and even that time he had rushed her off the phone because he was busy.

  She didn't care. She wasn't going to be his mistress, baby or no baby, and that was a conclusion she had come to as she sat alone in her own company all week. Every night it was the same—Julie home alone with a book or the TV or the Internet, Aaron out…doing whatever Aaron did and speaking to her as little as possible.