Beautiful Mistakes

by Sam Mariano

  "Okay, let's see if we can find out for you," he said with a smile, walking from the room.

  When he came back, he rubbed the jelly on Julie's abdomen and began moving it around. The baby showed up on the screen, and Julie gasped at the difference in size.

  "Wow, he's getting so big!" she said, grabbing Aaron's hand and squeezing.

  "I guess the nickname Poppy Seed isn't very fitting anymore," Aaron remarked, smiling at the screen.

  The doctor pointed out different parts of the baby and told them about the baby's growing, then he measured the baby and told them everything appeared to be going well.

  "Well, can you see what it is?" Julie asked.

  Smiling, he said, "I sure can. Sometimes they're difficult, but I actually have a perfect view here." Then he glanced back at them, prolonging the suspense, then he pointed to a little spot on the screen and said, "You two are having a baby girl."

  Squealing a little, Julie squeezed Aaron's hand and said, "It's a girl! Aaron, it's a girl!"

  Aaron was grinning from ear to ear as well as Julie bounced his hand up and down, gazing at the ultrasound machine.

  "I'm so excited. I didn't want to give my preference before, but I was hoping for a girl. Little Alyssa Jane. Oh, Aaron, are you glad it's a girl?"

  "I would've been happy either way," he stated honestly.

  "But are you really happy that it's a girl?" she prompted.

  Chuckling at her excitement, he said, "Yes, I'm really happy that it's a girl. Alyssa Jane…Kingsley."

  Noticing the way he hesitated on the last name, she remembered their previous disagreement over which last name the baby should have.

  Knowing Aaron's preference, Julie made a snap decision as she looked at Aaron and then the screen.

  "You know… Alyssa Jane Turner is a very good name, maybe even better than Alyssa Jane Kingsley. What do you think, Daddy?"

  "You're giving her my last name?" he asked, visibly excited by the idea.

  That made up her mind, and she grinned. "Yes, I think we should give her your last name." Glancing at the doctor and then the screen, she said good-naturedly, "Don't you think she looks like an Alyssa Jane Turner, doctor?"

  Smiling, he said, "Yes, she sure does."

  Aaron was still holding her hand as the doctor printed out some pictures, and while the doctor was occupied with the machine, Aaron lifted Julie's hands to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.

  "Thank you," he said simply.

  Hugging his hand close to her and looking at the screen, she said, "No, thank you. For everything."

  He leaned down and gave her a proper kiss on the lips then, and he straightened back up as the doctor brought the ultrasound pictures to show them.

  "Here are your pictures of your baby girl," he stated, handing them over.

  Sighing, Julie said dreamily, "She's perfect."

  "Yes, she is," Aaron agreed.

  After the appointment, Julie and Aaron were too excited to go straight home, and since Aaron rarely got time off between the two restaurants, they decided to take advantage and do some celebratory baby shopping after the doctor's appointment.

  After perusing the cribs and comparing colors, Julie and Aaron decided on a very pretty white crib that looked unlike any of the others they looked at, with flat wooden planks. To complement the crib, Julie also selected a white shelf to hang in the baby's room.

  "We're going to eventually have to get a bookcase, too, for all the baby books, but we should probably buy that last and make sure we have room."

  "We'll have room," he said.

  "Yeah, but I don't want the baby's area to be cluttered. I'm thinking I really like the white furniture for the baby, and I had been thinking I wanted the other color to be mainly yellow, just in case it went either way, but now that we know it's a girl I kind of want to go with pink. It is a shame I'll never get to have a son, because I always wanted to do Noah's ark for a little boy, but… there's still plenty of time, anything can happen."

  "Did you want many children?"

  "No," she said, shaking her head. "One of each would have suited me fine, and I did want to have a girl first, so… but it's fine. At least it isn't twin boys."

  "True," he said. "Brothers can be a handful."

  "Yes, I know," she said wryly as she reached out and touched a bedding set. "Hmm, this one has pink and yellow."

  "You know, we could do pink and yellow in the baby's room, then you wouldn't have to choose. They're both baby colors, they could go together."

  "The baby doesn't have a room," she reminded him.

  "But she will. If you like the one we're going through, that one has really nice sized bedrooms. I believe the baby's bedroom is currently a light green with white trim, but I can always go in and paint if before we move in."

  "You are really pushing this place. Is it that great?"

  "I love it," he said.

  Smiling, she said, "Well, that's all that matters. Honestly, you don't even have to run it by me if you don't want to. It's your apartment."

  "It's going to be ours."

  "Are we going to be allowed to paint? I know some landlords are really funny about that."

  Chuckling, he said, "Julie, I'm not renting. I'm going to buy it, assuming that you like it."

  Her eyes widened and she said, "Buy it? Well, I guess I hadn't thought of that. Is it in the city or…?"

  "Yeah," he said, nodding. "It's a great building, it has a parking garage and a courtyard with a swing set. It's on a safe block, but still close to everything we need to be close to. I've done my homework on this place, I really think you're going to like it."

  "But buying is so permanent," she countered. "Are you sure you want to buy a whole apartment?"

  "Well, I was going to just buy a bedroom and the kitchen, but then I thought, what if we have to use the bathroom?"

  Shooting him a dry look, she said, "You know what I mean."

  "Does it really bother you that much?" he asked seriously.

  Sighing, she said, "It's not that it bothers me…"

  He quirked an eyebrow wordlessly, causing her to sigh again.

  "Okay, maybe it bothers me a little. But it's just because… this really isn't your burden, Aaron. I know that I'm not supposed to look at it that way, and in all other respects… I don't, but you already do so much and I don't feel like you should have to."

  "I thought we agreed that we were going to treat me as the baby's father?"

  "I do!"

  "Yes, you do—in the good ways," he stated. "You let me come along for the perks, Julie, but when it comes to the responsibility, you're still acting like I'm not the one responsible."

  She was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to say "Because you're not" without proving his point.

  "You can't pick and choose, Julie," he stated when she came up with nothing. "You can't… try to give me the good and not the bad. It isn't fair in any respect. For one thing, it isn't fair to me, because every damn time you do it's like slapping a reminder in my face."

  "Oh, but I don't mean to do that!"

  "I know you don't, Julie. I know you mean well, but… you don’t understand. When you won't allow me to completely take the role—the perks and the responsibilities—you're as good as telling me, 'Stop trying to act like the baby's father, because you're not.'"

  Her face fell and she felt instantly ashamed of herself. "That… is never how I wanted you to feel."

  "I know," he said with a nod. "But that's what you're doing. That's how it feels. I feel very temporary when you do that, Julie. Yes, buying a place is permanent—but so is having a baby."

  "Aaron, I don't think of you as temporary."

  "Then stop trying to protect me from the more serious sides of fatherhood. I don't want you to. I want to be responsible for providing for you guys, I want you to yell at me when you're in labor, and when the baby throws up on me the first time I'm trying to burp her, I don't want you to rescue me."
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  "You want me to point and laugh?" she questioned.

  "Absolutely," he said with a small smile. "I want to be the father in every way. And I want you to stop trying to take that from me."

  "Well, now that you've made me feel bad…"

  "Don't feel bad," he said easily. "Just stop doing it."

  "I'll try," she promised. "From now on I will keep you strictly on daddy duty, and when my feet are swollen and my back hurts, I am going to nag you and complain about it."

  "Good," he said with a smile. "That's a start."

  "And when Alyssa spits up all over you and wakes up in the middle of the night, I am going to ignore you and tell you to deal with it yourself."

  Chuckling, he said, "That's the spirit. Now, as far as this place we're going to look at…?"

  Putting on her best nag face, she said, "You better get me a bigger place, Aaron Turner, because I didn't come up with this baby idea on my own and we need more space."

  Grinning, he wrapped his arm around her and said, "That's much better."

  Smiling up at him angelically, she said, "If my being a nag makes you that happy, I will go above and beyond the call of duty to ensure that I live up to your expectations."

  "I appreciate that," he stated.

  Shaking her head, she said, "You're crazy though, I feel it's only fair that I tell you that. Most men would be happy if their pregnant girlfriend was being nice to them."

  "Hey, if I only treated you like half a girlfriend, you wouldn't be very happy either."

  "We'll see if you still think that when you're covered in baby vomit," she stated.

  Chapter Twenty Five-

  Julie was putting the framed picture up on the wall, straightening it and standing back, smiling at it as she looked at the pictures the scrapbook page.

  She didn't know why she even bothered to hang the picture up in the apartment, because she and Aaron were going through the place he liked later, and if they liked it enough to buy it, the picture would have to be packed up with everything else.

  But she just liked having little, "This is our baby" reminders around, and so did Aaron. Honestly, he was more into the pregnancy than she was, and she was the one that spent her nights lying in bed feeling a little foot jab at her insides.

  It was lovely.

  The weight she was gaining—not so lovely. But Aaron yelled at her when she got self-conscious, because he was baby-crazy and he wasn't the one who was going to have to establish a new diet and exercise routine in addition to balancing, school, work and a new infant.

  However, the reality of the situation was that as long as she and Aaron were together, she only got to do it once, so she was damn well going to make sure she enjoyed it the one time it happened—even if it was much earlier than she had intended.

  And that meant hanging up ultrasound pictures even if she was just going to have to repack it in a week's time.

  Aaron was spending much of his time between the restaurants, and with her pregnancy, he wasn't letting Julie work as much as she used to.

  Considering everything with Leigh was still rather touchy, he tried to keep Julie away from the café as often as possible, but on the Saturday morning when a breakfast table of 25 was reserved, Julie and Leigh were forced to work together.

  Well, okay, that wasn't entirely true. Aaron told Julie about the table and how he wanted to put someone else on to help out at least then, but he didn't want to make someone come in for only an hour or two, and Julie told him she would do it.

  Since Leigh was working that morning, he had intended on taking care of it without Julie, but Julie argued with him and rationalized that it made the most sense if she went in—she would have no problem not working an actual shift, just being there to help out.

  He seemed a little reluctant, but he ended up agreeing.

  Regardless of how it happened, Julie walked into the café to see Leigh placing coffee cups around the large table.

  Strangely, Julie felt a little tug of remorse, and she remembered how much she genuinely liked Leigh. Seeing her pony tail fall over her shoulder and the absence of her usual, bubbly smile—and knowing her presence at the café was probably to blame—Julie actually felt the vague urge to cry.

  Of course, her hormones were probably at least partially to blame for that.

  She did want Leigh's friendship back though. After all, it wasn't like she had stolen Aaron from Leigh or anything; he had never really been hers. Maybe they could figure some way to work it out. Aaron and Leigh could still be friends—maybe not as close of friends, but still friends, nonetheless.

  As soon as Leigh caught sight of the quite pregnant Julie walking in with a big smile, her face paled noticeably and she forced the fakest, most unenthusiastic smile that Julie had ever seen.

  "Hey," Julie said, her mood slipping a bit.

  "Hi," Leigh said cordially.

  "I haven't seen you in forever; how have you been?" Julie asking, hoping that Leigh would suddenly start telling her about the wonderful, perfect man she just somehow met and fell madly in love with.

  "Fine," Leigh said, avoiding Julie’s gaze. Flicking a glance at Julie's stomach, it looked like she was debating asking the polite round of baby questions, but she must not have been up to it, because she closed her mouth and turned to walk away from the table.

  Sighing a little to herself, Julie said, "Is there something I can do?"

  Shrugging, Leigh said, "You can roll up some sets of silverware if you want; I think Pedro just got done with a load of dishes from the first breakfast crowd."

  Nodding, Julie made her way back to grab some napkins and then go back to get the silverware.

  Obviously Leigh wasn't going to be as open to rekindling their friendship, Julie surmised.

  Still, Julie wanted to try. The question was, would it be best to just acknowledge the elephant in the room and then move past it, or try to act like it had never happened?

  Once she finished rolling up the silverware she put the utensil tray back in the kitchen area and walked back out to wait for Leigh to finish refilling the coffee for her customer.

  "Aaron said you were going to serve the table of 25?" Leigh asked in passing as she put the coffee pot back down on the warmer.

  "If that's okay with you," Julie said agreeably. "You're the boss today. I just figured that way you and Debbie don't have to worry about it."

  Nodding, Leigh said, "No, that makes sense. That's fine with me. If we get too busy I might give you one more table if you can handle it, but right now we're fine the way we are. You know how Saturday mornings can be though."

  "Sure, absolutely, whatever you need," Julie said.

  Glancing down, Leigh said, "Aaron doesn't want you to work for long though, so once that table leaves you're free to go."

  "Well, if you need me I can stay. I won't break or anything, Aaron just worries unnecessarily."

  "I know," she said, her face looking a little strained again.

  Feeling like it might be a good moment, Julie said, "Look, Leigh… I know that this is… difficult for you, and I am really sorry about that, but I really hate this tension. I like you a lot, and I never intended to hurt you or take anything away from you…"

  "You didn't. He wasn't mine, I just wanted him to be," Leigh stated, not looking at Julie. "Regardless, I can't be your friend—at least not yet."

  Feeling a little surprised that Leigh openly admitted it, Julie nodded, slightly startled. "Well… maybe once a little time passes…"

  Finally looking Julie in the face, Leigh said very levelly, "Maybe someday if I fall out of love with him."

  Julie's jaw dropped open a little, not of her own accord.

  "Is that all?" Leigh asked, lifting her eyebrows.

  Still unable to speak, Julie nodded her head, trying to wrap her mind around the idea of actually responding to what Leigh had just said. She didn't know if it was the pregnancy hormones that especially irked her, or if it was just having another woman tell Juli
e she was in love with her boyfriend.

  Leigh had already walked away before Julie thought of what she wanted to say, so she spun around and went after Leigh.

  "Wait, I do have one more thing to say," Julie stated.

  Turning around, Leigh glanced at her expectantly.

  "If you really loved him, you would want him to be happy, even if that means he isn't with you."

  Nodding, Leigh agreed, "And I do." Then, with a pointed look at Julie's stomach, Leigh said, "I don't know yet if you're going to make him happy, or hurt him even more."

  Well, Julie couldn't hold that against her.

  "I know that Shannon hurt him, Leigh. But I'm not Shannon."

  Tilting her head to the side, Leigh said, "And Aaron's not fertile. He wanted to believe Shannon too. Aaron wants a family so bad… He isn't stupid, but sometimes he gets blinded by that desire. It wouldn't be the first time he has believed something that wasn't true in order to make it happen."

  "I am not lying to Aaron, Leigh. I understand your concern, I really do. If I were in your position, I would probably be cautious, too."

  "I don't know if Aaron can take that again," Leigh stated. "He's been closed off for years after the first time it happened."

  Boy, she was getting sick of being judged as just another Shannon .

  "Well, I'm not going to hurt Aaron, so we won't have to find out. I am not lying to him about my pregnancy or anything else. I don't keep anything from Aaron. I know that in a sense you probably I wasn’t telling the truth, but I am. You don't have anything to worry about from me."

  Looking at Julie for a long moment, Leigh finally said, "If the roles were reversed and Aaron was with me, could you be my friend?"

  In an effort to be fair, Julie paused and tried to put herself in those shoes… To imagine Leigh and Aaron together, happy, having a baby together, and Julie stuck at the café, looking in and wishing he were hers.

  Instead of answering, "No," Julie took a more evasive maneuver and said, "I think that you will see, in time, that Aaron is sort of… a security blanket for you. I know you think you love him, and in a sense I'm sure you do, but I don't think it's quite the same. I don't know how exactly to explain it without probably making you mad at me, but I really don't think Aaron is the one for you."