by B C Morgan
Looks don’t mean a lot to me, but I know I’m considered attractive, if a guy only cares about that then I’ll never give him the time of day but it is fun to torment them just a little.
I’m walking back to my room when a group of girls approach me, great guess these are the sheep.
“Hey, you’re Henleigh right, I’m Bella and this is Leah. This is Mikaela, who won’t say much as she prefers her friends to be in print, and Roxie here dislikes everyone. How you doing?” Information overload or what, what do they want from me.
“I’m good thanks,” I reply, and I can hear the scepticism in my tone.
“Don’t worry we’re good people, we just thought we’d come say hi and see if you wanted to come over to the hall later. A bunch of us are setting up a projector and having a movie night. What do you say?” She sounds genuine but her over friendly attitude and timing has my back up.
“No offence but you’ve never tried to speak to me before, as far as I know you could be working for that psycho Octavia. Gods know she doesn’t do much of her own dirty work. Her or any of those damn Shepherds.” Bella is smiling at my reply, confusing girl.
“Oh honey, no one likes her. Her fans would stab her in the back given half the chance but she’s popular, and that means a lot to the simple-minded buffoons here.” She flicks her hair over her shoulder and rolls her eyes along with her derisive tone, she clearly doesn’t think much of her fellow students. “We haven’t approached you before because you’re either with your friends or pounding the track. But seeing as your staying here as well over Christmas break, we thought we’d extend the offer to come and hang out with us. Look, we’re going to get something to eat, we’ll be meeting in the dinner hall at six. If you fancy it come on over and if not, then no hard feelings.” She gives a beautiful smile and it almost makes me agree right here and now.
She gives me this enthusiastic wave as they head off to the canteen and I’m left standing here and wondering if I should risk it or not.
Come half five and I’ve got on a pair of black leggings, a red mid-thigh shirt dress with a black belt around my waist and a pair of red ballet pumps. My hair is curled softly, my lips are painted with a subtle red and black kohl lines my eyes. It feels nice making an effort, and even better that none of the guys I’ve been crushing on will be here so I can hopefully just relax and have some fun.
I’m heading straight for the canteen and I wonder if it’s all a ruse and no one will actually be meeting me here. Nope, I’m shaking those thoughts off. I can at least get something to eat whilst I’m waiting.
“Don’t get anything too filling, we have loads of snacks waiting,” comes from Bella and I don’t understand the relief that washes through me.
“What do you recommend then?”
“I’d go for one of their chilli chicken tortilla wraps, they are delicious and then I can pre warn you about Roxie’s boyfriend,” her words fill me with dread, but I grab what she recommends and when head over to my usual table.
“Okay, Roxie is kind of currently seeing Declan. Now we know you have an issue with the Shepherds but we’re hoping you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.” Her eyes are wide and hopeful but she’s also wringing her hands, I don’t want to make her nervous.
“I’ll treat people the way they treat me. But I have to ask: if he’s so great, why is he cheating on his girlfriend with your friend and how can you all be okay with that?” I’m screaming indignation and although I try not to be too judgemental, I can’t help it right now.
“Because I’m an idiot who chose the only girl who didn’t want everyone to know I was dating her.” I spin around and come face to face with Declan.
He’s got blonde hair with blue eyes, well-toned with wide shoulders and a narrow waist and long legs, he’s cute that’s for sure.
“He’s been asking me out for years, but I kept telling him no. His dad is in business with Britney’s mother and I didn’t want to cause problems between him and his dad. But he is relentless, and I found it hard to keep resisting. Not that he gets to enjoy the girlfriend experience until it is over between them,” says Roxie as she sits down beside me and winks at Declan.
“Okay fine,” he says with a smirk before pulling out a phone and typing something out. I can guess where this is going and his now ringing phone confirms it.
“Is this a joke, you are breaking up with me over text,” screeches Britney, as he puts the phone on speaker.
“It was a crappy thing to do and I couldn’t think of a person more deserving than you. Say what you want, your mother won’t call it quits with my dad just because I dumped you, besides I’ve found someone worth risking his anger for. And I’m not messing around this time, see you around Brit,” he hangs up the phone with the biggest smile I’ve even seen.
Roxie looks shocked but she’s soon laughing as he prowls around the table and picks her up, claiming her mouth in the hottest kiss I’ve ever witnessed.
“Well, they won’t be watching the movies tonight,” says Bella, laughing, and it’s such a melodious sound.
He finally lets her go but this time she sits in his lap and they can’t stop looking at each other, it’s crazy. I’m not saying I’m a fan, but they won’t find any judgement from me, I’ve done a lot worse than that in my seventeen years on this earth.
“I’m sorry for what happened in your room, I swear I didn’t play a part in that, but I can help you in the future,” offers Declan and I’m hesitant to accept.
“Hey you’re my girl now or you will be when you see how incredible I am, if he messes with you I’ll be mad and then Roxie will withhold kisses,” says Bella with a huge smile, such a strange girl.
“No, if he messes with you, I’ll castrate the fucker,” comes from Roxie and I see Declan gulp before nodding his agreement.
“I swear no tricks, if these girls like you then you’re good people. They are better judges of character than I am, so I can help. Finley’s mum may mess with the cameras, but I could always get some installed that she won’t be able to control. My dad is in the security business so we can hook you up, and if I hear of anything I’ll be sure to let you know.”
What have I got to lose, so I agree and we actually shake on it and then he quickly pulls his hand away from mine and looks over my shoulder.
“Who is it this time?” I ask, refusing to look, if it’s someone who’s going to ruin my night I’d rather delay the inevitable for a few seconds longer.
No one says anything as they all look behind me and a pair of tanned hands fall onto my shoulders, Diesel Only the Brave consumes my senses and I know who it is, but I don’t understand why he’s here.
“I thought you said you were going to your parents’.” Mm that voice makes me melt. Amias is the epitome of dark from his eyes to his tone, just like the finest dark chocolate.
“No, I said my parents had given their permission to let me home, I never said I was going to accept.” he squeezes my shoulders, I don’t think he likes my answer.
“Hey, I’m Bella, nice to meet you,” she says, doing a little wave, and I look at him as he cocks a brow at her.
“I know who you are, you play the drums in a band don’t you? I’m sure you were playing at the last function this place threw.”
“I do, Roxie is our vocalist and Leah plays guitar though she prefers the bass. You’re Amias right, I’ve seen all of your fights.” her voice is melodious again and I’m floored with jealousy.
Are they flirting? And would he prefer her to me, with her strawberry blonde hair, pale blue eyes and fair skin. She’s petite and probably only stands at five-three and she’s so damn nice and pretty and cute. It’s not fair, she’s welcoming and sunshine and I’m sandpaper, there are no other metaphors better suited for me than that.
“Maybe you can sit with my little cub next time, she hasn’t missed one since we decided to invade her life.” He slides a finger down my neck, and it makes me shiver.
“That is so cute, don’
t you dare give me a cutesy name,” Roxie says to Declan stabbing him in the chest with her finger.
“It’s not cutesy, he calls me that because he says everyone wants to protect me and then I’ll do something to show how ferocious I can be.” He actually smiles at me as I explain it, and I feel all warm inside, damn it none of them were supposed to be here.
I stand up and force him to let go of me, before I excuse myself and hurry off to the bathroom, I just need a few moments alone. The idea of him being with anyone is suffocating, but I can’t make him stay single when I’m not willing to claim him myself. Yet again, I’m just reminding myself of how selfish I am.
I’m leaning over the sink with my head in my hands when the door opens, what’s the point in looking up no one wants eye contact before they go to the loo. Only his scent envelopes me and I want to cry out in frustration.
“Do you want me to leave you alone? I didn’t plan to intrude on you and your new friends I was just surprised to see you here,” he says, and I don’t know how to answer that question.
I turn to face him and for once he doesn’t look dark and like he’s plotting the best way to cause chaos, instead he looks oddly vulnerable. His eyes are soft and he’s breathing slowly, and as I stand here staring at him, I realise I need to trust him with the truth even if I don’t tell him everything.
“Amias,” his name escapes me on a whisper and his arms box me in against the worktop.
“I don’t want you to leave me alone but at the same time I feel like I can’t be around you. I need to get this all out before I chicken out so let me finish okay?” My voice is thick with emotion as I pause for a moment, not only to wait for an answer but to find some much needed courage.
He nods his head and I can’t resist the urge to place my hands on his waist, needing the contact to ground me just for a moment.
His eyes darken but this time it’s with heat and it’s causing my pulse to race, he’s so damn delicious.
“When I’m around you I can’t think straight, I want to grab you and kiss you and not stop. But I bloody like you all, I didn’t want friends but you worked your way in and now I don’t want to lose any of you.” The fear of losing them is working its way into my voice and giving it all away, I feel so naked right now. “I’ve done the whole kissing friends malarkey and it never ends well. It’s just, I’m not cut out for relationships, I’m toxic and everything goes wrong when I’m around. So, when I thought none of you would be here, I thought it would be easy. I could think about what I should, and need, to do regarding you all. There’s three of you Amias, why can’t only one of you like me and vice versa.” I drag my hand through my hair roughly and he seizes it before linking our fingers.
“We’re a lot alike little cub, you’re not the only one who’s toxic or crap at anything that relates to a relationship. We’re in school this doesn’t have to be a big thing, but if choosing between us is what’s making it difficult for you then don’t.” He sounds surprised by his own words but the heat in his eyes tells me not to dismiss him too quickly. “I’m not interested in anyone else and I can’t see that changing anytime soon, so you get the urge to kiss me then do it. It’s just us for two weeks, why don't we enjoy it and then we can decide where to go from there when the holiday is over.”
Can it really be that easy, two weeks away from obsessing and worrying. As long as no one gets hurt, how can it be bad? I release the breath I didn’t even know I was holding before I tug on his waist pulling him flush against me.
He caresses my face with one of his hands, whilst the other falls on my hip and then we’re kissing like we’re never going to stop.
Our tongues are tangling and even as our teeth clash together, we still don’t pull away. My hands are under his shirt and I make my way to his chest.
“Damn, I thought Declan and I would be the hottest couple.”
We pull away, and I can’t help but laugh as I look at Roxie. She’s got a combination of a grin and a smirk on her face.
“We’re not exactly a couple,” I say, as Amias winks at me and returns to the canteen.
“Sure, if I had Declan kiss me like that, I may have let him finish with that bint a lot sooner.”
“I’m serious, we’re friends. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a serious attraction there but it’s complicated,” I say as I sort out my screwed up lips since he pretty much kissed my lipstick right off of me.
“He’s single, your single what’s complicated about it?” she asks as Bella comes in and walks straight over to hear the gossip, bloody gossiping girls.
“He’s not the only one I like,” I mumble and see their mouths drop open.
“Date all of them, I would but Declan’s the only guy in this school I can stand. I’m a bit like you girl, I usually don’t like people but after you went for Octavia, I’ve been dying to get to know you,” she says and Bella nods enthusiastically.
“I thought you might be interested in Amias.”
“What no, I mean he’s gorgeous, but I’ve got my eye on someone else,” Bella says wistfully and makes it clear she will say no more on the subject.
We soon return to the guys and the other girls have now joined, I can’t believe how nice it feels as Amias wraps his arm around my waist and guides me towards the hall where we’re having the impromptu movie night. I think these two weeks are going to be interesting.
We end up watching a complete Stars Wars marathon and it is epic, well not everyone. Declan and Roxie spend most of the time playing tonsil tennis and Bella keeps looking wistfully at the door.
“Are you okay?” I ask, laying my hand on her arm.
“I thought he might have come tonight, I know he didn’t go home, and he loves Star Wars.” She sounds so down, and I have no idea how to help in these kind of situations.
“Who’s caught her eye?” asks Amias and I just shrug in reply.
“He doesn’t even know I exist. We talk occasionally but it’s mainly about what we’re doing in class. Maybe I should stop holding out hope.” She sounds so sad and despondent, she must really like this guy.
“No don’t do that, not until you know for sure,” I say to her and I feel Amias squeeze my shoulder as he drops down behind me and I lean back against him.
Best pillow ever, although it does make me drift off, so I miss the newer Star Wars and I don’t wake up until I’m being lowered onto a mattress. I start to stir but someone strokes my hair back and it’s so soothing I lose the urge to fully wake up.
“She’s out for the night, you’re not gonna turn against her, are you?”
“No, she’s good people, my girls and I will look out for her. Never hurts to have more friends,” the lovely voice of my new friend says, how did I get so lucky?
Nine
I awake at seven in the morning and I feel happy. I almost didn’t recognise the emotion, it feels like it’s been too long since I woke up with a smile on my face.
I boot up my laptop, seeing as I forgot to charge my tablet and I can’t believe my replacement is a Mac. I guess someone on the staff must have been bothered by a guilty conscience, that or Noah put the fear into Mrs. Hutchinson.
I open my emails and see one from my dad and seven from three different email addresses that aren’t familiar to me. Sod it, I’m hungry and I’m not taking this with me, guess I’ll have to turn my phone on and actually use it.
I’ve had it turned off ever since my dad put me in the car to bring me down here, it’s petty, sure, but I didn’t want to speak to him. I know he was angry and disappointed with me but what about her. Oh no, he helps my mother and sends me away so he doesn't have to deal with me, he’ll end up regretting it if I ever find my way back to London. Honestly, I don’t want to cause them any more pain or worry, but I’m too far down the rabbit hole to turn back now.
I slip my phone into my back pocket and head straight for the canteen, it’s practically empty so I grab myself some pancakes and a mixture of toppings before claiming my seat and boo
ting up my phone.
I delete the voicemails, all but one, without listening to them, before starting on the texts. Once I’ve dealt with them, I open my emails and start on the one from my dad first.
Hey little one,
I know you’re probably still angry at me for sending you to Cornwall, but I didn’t have much of a choice. After what you did, it was the only way to keep you out of jail. There are still those that want that outcome. But I’m not writing this to make you feel bad, I’m writing this because it really hurt your mother and me when you chose to stay at school rather than come home for Christmas.
She’s still in rehab but she’s been given a pass so she could spend the holidays with us and she’s doing a lot better. She’s been told she needs to write letters to everyone she has hurt, and you are on her list, I hope you will read the letter and maybe you could even reply to her. I’m sure she would appreciate that.
I heard from the headmaster that something happened to the photo of Elliott you had and I understand how painful that is for you so I’ve uploaded a photo of him to this email so you will always have it with you and you also have a present heading your way. I hope to hear from you on Christmas Day. I love you my little one.
Love Dad
X
I can’t stop looking at the photo of Elliott as tears stream down my cheeks and cover my phone screen, I don’t even care or try to hide the fact I’m crying when Amias sits next to me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, he doesn’t really do concerned but he does do nice-ish.
I’m so choked up I can’t even talk, he glances at my phone and I’m not going to try and hide it from him.
“Boyfriend?” he asks, his tone going ice cold.
