by B C Morgan
“Thank you, Matti,” I say as I give him a kiss on the cheek, and he goes brighter than Rudolph’s nose.
A week has already passed since I read that email from PastFinder and nothing had been revealed yet, but I know it will. We have a week off coming up soon and I’ve made it clear that I’m staying back again.
Amias is actually spending it with his parents, but he’s convinced they’ll cancel on him at the last minute and Ivy is going off with her mysterious travel buddy again.
I’m not sure what the others are doing but I’ve decided I’m going to use this week off to tell someone my secret. If they can’t handle it then clearly, they can’t handle me, but I hope that isn’t the case.
I open my bedroom door to Elijah pinning a footie poster to my door, I don’t even like football.
“What are you doing?” I ask, putting a hand on my hip.
“Nothing, I just thought your door could do with being livened up a little.
His smile is too wide and he can’t look at me directly, well only one way to find out what is going on. I grab onto the poster and rip it off the door and I wish I hadn’t, those bitches are going to pay.
I grab my bag and I’m storming off down the hall with Elijah chasing after me.
“Henleigh, stop. Please you don’t even know if it was them.” Wrong thing to say Eli.
I pull my phone out and log onto the cameras and it’s clear to see that Octavia and Britney are standing at my door. Doing a spot of redecorating and it’s fucking sick.
Perfect bloody timing, putting my phone away and looking up; I can see them congregated around the lockers, laughing and joking.
“Henleigh stop,” Elijah shouts and the girls look up in perfect sync, it would be impressively creepy if I wasn’t so angry.
I grab hold of Octavia and Britney at the back of their heads before sending them into one another. Their little sheep are screaming and trying to pull me away but I don’t care. If the school expels me for this, I’m going to make sure I enjoy every second of it.
Britney sends her fist into my stomach which knocks the wind out of me, while Octavia kicks my knee out.
It doesn’t take long for me to get back up and I leap back in, the sheep are clawing at my face and pulling my hair, and I’m swinging at whoever gets in my way.
Their spot of bravery has already diminished as they huddle in the corner, and then I see her. Roxie in all her splendour, grabbing Octavia by the wrist and twisting it behind her back. Ivy has hold of Britney. Those two may not get along, but it warms my heart that they’d work together to help me out.
A pair of arms come around my middle and I’m lifted out of the fight, I throw my head back but they move their head out of the way just in time.
“What is going on?” shouts Amias, and I instantly stop struggling.
“Those sickos drew another gravestone on her door, with Elliott’s date of death and hers dated this year.”
I’m glad Elijah is explaining it, but he hasn’t told him everything yet. He’s like a volcano getting ready to erupt, he’s so angry and I’m right there with him, but I also feel a little detached from the situation. I think my adrenaline is starting to wear off.
“There was a picture of him Amias, with his face scratched out and a speech bubble drawn telling her to join him before it’s too late,” Elijah is breathing deeply but he’s staying away from me.
“I’m getting you out of here,” Amias says, whispering in my ear.
“You’re finished cheese girl, would have preferred to see you die but gone is gone,” says Britney right before she moves quick enough to get free of Ivy.
She sends her fist into Roxie’s face and we all here the crunch as it impacts with her nose.
“That’s for taking Declan, but he won’t be yours for much longer.” then as quick as I can blink she brings tears to her eyes and starts calling for a teacher.
Amias is carrying me away, while Elijah tries to get Ivy and Roxie out before a teacher can reach them. This is so screwed up.
“I get why you did it but there’s only a week to go and then everyone is out of here, I don’t want you getting expelled.”
Amias is pacing the floor and occasionally sinks a fist into the wall, until Elijah and Noah appear in his doorway and quickly close the door behind them.
“Boy wonder here has made sure the fight isn’t on any of the cameras. Half the people are saying it was Hen and the other half are saying she was in the canteen when the fight went down.” Elijah can’t keep the grin off his face when he says this.
“What about Roxie?” I ask, I still can’t believe she got punched.
“That’s the best part, everyone loves Roxie, and agrees that she was walking past when Britney attacked her. No one can get her out of that now,” he says with a chuckle and I feel so relieved that she won’t be in trouble for it.
I sink down onto the only chair Amias has in his room; I’m absolutely cream crackered.
“It’s okay, we’ve got you covered,” Noah says, crouching in front of me with the smile that always makes my heart stutter aimed right at me.
“Thank you, Noah Bear, you too big guy,” I say as I glance over at Elijah.
“Oh come on, he hasn’t even given you a decent nickname and yet he gets one before I do,” Amias says, clearly not impressed.
I look at him and feel my cheeks heat as I remember what I called him at the ice rink, and that sparkle fills his eyes as he too remembers. Oh, shit a brick, he’s gonna tell them.
“Oh yeah I’m gorgeous and baby aren’t I, never mind they can keep theirs. I get the best ones.” He’s full on gloating and I know he’s doing it to antagonise the others, I just don’t see the point in it. And I’m blushing and I hate it, I’m such a girl when they’re around.
Elijah is gaping at me and Noah is just standing up and moving away, and I’m glaring at a gloating Amias who definitely needs a new name after this little stunt.
“Chill out boys, you know you’re all too bloody sexy for your own good.” Clearly, I’ve lost a few brain cells, otherwise I never would have said that out loud like I just have, it’s mortifying.
I stand up and look around his room realising this is the first time he’s voluntarily let me in.
“I need to go, I’ll see you later,” Noah says, and he won’t look at me.
“Are you okay?” I’m worried, Noah doesn’t get like this with me, did I do something wrong?
“I’m fine Henleigh.” And then he’s gone, and he didn’t call me Leighbear. Why does that hurt so bad?
The guys try to reassure me that it isn’t anything against me and he just has a lot going on, but I’m finding it really hard to believe that. It’s hard convincing the guys to let me go off on my own, but I won’t take no for an answer. Although they finally make me swap numbers with them so I can call them if anything happens.
“If we don’t hear anything from you after an hour, we’ll come looking,” warns Amias and I send him a wink right before I leave.
Enough hiding Noah, I need to know what is going on with you and I’m not going to take no for an answer.
I’m pounding against his door and loads of people are coming out to see what is going on, except for him. Nearly everyone is heading to their next class and maybe Noah is as well, but I’m certain I can hear someone moving around inside.
“Henleigh, what are you doing?”
“I need to speak to Noah and he’s ignoring me, any chance you can help a girl out?” I ask Mattias with the sweetest face I can pull off. It sucks I can tell.
“Noah, open up. She’s already missed her first class, she’ll get in more trouble if she spends all day trying to get you to open the door, instead of being where she’s supposed to be.”
He looks at me as the door opens up and Noah is standing there, looking shattered.
“Come in, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble. So will I for that matter,” he says as he opens the door wider and Mattias heads of
f to class.
“What did I do wrong?” I’m not going to beat around the bush about it, direct is sometimes the best approach.
“Straight to the point, you haven’t done anything, I was just reminded of something that I’ve tried to hide from myself,” he says, and I don’t like the sound of that. It feels so bleak and he seems like he’s given up on something. I just don’t know what it is yet, but I don’t think I’m going to like it.
“Noah bear, I’ve been the most open with you. Why can’t you do the same with me?” The thing is, I haven’t been honest with him, have I? Not completely, can I really expect it from him?
“Because you said I could break you, and honestly, Henleigh you could destroy me. And I’m not willing to let that happen. Amias and Elijah both like you and you clearly like them, so forget about me. We’re friends, that’s all it will ever be between us. I’m not going to be another option, so friends or nothing.” Wow, harsh. Not overreacting, it really was harsh, not just the way he said it but by how cold he is being with me right now.
“You were never just an option, Noah what I feel for you is more than just a fleeting fancy. You make me feel safe, screw that! You make me feel things I didn’t think were possible. I’m not saying that I’m looking for anything from you, but I guess I thought you felt the same.” I’m messing this up I know it.
“Why, because every guy has to want you. When have I ever hinted that I wanted more from you than friendship?” He asks and his voice is so cold, I don’t like this side of Noah.
“Forget it, I came here because I was worried. And clearly you haven’t been getting a lot of sleep but I’ll go, I’m still here if you need me.” I feel unwanted and like I’ve been thrown away, worst of all, it’s by Noah.
“Henleigh I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a jerk to you I’ve just got a lot going on and I’m struggling.”
“Then talk to me, don’t push me away and stop using my name as a weapon. You’re only using it because you don’t want me getting any closer. I know there are things you clearly don’t want me to know, but you can trust me.” I need him to know this. I'm not above begging, if it will show him how much I do care for him
“It’s okay, just get to class before you get into more trouble than we can handle.” He sounds so despondent and he won’t look at me.
“Noah, when you thought I was asleep you said you were mine. Well, I’m yours I just wanted you to know that.” I give him a watery smile before I leave, and I think my heart just broke a little.
Thirteen
One day left until the last week of classes. Then we’ll be back for two months, and then it’ll be the start of the summer holidays. I mean sure that’s a whole six weeks off, but I don’t even know if I’ll make it back here after that.
My dad is going to kill me when I don’t turn up like he thinks I will, but I’ve put things off for long enough. This week off however, I have no idea what I’m going to do or if any of my friends will be around.
Amias is definitely going to see his parents and I’m thrilled for him, Roxie is going with Declan and she is so giddy it’s scary. And the others are off for a theatre trip, they invited me but I didn’t get the necessary permission, so I’m stuck here.
I think Dad thought if he said no then I’d go home instead, but that backfired on him. As long as Mum is there, I can’t face it. But maybe once I get the answers I need and can prove to her that Elliott’s death isn’t my fault, then we can finally move on. She’s blamed me ever since she found out I was there when he snuck out of the window, as if I could have changed the whole thing simply by telling on him.
The day passes smoothly, even though Noah has dropped my nickname we still sit together with everyone else. The girls are really emotional about leaving me behind, but I’m keeping a smile on my face so they don’t get any stupid ideas about staying back themselves. I’m not ruining their week because I’m stranded at school.
My last class of the day is maths and then I’m going to spend some time on the track. Mattias is now my desk neighbour and we work in companionable silence, but I can feel it every time Harrison stares at me. I notice a flashing symbol on Mattias’ laptop, and he glances at the teacher before opening it.
Henleigh, Henleigh, Henleigh.
You must really enjoy your life, I had hoped my threat to reveal how you really are, would have been enough to make you leave. Clearly, I’ve misread you or better yet, underestimated how self-involved you are. I knew you valued yourself above everyone else and your ability to ignore what I have to say just proves it even more. As you read this, your fellow classmates are receiving emails of their very own. Now, this isn’t the grand reveal. No, this is simply so you can see that I am not someone who only gives idle threats. I have attached this message so you can see it for yourself, the whispers and rumours will soon kick in and I won’t have to do a single thing.
The countdown to the whole truth being uncovered for all to see has begun, enjoy the rest of your year, by the time you leave this school no one will be hoping for your return. Leave or kill yourself, either way you’ve left it too late. Everyone will know how little you value the lives of others.
PastFinder
“Open the attachment Matthias, I need to know.”
He hesitates, his finger hovering over the mouse. So, I do it myself and we read it together.
To my fellow students,
Who I am is of little relevance, what does matter is the message I feel you need to be given. Take it as a piece of friendly advice or a warning regarding the wolf in sheep's clothing who is prowling around our school.
This individual likes to pretend that she is above the silliness of bullies and the cruelty that those she has taken to calling Shepherds, have bestowed upon her. But really, how can Henleigh Monterey believe she is better than them. An innocent person wouldn’t find themselves in a juvenile detention centre, now would they? It is a rhetorical question of course, now she may claim that she was wrongly convicted but can we really believe her?
There is more to come my dear students, but for now remember to beware. Who knows what she could do next and what she is truly capable of.
PastFinder, Padstow Academy's concerned student.
“Henleigh, I can’t fix this. Everyone in this school is going to see this message,” Matthias says, and I can't even tell what he’s thinking. Has this changed his opinion of me?
“It’s okay, you can stop intercepting the emails. I don't expect you to continue helping me now,” I say this as I pack up my books and computer. This is the way I roll, push people away and remove them from my life, before they do it themselves.
I can see the others in the room accessing their emails and it’s about to come out, they just don’t realise how bad it truly is.
“Don’t be absurd, this does not change anything. I’m still your friend Henleigh, I don’t care where you have been or what you have done in the past. I know who you are now and that is what I will go by.” So simple, how can he survive in this world with such a black and white view, does he really not see the other colours and various shades of grey? But despite all that, I hope he never changes.
I want to cry at his words, relief coursing through me. And then the stares begin. Harrison is smirking as the whispering begins, and it's too much. I grab my bag and charge out of the room, Mr. Thompson has another thing coming if he thinks I’m going to pay any attention to him right now. “Miss Monterey get back here,” he calls. Funny how he can sound so tired in such a short sentence. Fuck that, I need to get out of here.
I run out of the advanced building and skid to a halt as I lock eyes with Mr. Terrifying. I haven’t seen him since he jumped me, and I can see that I hadn’t exaggerated the fear he sent coursing through me. His eyes really are dead, and his smile reminds me of a shark, all teeth and menace.
I am not going up against him again, so I spin on my heels and run around the corner of the building. I’m not one of those idiotic girls you see in th
e horror movie, who looks over her shoulder and inevitably trips. Nope eye on the prize, I know it's better to look where you’re going and not where you’ve been.
I think I’m going to be okay, I can get away from whoever he is and make it back to my room. I run track, come on Henleigh you do this almost daily. Oh, shit.
“Hello Henleigh, you are right on time.”
I look up at Chelsea and realise that I’m being surrounded, Octavia and Britney on either side of me and a flock of sheep covering the rest.
“What are you going to do, kill me?” So much sarcasm drips from my tongue, I’d like to see them try.
“Oh no, haven’t we made it clear that's what you’re going to do. We’re just going to give you another reason,” comes from Chelsea as something connects with the back of my head and the lights go out.
Ouch, my head feels like it’s been hit with a bulldozer. I try to move but pain radiates up my side and chest. I move one of my hands and prod my stomach and a whimper escapes me, I lift my head and realise I’m completely alone. Why did those psycho bitches knock me out and then just leave me? I try to move again, but I can’t everything hurts, even breathing.
I’m just lying here, waiting for the pain to subside or to have someone at least come by and find me, but neither happen. I can’t believe they could just leave me here like this, I move my hand up to my chest and relief courses through me as I find my phone.
I slip it out and turn on my torch, I slowly lift my top and see my stomach riddled in bruises and my top is caked in dried blood. I look at the time and yep my luck just keeps on getting better, it’s eight in the bloody evening everyone will have already left.
There were only two people who hadn’t told me their plans for this week, which means I can either call Noah or Elijah. Eli is my first choice, but his phone is going straight to voicemail and my head feels fuzzy again. I can’t see Noah answering not when Eli didn’t, although I guess it doesn’t hurt to try.
